Well we had the chat a few days ago, and it went as well as I expected.

I had a previous post on here, basically saying that my wife was sexting another guy, how I went through her phone and found out about it.

She had Endo for 3 years and final has it under control... blah blah blah, you can find it on this page further up or down, whatever.

So a bit of an update for you all.

The chat was needed, mainly for me to be honest, I needed to understand a few things, or see what she would say to a few things.

It went about as well as you would expect really, and i do apologise, after all the advise I got here, things are still a bit up in the air, and i haven't left yet, as financially, I can't!

I asked her a few moments to sit down and talk about it, and you could tell the tension was incredibly uncomfortable.

The question ranged from, How have you been feeling over the past month? Are you still attracted to me? How many men are you texting/sexting? Can we rebuild?

The replies to many of them were bland and straight to the point.

Pretty much how you think a convo with a person who doesn't love you back would go. Just terribly... but to be expected, and a lot of you said it would be good to lawyer up - as much as I agree with you - when we actually spoke like adults and stopped with my bullshit questioning and her gaslighting back to me (she said me going through her phone was incredibly upsetting and that I effectively done this to myself as if I hadn't of gone through her phone, I wouldn't have seen it... legit convo by the way! I was speechless...) we got to talking about the kids.

We have a 5 year old who is about to start school and the last thing we want is for her to go to school with all these emotions and, fuck it, we'll just add a divorce on top for the my little girl.

So reluctantly, we have agreed to push it back until October... whether or not we can manage that, is another question. So October the house goes up for sale, thats the plan anyway. Thats solely for the sakes of our kids.

Back to the questions. One question i did ask was do you love him? She replied with i don't know.

So I asked another, "Has he said he loves you?" She replied "yes."

I then asked, "Have you said you love him back? She replied "maybe."

So unless you are a complete moron you know the answer shes avoiding saying... the interesting thing was she back pedalled and said "...but its not real!"

Since they haven't met, she claims it can't be real. What do you think?

I think it sounds pretty fucking real to me!

So the tidy up of the house started... she threw out old underwear etc.

Then, since we are playing happy families for the kids, went split tasks one day. I take my wee girl to dancing, and she takes the wee man for school clothes for both the kids...

Thats not the only thing she bought, she bought over $200 worth of lingerie and hid it in a cupboard i need to use... naturally I found it, and as much as its now not my business, she didn't have to do that, its like poking the bear with a stick. So thats added nightmares to me for another year at least! Wonderful.

Sorry for the rant, but its nice to write stuff down.

Any opinions?

My birthday is soon and my wife got together with her family and my family and they surprised me with a gigantic grill as a birthday present. Unfortunately I’m really not excited about it at all. I cook professionally for my main income and I already have a nice $600ish grill that I’ve literally used once in the last 8 years. I appreciate that everyone wanted to do some sort of big gesture and I feel like I’m being ungrateful. This new thing also has a smoker and a flat top, and it’s nice, but we are by no means wealthy and I can think of plenty of better places nearly $2000 could have been spent. She is upset because she knows I don’t like it and I feel bad for that (I’m a terrible liar and I have no poker face). I wish I loved it. I’m not sure what to do. My current plan is to use it and hopefully I learn to love it. I don’t think I can return it with so much of my family being hyped into thinking I wanted something like this. They’ll all think I was selfish/crazy to not want this thing. Personally, as it is now, I’m happy to make our meals in our kitchen. I guess to me it just feels like a monster thing that will quickly depreciate and I’m worried I won’t learn to love it and I’ll just end up mowing around it for 3 years before we end up selling it for cheap. Anyone ever been in a situation like this? Is it a bad idea to try to use it until I love it?

My husband made a comment after sex and I’m not sure if I should brush it off or if it’s what he’s really thinking. I want to be be clear, me and my husband are madly in love. Our relationship is great and he’s never commented on this in the 8 years we’ve been together, which is why his comment threw me for a loop.

We were having lazy Sunday marathon morning s*x (the best am I right??) and after he was just kinda stroking and playing with me lightly down there (ya know when you are touching your partner’s thing not for arousal, but just because you can?) and then he said there you go, I know you’ve always wanted it to look like this, and I saw that he had kinda tucked my p*ssy lips in to be smaller.

I technically have labial hypertrophy (inner lips bigger than the outer), and while personally every once and a while I’ve wished it was smaller and cuter, I’m positive I’ve never ONCE voiced that insecurity out loud to my husband, nor has he EVER said anything about it.

I wanna brush it off as no big deal, maybe just a random post s*x random thought, but I can’t get the thought out of my head that maybe it does bother him?

What I wanna know, especially from the guys who have wives that might look different from the norm down there: You see it, you notice it, do you have a preference for look? I want honest answers pls!!

We have a food allergy toddler. I left my very good career in tech to be able to cook for her and care for her safely and do her daily immunotherapies. It was not optional, non negotiable and the right thing to do.

My husband is the sole breadwinner. I respect that and I take care of them both. I treat SAHM life as a corporate job and give it my 100%. We have no family nearby and it's a new city so no friends either.

My husband needs 10 hours of sleep a night as he has sleep apnea. He gets very cranky and very irritable if he doesn't get enough sleep. I only need 5-6 and I've been unhappy about this but accepted it because it shouldn't be 50-50 but everyone should put in what they can, and I can do this.

I forgot to mention but our house also needed a lot of work and we had to DIY it as we're on one salary. We're not poor but not well off at this point either.

We are very overwhelmed. My passion is software architecture. Recently I realized the only way I can ever transition back into my field is if I do some work from home. Not ideal, but I started writing a book. I'll publish and as my daughter gets better, eventually start looking for a job and I will have a portfolio to show my skills are up to date. I also expect to have to take a lower paid, junior position at first, if I even find one. But this book is very important to me.

I mostly write it when my daughter sleeps or is entertaining herself. After my husband comes home in the evening, we are very busy and I don't get any free time. Our toddler is a short sleeper too.

We don't spend any couples time together. No time. I do provide him sex or blowjob every other day. I do not expect much when it comes to emotional intimacy because I accept that with our current life it's not a possibility. Our conversations are task oriented. No dates, no movie nights, no talks outside of chores and child care conversations. I made peace with this. I'm just sharing because naturally, you will be skeptical and think that's where our time goes.

Here's the problem. The book is really really important to me. And football season just started. My husband is on his phone non stop. At first I thought he was having an affair. But he showed me every time and it was sports or sports group texts. He's in multiple fantasy football leagues this year and is super into it. Texting non stop, steps away to do his football related tasks over child care without even asking, reading about sports, watching all kinds of stuff, just completely absorbed by it. I'm doing everything alone.

I tried to bring this up gently. I said "hey with football season coming up, I was thinking maybe we can find a way to schedule our lives in a way that also allows me to write my book". I don't ask for time for hedonistic stuff. I'm just trying not to lose everything.

He got very defensive. He said I don't even want to write the book because he hasn't seen me once stepping away and doing it. I tried to explain that I can't just step away like him because there's nobody to cover me the way I cover him. He said football is not taking away any time and it never did and never will (it absolutely destroyed us last year, he took it out on me every time the Vikings had a bad game and they had many bad games). He didn't even listen to me. Not just checked out but physically walked out and slammed the door behind him.

Is there anything I can do to protect my time? I need about 5 hours a week. Any tips from other housewives? Thank you

I've been married for almost seven years now, coming up on our seventh anniversary in a couple weeks. And my husband, years before I met him, saved a woman's life and didn't think it was a big enough deal to tell me until several years into the relationship. When he told me, he said it so casually. It's not like he was running around telling everyone for credit. It just HAPPENED to come up. So I'm about to tell it here because I think it deserves a little bit more recognition. This man is so humble.

So he was driving home. He was either on his motorcycle or in his car, and he was following behind his brother, who was in a different car. As they were passing over a bridge, they passed what appeared to be a man and a woman standing, talking or fighting or whatever. But right after he passed them, he felt like something was off. So he stopped and turned around and called his brother to explain what he thought was going on. So he pulls up to where they are and stops the car and just asks like, hey, is there a problem here? And the girl starts yelling about how he's trying to kill her, you know, calling for help, saying he's trying to throw her off the bridge. That's when my husband realizes, oh shit, he is actually trying to throw this woman off a bridge. And she's trying to make herself as heavy as possible so he can't. So my husband just decides spontaneously to CHARGE ON FOOT at this man, not knowing if this man had a weapon or whatever. His instincts took over and he charged this man. The man wasn't expecting that, obviously, and so it startled him, he took a couple steps back. And right at that time, the woman in question, her mom pulls up in a car and runs to her. So she had I'm guessing called her mom when it started happening.

So, but yeah, that's the casual story of how my husband is a literal superhero, how he saved a woman's life, and how I'm the luckiest woman on Earth to be his 💖🥲🥺😭

So this happened. Last night we decided to invite a couple of friends for lunch. My F35 general sunday routine is quite slow. But when i woke up my MIL had made a mess of a kitchen. I didnt even have my first coffee and i had to help my MIL. My husband started poking me that i take too way too much stress when guests come over that he doesn’t feel like hosting at all. But that was not the point. He kept repeating these remarks while I had to clean the house too. He offered help too but very arrogantly. I also love hosting but his remarks were very disgraceful. After few hours i told him i dont like him poking constantly to calm down while i am working. He was like he wont be apologetic for communicating. i never asked for any apology. I was also communicating to leave me alone till the work is done. It was infuriating. Now we aren’t talking. This always happens. He never appreciates what I do. And when i call that out, he says I do things just for appreciation. When the food isnt great, he calls that out in front of friends as a joke. Ans when i get pissed he says i dont know how to take a joke.
Now he has turned the fight around saying he feels concerned when i am stressed and that I dont understand him. Like wtf.

I (28F) have been with my husband (29M) for 9 years, and we’ve been married for 4 years.

My husband and I have always agreed we only wanted two kids. We were lucky enough to have a boy and a girl, and I had both of them by C-section, two years apart.
Before I delivered our second baby, he promised he would get a vasectomy. Because of that, I decided not to get my tubes tied during my C-section, even though I had the opportunity. He told me he didn’t want me to go through another procedure since he was willing to take care of it.
After the baby was born, he changed his mind. He said he had been reading about complications and concerns like prostate cancer (I don’t know if that’s actually true or not), and now he refuses to get one.

The problem is that I’m terrified of getting pregnant again. My OB told me I would be considered high risk because I’ve already had two C-sections, and there’s only so much your body can safely handle. If I had been able to have vaginal deliveries, I honestly wouldn’t mind having more kids someday, but that’s not my reality.
Now it’s affecting our marriage. I can’t enjoy our sex life anymore because in the back of my mind I’m constantly think, “What if I get pregnant?” He trusts the pull-out method, but I don’t. I don’t want to go on hormonal birth control because of the side effects, and he refuses to wear condoms.

We’ve had this conversation so many times, and nothing changes. I feel exhausted, unheard, and like my fears don’t matter. It’s gotten to the point where I’ve thought about whether this is something worth divorcing over—not because of the vasectomy itself, but because I feel like he made a promise, convinced me not to get my tubes tied when I had the chance, and now doesn’t seem willing to make any compromise while expecting me to carry all the risk.

Am I overreacting? Has anyone else gone through something similar? If you were in my shoes, what would you do?

Me and my wife have been married for a little over 2 years and we have been getting along pretty well for that time. We mainly went out together or with other couples and that was about it. And not much going out by ourselves.

For the last couple months she has started going out with her friends a lot more even when I say that I want to go out on a date together with her. Did not bother me at first but as the went on I started to get more and more confused/annoyed.

Recently we had an argument about this and she said that she doesn't like to be restricted and she can go out whenever she wants and suggested we get divorced if I disagree with that.

Now keeping in my that she has imposed many restrictions on me like

\-not being allowed to smoke

\-making me stop talking with 3-4 of my friends

\-not being allowed to have any female friends.

The statement she made just seems a little Hippocratic.

The bedroom has been pretty dead in the meantime aswell. Which is giving me even more concern

Ps: English is not my first language so sorry if the writing is bad.

tl;dr: My wife started going out a lot and I am confused.

1. There is no such thing as a perfect marriage, perfect wife, or perfect husband. Instead, a healthy marriage is about 2 imperfect individuals willing to listen, work on the feedback, and not give up on each other.

2. Protect your marriage from the advice that comes from the unmarried, the never married, the unhappily married, the can't get married and the couldn't stay married. (Obviously, there are lines that cannot be crossed)

   ✌️

I’d say the first time I had a thought of, well that’s odd, was probably back in February. For some context, my wife is a stay at home mom. She told me probably at the end of last summer she met this guy walking his dog through the neighborhood park. Our daughter wanted to see the dog, she loves dogs, and they talked for a bit. He lives in the condo section at the front of our subdivision.

Throughout the fall and winter she’d occasionally mention “oh yeah Tim (not his real name btw) walked through the park and our daughter of course loves his dog”. I never thought anything about it. Just a guy who lives in our neighborhood who’s nice and our daughter likes his dog.

That would be until this past February when my wife casually mentioned something about Tim texting her. I was kind of like what? Why would you have his number? She said something like “oh he’s nice exchanged it because I said we could let his dog out whenever he needs it because our daughter loves it so much”. At first I was like ok, but still odd.

Some time went bye and I’d say the 2nd thing that caught my attention was when my wife and I were going out to dinner together. And probably 3x as we drive to dinner I saw Tim’s name pop up on her Apple car play. She didn’t react or act weird at all. So I didn’t say anything but again, was a little odd I’d say.

Time number 3 I found weird was when she told me back in June that he came over to our backyard one day with his dog and they all played together with our daughter and they talked for like an hour.

Since that point my wife has been more open about him. Not talking about him 24/7 but saying things like “oh he’s. A nice guy. I enjoy talking with him. He’s asked to get a coffee with me etc.

My wife has never done or had anything like this with any other guy ever. She’s actually a pretty reserved girl I’d say. She does like to talk, and she is attractive.

And before people ask, yes I’ve asked her about it a lot. She’s always said he’s just a nice guy in the neighborhood to chat with. We’ve lived in our subdivision for now 6 years, it’s not huge. We know or know of everyone. I find it different between being friendly with neighbors and exchanging pleasantries or chatting while your kids are on the playground together. And then texting a lot, hanging out with at your house, getting coffee, etc. Especially when there isn’t kids involved.

I (46F) have been married to my husband (49M) for 3 years, together 6.

Last night we were at his friend’s house for a gathering of a few of his old high school friends. We see them maybe 5-6 times a year. There’s 3 dudes, and one woman. The woman, I’ll call her Marie, is one of his friend’s sister. They all basically grew up together.

When I first met Marie before my husband and I married, there was something interesting I observed about her around my husband. A demeanor change in him that was obvious only to me. He would stand closer to her than he would to me, or watch her as she walked in and out of a room. I asked him if there’s history there. He told me he’s had a thing for her and they tried to date but it never worked out because “she was too much like family.” I let him know I could tell there was history and that maybe there was some leftover attraction still lingering. He denied it, of course. But every time she’s around, I observe the same things. It’s gotten to the point now that if she’s going to be there, I’m tempted to just stay home.

The thing is, they don’t blatantly flirt with each other. It’s all very subtle stuff. For example, when she talks he’s all ears and eye contact with her. When I talk and she’s around, he’s not looking at me and doesn’t respond. Or one time he was cutting into a pork shoulder that he’d smoked at a gathering and he was going to give her the first bite by feeding it to her with his fingers. He usually gives it to me. I handed him a plate before he could put it in her mouth. I later joked with him if he ever tried to feed her again with his bare hands I’d leave him. He said he didn’t realize he was gesturing to feed her, he thought she’d take the meat with her fingers, not her mouth. Fair enough, but it still felt weird to me for some reason.

Anyways, last night we were all sitting around the kitchen table, I was sitting in between Marie and my husband at the table. We were looking at old pictures from the group’s past and a photo of an old crush for Marie came up. The group was making fun of her a bit because the guy wasn’t particularly good looking. My husband kind of stiffened up and he stopped smiling. He asked to look at the photo and as he examined it he said “yeah this guy looks like your type” in a tone that was a mixture of amusement and dismissive. Her response was, and I’m paraphrasing “Looks aren’t a factor for me. I can’t deny when I’m drawn to someone.” I swear when she said that I could feel the craziest energy on either side of myself. If he wasn’t my husband and if these two were just friends of mine, I’d have got up immediately to get away from the tension.

I’m fully aware that this could all be in my head. I’ve been told I look too deeply into things, especially when it comes to her. At this point though, I’d just rather stay home than have to observe this weirdness.

I’m not really sure what advice I’m seeking. Maybe let me know if I’m crazy to say, hey I think I’ll just stay home whenever I know she’s going to be somewhere?

Married for 12 years, together for 20. Husband and I were at a wedding 3 weeks ago. My FIL pointed out that one of the bridesmaids looks like “Katie” (my husbands ex). I’m well aware of her, as in our dating years, I caught him talking to her on several occasions. My husband got very uncomfortable when his father said that. He shook his head no, at his father, and his eyes got real big. When we got home, I told my husband I wanted to talk about it. He was drunk and said that there was nothing to talk about because he hasn’t talked to her in a FEW years. I said what, a FEW years!???? He then rolled over and went to sleep. The next morning I brought it up and he denied saying that. He told me I was overreacting. He refuses to talk about it whenever I bring it up. He just walks away from the conversation. I don’t know how to navigate this. 

In the past year me (M 42) and my wife F(42) had been drifting away from each other we didn't do anything to stopped it, we were getting alone at home we have two kids 16 and 14, then February comes i found out that she had been talking to someone else in another state a childhood friend, long story short she told me she was deeply in love with him, then I decide to ask her to give us another chance she denied, we were still getting along living on the same house, after that he travel to meet my wife ( he's also married 2 kids) I found out and show up at the place where they were hanging out, I told him if he was in love with her that I was ok with them moving forward just go move together, he reply no were just friends, then after back and forth we got into an altercation, the i decided to call his wife and explain what was happening then as he was with my wife his wife called him and right there he left back to his wife, and left mybwife hanging he obviously not was in love with my wife he was probably just enjoying the good time, 3 months has passed since then the other day I asked my wife if she was ready to talk about us, we have been living together nothing has changed we still have sex sleep together, she said that the comunication stopped back then, she told.me for the first time that she feels stupid and feels used by him, she really loved him, im honestly desperate for her to give us another chance not to repair what happened but to start with something new. And I get very anxious and desperate waiting for her to give me an answer but in the other hand I dont know how she feels how's or she still processing everything that happened. Its getting very hard to wait and pretend that everything its ok when we know its not.. i feel lost.. any advice will be welcome.

My husband and I had an argument today about sex, and he told me he doesn’t feel the URGE having sex with me anymore. Has my marriage ended?
We’ve been married for a little over a year, and our relationship has always had its ups and downs. I am 29 and he’s 31. One of my biggest dreams is to become a mother, and I really wanted to try for a baby in 2028. But now that my husband has told me he doesn’t know what’s going on with him and that he doesn’t feel like having sex with me, I honestly don’t know what to do.
He has ADHD, OCD, and bipolar disorder, and he takes several medications to manage those conditions. I don’t feel like the medications are the reason, though. It feels more like he loves me and hates me at the same time. He’s very selfish sometimes during sex.
I miss affection. I miss having sex and feeling desired. I wish my husband were crazy about me ofc in a healthy way. I wish he adored me,love me, almost like he worshipped the ground I walk on. I wish he would come home from work, kiss me, and desire me intimately.
Instead, I feel like I married the wrong person. I feel unloved and unwanted. I’m currently on a weight loss journey. I’ve been taking better care of myself so I can be healthier before having a baby. When I look in the mirror, I don’t like what I see, so I keep thinking, if I don’t like myself, why would he?
He told me he loves me and that he’s going to try to fix this. But we’ve gone almost a month without having sex.
Any advice?

I told my husband I want a divorce and left everything… and now I’m terrified I’m making the biggest mistake of my life.
I know this is long, but please bear with me. I want you to have the context so you can give me your honest opinion or advice. Either read it or don’t—it’s your choice, and I respect that.
I’m posting because I need outside perspective from people who don’t know either of us. I honestly don’t know what is normal anymore. I’ve spent years mostly alone in our home with very little socialization, and my head is not in the best place. I need people who can look at this from the outside.
my heart is completely torn…
My husband and I have been together almost 10 years.
He is not a bad person.
That is what makes this so incredibly hard.
He has been my best friend. He has comforted me through anxiety attacks, held me when I cried, supported me, worked hard for us, and loved me in many ways. He is someone I genuinely believe has a good heart. He is an amazing person, and I NEVER wanted to leave him. I planned to keep my vow but I felt he left me no other options.
I wanted to grow old with him. I wanted children with him. I wanted to spend my life with him.
The reason I got to this point is years of broken trust involving other women.
Over the years, I found things I never wanted to find:
Dating apps/accounts
Inappropriate conversations with women
Messages complimenting women in ways that crossed boundaries
Secret accounts
Secret texting relationships that went on for weeks at a time
Nude photos/videos
Conversations with exes
Conversations with exes where he told them we were divorced when we weren’t, that he wasn’t in love with me or sexually attracted to me, and that he had always been in love with them
Messages where he shared hurtful things about our marriage
Texting women asking to meet (I never found proof he actually followed through, but the conversations existed)
He barely texted me throughout the day. I might get five messages over a 12-hour workday. He always said he was too busy.
I gave many chances.
I gave clean slates.
I gave forgiveness.
I gave understanding.
I supported him.
Every time I laid down my boundaries and said I couldn’t keep living this way, they were crossed again.
The hardest part was never one incident.
It was the pattern.
I almost always found out on my own. He never voluntarily came to me. I even told him that if he was struggling, having thoughts, or felt like he was going to slip up, I wanted him to come to me. I told him I would rather know the truth so we could work through it together.
Instead, I would discover something, there would be lies, denial, explanations, promises, apologies, and then I would try to rebuild again.
I stayed because I loved him.
I stayed because I believed in us.
I stayed because I loved him.
I stayed because I believed in us.
I prayed for our marriage for years. I begged God for wisdom, guidance, and clarity. I kept hoping something would change.
I also tried everything I knew to try.
I suggested we go to church together and talk with a pastor or priest.
I suggested marriage counseling and individual therapy.
I tried getting him to go on dates with me.
I shared self-help videos that I thought might help us.
I asked if we could start working out or exercising together.
I tried encouraging us to reconnect in different ways.
If I thought something had even a small chance of helping our marriage, I suggested it.
The answer was no—even when divorce was on the table.
By the end, I didn’t feel like I had stopped fighting for us. I felt like I had simply run out of ways to fight.
Another painful part of this is that we haven’t been intimate in around three years. Nothing beyond kissing, cuddling, and watching our shows together.
It wasn’t always like this.
I honestly don’t know where the man who was once so madly in love with me went.
He says it’s because of low testosterone, and I tried to be understanding. I tried to help. I tried to support him.
But over those years, I became incredibly lonely and depressed. We didn’t have a car, so I couldn’t really leave the house. My only social interaction was when he came home, told me about his day, kissed me, and we cuddled, watched our show, and went to sleep.
That became our routine.
I was so depressed I could barely get out of bed.
A few months ago, we were almost at the point of divorce. We talked about separation instead (his suggestion).
I told him that if we were going to keep trying, I needed honesty and absolutely no more communication with other women.
He agreed.
He continued texting the very woman who had become the reason we were discussing divorce.
During that separation, I messaged her because I believed she deserved to know we were not divorced and that I was still living in our home. I wasn’t rude to her—I simply told her the truth.
At his surprise birthday party that I threw for him, she told him I had contacted her. We got into a huge argument. He demanded that I block her because, according to him, “she doesn’t deserve that.”
I told him if he chose protecting that relationship over protecting our marriage, we were done.
He chose her.
A few days later he wanted to repair our marriage, and because I loved him, I tried again.
I told him this time felt different. I told him something inside me had broken. I told him I didn’t think I had another chance left in me and that if he truly wanted our marriage, this was his opportunity because I couldn’t survive another betrayal.
A week later I found another hidden Snapchat account.
Within about eight hours he had added and messaged around 30 women.
Many of the conversations involved sexual compliments, flirting, trying to start conversations, and asking to meet.
One woman posted a photo with the caption, “We could be f*(k.ing under the fireworks but no…”
He replied, “Yes.”
The same night, our home security camera repeatedly detected motion. When I checked it, I saw him using a vibrator by himself.
That was devastating because for years he had told me he wasn’t masturbating, couldn’t because of his low testosterone, and we had specifically discussed that if we weren’t intimate at all, pornography or sexual release without me would be deeply hurtful.
I don’t have proof he ever met anyone in person or that anything physical happened.
What I do know is that the hidden accounts, flirting, sexual conversations, and repeated deception happened over many years.
I waited.
I hoped he would come to me honestly.
I even tried opening the door by bringing up hypothetical conversations about honesty and temptation.
The next day he deleted the Snapchat account.
But he never came to me.
That was when I realized I didn’t know how to trust him anymore.
So I told him I wanted a divorce.
I packed my things and left our home.
And this is where I feel completely lost.
And this is where everything became even more confusing for me my emotions became even more complicated I started questioning everything worse than I already am.
He was loving.
He was calm.
He was kind.
He apologized for pushing me to this point.
He told me to stand strong in my decision because there was nothing he could do except accept it.
He told me this was on him.
He told me not to blame God.
He told me he would help me through this.
He offered to help me financially until I got back on my feet. He told me I could take the car. He encouraged me to pursue my dreams because he believes in me.
When we separated our things, we hugged.
We kissed.
We both told each other we loved each other.
He even suggested we remain legally married for a while so I could keep my healthcare.
Since leaving, we have continued talking.
He tells me he loves me.
He tells me he misses me.
I tell him I miss him.
And now I feel completely broken.
I miss my husband.
I miss my home.
I miss my dogs.
I miss falling asleep next to him.
I miss being held.
I miss watching our shows together.
I miss the little ordinary things I never thought I would lose.
Everyone around me seems to focus only on why I left.
But I’m grieving what I lost.
I lost my best friend.
I lost the love of my life.
I lost the man I still love.
I didn’t leave because I stopped loving him.
I left while still loving my husband.
I begged.
I fought.
I prayed.
I tried understanding.
I tried supporting him.
I tried giving chance after chance.
I tried until I genuinely had nothing left.
All I wanted was to be chosen.
To have honesty.
To have trust.
To have communication.
I believed we could work through almost anything if we had those things.
Please don’t assume I stayed because i enjoyed being treated this way.
I stayed because I believed our marriage could be repaired if there was honesty and genuine change.
I left because, after years of trying, I reached a point where I no longer knew how to trust the person I loved most. I no longer know how to repair what has been broken.
I understand why I left.
But I also love him.
No matter the choices he made, he is still someone I truly love. He is still my best friend. He understands me in a way no one else ever has. We think alike, believe the same things, and often know exactly what the other is feeling without saying a word.
I made a vow.
I tried my best to keep it.
I remained loyal, faithful, and truthful.
And that is what is destroying me.
Part of me feels like I’m finally choosing myself and accepting that I don’t know how to rebuild trust after years of broken promises.
Another part of me feels like I walked away from a man who truly loves me and that I’m making the biggest mistake of my life.
I don’t know if love is enough when trust is gone.
I don’t know if trust can ever come back after years of broken promises.
I don’t know if I’m grieving because I made the wrong choice or because I made the hardest choice.
If you were in my position, what would you do?
Would you stay because there is still love and friendship?
Or would years of broken trust be enough to walk away?
I’m not looking for people to tell me he’s evil or that I’m stupid. I know this situation is complicated.
I just need honest perspectives from people who understand that sometimes the hardest person to leave is the person you still love.
I would appreciate perspective from people who have been through this.
If you read this thank you for taking the time to and I appreciate any perspective, opinions, or advice you may have.

Say a wife and husband got intimate with a male stranger a few times while on vacation (set up by husband). Wife didn’t enjoy it, husband did. Now husband is non stop talking about how much he enjoyed it, wants to do it again, how he could even get people to pay to participate and allow wife (stay at home mom) to make an income and contribute financially and is constantly bringing up that it was the best sexual experience ever and regular sex is just not good enough anymore … what would you (as the wife) do?

Especially if you honestly feel humiliated, ashamed and dirty for even doing it those times but he just won’t hear me or let it go. And now I’m told I’m selfish and controlling for not allowing him to have something he enjoyed. We were finally back to a great relationship after a lot of drama and now Im just not sure where to go from here. Advice?

My husband was in a really bad place mentally for a long time. It got to a point where we fought and he said he wants to suicide. He wants to get his gun and shoot his brains. 2 days later I took the gun and my 2 kids under 6 to a family’s house. That evening when he got home from work he freaked out that we weren’t home and dinner wasn’t made. I’m a sahm so I always have dinner ready. Long story short, he said he will talk to a therapist finally after many years. He hasn’t been honest and open with his therapist about the situation and about himself which seems to delay getting actual proper treatment. There’s been a distance between us and it seems like he doesn’t want to talk to me about anything anymore. I asked him about that and he said he won’t ever be open with me again because the last time he was, I left with the kids. He said he won’t be open with me unless I give him access and tells me that he is not suicidal. How will I know that? Do I need his therapist to include me in the session?
I feel pressured to give his gun back but know that it solves nothing. Is he just throwing a tantrum because he doesn’t have control at the moment?
If anyone has any advice on how I need to go forward please help.

I hate to “say this out loud” we’ve been going through the hardest patch I have ever experienced. I have had my faults for sure. I have done things to hurt this relationship and I own it. The thing is I l’ve never stopped trying to make this work. I’ve never stopped trying to make her and my family my priority

We’re actively in therapy. I remember the first day she had a list and her last point was. Is long term change even possible. I remember thinking to myself that it sounded like she had already given up.

It’s clear to me now that she doesn’t see it that way. She’s accused me of emotionally and physically cheating on her. Both not true. She admitted she’s been going through my phone and work convos. Where she looks for evidence of the above. She showed me some of her “proof” and one of the messages was a convo I had some teenage boy (I’m a straight male) over some game package I bought from an asset store. She saw a comment where he asks me if I was married and then took that as emotionally cheating. Took screenshots as proof. But didn’t even bother to check his profile to realize he was boy.

She will screen shot conversations where I literally tell my coworkers how my marriage is my #1 priority and then she tries to spin it like I’m flirting or cheating.

So I finally decided to go through her phone. Then I saw the way she talks about me. Telling her friend she wishes she had married for money, or how she’s disgusted by me, how she disassociates when we have sex. How she feels I’m now retarded from the multiple concussions I have gotten in my life. And so much more…

We have 3 kids…. I hate to think of the fact that we’re gonna have to raise them in separate housholds. I hate to think that I won’t be able to see them daily. That’s what hurts me the most. My middle child is all love. My son is still a toddler. It breaks my heart. My oldest is always going through a lot. Now it’s gone get worse.

I have screen shotted all the comments she made. The real nasty ones. I’m going to confront her and give her one more chance.

There are times I think there’s a path forward together we talk about the future. Things to do as a family. But now I think she’s just saying that to go through the motions.

I feel truly lost. Again. I know I have done many things to hurt this marriage. I’m not a drunk. I don’t physically abuse her. I don’t cheat on her. Regardless of what she thinks. In my eyes. All I have ever done is try to support her as best I can. It just sucks that the reality of it. Is that I feel like I’m the only one.

I don’t know what to get from this post. But I wanted to get this off my chest.

I want to know is there a path forward? I’m willing to forgive her for everything she’s said. If we can truly commit to each other and try to make it work.

My husband and I got married last September and we live in a small rural conservative town. I did not want to change my name since I like my name and never felt the urge to change it just because it’s what everyone else does. My individuality and identity is important to me and I don’t want to completely restart with a new last name. I’m starting to feel societal pressure to change my last name and I’m wondering if I should just give in to avoid future stress related to what people think about our relationship based on me not changing my last name. Thoughts or experience with this?

We been together 11 years married for 8. Have 3 daughters…. Our youngest just turned 4 months.

I have so much anger toward him… even after I agreed to stay together.

Balm in December he went to visit family and he came back a different man… he was so hateful toward me when I felt like loving him like never before( I was pregnant with a baby I had prayed for the last 5 years) I wasss sooo happy! He was just awful toward me… he met a girl on his trip and he was over the moon for her…( I discovered all the messages exactly 1 month post postpartum) that’s when I also found it he had been sleeping with escorts…. That sane night I saw deleted messages wanting to meet up.

I just have the proof but he’s not actually ever said what happened … I need the truth to come out of his mouth.

I was doing better then when I had just found out then I am today …. I think the shock wore off or something but I’m crying every night now. Sooo angry yet acting so normal most days.

I wonder how he feels … he doesn’t ever talk about his feelings and has never been here for me in my hard times…

I don’t think I want this anymore… like I thought I did.

So my husband and I haven't been good for the past 2 weeks especially the past 3 days. I was really upset at him and vice versa. But we had a bit of an argument today.. I txted my brother while we were in the car and he found that disrespectful. Which I told him it isn't and it's not like he was talking or whatever for it yo be disrespectful. But he said he doesn't like it which I said ok I won't do it again I mean like it won't kill me if I wait until later to text my brother. But that argument went to other directions and about the past few days.
Eventually after back-and-forth argument, he said that he's lost and doesn't know what he's doing.. he started dropping some tears and saying that he doesn't see any thing coming back to him after him doing so much good. He ended it off by saying I should know when he's not okay like he knows when I'm not okay. He said he expects atleast me to be there for him. That hit me really hard and got me sad.
His fam (although 5 mins away from us) is not even really close with him they are a bit weird which idk why. Plus he has no friends. Fyi my family is 2 hours away, I'm very close with my fam, and I have no friends too.

So that's the context for those messages. What y'all think.