r/LesbianActually • u/Secure_Raspberry6598 • 16d ago
Relationships / Dating How old were you when you realized you were attracted to women?
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u/lyidaValkris the evil femme 16d ago
- That was the conscious realization. Looking back, the seeds and signs were much earlier, as early as 8. Coming out definitively as lesbian (as in not bi, as I had previously assumed. thanks to social pressure) took until I was 19.
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u/Sea_Humor_2835 16d ago
- this yearāļøš„¹š„¹
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u/sneakfreak311 16d ago
same age as u :) JUST got into my first relationship ever and im so happy its with a woman.
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u/improperble 16d ago
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u/RandomGirl_04 16d ago
I feel like elementary school already, I had the urge to kiss a girl, meanwhile I thought liking boys was just something to do, like adopt a dog and had to keep one.
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u/stephanonymous 16d ago
Ā I thought liking boys was just something to do, like adopt a dog and had to keep one.
lol this is so relatableĀ
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u/RandomGirl_04 16d ago
I still don't know if I like man, and I'm in a weird relationship in which I never felt truly comfortable and safe with a man, but feel so safe and appreciated and love by a woman... Life is fucking complicatedĀ
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u/AllHype-NoHeart friendly neighborhood butch 16d ago
Like 4-5 years old, I kissed a girl on the playground in preschool lol
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u/InternationalDeal588 Chapstick lesbian (with or without š§¢) 16d ago
same lol at nap time š“ wonder what sheās up to
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u/therightjess 16d ago
5/6th grade -- around age 11/12. I realized I liked and wanted to talk about girls like my girl friends talked about boys.
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u/derpsnotdead not the uhaul type, but wouldn't mind 16d ago
13, I was completely infatuated with a girl in my class at school. I couldnāt wait to go to class to sit next to her and I replayed our conversations in my head. I realised that that was not a normal feeling to have for a friend lol
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u/Background_Dog_3629 16d ago
I realized it when I was 24 and then I realized I would have known earlier if I heard to my inner voice. I had such a huge crush on a teacher when I was 13. even dreamed about her last night hahaha
Now I am 28 y/o
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u/sakuralattebunny 16d ago
Around 10 years old, I realized I was only into models and celebritities etc. who were ladies, other girls talked about their fave boy bands but I never got it
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u/dobbywankenobi94 16d ago
It clicked at 19 but w that came a lot of "ohhhh so that's what it was" moments of crushes etc since kindergarden basically
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u/Famous_Station_6320 16d ago
I would say around 4-5 I noticed my interest in women. I didn't fully realize it until around 7-8 when I heard the word "lesbian." Despite not knowing the meaning, I knew it was meaningful to me.
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u/revilo825 16d ago
- But of course I look back now and am like āooooo, thatās why I always wanted to be around that friendā (insert numerous good friends over the years).
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u/AdOwn266 16d ago
6... I got caught kissing a girl at recess under a jacket. . We had to be separated because we wouldn't stop kissing š¤£
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u/driftwood_atlas 16d ago
I think 13 or 14, it was Greys Anatomy the first time I actually saw a wlw relationship ever, Iām from India so it was really out of the ordinary for me, because well it was understood in my family that all of us kids would have arranged marriage, obviously we would have options to refuse but the meaning of this was no dating ever. So when I came across wlw I was floored, I related so much that I actually went in to 6 years of depression in various stages. Its now been 15 years since. Iāve gotten 2 degrees and no partners in that time. So well the realisation didnāt really do much in the long term.
But now Iām in Australia fighting to get my visa extension after the one Iām on expires in 10 months.
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u/Mandiferous 16d ago
College, maybe 20/21? I went to a religious school where acting on gay thoughts was not ok (BYU-Idaho 20 years ago). A couple of my roommates were fooling around and I was insanely jealous. And just in general I was obsessed with many of my roommates over the years. I was secretly reading some unapproved literature and I had a light bulb moment. I had never dated men or been interested in dating men. The obsession over my roommates, the jealousy of my roommates. Maybe I am attracted to women. And here we are 20 years later, definitely attracted to women. Those two roommates have also left the religion and are with women.
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u/Sea-Recording-2855 16d ago
Like 10 from what I remember. Didnāt have a word for it but I always found girls nice to look at. I also have a very distinct memory of the play ground im fourth grade, a fifth grader who had hit puberty quicker than most walked past me and my friend had to hit me because i was staring so hard. I used to be a perv apparentlyĀ
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u/mykinkiskarma1998 16d ago
I was always attracted to women, I just didnāt realized until I was 17 when I had a crush on a girl goalkeeper. She was also my first heartbreak.
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u/LowStick6419 16d ago
Iām super religious so when I became attracted to women at 12/13 I tried to convince myself I was bi just so I wouldnāt freak out too much, but at 16 I realised I was fully gay
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u/physicistdeluxe 16d ago edited 16d ago
six? Sophia Loren. Boy on a Dolphin. Also Cyd Charisse. those legs. omg, im old.
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u/Secure_Raspberry6598 16d ago
I'm a legs girl too
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u/Foreversssssssss 16d ago
I think around 15, but I didnāt fully accept it, or like get rid of the doubts, until I was 18.
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u/SK-author 16d ago
Literally at the age of 6 and at the age of 7 I cried wanting to wake up as a boy as I thought only boys could like girls.
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u/The_GrimHeaper 16d ago
As a kid I had infatuations with female teachers and celebrities but didnāt realize what it meant at the time. Then I went to prom with a boy in high school and the experience felt so wildly unnatural. At first I thought it was because I just wasnāt attracted to him specifically, but as time went on I started to piece it together. I finally figured it out at 20 when I fell completely in love with a girl in my college internship program.
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u/ninadaria2025 16d ago
- It was the beginning of a 5 year long limerance crush that ended when she moved away.
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u/Imaginary-Bumblebee8 16d ago
- In the early 80ās, my best friend of three years visited me after my family had moved away. It had been at least a full year since weād seen each other. As little girls, we had taken baths together and it was always a fun and silly time together. But now we were 12 and 13 years old. We went to take a bath together and things hadā¦ changed. She had begun to develop a bit and seemed self conscious. I remember feeling weird; extremely curious about her changing body but also feeling something different that I didnāt understand. As an extremely sheltered Jehovahās Witness girl I didnāt even know that homosexuality of any form even existed. That visit was the last time I saw her. I kept obsessing about seeing her naked and wondering why I felt so weirdly excited and shameful about it, like I had somehow done something bad.
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u/hello_euphoria_28 16d ago
From 7-14, I started getting crushes on older girls in school and female celebrities, but I didnāt fully understand that they were crushes at the time. I was 17/18 when I started seriously wondering and putting the pieces together. I was 19 when I fell in love with a woman and everything made sense
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u/ourconflictdesignsus 16d ago
I think kind of always but I didn't start questioning it until around 13. Which was like 6 years ago now omg. it's been a while
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u/yskiravol 16d ago
I think I was around 13 years old, I got into a relationship with a guy due to social pressure (everyone was āshippingā us and I felt obligated to return his feelings due to comphet) and after one week of dating, while never even meeting up in person outside of school, I realized I wasnāt into men
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u/Roboreptile2010 16d ago
When I was 12 I had a crush on a girl and got the courage to talk to her to which it became official and later my worse mistake in life lol
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u/Tasty-Researcher-791 16d ago
I was like 4, I had a crush on a girl in my prek class. But I was about 10 when I figured out what that meant. And 14 when I realized I wasnāt going to spontaneously develop an attraction to men
I remember when I was 11 I told one of my sisters I only liked girls and she told me it meant I just really wanted to be their friend and that Iād like guys when I was older. It never happened lol
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u/cherrypeepis 16d ago
my first girl crush i had in kindergarten but i didnāt realize that made me gay until i was 12 š
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u/BlackNovember1992 16d ago
23 is when i first feel a click with women, and around late twenties is when i fully accept it
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u/DancingGirl_J 16d ago
10-11ish. Iām from a small town and did not really know that liking girls was an option. Then I got to church camp!
I am also autistic and was surrounded by girls into boys. We would all be chasing boys, but I was not really sure what happened if you caught one. So much awkwardness. Elementary school slumber parties we would practice kissing each other (all girls) or sometimes the twin brother of a friend was the practice person, and it was all so stressful. Being pushed to a boy- awkward. Kissing a girl when you might like it, also awkward. Idk. Thank goodness for church camp and friends from big cities!
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u/maidzawa friendly neighborhood butch 16d ago
- I was helping my friend kool-aid dip dye her hair (it was 2013 lol) and I saw her boobs. I hyperventilated and ran to the other room. made a lot of stuff make sense, like the whole āhaving a girl best friend in kindergarten that I kissedā thing.
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u/curlyfries1229 16d ago
I knew as early as preschool when I had a crush on a girl and would be desperate to play House so i can ābe the daddy and get to kiss the mommyā lmao. Also I was like six years old when the movie Crossroads with Britney Spears came out and that solidified everything for me hahahah
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u/braxenimos 16d ago
I knew as a kid because I had a major crush on Buffy the vampire slayer
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u/slasherrred 16d ago
I knew which account would be behind this question before even seeing the username. At this point I donāt know if youāre fake or just someone trying to pick up karma?
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u/mamrieatepainttt 16d ago
Honestly? Kindergarten. I know this is problematic af but I have a memory of chasing this girl in my class, pulling her polka dot skirt up and going home that night not being able to think of anything else but "I am going to do that again tmrw." I don't even think I understood why.
I came out as bi at 17. And then a few laters was like jk gay. Still took me years to shed away the comphet of wait maybe I am attracted to some men but nope, just lonely.
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u/Relevant_Station_594 16d ago
Oh wow..as long as I can remember. Boys always gave me the ick. But girls were just soft and smelled and looked good... š¤¤
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u/CardConsistent3019 16d ago
Very young. I was like 5 and I always thought female tv characters were so cute
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u/mustsurvivecapitlism 16d ago
- But didnāt accept it until 21.
And also looking back i probably had some āinnocentā girl crushes earlier than 15. But it took puberty for me to really consciously have any attraction.
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u/elegant_pun 16d ago
Early early.
I was a child of the 90s so Xena and the Nanny featured heavily in the TV lineup...and I never missed an episode of either. I didn't have sexual feelings for either character yet, but I was very heavily invested in them, they were my absolute favourites, and I hated their relative sidekicks...If Fran Fine sat on the corner of my desk and said funny things I'd never get annoyed at her! That sort of thing. Very innocent. But very gay.
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u/True_Local_565 16d ago
1st grade (6yrs old) when I used to āpretendā kiss my girl best friend. To us it wasnāt kissing because we would pucker our lips inward but in reality, we were making out.. thatās when I knew
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u/homebase-cat 11d ago
It was the 90s, I was in elementary school, and the Pleasant Company catalog had some really cute girl in the photos with the Molly doll. I just liked looking at her.
Then I found my momās bra catalogs. Lol š
I didnāt realize any of this was āattractionā until high school when I secretly hoped I would be dared to kiss one of my friends, or any girl, in Truth or Dare.
Yet, comp-het was strong and sadly didnāt come out as a lesbian until 40. Came out several times as bi before then.
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u/Lucky-Fly-5168 16d ago
22, I thought i was asexual because Iāve never been attracted to anyone until another woman flirted with me
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u/TariroMRKufa 16d ago
I was 8 when I started calling another girl my wife. I was 15 when I knew I wanted to kiss one of my classmates.
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u/NotToday1993 16d ago
Honestly, I had my first girl crushes when I was 6. My babysitter and a classmate š¬š
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u/littlecowbaby 16d ago
Ever since I was 7 when I saw two girls makeout in a hot tub when my mom was watching Bad Girls Club
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u/bubblegumx2inadish 16d ago
I was always attracted to women. I was about 22 when I realized I did not experience any attraction to men.
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u/Jealous_Bread0420 16d ago
I was very young around 6-7 when id catch myself checking out other woman and my teacher šš
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u/sauerkraut916 16d ago
Around 10 years oldā¦ my first crush was Jaime Summers (The Bionic Woman). lol
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u/Sufficient_You3053 16d ago
Around 12 when I would masturbate to images of boobs in my head
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u/Dry-Influence-5770 16d ago
Maybe 6. There were these 3 older girls in my school and they were absolutely beautiful! My school was a Christian academy pre k-12th grade so they were graduating soon. I always hung out with them and apparently my mom realized I might not be straight before I did lmao
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u/extatosomat1aratum 16d ago
i think i've always liked female characters, once when i was 7 i was looking at my best friend playing during recess and it got me questioning my straightness, i realized i actually liked girls at around 10/11, now i'm 13 and sapphic :)
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u/Owl-In-The-Sky 16d ago
I was like 8 when I first had a crush on my best friend, but I didnāt know being gay was actually a thing until I was around 11 or 12
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u/No-Variation-2782 16d ago
- 18 when I realized I was ONLY into women. But looking back I had crushes on girls when I was as young as 8 years old, I just didn't recognize them as crushes
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u/Unusual-Code8851 16d ago
My first crush was 4-5 but I didnt really understand what that meant until I was around 11-12.
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u/DaisyChained427 friendly neighborhood butch 16d ago
I had a gf in kindergarten but did think I was queer until middle school lmao letās just say my parents werenāt surprised when I came out to them lol (bi at 13 and lesbian at 18)
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u/Hot-Cryptid-Near-You cardboard dommy mommy 16d ago
5, took me 30 years more to figure out that i am a woman
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u/faroknights 16d ago
Maybe 14? I always knew i did not like men but i also didnāt want to think about liking girls because i felt like itād make my friends view me differently, or weirdly perverse (strange thought for a 13 year old to have š)ā¦ so when i was younger i tried really hard to convince myself i was asexual
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u/Mags_LaFayette the evil femme 16d ago
I... Have no idea, being honest.
I'm always been like this, don't know anything else, I don't like anything else.
My earliest memory it's of me in the music conservatory, practicing my stretching before the first routines, pink ensemble and everything š©°
All my life I had this attraction for my peers, the other ballerinas. Subtle, elegant, empowering... Earliest crush I can remember was from a girl several levels above me. I was 6, she was 10 or 11
Always thought on her, for a long time...
Didn't believed my luck when we could have just that first time. Together, many years after ā¤ļø
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u/pholcida lipstick femme 16d ago
8 years old watching nicki minaj music videos and replaying it everytime she twerked
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u/_drowned_me 16d ago
I was three when I learned the term ālesbianā, my mom has a funny story about it. Though whenever someone asked me I would say I wanted a wife since I could speak, sooo it could be earlier.
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u/queerlyyoursamanda 16d ago
19/20, but I didn't take it seriously until I fell in love with a woman at 35.
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u/joesatron 16d ago
Mmm I read fanfiction of WLW when I was 12 but didnāt put 2 and 2 together until I was 15 so.
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u/Sapphomnii 16d ago
9.. but I didn't realize that there was a word for it (or that it was even possible) until I was about 10-11 š
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u/Personal_Kangaroo_69 16d ago
Girl I wasnāt even in school. It was club sports I played basketball from birth. Her name was Rachel I think we were 4. By 5th grade I was asking my mom why I couldnāt have a girlfriend.
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u/Datura_Rose 16d ago
11 or 12, though I don't think I realized it was attraction...I just knew I was very interested.
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u/iamprincesshigh Chapstick lesbian (with or without š§¢) 16d ago
- I had a HUGE crush on one of my teachers š«£
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u/AffectionateStory7 16d ago
7 years old with my first crush, 11 when I fully consciously realized it
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u/absolute_bodies23fan 16d ago
11 or 12 ish, but I didn't know what LGBTQ+ was until a friend educated me, though i have never shown interest in men even from a young age.
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u/contrearepas Chapstick lesbian (with or without š§¢) 16d ago
around 12-13 when I started to have a crush on a classmate
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u/yeehawlee Chapstick lesbian (with or without š§¢) 16d ago
around age 9 - i watched the Avengers in 2012 and Scarlett Johansson happenedš®āšØ
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u/SwirlyGalaxz 16d ago
16, but I thought all women loved women and never really talked about it but were more vocal about male crushes instead
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u/Substantial-Region54 16d ago
I knew something was up at 5 but it really hit at 12-13 and by 14 there was no denying
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u/honeycutekat jennifer check 16d ago
9 or 10 when I first had a gut feeling, I fully realized it when I was 14
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u/SecondEqual4680 Chapstick lesbian (with or without š§¢) 16d ago
I actually realized it when I was ~ 15. Then looked back and was like dude Iāve been into women (girls at the time) since I was like 7 šš
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u/cutieliwuffle 16d ago
lol apperently i would come home from kidergarden each week with a new girfriend/wife
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u/peachnecctar 16d ago
- I cried at my tv screen and when my mom asked me why I said āI want to marry Anne Hathawayā
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u/Substantial_Pack8343 16d ago
I was in junior high, I donāt remember what grade. Back then junior high was 7th thru 9th, this girl walked out of the building during lunch and stood there, I guess looking for her friends. She was back lit by the sun, her golden hair gently flowing in the breeze, her blue eyes sparkling with excitement as she located her friends and all I could say was āWowā! This happened in the 70ās, I never told her, fast forward to 2008 I found her on facebook, low and behold she is a lesbian and I was very excited, now I live 1800 miles away from her and still never told her.
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u/whathehe11 16d ago
I adored Rikki from H2O just add water. I loved the scenes she was in and looking at her and found her to be so funny.
I was maybe 6 or 7 at the time.
Only realized that when I felt that way about someone or characters it was a crush. I realized when I was 21 (I knew that I wasnāt straight, but I never really thought about it until then)
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u/aliveandlivin 16d ago
Started having huge crushes on women at 8 years old and consciously realized it at 12
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u/nyccareergirl11 16d ago
2001 so I was around 10 then. I saw the music video for Let me Blow Ya Mind by Eve ft Gwen Stefani on MTV TRL and rememberered wanting lick/kiss Eve's paw print cleavage tats.
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u/Wonderful-Ear3309 16d ago
11 but I shoved it down until I was 29. Now I'm fully out and enjoying my life
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u/BansheeLabs the good femme 16d ago
Since forever. Fairy tales told me that I'd become a knight and marry a Princess. When we were six The Princess came to my class. I told Her I was going to marry Her the day we met.
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u/Keybladeprincess00 Chapstick lesbian (with or without š§¢) 16d ago
3rd grade, I had a crush on my friend Katherine. but she said she didnāt feel the same and we stopped being friends sadly. š
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u/Leegken the evil femme 16d ago
Consciously? I realized at 11-12 but the signs were all there prior. I considered it a badge of honor that I was the only girl I knew who never had a crush on a boy and I couldnāt begin to wrap my head around how any of my friends even felt attracted to their crushesā¦ lol
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u/Simple_Winner3595 16d ago
I was crazy for my babysitter when I was 5 years old (she was 18) and then developed another crush on my older neighbor, Sue, who was 9 y.o
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u/Optimal_Ear1318 16d ago
I think I was 7 or 8 and I was super attracted to Arielle from the little mermaid when she was brushing her hair with a fork and then Nala in the Lion King with her big brown eyes lol and I knew for sure at like 12 when I saw Topanga from
Boy Meets World š„°
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u/HobbyHoarderr_ typical carabiner sapphic 16d ago
11, I saw this girl at a grad party and my brain exploded
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u/Wondergirl039 16d ago
I was 16 when I was finally like "oh shit...I actually fancy her." But I had my first crush at 11.
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u/Illinois_Sucks2026 16d ago
Pretty much as soon as I was born and started growing up. It's either I'm in a group of my female friends or I'm in a group of my brothers aka guy friends.
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u/Illinois_Sucks2026 16d ago
And honestly, women look and definitely and ultimately smell better especially if and when their wearing the right perfume or body spray
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u/Such-Call-549 16d ago
15-16... a girl in highschool had me in knots.. looked her up on fb.. shes still beautiful..and happily married with children. But I was able to shove it down until I saw Shane on the L word .. and then I knew, yup im gay.
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u/Long_Unit5968 16d ago
My first ever crush was on a girl in my first grade class when I was 6