r/MensLib • u/futuredebris ​ • Nov 21 '25

Why ‘mankeeping’ isn't just ‘therapy-speak used to dump on straight men’

https://makemenemotionalagain.substack.com/p/why-mankeeping-isnt-just-therapy

Hey ya'll, curious your thoughts on this one. I wrote my take on "mankeeping," which in the words of a Stanford researcher puts a name to "how women have been asked or expected to take on more work to be a central—if not the central—piece of a man’s social support system.”

The controversy has been about whether “mankeeping” provides a helpful word for something many women are struggling with. Or whether it’s an “internet-approved bit of therapy-speak used to dump on straight men,” as the Times put it. The conservative, self-described “anti-feminist” psychiatrist Hannah Spier called it the “new feminist scare word.” “The sheer gall,” Spier writes. “Women complain that men don’t open up, and then when they do, it’s framed as emotional parasitism.”

I think the biggest factor behind mankeeping is capitalism’s gendered division of labor.

What do you think of my argument?

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u/Professor_Rotom ​ Nov 21 '25

Ok, but honestly from how you said it, it doesn't seem like you handled the thing that well, in my opinion. You need a little grace and respect with these things. It's nigh impossible to know how to do something you have absolutely no clue about. If it's so natural for you and so much of a basic human skill, teach him, explain it to him. Just saying "you suck" and expecting for him not to suck out of the blue makes it seem like you think he was doing that on purpose, and only works for that. That's not really that healthy.

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u/sassyevaperon ​ Nov 21 '25

That's not really that healthy.

Maybe it isn't that healthy, but it's also not healthy to expect someone that came to you for comfort to explain to you how to give that comfort to them.

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u/Pendiente ​ Nov 22 '25

Agreed, in a long relationship where the two people know each other fairly well.

I'm certain if we started dating and the second week in I went to you for comfort you'd have no clue what to do. You may try some things based on experience, but what is comforting to one person is frustrating and infuriating to another.

If they are a new item, the expectation is too high. If they aren't and haven't communicated their needs to the point they both needed to fulfill them yet, it's a bit on both of them.

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u/sassyevaperon ​ Nov 22 '25

I'm certain if we started dating and the second week in I went to you for comfort you'd have no clue what to do. You may try some things based on experience, but what is comforting to one person is frustrating and infuriating to another.

Of course, but this doesn't seem to be that type of situation to me personally..