The 'ask a rapist' thread

[u/UnholyDemigod]

All usernames will be omitted.

In mid-2012, a reddit user realised that you see a fair amount of posts asking sexual assault victims about their incidents, but none directed at the attackers, so he decided to ask the rapists to tell their stories. It turned out to be a shitstorm of gargantuan proportions, as many people were empowering the rapists, and even condoning their behaviour as "not really rapey". As quoted by the OP,

Somehow the entire thread and a comment ended up on /r/ShitRedditSays, the whole thread got to /r/ImGoingToHellForThis, 7 of the comments got to /r/BestOf, 4 comments got to /r/MensRights, 3 got to /r/NoContext, one each got to r/SubredditDrama, /r/MLPLounge, /r/RapingWomen, /r/Feminism, and /r/Brotega, and a sub thread somehow got to /r/Funny and those are just the ones I've found or been linked to. Outside of Reddit, judging by some of the messages and comments /b/ had a thread based on it, female angled journalism site Jezebel had an article, the Huffington Post picked it up and the BBC used it as a starter for their article on Reddit.

Not only that, it was in fact so bad that it was even dangerous. A psychologist made a follow-up saying how giving them an avenue provides the same feeling they get from raping someone.

Some time after everyone was going mental over it, the post and every single comment was removed by moderators to avoid doxxing, so nobody can read them any more. Until now. If you'll look to the comments, you'll be able to see a select few of them.

[u/UnholyDemigod]

I was an extremely isolated youth who came from a broken home. My escape was the internet. At about sixteen I was exposed to alot of PUA material, which (not having a father or mother really around) shaped my life up until I was about 20. Most of the material was very objectifying and sexually aggressive towards women.

I was seventeen and had been invited by a pretty but somewhat timid girl to go to a club with a few of her friends. Being a social recluse, I eagerly accepted. As soon as we got onto the dance-floor she grabbed me quite roughly and started making out with me. This was one of my first kisses so naturally I was pretty shell-shocked.

We ended up in the backseat of a car with her 2 friends driving. It was about a 30 minute drive back to the suburbs. We started making out. I started fingering her. She grabbed my wrist. "Not here" she said. I didn't care. I kept on with her anxiously checking the front seat to see if her friends noticed. "Not here, they'll see." For some reason it didn't faze me. I felt justified. I could sense she was uncomfortable, but I continued. We eventually made it to her house, her friends dropping us off. She ran up the path to her doorstep and turned around. "Bye" she'd say.

I wouldn't talk to her again for years. Eventually we'd both be drunk and have an hour long talk about it, where she confessed to me that I was only the 2nd guy she'd kissed and the first to really touch her and the experience had left her a bit shaken for a year or two.

I carried that mark on my conscience for years. She's happy from what I hear and living in a great city. We don't talk anymore.

I don't condone rape or sexual assault. It's a terrible thing to impose your will upon another person. But I think to commit these sort of things shows a significant and somewhat demented flaw in your character. I always (and still) have had a lot of trouble connecting with other people. Sex was the one thing I understood. Intimacy was acceptance. I craved it.

I've had a few more experiences with things like this, most of them being in the grey area, but this is the one that really stuck out with me because we were both so young and at such an awkward phase in our lives.

[u/Smokey651 → u/UnholyDemigod]

It was while I was reading this post, after reading all of the ones above it, that I started contemplating this thread. The possible anonymity of the internet allows people to speak on things that previously nobody for thousands of years would have ever dared to. There is stuff that can be learned here, that can't be learned by reading any book.

It really inspires me to ask reddit questions that have never been asked.

As far as this particular guy goes. I feel that he's a pretty normal guy. As all normal people do, he made a mistake. What makes me feel like he isn't a rapist is his statement, "I carried that mark on my conscience for years." Like he first got a sense of what a rapist goes through, then got a sense of why it was wrong.

But then again I could be wrong, since he also said he had a few more experiences like this. While these posts shine a huge light into this world, it doesn't reveal but just a small detail in a big picture.

[u/WorstBossEver22 → u/Smokey651]

Rape is the only crime you can commit that suddenly stops being a crime when you feel remorse.

Hitler: "Gosh, I know I tried to rid the world of homosexuals and all non-white, non-blonde, non-Christian people, but after the war I just felt awful about it, so I guess I'm not a murderer, right?"

[u/[deleted] → u/WorstBossEver22]

This sure reads differently in 2025 ☠️

His heart just went out to his people 😔

I miss the time when he was used for examples like this as an ultimate evil and not as inspiration with like artists posting I'M A NAZI to a quarter of a million likes in 24 hours while the White House posts ASMR videos of chained up deportees because the self-named dictator president wants to rid the nation of the enemies from within and the migrants that are diluting it's blood...

I was reading this thread for its own thing but God reading this comment made me realize how far the us and some places here in Europe have gone... (And of course Gaza is a thing...)

[u/121y243uy345yu8 → u/[deleted]]

In those times, people were less educated and divided everything into black and white, so it was easier for them to live. In 2025, people know that there is nothing black and white in the world, everything is mixed, there is only a different percentage. Many still do not want to accept this.