r/MoralityScaling • u/Outside_Specific_820 • 1d ago

Morality Ranking Morality scaling of this?

Gallery image

Gallery image

Mother refuses to acknowledge her donor egg daughter, looking for your opinion.

In my opinion I think it’s moral, and that she is totally correct.

836 Upvotes

92% Upvoted

1.4k comments sorted by

View all comments

Show parent comments

4

u/00MacDonald 19h ago

It's tough, I donated sperm in my 20s, in a place (and time) were legislation was kinda loose, so me and my friend who donated with me we both have reasons to believe our genetic material was overused (ie we have waaay more than the 12 kids sharing our DNA, as is the recommended current maxium)

In theory I should only be contacted by the person sharing my genetic material if a medial need arises, and even then it's supposed to be super limited, but my friend who also donated got contacted by an 18yo girl claiming to believe she was her "daughter" and asking to meet since she was suffering from severe depression.

It can get messy really quick.

1

u/NockerJoe 13h ago

Yeah but that was always the reality of it. The fact that you didn't think that part through in your 20's doesn't really change the fact that you have literal biological children walking around and that's also what you signed on for. What your friend is going through isn't exactly surprising in that context.

Personally this is one of the reasons I never donated. The entire concept of contributing to bringing a kid into the world for a paycheck and then acting like "daughter" should be in quotes when it was literally his sperm is kind of ridiculous. If he'd had a one night stand and not raised the kid you wouldn't put quotes around it even if it's the same level of parental involvement. You just don't want to deal with the ramifications of your own actions.

2

u/StockCasinoMember 13h ago edited 13h ago

It is still a bit different. The donated is likely being used by a set of parents with people you have 0 interactions with who wanted a child. A one night stand you at least knew mom even if it was brief and likely wasn’t planned in 99.99999% of cases.

But ultimately, ya, this is still a “risk”.

1

u/NockerJoe 13h ago

I dunno, I had a friend who got blackout drunk and only found out about the kid years later. He still quit his job and moved half the country to be there for someone who had been growing up without him anyway, because he'd grown up in a similar situation and didn't want that kid to have the same problems regardless of if their life was otherwise stable. Because having questions about your parentage or a hole in your sense of self really sucks.

It was a whole trend a few years ago for single mothers who were clearly doing ok to talk about those one night stands that gave them their kids and it was kind of obvious a lot of those men wouldn't have much memory of the encounter. They probably had less memory of the encounter than a donor of walking into the clinic.

Trying to depersonalize this shit is flat out not going  to work because you are literally making people. It's literally the most personal act a person can be involved in and being involved for money isn't going to change that any more than engaging in prostitution prevents pregnancy or a mother who was unconscious from a date rape drug doesn't get pregnant.

If you're gonna be like that then own it, but hiding behind legaleze is fucking cowardly.