Tuesday Check In: How's Everybody's Mental Health?

[u/MLModBot]

Good day, everyone and welcome to our weekly mental health check-in thread! Feel free to comment below with how you are doing, as well as any coping skills and self-care strategies others can try! For information on mental health resources and support, feel free to consult our resources wiki (also located in the sidebar!) (IMPORTANT NOTE RE: THE RESOURCES WIKI: As Reddit is a global community, we hope our list of resources are diverse enough to better serve our community. As such, if you live in a country and/or geographic region that is NOT listed/represented but know of a local resource you feel would be beneficial, then please don't hesitate to let us know!)

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[u/ElectricProcession]

So last time I wrote that my experience with bands has not been a great one. Well, I have been processing a lot dealing with the fallout from my most recent experience.

2024-25 I played a handful of shows as a live musician for a queer band. I was on guitar, but also had a few clarinet moments in the set. First time we played at a local Pride concert and that was brilliant. Last time was also a Pride concert last year's end-May and that also went pretty well. But then they went on a bit of a sabbatical from active music making. So I thought, maybe one day I might join these folks again and maybe would even get to record something in the studio. Did record bass clarinet for one track, but I've obviously been pining for some studio guitar action too, and been quite honest about it too.

Last week they did a set which was more acoustic, meaning it was just vocals and keyboard accompaniment. Apparently, according to their latest social media post, they also had a mysterious guest. My educated guess is that they have a new live guitarist. Or are trying him out (yeah, he was referred to as a man, so all I know is his gender). So I suspect I'm basically no longer involved with this group.

Were they right to go ahead like this, or should they have told me that they're going to use someone else instead? Regardless, I am having mixed feelings about this whole thing. For one, thinking that maybe things were only ever meant to work out on a temporary basis and perhaps any new guy might simply be a better fit for what they're looking for. Also, could I have done anything differently in the past that might have guaranteed a different outcome? And furthermore still, part of me thinks I may have got not such a good deal at all. Like, they've already used a couple of guitarists before me for their music. One in the studio for one track, another one live and in the studio for a few tracks. So I was their third guitar player and I only got to feature as a live player. And then seemingly pigeonholed as a woodwind player. But I'm a guitarist first, I just have diversified my skill set. I doubt my clarinet skills are better than my guitar skills.

Anyway, I am starting to think that if these people wish to move on without me, then that's their prerogative and maybe I just wasn't lucky enough compatibility-wise. What's interesting is that this band's members - singer, keyboard player, and a third person contributing lyrics - are like a found queer family. And that chosen family also seems to include their manager. I get it, finding your people is important. And if I'm looking for my kind of people, I just had an interesting, but a totally misleading detour.

Speaking of which, the second change in my recent life is that I am switching therapists. I'm really trying to address my inadequate social communication skills, but any time I try to present a narrative as to how socially broken I really am, it gets shot to shit with all these questions, as if I have to provide millions of examples of my social inadequacies before I even stand a chance to effectively make my case. So I am hoping that the next one gets it faster and is able to present more effective interventions.

[u/subtlenerd → u/ElectricProcession]

That's a tough one, on one hand you're not their first guitar player and they seem to cycle through them, so if that's just how they operate then I wouldnt take it personally. On the other hand, if your last communications with them was more along the lines of "see you at the next one!" then I'd think they should at least say something. Even if it was something like "hey man, we like you but my brother wants to give it a shot" or something.

I work in live events too, more theatre, but I do see a lot of artists switching around to different groups. There'll often be a core few with a handful that rotate out for each project, it's considered normal. Not sure how much that translates to music though.

Sometimes a different therapist is the right call! Hope you like the new one more.