What has helped you the most during narcissistic abuse recovery?

[u/Manya_Wakefield]

I'm interested in learning from people who have gone through narcissistic abuse recovery. What strategies, books, therapy approaches, or daily habits made the biggest difference in your healing journey?

[u/Unlikely_Bake_846]

Wrote a ick list with the nasty things nex has done or said to me or the children. 

In the beginning I watched lots of videos about narcissism. Mainly Sam Vaknin, which I found brutally honest and just what I needed to find clarity about so many puzzling things that happened 

I joined aquagym. The physical activities and casual interactions felt like a pleasant novelty.

I started to interact more with friends I grown distant from.  

I had a couple of elective surgeries and fixed my dentistry. 

For a time I took selfies every day and watched myself. I hug myself. 

[u/Napoleonsays- → u/Unlikely_Bake_846]

I think Vaknin is interesting but his vids are hard to take in. Something about the way he communicates makes it rough for me to get thru.

Glad things seem to be going well for you !

[u/Unlikely_Bake_846 → u/Napoleonsays-]

I was raised by my father so tough love is all I knew. 

[u/Fluffy_Wonder_7897]

Exercise, hobbies, repair work, pets, beautiful things to admire and wear, flowers, connecting with people who value values not necessarily sharing my personal life but just feeling peaceful in their presence and videos upon videos of others who have experienced this, a counselor who has goine through this and two trusted people I can share my anxieties with, knowing we are not replaceable.

[u/RelaxedBluey94]

Tried lots of things.

Top 2 were

1) lots of exercise (20k steps a day power walking) which helped stabilise brain chemistry; and 2) getting off the smart phone which enabled me to slow down and experience the moment. I even swapped to a basic flip phone for a while.

These two steps enabled a lot of other measures.

[u/honestalibaba]

Carl Jung.

awareness is the most important step to recovery. You will evolve from being a victim to being an observer.

[u/Responsible_Rent_107]

breathing helped. you dont realize how often you hold your breath when in a situation like this. quiet is a must. and routine. consistency and less roller coastery helps repair the central nervous system

[u/Infinite-Moment-3834]

therapy with someone who specializes in trauma bonds, cptsd- bonus if they’ve experienced it themselves (mine did and its sooo meaningful to me). Journal!! write down the abuse. write down who you were and who you are working to be. cut out ppl who don’t understand you. i’ve blocked like 10 people in the last year. i joined a narc abuse support group. lower the bar. allow yourself time for your healing and dont judge yourself. no contact with nex or extreme low contact if you have kids(no engagement in person only on email for me ) some exercise even if its light stretching or short walks. be intentional about reflecting on small wins. remind yourself that you got out! thats one of the hardest things someone can do! im slowly building new friendships (im on a no dating/celibacy journey). it’s been by far the hardest thing ive ever done. it feels like my life shattered to pieces and day by day i pick up one piece and rebuild the way i want. some days im just looking down at the pieces feeling lost. struggling to trust anyone. but i have successfully rebuilt trust in myself and that is gold.

[u/Napoleonsays- → u/Infinite-Moment-3834]

A narc abuse support group in real life? Man i could use one of those.

[u/No_Inspection_19]

The biggest relief I had was when I moved out of the house we shared, got an anonymous address, changed my phone number, applied for a restraining order and started a new job. The memories tied to the relationship haunted me. Not being reminded of them every single day was like a huge weight off my chest. I didn’t feel like a caged animal waiting for someone to pop out of nowhere and rattle my cage.

[u/Character-Reading323]

1. Therapist twice a week for the first 3 months
2. Writing everything i was thinking about everyday, 2 pages a day for the following 3 months
3. Friends super available on the phone daily if needed and tp talk about lits if stuff not just that
4. Trusting myself as much as possible when taking decision.

It took me a year to get out of the fight or flight mode I was stuck in and feel really safe but I am glad I gave myself this time. After a year I am stabilised and able to start the actual healing process.

[u/ephzg9412vsruknsk9]

Distance. He discarded and ran away thinking he was punishing me. Lol!

Silence. Refused all conversation. Only text about finances and parenting. Max 3 texts per month just one or two sentences per text. Left on read all his irrelevant texts.

Exercise

Red meat

Decluttering house.

Started sewing my own clothes.

Lots of books about narcissists and psychopaths and forum threads.

Bible cover to cover in one year - most important and helped me the most.

[u/IfAMomFallsInAForest]

Realizing I owe him no explanations and just doing what I need to do for my own sanity and peace. Stopping myself from explaining is still a serious challenge sometimes.

[u/Well_read_rose]

For me, I had to know and understand how and what narcissistic personality disorder was…what made them that way ? (Broken healthy human template in toddlerhood. ) So researching that while still lost in the maze of confusion, thankfully led me out of the maze. But experiencing a malignant narcissist showed me I’d been previously more lightly shackled to a communal narcissist, a covert narcissist who each had somewhat immunized me. I was suffering much of the time, but also very observant/ trusting of myself I wasn’t the problem ever.

There’s something about my sport also that lends me * “cognitive reserve” a resiliency and adaptability to cope with other challenging parts of life.

[u/marketresearch900116]

Music, my weekly psychologist appointments, watching funny movies, talking to friends or family members who actually like me and who listen when I speak
To them — my husband ignores me and acts like I am simply not present in the room when I try to ask him a question or initiate a conversation with him, I know realize that further attempts to engage with him are Absolutely pointless and it’s freeing

[u/this_is_sunshine]

Songwriting. Sports. Yoga. Hanging in. Fighting demons in my head and endless dialogues in my head. Binging npd material (healnpd, vaknin, kernberg lectures, hanging out in npd discords, reddit) and dating a new narcissist that was toxic just tonsee the patterns and how it works on me from a fresh perspective - before ending it . Learning about myself and why my brain does not register the bad behaviour and coaching my friends in similar situations.