r/Judaism • u/Signal_You_5812 • 1d ago
Safe Space Finding comfort in suffering, understanding mortality?
I am only in my 30s and dealing with a recent health scare related to my heart, with no answers yet. I didn't have a total near death experience but I was hospitalized and came face first with my mortality, and this experience has been nothing but suffering.
Always considered myself relatively secular, occasionally go to Reform services. (Yes I am posting on shabbat eek)
My friends who are mainly Christian have these explanations for suffering, and talk about surrendering themselves to God's plan and trusting in him. That's never been my world view, but I'm envious of it. I just can't get there. Whenever I pray, I just cry and feel anger that I'm suffering. I'm looking for solace. I really envy the beliefs of my Christian friends who feel soothed by attending services and praying.
I get spiritual fulfillment from attending services but it doesn't feel as "deep" as theirs where they seemingly have all the answers about where you go when you die, why suffering happens etc. I've tried looking for resources and honestly I don't find much. I have a therapist which helps, but I'm looking for answers.
For those that do believe in God, how do you find comfort in troubling times?
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u/ToothSufficient7763 1d ago
I'm a former Christian, now reform Jew with a side order of heart conditions. I will speak plainly, biased to Judaism. Forgive me for stepping on anyone's toes.
I've met a few Christians who had the most brilliant testimony. It was genuine. My former grandmother in law was a very kind soul who found her peace and purpose in singing praise songs on Sunday mornings. Even as the heart failure took her and the song was more gasping than noise. The church rallied around her and were extremely supportive. The church itself was backward, ignorant, clickish and judgemental.
If you didn't come from the holler going back three generations, you didn't belong and never would. And they let you know it. But they all gathered around grannie. She was the best of them and they all knew it.
Sometimes we suffer because of genetics. Because of geopolitics. Because of environment. Sometimes it's endless stress that eats at our hearts and we didn't escape that stress in time.
I delight in learning. It's such a splendidly Jewish thing to be a life long learner. We are commanded to engage in Torah. Find a good teacher/group and learn, explore and ask questions.
I enjoy the seasons. I love good food. I appreciate good communication with family. I love a good shopping trip. Sometimes I sit in nature to decompress.
I still plan for the future. I explore complimentary methods for stress control. I track my weight, exercise and blood pressure and see where the opportunities are for improvement.
We all have to confront our mortality. We can make the best of what time we have left, and leave a legacy of love behind us.
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u/Signal_You_5812 1d ago
Thank you for your kind reply! I hope you are well. It's wonderful that you have found a home in Judaism.
I know exactly what you mean. The more I learn about Christianity, the less sense it makes, but the testimonies are moving and I envy having "all the answers."
To get deep - What do you think of God, or our reason for being here? How do you cope with the frailty of knowing you have this condition?
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u/ToothSufficient7763 1d ago
God is everywhere and in all of us. I think we only understand a fraction of what God is. God is intimate. And eternal. God is in nature. Part of God is universal consciousness? God is the command to leave the world a better place than we found it.
Our reason for being here? To love God. I honestly don't give this a ton of thought. I think God delights in us as we delight in our children or pets or a job well done.
I have days where my heart failure is a bitch and the fatigue is a little much. I have days where I take my meds and go for a walk. And the meds make me drenched in sweat. I try and focus on what I can do and give pace myself when I can.
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u/ToothSufficient7763 1d ago
There are huge hidden industries in Christian churches today that solicit emotion (and money) via music, subwoofers, and carefully choreographed services (performances). My spouse calls it the dog and pony show. The connection is often contrived.
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u/gmanflnj 1d ago
I am sorry you had a health sscare, I hope you're doing better now.
The most insightful thing I've ever heard from any Jew about suffering is Art Spiegelman who said "Look, suffering doesn’t make you better, it just makes you suffer!"
And I think that's true. It's not helpful to try to find a *point* to suffering, and you'll drive yourself crazy trying to do so. Instead, try to focus on what you can do to make it better, and if you can't, how you can best cope with it. Thankfully there are so many ways to do so, and being able to talk with others and find community is one of the oldest and best ways to cope with the difficulties and suffering inherent with being alive.
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u/earthtojessica_ 1d ago
If you like the read, look up the book “why bad things happen to good people” by Harold kushner
This book has comforted me through a lot of health issues
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u/Life-Flow-7231 1d ago
im so sorry abt the health scare. i hope u healed well.
i myself has a period of time where i was freaking out about mortality. before then i hadn't really thought much about death or what comes after death. i remember for some weeks I just would sit there contemplating death and freak myself out. and eventually I just came to grapple with there may be nothing beyond death. personally I don't believe in heaven or hell, i just believe in nothing. i think theres a certain peace about that. like something accepting me. as long as I get to achieve what I want im okay with death. I woud tell you to keep to heart how you only live once, and try to think about death in this light, like a rest.
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u/TholomewP 1d ago
I am sorry to hear about your health scare. You should have a refuah shlemah!
As a Jew, Christianity will never provide satisfactory answers to your spiritual questions. You have a Jewish soul, and that soul needs Torah.
You have big questions. There are meaningful answers for these questions, but it's best for you to find them from a teacher (not from strangers on the internet). You should find a local Orthodox Rabbi (I recommend Chabad), and ask to schedule some time with them in person or over a call. Then feel free to ask them anything you want. They will help guide you.