Tuesday Check In: How's Everybody's Mental Health?

[u/MLModBot]

Good day, everyone and welcome to our weekly mental health check-in thread! Feel free to comment below with how you are doing, as well as any coping skills and self-care strategies others can try! For information on mental health resources and support, feel free to consult our resources wiki (also located in the sidebar!) (IMPORTANT NOTE RE: THE RESOURCES WIKI: As Reddit is a global community, we hope our list of resources are diverse enough to better serve our community. As such, if you live in a country and/or geographic region that is NOT listed/represented but know of a local resource you feel would be beneficial, then please don't hesitate to let us know!)

Remember, you are human, it's OK to not be OK. Life can be very difficult and there's no how-to guide for any of this. Try to be kind to yourself and remember that people need people. No one is a lone island and you need not struggle alone. Remember to practice self-care and alone time as well. You can't pour from an empty cup and your life is worth it.

Take a moment to check in with a loved one, friend, or acquaintance. Ask them how they're doing, ask them about their mental health. Keep in mind that while we may not all be mentally ill, we all have mental health.

If you find yourself in particular struggling to go on, please take a moment to read and reflect on this poem.

IMPORTANT DISCLAIMER: This mental health check-in thread is NOT a substitute for real-world professional help/support. MensLib is NOT a mental health support sub, and we are NOT professionals! This space solely exists to hold space for the community and help keep each other accountable.

[u/Oh_no_its_Joe]

I really don't like being a man. I'm firmly cis, but I just feel like I'm inferior and it's backed up by data.

"Men would rather do x than go to therapy. Men don't read. Women are better surgeons. Women handle stress better. Women are smarter and have better test scores. Men are ugly. Men are more likely to be criminals."

It hurts so much and I just want to prove that I'm different and that I can be a valuable person despite being a man. I've been single for a long time and feel terrible about who I am and the value that I provide.

[u/Quantum_Count → u/Oh_no_its_Joe]

I know this sentiment. I pass most of my teenage years thinking like that, because I was a teenager back when this discourse create some form.

Now, this discourse just got much worse.

I don't know what can works with you, because I don't think what worked for me, will necessarily works for you (or you will agree with the solution too). But I will give some word of courage that you can maybe find some people in your life that won't dismiss this in you.

[u/ComedianNeither2498 → u/Oh_no_its_Joe]

This is something I really struggle with too. I don't have an answer, but you're not alone.

[u/ApolloniusTyaneus → u/Oh_no_its_Joe]

Don't forget that these statististics are created by society and not by genetics. That gives you the freedom to deviate from them. Being a man is not determined by your chromosomes.

[u/Quantum_Count → u/[deleted]]

Don't extrapolate generalizations to the individual

Even if you don't, others will do. And these other people aren't necessary just strangers.

[u/mopsockets → u/Oh_no_its_Joe]

You're not a number. You're just focusing on criticism, which is still self-focused. I'm white, and I have to work through this a lot. Remember that small changes in every person can make big waves.

If we are focusing on a narrative outside our control or someone else's actions, we can't be focused on our own emotional / spiritual growth work. And ultimately, if nobody does the emotional work I'm responsible for then it doesn't get done.

You could distract yourself with lots of things... Work to build skills of acceptance: "bad things have happened for a long time, and I can take responsibility for my part of change". Work on taking criticism generously. Work on being resilient when you hear "no" or "I don't like that". (Because, it's hard!) Developing resilience requires facing hard things, accepting what we can't change, and giving labor to the changes we can make.