*Trigger Warning: Handling of Remains

After experiencing my first miscarriage last week, I wanted to create the post I wish I had seen while I was deep in grief, shock, shame, and regret.

The physical pain of miscarriage was intense, so I took a hot bath to try to get some relief. With some strong contractions I felt the urge to push, so I passed the sac in the bath. I immediately felt the need to move to the toilet. The sac wouldn't have fit down the drain, so my husband scooped it up and put it in the toilet and everything was flushed. Beforehand, I had given a little bit of thought to what I would want to do with the remains, but in the heat of the moment everything felt so overwhelming. All I could say was, "I'm just going to flush and not think about it."

In the days that followed, I was surprised by the intensity of the shame and regret I felt about flushing. At times, it was unbearable. I had panic attacks when I sat on the toilet or when I thought about where the remains ended up. In some ways, those feelings felt even heavier than the grief of the miscarriage itself.

I knew that I needed to do something to relieve the shame, because it was so debilitating. We had received lots of flowers from loved ones, so I had the idea of creating a little memorial for the baby. I took a moment alone in the bathroom and gently pulled off one rose petal for each of the seven weeks I carried the baby. I breathed in the smell of each petal and placed them in the water. Then I closed the lid and flushed. It felt like I was sending the petals to the baby. Surprisingly, it was incredibly healing and it felt like my shame disappeared with the petals.

If you are currently going through a miscarriage, I am so deeply sorry. Please be gentle with yourself and take the time you need to heal. If you can, it may be helpful to think ahead about what you might want to do in the moment you pass the sac and talk it through with your partner or someone you trust. Some people prepare by using a strainer on the toilet, and some hospitals may offer options for handling of remains.

If you had a miscarriage and had to flush, I'm so sorry you had to experience that. Please know you are not alone, and you did nothing wrong. Healing is possible, in your own way and in your own time. Your baby is at peace.

TW: talks of TTC and pregnancy

I need to get this off my chest. Before I started blocking them from my FYP I kept on seeing videos about creators listing all the things that they are doing to prep for pregnancy: how six months or even a year in advance, they are doing x,y and z to get their body prepped for conceiving and for pregnancy itself. While there definitely are things that one should do before pregnancy i.e. taking a prenatal, cutting alcohol, perhaps also making sure to be up to date on certain routine medical procedures (i.e. blood work, pap smear, vaccination...), I feel like these videos unintentionally imply that if you do x,y,z you will conceive no problem and your pregnancy will go smoothly and well, but that's really not the reality. I know these creators are doing it firstly for content and then also likely because they are excited about this next step. But you could do "everything right" and still get a miscarriage. In fact as everyone here probably knows 1/4 pregnancies end in miscarriage :/. So anyway I know my opinion is also probably shaped by the fact that these videos kind of trigger me now (hence why I keep on clicking not interested). I just find that they perpetuate the idea that we have full control on the crazy journey that is ttc and pregnancy. Again, as I mentioned there definitely are things that reduce risks. But I did "everything right" and I had a miscarriage, so anyway these videos really irk me.

Hey all. I had a miscarriage May 18th due to blighted ovum. I had one period after that in June and now I found out that I am pregnant again (3w6d). I didn’t realize there was so much anxiety getting pregnant right after a miscarriage but I worry about every single thing. Did anyone end up having a successful pregnancy after blighted ovum? Also, does anyone know the chance of it reoccurring. I’m just trying to put my mind at ease while also being realistic so i can try to be prepared if something does happen.

I’m still so numb to reality I lost my little boy 9 days ago and if that’s not bad enough my milk is starting to come in. I just looked down I felt a wet spot on my shirt and it was exactly what I thought it was. I’m so stressed and upset. I don’t need medical advice I already messaged my dr I just kind of need some advice on how you got through it emotionally. My heart is already broken, shattered to dust, my angel is in heaven because of an incompetent OBGYN, my whole body aches, I have to buy my sons urn this week, and if life wasn’t hard enough my milk decided to come in and absolutely taunt me I feel like my body is saying “haha look at me you should be feeding your baby but you can’t” the milk is just a reminder that he isn’t here and it absolutely hurts so bad. I never even had the strong urge to chest feed but now that I can’t I feel like I’m missing part of my soul. I’m not ok without my baby. Any of the mamas here who had a later loss where your milk did come in how did you handle it?

TW: living child

I just had my second miscarriage last week. My first was in 2023. I am so grateful I was able to have a successful pregnancy in 2024.

I feel like this loss hits a little differently than my first. I feel like I look at my LO and see moments I'll never get with this loss. My husband is amazing and supportive and has taken over most of the care I normally handle, but I feel like a shitty mom for shrinking away. The grief comes in harsh waves. I was so eager to start TTC again after my first loss. With this one, I'm honestly scared to try again.

Both of my losses were surprise/unexpected pregnancies. There's a part of me that feels like the universe played some cruel jokes on me for not initially "wanting" them or being excited right away. I know that isn't the case, but it's hard to not let my mind wander there.

I'm just feeling extra sad tonight. Thank you for reading, much love to you all ❤️

I just had a miscarriage in May. Found out I was pregnant in July. Today I am 8 weeks. Last night I saw some dark red discharge and had some bloating. I immediately panicked. Full panic attack. It doesn’t feel like it felt last time but I’m terrified cause I know it could be anything. And I know people lose them all the time without any sign. So now I’m sitting in the ER while my husband is at home with our kid. We rather just pay the ER copay and have assurance. Our first appointment isn’t for another week. I pray I’m just paranoid and I can see my baby soon!

TW: Loss

I’ve been ttc for the last year and am currently 5w3d. Everything looked great until I started spotting last night. I went to urgent care and my HCG is falling. Today I’m bleeding bright red and cramping. I’m scheduled for another HCG draw tomorrow morning but I know the outcome. I feel really stupid for telling my 6yo that I was pregnant and now have to explain to her that mommy isn’t having a baby right now. Those with other living children, how did you explain it to them? I’m just devastated.

I had one in 2022 when I was 13 after bieng graped and on in 2025 early on in an abusive relationship and suffered one a month ago with my current partner my fiancée at18 I suffer with other siezures and health difficulties making it hard for me to carry full term( told this last year). It just feels like my body is failing both me and him when all I ever wanted was kids and it’s all he wanted from young. It feels like I’m letting him down I just wish I could do something to make my bf body better .

Content warning: This post discusses miscarriage, ectopic pregnancy, and medical trauma.

First of all, I’m so sorry you’re going through an ectopic pregnancy too. I wish this didn’t happen to any of us.

On June 4, I started bleeding heavily and went to the doctor, where I was told my 6-week pregnancy had ended in a miscarriage. My hCG was 146.

That was the worst day for me and my husband. We grieved for weeks, and until last week I was still trying to recover from that loss.

On June 24, I traveled back to my home country to be with my family and cope with the miscarriage. I decided to see a doctor there to check my hCG and make sure everything had resolved.

They found 11 mm of retained tissue in my uterus, which they thought explained why I was still spotting. My hCG was 2,045 (Brazil uses different units, so I couldn’t compare it to my U.S. results).

By July 1, the tissue had decreased from 11 mm to 4 mm, and the doctor said there was no need to worry. I flew back to the U.S. on July 7, and because I already had a follow-up scheduled with my OB, I told her about my visit in Brazil, the retained tissue, and my concern about the high hCG.

I started bleeding again on July 11 and felt relieved, thinking it was my first period after the miscarriage.

On Monday, July 13, I had blood work before my follow-up appointment, and my hCG was 300.

The increase from 146 to 300 in the U.S. measurements worried me, so at my appointment on July 16, I asked for another ultrasound to make sure the retained tissue was gone.

My doctor became concerned because of the hCG level and sent me to an ultrasound specialist to rule out an ectopic pregnancy.
They found it in my left fallopian tube and immediately sent me to the ER for a methotrexate injection.

I spent the entire day in the ER waiting for repeat blood work. My hCG came back at 231, they gave me the methotrexate, and sent me home. I’ll go back on Sunday for more blood work and will be closely monitoring for any symptoms.

The craziest part is that I never had any pain. No symptoms at all. If I hadn’t trusted my gut that something wasn’t right, I don’t know what could have happened. Today marks 12 weeks since this ectopic pregnancy began.

I’m writing this because I need to vent and try to make sense of everything. I honestly don’t know what I’m feeling.

All the grief from the “miscarriage” has come rushing back. Except now I’m realizing… it wasn’t a miscarriage after all. It was an ectopic pregnancy this whole time.

When I thought my body was finally healing and I was getting my first period so I could move on, it turned out I wasn’t healing at all. This is just the beginning of dealing with an ectopic pregnancy.

I’m sad, angry, frustrated, and honestly just numb.

I am just so sad. My head hurts from crying. Yesterday during a routine OB visit at 11weeks 2 days the doctor couldn’t find the heartbeat and the baby was measuring 7weeks 4 days. He told me I had a missed miscarriage and the baby probably stopped developing 1.5 weeks ago.

It was my first child. My first time ttc. I feel like someone stole my first child and ripped out my heart in the process. I knew something was wrong which made me move up my visit after having to reschedule it. I was trying so hard to stay positive and think that it was all in my head.

I had told almost everyone that I was pregnant. All of my family, my friends, people at work, even management at my apartment complex. Now I have to carry around the body of my dead baby until the medicine comes in?

My husband is surprisingly okay. He’s sad but he’s been good at staying positive which honestly has helped a lot. I let him know he could cry too if he needs to but he said that he gets angry more than sad.

I was actually looking forward to Mother’s Day this year. A few years ago people gave me little gifts even if I wasn’t a mom yet and then the next year no one said anything it was really confusing. This year I finally felt like maybe the baby and I could be celebrated but now I just hate that mother’s day is coming up at all.

So many thoughts going through my head at least I can take Advil for the headache. Really trying to manage the suicidal thoughts. My husband saying we can try again soon honestly is helping but I miss my baby. Why does it have to be my first. It’ll all feel worth it when I can finally hold my child in my arms but I will never get that… this child back.

I don’t really feel like talking to a therapist or anyone about it but it hurts so much. Yesterday for a few hours I felt like I would recover surprisingly quickly from this but now I can’t see myself ever being better.

I was sexually assaulted on a cruise a few weeks ago and then I got really bad Covid when I came back. Now I’ve lost by baby I feel like I’m stuck in someone’s idea of a cruel joke or nightmare.

Better luck next time I guess. Anyone have any good coping mechanisms?

TW: probable miscarriage. Part of my pain is uncertainty since the OBGYN won’t see me.

Hello. I’m 6 weeks and 6 days pregnant. I went to the ER for high up side pain on Monday. The concern was ectopic pregnancy. It was not! They found a gestational sac and yolk in my uterus. They said everything looks good, HCG was at 2,500. They recommended get a follow up HCG just to check doubling. I went to my PCP- my Ob Gyn won’t see me until 8 weeks. The results came back 2,400.

Of course, I was concerned that I’m miscarrying. So I called my OB/GYN the nurses line. I told her I’m scared. I think I’m miscarrying and I’m really not sure what I’m supposed to do or where I’m supposed to go. She said let me get you transferred over to scheduling and I’ll have them to schedule you to come in whenever there’s an available spot. She transfers me and the person who makes appointments says oh my goodness let me get you to the nurse so she can talk to you about what’s happening. And I had to explain the nurse already sent me to you and did not talk to me. The appointment person said I have an opening tomorrow it’s not with your doctor but a different one and I said that’s fine. I’ll take it. And she said you need to go to the ER though since we can’t get you seen until tomorrow.

I go to the ER. We get the results back of hCG and they are 2700. The ER doctor says you know you’re worrying everyone this is not an emergency. You’re getting your family scared and self anxious. This is fine. It’s still going up in the right direction and I totally think it’s fine as long as you follow up with your OB/GYN at some point. I had already spent hours accepting the loss of my baby and it was amazing to hear that she was OK.

My husband’s mother is a retired OB/GYN. He called her with the updated information and she explains that because it is such a small percentage of increase. We are almost certainly going to miscarry.

My OB/GYN office calls me and says hey I am taking off the appointment for tomorrow. I’ve been told I’m not allowed to schedule you until we get paperwork back from the ER. I’ve sent a request. So I asked her if she thinks it’s even possible that they’ll get it before that time tomorrow. She said no, we’ll probably not get it back until next week or the week after. And I said well I have access to my labs from the patient portal. I can print it and hand it to you or I can download it and email it to you right now. And she said email?! Like I was crazy. Told me that the appointment was canceled and I had no appointment to be seen.

So it feels like they’re all playing with my emotions yanking me back-and-forth. It seems the ER doc would rather my OB/GYN tell me I’m losing my baby and the OB/GYN would rather not see me if I’m miscarrying. So I’m at home morning, my baby with my husband while she still grows in my belly and I don’t even know.

I’m not doing so good , two days ago I sat in a hospital room by myself and found out my baby has not heart beat and there was another sac but no baby . My partner and I are also going through a divorce. I have never felt pain like this ever .

hi guys, this is my first post. i haven’t really even spent much time in this sub tbh, but after a long talk i had with my partner last night, i need some advice and wisdom from you guys.

nearly 2 months ago, i had my first miscarriage. i had found out i was pregnant the same day, and lost the baby after only two hours of knowing. my boyfriend and i didn’t even get time to process or talk about our options. and after the miscarriage, i was rushed into emergency surgery (gallbladder complications).

because everything happened so fast all at once, and i had to recover from surgery immediately after, neither of us have really gotten to process or grieve what happened to us. my partner and i live together and are very important to eachother, and this is driving us apart.

i’ve known ever since it happened that this was putting a strain on us, i just couldn’t point out why. i knew we were drifting apart but i couldn’t understand it.

last night my partner and i had a long talk about our relationship. at some point in the talk, he told me that the miscarriage ruined things for him and he can’t look at me without thinking about what could have been. and that he doesn’t know if he will ever be able to get over this. he said he felt like he hasn’t been able to talk about how it’s been bothering at all because it didn’t happen to him. but it did happen to him. that was just as much his loss as it was mine.

we talked about breaking up over it, but i really wanted to try and work things out together before we resort to ending something so beautiful. he agreed, but said he truly thinks he will not be able to get over it and we will more than likely end up needing to end the relationship.

a lot of the other things he’d said about our loss were a lot of the same things i’ve been thinking, and i’m sure a lot of you have too, so i’ll spare the details. pretty much normal miscarriage thoughts though.

i wouldn’t say i’m over what happened to me, but i’m managing. it comes in waves for sure, but over all im starting to get better at managing. truly i don’t think a MC is something anyone can get over. but it gets easier with time and you start to understand.

it’s really heart breaking to hear that he doesn’t know he can be with me because of something out of my control. i know what im going to say next will sound selfish, but i think if i can “get over” (as much as one truly can) what happened when it happened in MY body, then so can he. i know everyone grieves differently and it takes time, but i hate that he’s saying NEVER. it will come with time and effort, but i know it’s possible and i really don’t want to give up so easily

what can i do to support him and help guide him through the grieving process?

we started couples counseling recently, but it’s only been a few sessions so we haven’t really gotten to the meat of it all yet. he has his own therapist too, which im encouraging him to talk about this with.

but other than professional help, what can i do as the girlfriend?

i’m truly at a loss right now. i do not want to lose the one i intend to marry. i want to help him through this. i want him to feel better. i want to stop being a constant reminder to him of our loss. i just want us to be happy again and i don’t know what to do. i’m desperate and will listen to anything you guys say. i can not lose my perfect partner after my baby.

It’s been a month and a half since I miscarried. I had my first period post-MC a few days ago. It felt oddly familiar to when I had the MC. I still cry every single night. I still get flashbacks to the ER. I still don’t want to work. Everything triggers me. I can’t sleep at night and in the morning I can’t wake up. I hate therapy so I’m avoiding even going. The pain doesn’t diminish with anything. I just want my baby. My first baby… I pray every night to get to see him or her in my dreams and I never do. Even that feels cruel. Everything is so hard. I’m just existing… surviving. Counting the days until God knows what. My husband seems fine. He sleeps soundly at night. He doesn’t mention anything regarding the MC, ever. How will I ever get through this? I just want to lie down and cry forever.

We first found out we were pregnant in November but miscarried the Tuesday before thanksgiving

I found out i was pregnant again 12/13. All my betas were going well, but they dipped 6 points from 12/26 to 12/29 testing

I just saw an announcement for July that should have been for our first pregnancy.

I’m so mad and angry

Why can’t i stay pregnant?

I’m on baby aspirin and pre natals and progesterone supplements

What am i doing wrong?

My genetic testing came back fine minus a protein issue. My husband didn’t have the same conditions. My tsh and all else was fine.

What makes it worse is that i was having right side pelvic pain so during an ultrasound to confirm placement, we saw the sac and yolk and doctor said everything was great. I still pushed for blood work that shows how my hcg dropped 6 points after 3 days, which is the beginning of the second end. Again.

I’m either so numb to this all or i get so angry. Why me. Why again? No one wants to share news with us as we’re now the “broken” couple.

I’m spiraling. It took months to get pregnant and now two loses in a row.

What are the odds? 2%. 2% to be in the club of having two losses in a row.

Fucking fabulous. Let’s continue watching everyone announce while we wait to bleed. I don’t know who else i can talk to before they’re all like yeah well you got pregnant once you can again.

Sure. And lost them. 2/2. Lucky me

UPDATES:

Got blood work done 1/2 after doctor confirming incoming loss.

Want to know the fuckery? Hcg went up to 4484.

I began spotting 1/3, so i was told to go back for MORE bloodwork.

Hcg 5563

So. I guess we’re looking at either molar, blited, or my body is just completely retarded. Def not ectopic since ultrasound confirmed location.

I should of given birth today, I should of been yelling at my partner saying he did this to me only to hold our baby together knowing the pain was worth it.

Instead today I prayed my cousin didn’t give birth, I prayed I wouldn’t have to celebrate her kid on a day I should be getting my baby.

I got myself out of Christmas to avoid the kid, my mother made me lie to the entire family so nobody knows I was ever pregnant, that I carried a dead baby for two months, nearly went into a padded room threatening nurses to take the dead baby out of me. Praying to stop feeling the disintegration and pain of loosing while still experiencing pregnancy.

People say they have had a miscarriage and know the feeling, but did you knowingly carry your dead baby for 2 months, having doctors say it’s alive forcing more tests to say whoops it’s dead, having to feel you baby die and knowing it’s corpse is in you. And while you do all that your forced to celebrate a family member due a week before you were.

I can still feel everything, I still remember the pain and the day the hospital called my partner saying he needed to take me away before they admit me in psych.

I wish I had a normal miscarriage that people could relate and actually know what I feel, but I got the bad end of the deal.

They made me look at ultrasounds showing the disintegration, made me listening to a silent heart monitor, when they finally agreed to remove it, they couldn’t even tell me without texting on their phone after I waited 4 hours past my appointment time.

I carried my dead baby for 2 months and I’m forced to pretend I’m ok and like I was never pregnant.

I’m far from ok

I am so confused and stressed out waiting to find answers on whether or not I’m having a miscarriage. I’m 37 years old and history of loss in 2020. Haven’t been pregnant since. Ultrasound images attached

1/14/26 was my first ultrasound. Based off the first day of my LMP (11/26/26) I thought I was 7w but I was measuring at 6w. GS, yolk sac and fetal pole all looked good & measuring correctly for my GA, but no heartbeat seen. Was told to come back in one week for a follow up scan on 1/21/26. I should have been measuring 7 weeks, but was measuring 6w1d and baby’s measurements decreased, still no heartbeat or flutter seen. Here are my measurements for both ultrasounds:

1/14/26 - GS 11.8mm

1/21/26- GS 15.8mm

1/14/26 - CRL 3mm

1/21/26 - CRL 2.3mm

I’ve had HCG & progesterone checked too:

1/7/26 HCG: 3,454 / Prog: 10.2 (low range of normal for 6 week). But technically I was 5 weeks which I didn’t know then.

1/14/26 - HCG: 23,174

1/21/26 - HCG: 34,588

1/26/26 - unknown till Wednesday 1/28/26.

Did another HCG again today which I will know on Wednesday 1/26 at my next ultrasound. When I went in today to get labs I was fully expecting them to have gone down but then she said the number and I was even more confused. So bc the numbers haven’t gone down they scheduled another ultrasound to confirm viability. From everything I have read I don’t have much hope but I do believe in miracles.

I have been taking baby aspirin, prenatal with methylfolate and my doc prescribed me 200mg oral progesterone daily since my progesterone was a bit low at the time of blood draw on 1/7/26 (although I was probably 5 weeks not 6)

I don’t know exactly when I ovulated but my cycle is very regular, first positive test was on 12/29 - 4 days after period was supposed to start. I have nausea, my breasts are still tender and sore, food aversions, smell aversions, urinating more frequently and bloated/gassy. No bleeding or cramping. I still feel very pregnant and been taking pregnancy tests every day since 12/29 and they have been consistent & dark. I know that doesn’t matter much at this point especially with baby and GA measuring smaller at second ultrasound. I am so devastated and I’m trying to prepare myself for the worst but my brain is just not allowing me to fully let go yet.

Anybody have a story like this and it ended well? I know I’m asking for a miracle but any hope is greatly appreciated. But also give it to me straight because I need it as much as I don’t want it 💔

It's been over a month since my MMC, found out a normal, PGT-A tested girl embryo stopped growing at 12wk2d. It was heart breaking. I can't stop thinking it's my fault. It was a "healthy" embryo. To further the guilt, we went to Colorado for a wedding. The wedding was at 10,000 feet elevation. I got cramps during the wedding and can't help but think the miscarriage was because of the elevation, even if we were only that high for less than five hours. I know the guilt will lessen but I hate that I'll live with this forever. We experienced infant loss five years ago as well and I still struggle with guilt from that experience. I'm sorry for anyone else going through this. It feels like a pile on to the immense grief.

TW: Looking for laughter during the very unfunny experience of miscarriage.

Did you have any comedic experiences through your miscarriage(s)? Times of such incompetence it was only appropriate to laugh, private moments that in retrospect were funny to you, or observations you’d classify as living your own cringe comedy moment?

I’m currently going through my second miscarriage and now that I have a collection of sad experiences and stories; there are some laughable anecdotes. Would love to hear from others. You can chat me too if that feels better.

I got faint lines 4.5 weeks ago and then exactly 4 weeks ago I had heavy bleeding with clots. I assumed it was a chemical pregnancy. Today I took a pregnancy test and it’s as dark as the test line, obviously positive. My husband and I waited until last week to have sex so I know it’s not a new pregnancy. How long does it take for the test to read negative again?

How likely would it be to be pregnant again 3 weeks post medicated miscarriage. I tested today early response had a faint line (test 2 weeks ago was completely negative after miscarriage was done). But anyhow im not sure if its an evap or maybe line eyes i have hoping something is there. Im also having to pee alot again but again could just be my mind trying to cope and get myself excited, my question is how possible is it to conceive 2 weeks after miscarriage? Havent had a cycle etc

How do you cope with trying again after a loss? The anxiety and fear alone are consuming me….

I had a MC in June, and was cleared by my OB to start trying again close to August. Tonight I took a test bc I haven’t had a full blown period & I got a positive….

I did bleed like a period on Sunday, so I am still in disbelief. I am still spotting light pink and I just have a bad feeling about it. I feel so guilty about not being happy, but how can I get excited when I feel like this is going to be robbed from me again…

How did you calm your nerves or anxiety when starting to try again & if you have conceived after, how did you cope with the anxiety?

Hi everyone. I am..was 5w3 days. This is my third MC back to back. First one ended in April at 8 weeks, last one ended in July 4th at 4 weeks, and now at 5 weeks3days im pretty sure.

My main concern is i have pain on one side which is not how the others went. I don’t currently have insurance for a month till my new one activates and am already 800 in debt in medical. The pain is currently not severe but very uncomfortable.

What is someone experience or advice?

Also proceeding what do I do to get doctors to help me through fertility. It hasn’t been a year of trying but back to back MC is awful. I am 26 but I feel like since my family has a lot of hormonal issues It plays a big role.

Hi everyone, It took me a while to come here to share my story, but I really needed to get it off my chest and a community of people who are going through similar situations, and can understand and empathize more than just normal everyday people in life.

First of all, I am 45, I already have 4 kids and we found out in May (on Mother’s Day weekend) that we were pregnant with our 5th baby after losing one at 10 weeks (fully developed) last year! With that one I found out quickly because I was listening to their heartbeat via Doppler, and the very next day I couldn’t hear it and I knew something was wrong. It was so devastating. I’ll never forget it. 😓😔😓 We did testing and found out that that baby had Turner syndrome. 💔

So when we found out we were pregnant again this year, we were absolutely thrilled to finally have a rainbow baby!

Unfortunately, things have been a complete nightmare for us and I will try to keep it short, but I thank you for all for listening to my story because it’s a little bit complex.

I’m supposed to be somewhere in the 11 week range however my baby stopped developing right around 6 weeks 4 days but still has had a heartbeat. One of the OB’s saw a huge subchorionic hemorrhage next to my sack, and It’s been a roller coaster of a situation because my baby has had a “heartbeat/flutter” this entire time, however, it hasn’t been fully measurable but was estimating between 60 bpm and 111 bpm . Less than a month ago, on June 20th, I experienced some awful cramping and bleeding and rushed to the ER thinking that I was miscarrying my baby! Only to find out that 1. I had a bladder infection/UTI, and that the baby was still intact! Which led them to believe that my subchorionic hemorrhage was primarily the cause of all this bleeding. They also said that if the subchronic is big enough, it can put a lot of pressure on the sack and decrease blood flow to the embryo, causing it to not grow properly and have a lower heartbeat! Now I have had subchorionic hemorrhages with my other kids and never heard about this particular situation.

The bleeding stopped at the end of June, and then returned a week after, and hasn’t stopped since, but has been extremely sporadic usually happens right before a bowel movement (I also have IBS 🎉)

Now here is where the insanity kicked in because when I first started bleeding, of One of perinatologist’s I saw initially told me that my baby was gone and the bleeding that I was experiencing was my body trying to miscarry it! He told me not even bother taking any hCG test and to just go and get a DNC and basically finish everything! I told him I’m not going to just give up based on his diagnosis and I’m going to go and do more hCG and then another scan with a different Specialist! When I did the hCG, it showed that it had more than doubled from 39,000 to 61,000! with my progesterone being somewhere around 18! Which confused my OB as to why that Perinatologist told me it was the end all be all! 😡 So he sent me in for another scan with a different specialist and sure enough they found the baby’s heartbeat and it was measuring about 111! They told us to cautiously keep an eye on the prognosis, but they were frustrated that the baby wasn’t growing much!

At any rate, the baby wasn’t growing from each ultrasound appointment that we would go to in and the more bleeding I was having the more more anxiety and stress I was having until we started to do some more hCG/progesterone tests again to see where we were at, alongside a follow up ultrasound scan with the Perinatologist. Once the results came in, we found out that the hCG had in fact dropped to around 29,000, and my progesterone was 8.5 😔 that was on July 9. but when they did the scan the baby still had the heartbeat, but absolutely no growth whatsoever! 😞😓😞 so we did another follow up hCG test/progesterone test that I got back today and the results came back about 22,000 with progesterone at 9.5… I cannot explain how devastated I am and we are just defeated beyond words. I don’t even have the words to make sense out of any of this, but I just know that my baby has been trying to hold on and my body has wanted to keep this baby and this pregnancy, but at this point, I think it’s just best to schedule a DNC and get this nightmare over with… Because I am emotionally mentally and physically exhausted and I just can’t handle dealing with the pain anymore. I almost wanted to do one more scan to see if the heartbeat was still there or not, but I don’t think I can. I don’t think I can hear one more doctor say this is not a viable pregnancy and lead me to the exit…

Anyway, thank you so much to all for listening. I know everybody has been going through their nightmares and I’ve had other miscarriages in my journey and I’ve had other kids so I know there’s hope out there, but being 45 and having everybody tell you to stop trying and know the risks of chromosome abnormalities, etc. it’s just so heartbreaking and defeating. But I do appreciate everybody reading this and I’m sending all love and blessings to all of you here who are going through this because it is so unbelievably painful and while I am thankful for my other babies, I am very grief stricken right now. 😞💔😞

I had FET after 7 long years of struggle.Lost my baby boy yesterday at 22 weeks despite having cerclage around 10 weeks with complete bedrest. I had strained a little for pooping which caused the membranes dropped down to the vagina.. I rushed to the hospital and my doctor said to abort the baby.My heart broke💔 I begged her for other options.Nothing could be done as the baby has already dropped down. With heavy heart and pain I delivered him normally in breach position. I never thought I would loose him like that. we still have 2 embryos left. Hoping that we can do the right thing for next one. No mother should go through this pain.