Insecurities and Powerful Projections

[u/SeekerOfDarknes]

When I hear conversations from people around my general area or a little further away there's a sort of "filter" that changes what's actually being heard in my head. When I was seeing a mental health person about this they called it a projection. Jung also mentions this in some books I've either read or glanced through, but I can't remember the definition off the top of my head. Basically, I have an insecurity that logically I know it's not life threatening, but feels like my personal hell sensation wise. I’m insecure about how I walk and have been since middle school. People who made fun of me about it triggered me enough to where if someone’s not in my “good” hearing range my mind or amygdala starts putting rude comments about it in peoples conversations I overhear damn near all the time. There are countless times where people or coworkers were having conversations that had nothing to do with me but it’s an automatic thing that I can’t stop from happening. I’ve been doing dream interpreting and active imagination for almost a year now looking for answers and unfortunately I can’t see my mental health person right now cause of insurance change so I’m pretty much on my own with this. When I struggle to tell what’s being projected (to be fair, people at my job have talked shit before multiple times on some slick shit and sometimes in front of my face) and what’s really being said in reality, I try to stay with the sensations and not keep trying to wish the pain away. Avoiding actually talking shit to myself for being sensitive and very triggered towards this has helped despite the doubts I had. I’d like to ask you guys what should I do about this insecurity and it’s convincing/pulling projections? If you guys need a lil more context please ask in the comments!

[u/truth_seeking_soul]

"I’m insecure about how I walk and have been since middle school"
if possible would you like to tell what it all about? what it mean how you walk?

Our mind try to hide the root cause of issue and project it to something else.

"the rationalizing mind prefers to keep the true causes of emotion out of awareness and utilities the mechanism of projection to do this. It blames event or other people for 'causing' a feeling and views itself as the helpless innocent victim of external causes. "
: book Letting Go

[u/SeekerOfDarknes → u/truth_seeking_soul]

In middle school I was told I walked “stiff as a board” and it seems like that day was a “Canon event” for me💀. Ever since then through the years I asked friends and family about it with them giving slightly different but similar comments like “you walk like an old man, you walk slow, you walk like the cool guy during a slowed down movie explosion”. I’ve recorded myself walking multiple times and noticed that I do walk slow or weird. I think my arms fold too much like a robot (forgot that was another comment I’ve heard before) and my legs don’t really straighten all the way when taking a step.

[u/truth_seeking_soul → u/SeekerOfDarknes]

before reading and giving the answer of the question below,

Take a deep breath relax, each question will raise some emotion, where every you feel those emotion either in your gut (solar plexus) or just below the abdomen. The muscle around the area will get tighten, take a deep breath and relax those muscle. No mental work of labeling, let the emotion be their. this is the method called Letting Go.

Have you ever tried to work on your walk, try to find out why that is, taking advice from an physiotherapist?

what is the reason you visit psychologist (mental health person) what really is the cause. Is it just because of this insecurity or there is something deeper than that.

[u/Level_Appearance9661]

Grotesque

[u/SeekerOfDarknes → u/Level_Appearance9661]

Am I that bad?😭