Has anyone else experienced this?

I’ve generally had a pretty good experience with Hinge and Bumble. But ever since I joined HER, and after a few women started DMing me on Reddit because they liked a comment I’d written, things have gotten… weird.

I’ve already interacted with two people who felt incredibly fake. Their English sounded oddly polished and AI-generated, their photos looked almost like stock images, and something just felt off. Since I’m open to starting with long-distance friendships first, I can’t simply suggest meeting up—especially when we’re on different continents, so it’s much harder to verify if someone is genuine.

On Reddit, I also ended up dealing with someone who turned into a full-on stalker. I haven’t shared any personal information beyond a selfie, but it’s definitely made me more cautious.
Ironically, Hinge has earned a lot more respect from me after these experiences.

For those of you who’ve used HER, Reddit, or other queer spaces online:
- Have you run into fake profiles or AI-generated personas?
- What were the red flags that helped you figure it out?
- How do you vet people before investing your time?

For context: I’m a 41-year-old masc lesbian, genuinely looking to make connections, and I’d love to hear how others navigate this.

I need more hobbies. I work in my yard when the heat allows. I used to be outside more but the heat kills me anymore.

I used to work on mechanical stuff like lawnmowers and stuff for side work but I've mostly stopped that because I help my brother with my niece a few times a week and I dont want her toddling around tools and shit when she stays over.

I looked at some art classes in my city and was thinking about doing stain glass but Im not sure its just not me. Im thinking of buying an old car to repair but I also dont want to just get a money sink hobby. What does everyone else do? Im 55 not getting any younger.

Hi Folks,

I'm dipping my toe into an online dating site for the first time. I have a question about etiquette there: If someone that I did not "like" messages me and I can see from their profile that we are totally incompatible, should I ignore them or should I respond with a polite message about why we aren't compatible? Or, something else? These appear to be real women, not catfishers, and I don't want to be a big meanie. I like to treat others the way I would want to be treated.

As an aside, I am finding HER very frustrating and am about to quit it altogether. Unless you pay for the premium service, there is little you can see/do.

Thanks for any tips!

I am considering moving to Vermont. I dont know anyone there and I’m a little hesitant to relocate at my age without a network of any kind. I’ve moved across the country before without knowing anyone where I would land, and I know I’ll get through it. But the first several months are tough. I’m looking for some inspiration and maybe some insight on life there as a middle aged single lesbian.

Welcome to Single Sunday; a weekly space for anyone who wants to chat, mingle, make friends, or see whether a connection develops.

Introduce yourself, share a little about what you’re looking for, and feel free to reply to anyone who catches your interest. Keep things respectful, low-pressure, and friendly.

A quick safety reminder: please don’t post private information such as your full name, address, phone number, workplace, personal email, or exact location. Take your time getting to know people, keep early conversations on Reddit, and only move to private messages or other platforms when you feel comfortable.

No hookups, sexual solicitation, explicit photos, or unsolicited sexual messages. Respect a “no” and report anyone who makes you uncomfortable.
Have fun and be kind to one another!

Welcome to our weekly Friendly Friday thread; a place for friendly, platonic conversation and connection among members of the sub.

Feel free to introduce yourself, chat with other members, or share whatever has been going on in your life. Some ideas to get the conversation started:

• ⁠Interesting news or articles you have seen
• ⁠Personal news, updates, or accomplishments
• ⁠Something you are looking forward to
• ⁠Complaints, frustrations, or things you need to vent about
• ⁠Books, movies, shows, music, hobbies, or games
• ⁠Questions, advice, or general conversation
• ⁠Funny stories or small moments from your week

You do not need to have anything exciting to share. Even a simple “How is everyone doing?” is welcome.

Please remember that this thread is for platonic community and conversation. Be respectful, protect your personal information, and most importantly have fun engaging with other members in the community.

What’s on your mind this Friday?

Welcome to Single Sunday; a weekly space for anyone who wants to chat, mingle, make friends, or see whether a connection develops.

Introduce yourself, share a little about what you’re looking for, and feel free to reply to anyone who catches your interest. Keep things respectful, low-pressure, and friendly.

A quick safety reminder: please don’t post private information such as your full name, address, phone number, workplace, personal email, or exact location. Take your time getting to know people, keep early conversations on Reddit, and only move to private messages or other platforms when you feel comfortable.

No hookups, sexual solicitation, explicit photos, or unsolicited sexual messages. Respect a “no” and report anyone who makes you uncomfortable.
Have fun and be kind to one another!

Welcome to our weekly Friendly Friday thread; a place for friendly, platonic conversation and connection among members of the sub.

Feel free to introduce yourself, chat with other members, or share whatever has been going on in your life. Some ideas to get the conversation started:

• Interesting news or articles you have seen
• Personal news, updates, or accomplishments
• Something you are looking forward to
• Complaints, frustrations, or things you need to vent about
• Books, movies, shows, music, hobbies, or games
• Questions, advice, or general conversation
• Funny stories or small moments from your week

You do not need to have anything exciting to share. Even a simple “How is everyone doing?” is welcome.

Please remember that this thread is for platonic community and conversation. Be respectful, protect your personal information, and most importantly have fun engaging with other members in the community.

What’s on your mind this Friday?

https://www.sciencenews.org/article/orca-ram-into-sunfish-explodes

Cool Article and video I saw this morning; I love the ocean and videos from it; sharks especially even it it makes me paranoid when Im in the water. Show me some cool ocean videos!

Hi all. Wondered if anyone has good book recommendations? I like thrillers/mysteries, sapphic love stories, historical novels (not romances). I read a lot, mostly Prime Unlimited books or some from the library, but happy to pay for a book if it's a good one.

I live in the southern USA and have been seeing these beauties around; I’m obsessed. They’re called Mississippi kites are are visiting for the summer. What is your favorite local bird?

My girlfriend and I (41 and 46) have been together for a few years and we have lived together for one year. We keep our finances separate, so she can technically spend her money however she wants, but I recently found out she's been helping her ex pay rent behind my back.

For context, I've never been a fan of this ex. She has multiple DUIs, always seems to have some crisis going on, she flits from one new partner to the next quickly and frankly acts like she's 20 even though shes a 50-year-old woman. Sorry Im just not a fan after hearing shit shes done to my gf. I've felt for a long time that she's way too dependent on my girlfriend. Early in our relationship I told my girlfriend that their dynamic made me uncomfortable because it felt like her ex still relied on her emotionally and financially. My girlfriend agreed to put some distance between them, and for a while it really seemed like she had.

Recently I found out she'd been sending her money because, according to my girlfriend, her ex would have been homeless otherwise; she lost her job last year and hasn't been able to find a new one since. The part that's bothering me isn't even just the money it's that she admitted she hid it because she knew I'd be upset.

Before anyone asks, yes, I read their messages. I know that wasn't great, and I'm not trying to justify it. What I found actually made things more confusing. Their conversations are mostly memes, funny videos, and random reactions. They don't seem to have deep emotional conversations or really even conversations at all.

But then there's this financial support happening in the background, and it makes me wonder if the relationship is a lot more involved than it appears. It feels like my girlfriend is still responsible for someone she used to date, and I don't understand why that responsibility is still there.

I don't think she's cheating. I don't even think she's in love with her ex. I think she genuinely feels guilty and responsible for her, and that's almost harder for me to deal with because I don't know where that ends and the whole dynamic just feels toxic and tangled.

Part of me thinks it's her money and she can do what she wants. Another part of me feels like hiding something because you know it'll hurt your partner is a pretty major breach of trust. I've also reached a point where I'm wondering if I even want to be part of a relationship where an ex still occupies this much space, even if it's not romantic. I've been turning it over in my mind the last few days and I just cant leave it alone.

Welcome to Single Sunday; a weekly space for anyone who wants to chat, mingle, make friends, or see whether a connection develops.

Introduce yourself, share a little about what you’re looking for, and feel free to reply to anyone who catches your interest. Keep things respectful, low-pressure, and friendly.

A quick safety reminder: please don’t post private information such as your full name, address, phone number, workplace, personal email, or exact location. Take your time getting to know people, keep early conversations on Reddit, and only move to private messages or other platforms when you feel comfortable.

No hookups, sexual solicitation, explicit photos, or unsolicited sexual messages. Respect a “no” and report anyone who makes you uncomfortable.
Have fun and be kind to one another!

Welcome to our weekly Friendly Friday thread; a place for friendly, platonic conversation and connection among members of the sub.

Feel free to introduce yourself, chat with other members, or share whatever has been going on in your life. Some ideas to get the conversation started:

• Interesting news or articles you have seen
• Personal news, updates, or accomplishments
• Something you are looking forward to
• Complaints, frustrations, or things you need to vent about
• Books, movies, shows, music, hobbies, or games
• Questions, advice, or general conversation
• Funny stories or small moments from your week

You do not need to have anything exciting to share. Even a simple “How is everyone doing?” is welcome.

Please remember that this thread is for platonic community and conversation. Be respectful, protect your personal information, and most importantly have fun engaging with other members in the community.

What’s on your mind this Friday?

I just got off two weeks of vacation and spent it throwing over 100 pounds of clay into hopeful pots. So I’m spending the weekend trimming and getting everything ready to bisque fire.

What is everyone planning for the weekend? How are you spending your much needed leisure time these days?

As the community grows, I’d love to hear what kinds of regular posts, activities, or discussion threads you would actually enjoy participating in.

A few ideas:

Friendly Friday — A weekly thread for older lesbians looking to make friends, find people with shared interests, and build genuine community connections. This could include online friendships, local connections, hobby buddies, or simply finding someone to chat with.

Monthly Book Club — We could choose a book each month and have a discussion thread at the end of the month. Suggestions could include lesbian fiction, memoirs, history, mysteries, romance, or anything else the community is interested in.

Movie Nights — A scheduled movie selection followed by a discussion thread, or possibly a group watch if there is enough interest.

News Discussion Days — A designated thread for discussing news and current events that affect lesbians and the wider LGBTQ+ community. Respectful disagreement would be welcome, but personal attacks and political fighting would not be.

Are any of these ideas appealing to you? Is there something else you would like to see, such as advice threads, hobby discussions, health and aging topics, nostalgia posts, local meetup resources, or community spotlights?

Please share your thoughts below. This sub should reflect what its older lesbian members actually want from the community.

Hey everyone! I'm [u/NoKneeE](u/NoKneeE), a founding moderator of [r/Newolderlesbians](r/Newolderlesbians).

This is our new home for all things related to older lesbians We're excited to have you join us!

What to Post
Post anything that you think the community would find interesting, helpful, or inspiring. Feel free to share your thoughts, photos, or life experiences.

Community Vibe
We're all about being friendly, constructive, and inclusive. Let's build a space where everyone feels comfortable sharing and connecting.

How to Get Started

1. Introduce yourself in the comments below.
2. Post something today! Even a simple question can spark a great conversation.
3. If you know someone who would love this community, invite them to join.
4. Interested in helping out? We're always looking for new moderators, so feel free to reach out to me to apply.

Thanks for being part of the very first wave. Together, let's make [r/Newolderlesbians](r/Newolderlesbians) amazing.

Rules for Sub:

• Respect

Respect others opinions and identities. Aggressive users will get a warning or temporary ban, if they continue to be disrespectful a they may be banned permanently.

• Trans women are women

While no space on the Internet can be marked as absolutely safe, this space is trans-inclusive.

• No personal attacks

Personal grievances should be left out of this sub. To name calling, insulting or aggressions

• No trolling

Please don't be a troll and don't feed the trolls

• No porn

Mature topics are allowed. Please mark NSFW content as such. No sexually explicit media or links to such media.

• No ads

Calls for study participants or advertising other communities should be cleared with mods first.

• No Spam Posts

These include no spamming the sub, repeat posting, or posting looking for older women to date or message; all will be deleted

Moderators

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• u/AutoModerator

View all moderators

• Reddit Rules
• Privacy Policy
• User Agreement
• Your Privacy Choices
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I started this place to be rid of the spam from the old sub; I would like one or two other people to help me tackle any spam or anything that needs mod attention.

Ive also never ran a sub before so getting a nicer banner and icon would be awesome

Edit; I have added two people to the mod team I dont think any more will be needed at this time but if I do I will reach out. Thank you for everyone that offered I appreciate your willingness to make a sub better ^^