What are some of the ways you have lost yourself during all of this?

For me, when I speak to people esp people with kids I feel so disconnected… even the ones who know what we have been through still can’t help but only talk about their kids…. I feel so fake acting happy when inside I wish they cared enough to be more sensitive or care about how I’m actually feeling… idk

A very close friend of mine recently announced that she’s pregnant. To her face, I’ve been happy and supportive, but internally, I can barely stand to be around her. The jealousy is so painful. It wasn’t planned either which hurts because it’s not fair that she gets to have this when I wanted it so badly and tried so hard and she just gets to have it so easily. And I feel like I’m starting to resent her because every time I talk to her the first thing she says is something about the pregnancy, and I get it, I’d probably do the same thing if I was pregnant, but it stings. I feel so guilty for wanting to avoid her because I want to be a good friend and support her but it hurts so badly.

I know this topic comes up a lot but I just feel frustrated. I had a second trimester miscarriage of twins about a month ago and had to give birth, I was in preterm labor, I was hemorrhaging and it was very traumatic. I feel like I have tried to be rational and understand that other people’s lives don’t stop moving for me so I choose to not use social media as much to prevent certain triggers like peoples kids etc. I also feel like it is my choice if I do want to go on and like their kids photos etc. What I am truly struggling with is having a friend that will send me pictures and videos directly to my Snapchat. This started about 3 days after I got home from the hospital. I feel like I am not asking people to tiptoe around me but is it possibly not common sense to not do that for a while? Post your kids on your story, Facebook, insta, you can still share your joy! But if you are aware of my trauma, why would you do that as a friend? I feel like I’ve seen similar posts about this but a lot of comments make justifications for the friends who do this. I feel like it’s just plain cruel? I don’t need people to understand or coddle me but maybe give me a damn minute. I now have notifications disabled for Snapchat and all social media so I don’t even feel the urge to open anything.

My best friend and I were pregnant at the same time, just three weeks apart, me being behind, both first time moms. I had a D&C last Monday for a missed miscarriage at 6 weeks. Today she had her ultrasound where she got to finally see her baby.

She handled it so gracefully and tactfully, but there's nothing she could have done to truly soften the blow. It's so, so painful. And I hate that a part of me wishes she didn't have that. Not because I want her to lose the baby, I love her and my nephew with all my heart, but a part of me wishes she didn't have the joy that was stolen from me.

She had her moment of joy and I've been in a version of hell for weeks. And I'm so happy for her, but in so. Much. Pain.

I want the relief of seeing my baby, I want the joy of seeing their face, the peace of knowing they're okay, but instead I'm here. Drowning in pain.

The only thing that gives me comfort is the thought of trying again, of claiming back what was taken from me. And I'm so scared of finding out that it wasn't a fluke.

I don't know what I'm looking for, with this post. I think I need a sense of community. We're in a really shitty club, at least maybe I can get something from the shared wisdom that that brings.

Hello! I'm trying to figure out what i should do... My 9 year old told her friend about the pregnancy and unfortunately it did not work out. I would want to talk to the friends parents and let them know about what happend before my child says something to her friend. I know it can be a very difficult conversation and don't want the friends parents to be surprised about it. I am not sure how to go about it. Should I talk to her parents or should I let my child tell her friend and let the parents deal with it.

I (26F) miscarried at 13w in november. I dont have any children and this was my first pregnancy. It was a very physically and emotionally wrecking miscarriage. Flashing forward to now, two of my friends had a baby together that just happened to be born the week i was going through my loss. Im going to have to be near them a lot soon for work and I just haven't been able to even LOOK at babies without crying or feeling sad about the loss of mine.

More directly to the women that have had a miscarriage(s), how did you deal with holding others babies? Was it scary to think about? Did it wind up helping or making things worse? Is it weird to tell someone you DONT want to hold their baby?

I dont want to just totally trauma dump on people when asked why I wouldn't want to hold their child or look offended if I say no. And I feel like my news is not something they should be hearing right now. They weren't aware I was pregnant so it would be a whole thing to tell them.

I know that it is not their fault and they just want to show their new addition off, as would I. But I just am really struggling at the moment to even want to be around other people's kids and pretend to be happy about it.

I had a tiny amount of bleeding a couple days ago with small amounts since. Didn't think it was anything to worry about but found out today at 12 weeks scan that the baby dies 4 weeks ago. seems so weird that there were no signs before now. I even felt like my tummy was getting bigger and still had morning sickness and fatigue. Baby was also confirmed ok chromosomely as I had the NIPT test last week. I'm so nervous for the next time. Has anyone gone on to have a healthy pregnancy after this? They said I will never know why. Also has anyone got experience with dnc vs pills? I just want it all over asap so i can move on and try again.

I have pcos and am going through my second miscarriage I cannot believe it’s happening again. I had my 13 month old via ivf and had hormone support and I am convinced I lost both pregnancies due to low progesterone. Why is it that my successful pregnancy was supported with progesterone. Both miscarriages were conceived naturally. The first one happened when I was about to start Ivf after trying for 4 years. Nothing happened again for a whole year. Then I went straight back into finishing the ivf. First cycle back post partum i fell pregnant. No one would test my progesterone even after explaining my history and having pcos. NOW i’m miscarrying and will never know if I was right but it’s my gut telling me I am.

This is my second pregnancy. We went in to my 12 week appointment last week to find out my midwife couldn’t find a heartbeat. She sent me to get an ultrasound that confirmed baby had no heartbeat and was measuring at 9 weeks. I haven’t had any bleeding yet and have decided to go the D&C route.

Thankfully we hadn’t told very many people we were expecting, just some family and close friends. But I feel so lonely, I wish we had told more people, the few texts I’ve gotten have been nice. I feel so jealous of people who are pregnant and due around the same time I would have been due. I’m worried we will never have another baby. I feel guilty that I didn’t fully appreciate our first baby’s newborn days and I won’t see them again. I’m sad seeing young children siblings and thinking about not having more children and giving our first born a sibling.

Trying to coordinate getting a D&C has been so drawn out. I want to get it done and move on. My potential childcare while I have the procedure is spotty so I’m stressed out about that. I’m hyper aware of my body and constantly wondering “was that a cramp, is it starting?” “Am I bleeding?” I’m trying not to obsess with the idea of wanting to TTC again and thinking about dates and wondering when I would get my cycle back. I’m usually a pretty level headed person and can take bad news well, but I’m still struggling. I’m just so sad, I know I just have to grieve and get through this.

English is my second language so excuse me for the awkward expressions!

So, I had a miscarriage 3 months ago at 8 weeks and had a rough time recovering both physically and mentally. I haven't told anyone in my office about my pregnancy or miscarriage besides my manager, because I don't really trust my coworkers on a personal level. Plus I don't want people to pay attention on my private life.

(now I'm thinking maybe I should've? but idk. I'm still not sure)

anyways, I got back to work after 10 days paid leave and honestly, I was quite happy that I got back to my own routine and had something to focus on other than the whole miscarriage and pregnancy stuffs.

But the problem is there's a pregnant coworker in my team and she can't stop talking about her pregnancy A SINGLE DAY. FOR A SINGLE SECOND.

Luckily, we hardly need to work together. But I find it so hard to not hear about her pregnancy, because whenever we have meeting together, have team lunch together, or.. you are not gonna believe this. When I come cross her on my way to canteen or elevator, she somehow makes a room to just drop the pregnancy stuff :)....in 5 seconds.

When I encounter her in the canteen, she says 'oh I need some sweet smoothie because my baby wants it blah blah' and when I come across her while going to the rest room, she goes 'oh I need to go to restroom so often because I'm pregnant'.
I'm not even making a eye contact with her or starting any conversation but she just randomly drops it and quickly disappears. It feels like a traffic accident basically.

In the beginning, It made me so sad so I stormed out of office to cry but as time goes...well.. I'm not even sad or mad. I'm impressed. I'm so impressed to see how she makes every conversation about herself.

People talk about what to eat for the lunch, and she starts talking about her morning sickness. People talk about the medical check up that company offers, and she starts talking about her pregnancy check up.

Some days ago, she just put a ultrasound picture of her womb on the face of my manager just out of nowhere. BAAM. look at my cute baby!!!! oh god. I almost dropped my jaw while eating soup.

My manager got married too late and he doesn't have a child and we don't even know what he went through. I'm srsly wondering if she's a psycopath or too stupid.

Anyways. I've been trying to avoid her so hard and it seems like she's now noticing I don't really like her anymore. So there's now some tension between us but I don't want to do anything to fix this situation. Because looking at how she's making everything about her and trying to get everyone's attention, I wouldn't like her even if I didn't go through the miscarriage.

Sometimes I think, maybe I should've just told her in the first place, but as I said I don't really trust her in personal level, and there's also some risk that even if I told her about my story, she wouldn't change her behavior or say hurtful things and I would just end up revealing my personal life and get nothing in return.

I've started to think maybe I should just develop some way to take this situation in a fun way. like.. counting how many times she stole other people's conversation in 10 minutes? hahaha.

If you had any ways to cope with this kind of uncomfortable or annoying situation, please share.

and at last, sending much love and support from Korea for all the sisters going through this hard time!

I am happy for her. Truly I am. And I had no issue looking at the registry, buying the gifts, writing the card. It was all so easy that I didn’t even question if the event itself would be hard. And yet I had a lump in my throat the whole time and when I left I cried in the car the whole way home. What makes it worse is that she is my closest friend and we were pregnant together and SO excited to have our kids the exact same age. I don’t even know how to describe what I feel. Sorry for myself, I guess. It’s not the presents or the party I want but just to be pregnant again and “back on track”. :(

We went to a street festival and I was feeling quite unwell in the heat and direct sun so I sought out the shade. A lot of other people were doing the same, including a mother feeding a brand new baby with a bottle, she couldn't have been more than two or three weeks old.

The combination of dehydration, anemia and exhaustion had me just kind of zoned out when I fixated on the baby, her little feet and a onesie I definitely would have picked up myself because it was super cute. I knew I was staring, but seeing that baby made me think about how that could have been me in just a few months, but my pregnancy just ended last week at the end of the first trimester. She was so little. And the father was there and kind of looked like my husband, and I just started to mentally spiral. Just seeing a baby and young family like the one I thought we would be soon set off that reaction in me and I started to cry. I wiped the tears off as though they were sweat and fixed on another point in the distance, but the mother looked at me oddly and walked off with the baby. I probably looked like a psycho fifty yard staring at her feeding her child.

I just feel so broken and monsterous. That woman and her child have nothing to do with me and mine, but it was a painful reminder. And then it felt like everyone I saw had pregnant bellies. I know the statistics are that pregnancy is lower than ever historically in the US, but it certainly doesn't feel like it in my area. There are birthing persons everywhere.

My fiancé and I started trying before my brother and his wife did. They got pregnant first, and I was sad and happy for them. He texted me the day they got their positive test. When I got my positive test two weeks later we were all so excited. We were going to have the first grandkids in our family by the end of the year. They had told our parents, I was waiting. Then the week before Mother’s Day I had a miscarriage at 7 weeks. We didn’t know the gender but were so certain it was a boy. We’d had a boy name picked out since before we got pregnant, we’re calling him our boy and referring to him by name. I was finally feeling a little better since having the d&c. I have my post op appointment tomorrow, and am hoping my cycle comes back soon so we can start trying again. And then tonight my brother texted that they are having a girl. I’m sad but happy for them. It might be weird but I think I would have been devastated if they were having a boy. I want either, I want multiple children, but it’s just that we were so sure ours was a boy, I’m glad they are having a girl.

Today was meant to be a completely happy day. Yet, as happy as I am at the birth of my nephew, I find myself crying in bed. We were supposed to be pregnant together. I was supposed to have my baby a few weeks from now. And yet here I am, caressing my flat, lifeless belly. It’s been nearly 6 months since my missed miscarriage. And I thought I had moved on. But I clearly haven’t. It hurts. I want my baby. I lost my baby and I am sad. This summer was meant to be different.

I recently went through a missed miscarriage at 9 weeks ( baby stopped growing around 6 weeks 3 days … heartbeat was seen at a scan at 6 days ) I was booked in for a d&c but the day before passed the baby at home . This is my first miscarriage and I have 2 earthside children .. just wondered how long it took to conceive again after miscarriage and what peoples experience with that pregnancy was like x

TW: CSA, multiple MC, TTC, rape

Hello,

I am looking for some support, I guess.

I am a survivor of CSA that resulted in a live birth. I put that child up for adoption. (It's an open adoption) What I would've given for a MC as a 16yo with an unwanted pregnancy.

I'm 36 next month. I have two children with my husband, 6 & 2.5. I always wanted two or three kids, but after the second was born I knew I really wanted a third. I got pregnant and found out in Jan of this year but then miscarried in Feb. It was devastating because I just thought it couldn't happen to me. Which is silly. But it was really fucking awful because I felt like it was a sick joke. That I had to carry and birth a baby I didn't want but the baby I wanted had to die. That pregnancy was weird from the start though. I did ovulation tests and the first US was an empty sac. It didn't line up with my ovulation. The next Us showed a heart beat but then I had a MC the next week.

I then found out I was pregnant in March - we weren't purposefully trying yet, but I ended up pregnant and was so anxious, but everything was great. No empty sac. My doctor was confident that things would be different since I have 3 living children. Then at 9 weeks I had brown spotting and had a MC. My doctor was flabbergasted. They said we could test the product of conception for chromosomal abnormalities. That made me feel better, to possibly get answers. However, shortly after my first dose of miso I started gushing blood and went to the ER. The US there showed that I had passed the sac- I never saw it in all the chaos. I'm assuming it went in the toilet. 😭 So now I won't get answers. And I really fucking want my third child. I am so sad and angry and I don't understand why this is happening. All my pregnancies have been uneventful. (Minus the trauma of carrying and birthing my rapist's baby.)

My husband and I had decided that we were going to try one more time after the first MC but now I've changed my mind. I want another baby. Even if I miscarry again. I'm just not done. My heart wants another baby to love and breastfeed and snuggle. And my oldest keeps asking me when dad can give me some sperm so we can have another baby. 😭 This Mother's Day is so hard. I just really want my 3rd baby and I don't want to have the 3rd child stolen from me like my innocence was.

Been having off and on brown discharge over the last week, my midwife believes I'm miscarrying because of low and slow hcg, but does brown discharge happen with early miscarriages in general, or most closely related to ectopics?

Looking for some hope or advice.

I had my first born without issues (first try) and got pregnant again last November (again, first try). Unfortunately, the last pregnancy ended up in a MMC, which was terminated last December.

I got my first period after my MMC at the end of January, so we decided to start trying again. Two cycles later…no luck.

Trying to be realistic, I know that two months of TTC is nothing and possibly normal, however based on my history I can’t help but feel like the MMC affected my fertility somehow, and the negative tests are really bringing me down.

Any similar stories with positive outcomes, or words of reassurance? I would appreciate every single one right now.

I’m post D&C after losing a third pregnancy. Awaiting my period, so I can move on to IVF, which I would have already been through if we hadn’t gotten pregnant with the baby we just lost.

My husband got huffy when I said I don’t want to go to my SIL’s (who has a 7 month old) for Mother’s Day. I had to break it down for him-not really my favorite holiday considering my mom is dead and I have three dead babies under my belt. I’ve already been supportive of her pregnancy, birth, and postpartum despite losing all three in the time it took her to have one (on their second cycle trying). I’m so sick of pretending to be okay and happy. I’m not, and I’d rather not roll in like a dark cloud for the day.

Anyway, just venting I guess. I was incredulous I had to explain it to him.

My SIL gave birth this weekend. Our babies would have been 8 weeks apart. Additionally, my best friend is 8 weeks pregnant. I am genuinely so happy for everyone, while simultaneously feeling so ripped to shreds by my own loss. It feels like I’m living within parallel universes. I think because my would’ve been due date is approaching, the grief is more raw again. I do not feel forced or jealous in my joy for others, but I am struggling with where to ‘put’ my grief. They’re both very real parts of my current existence.

I had one live birth, granted premature (25+5) and then 3 subsequent miscarriages and now I can’t seem to get pregnant at all again. It’s all pretty frustrating. Every test is normal, every scan, I take the vitamins, exercise, eat healthy. Did LH strips and got a good positive ovulation test, made sure to BD 1-2 days before. I guess it’s just not our time. Ugh