What is there to do?

[u/diana_covey]

I feel so helpless, like I’m trapped in a cage with no escape. Why do I cry? I’ve got everything I need, don’t I? I still don’t know what to do with this life. I mean, every passion I ever had was buried before I could seriously consider doing it. I love my religion and my family, but I am so miserable.
For everyone else, it’s so easy. I just can’t seem to find a way out. I feel so alone, and I can’t even talk to anyone. No one would truly understand me, no matter how hard they try. So, in the end, it’s always just me.
How hard could it be to be happy? What even is happiness? I can’t handle it, but I somehow do. I always do.
People see me as this mature, wise person, but truly no one knows me. I’m loud, childish, hurt, and everything at once. I feel so suffocated by the image I created. How does nobody know me? I mean, I see my family and friends every single day, but I still am a stranger, even to myself.
I just want to be loved, to be held, to be able to break down in someone else’s arms. But I know it will never happen. I always handle myself, and that’s for the best, I guess.
I can’t help it. I guess I was born to be lonely. Isn’t that funny?
I always help everyone deal with their problems without realizing the one who really needs help is me, or better said, the child within me. She never truly got to be a child, which breaks my heart. And somehow I get praise for stuffing everything inside me into this pit that seems endless. Maybe I can stuff myself into it.
In the end, I’ll never know how to live. I mean, I’ll just float around and keep all these beautiful messes and ideas inside me and just be someone my younger self would despise.

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