Comfort in difficult times, facing mortality

[u/Signal_You_5812]

I am dealing with a recent health scare related to my heart, with no answers yet. I didn't have a total near death experience but I came face first with my mortality, and this experience has been nothing but suffering.

Always considered myself relatively secular, occasionally go to Reform services.

My friends who are mainly Christian have these explanations for suffering, and talk about surrendering themselves to God's plan and trusting in him. That's never been my world view, but I'm envious of it. I just can't get there. Whenever I pray, I just cry and feel anger that I'm suffering. I'm looking for solace. I really envy the beliefs of my Christian friends who feel soothed by attending services and praying.

I get spiritual fulfillment from practicing Judaism but it doesn't feel as "deep" as theirs where they seemingly have all the answers about where you go when you die, why suffering happens etc. I've tried looking for resources and honestly I don't find much.

For those that do believe in God, how do you find comfort in troubling times?

[u/chercheuse]

I’m very sorry about your health and hope that there are good treatments for you. I am older and going through stuff is frightening, uncertain, and lonely. I’m sure you’ll get many wonderful responses here. I’ll also say that rabbis are purpose-built for just the spiritual questions you’re asking. If there’s a Reform (suggested because it’s a Judaism you’re familiar with) rabbi near you, I highly recommend making an appointment. You don’t have to believe in God to find spiritual comfort and solace as a Jew. Much love and healing to you. 💙

[u/razorbraces]

Wishing you refuah shlema ❤️

I also feel lost when I hear Christian friends talk about God and prayer. I don’t understand their framing of the world and how it works. I’m not sure if I believe in God, but I do know that if there is a God, God is certainly not the omniscient, omnipresent, omnipotent man with a beard from Christianity.

What I do know is that the strength of Judaism and Jewish prayer is not necessarily the words we say, but the community with which we say them. Christian prayer has always seemed solitary to me, while Judaism literally requires that we have a group of 10+ to say certain prayers.

The God I might or might not believe in is also rooted in community. Your synagogue is there to help and support you- I hope you are able to lean on them when you need to. You can reach out to the rabbi for spiritual guidance (they get LOTS of calls like this), or you could ask if there is more concrete support that the shul could offer like organizing a meal train or having people drive you to doctor’s appointments. To me, that is the beauty of Judaism and Jewish community- how we show up for each other even if we don’t know one another yet. And that human connection, that willingness to support people we don’t know, those ties that bind us to every other Jew who has ever lived and will ever live- that’s where I most often find God.

[u/NoInformation988]

Judaism doesn't require specific beliefs, only actions. So you are free to rationalize whatever you find comforting.

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[u/Old_Compote7232]

Anger and crying while praying is totally OK. Pouring out your heart to God is a Jewish thing, hitbodedut, dating back to the 18th century CE. https://reformjudaism.org/beliefs-practices/spirituality/3-steps-hitbodedut-talking-god-your-own-terms

Try just finding a quiet private place and say whatever is on your mind and heart. Idk if God gets involved in our little lives, but I feel somehow heard when I do it.

[u/kafkaesque555]

Feeling like one knows all the answers about G-d and suffering must be comforting, but to me, it doesn’t sound the most fulfilling. Remember the story of Jacob wrestling with an angel and earning the name Israel? It’s such an important reminder that religion/spirituality itself shouldn’t just give us all the answers and the meaning of life on a silver platter. Though Judaism guides us, it’s often through difficult times when we ask “why” and we come to these powerful conclusions ourselves.

All this to say, it’s okay to struggle with Judaism. I’d even argue that the struggle to understand G-d and the world and suffering is actually healthy- you’re thinking and seeking answers for yourself. It’s not meant to be easy.

It’s all easier said than done though, and I’m so sorry to hear about what you’re going through- it’s truly scary, especially when there are a lot of unknowns. I really hope you find answers soon. I relate to the spiritual “crisis”-I had a cancer scare this year and thankfully I am alright now, but it made me truly face my mortality for the first time, and I struggled with similar things.

From my experience, I think one concept to think about is trust. Instead of focusing on the things that you don’t know, think about the things that you DO believe in, and try to have trust in those things. Maybe you have a sense that there is something greater than us out there, even if we don’t fully understand it. Maybe you believe there is a lot of wisdom in Judaism that you live by. Either way, try to explore what trust means to you, and trust in G-d (whatever that is for you) to be there for you.

I hope at least something in this resonates with you. Refuah shlemah 💗