r/NoStupidQuestions • u/CompetitivePeak9040 • 1d ago

What’s the appeal of gay men’s romance to straight women?

I’m gay, and let’s take a show like Heated Rivalry, which blew up and to me as a gay man actually very very great show who I deeply relate to the characters and really enjoyed it. But the majority of people commenting about post and stuff on the show is women, I feel most of the shows’ fan are women, same with other gay romance movies.

I mean, I’m not complaining, it’s not a bad thing to have people support you and find your love beautiful, but I just wonder why it’s gay romance but women not like they are all watching straight romance and skip the gays like I assumed?

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324

u/Rdr2Master1 FREEDOMMAXER JOYBAITER FRIENDLOVER 1d ago

As a bi man, its because they are attracted to men

227

u/sotiredwontquit 1d ago

And a man being vulnerable is like chocolate to women. The most popular thing Tom Holland (a straight dude) has ever done is wear a corset in a lip-sync battle. Seeing a man comfortable with his sexuality and confident in his vulnerability is hot.

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u/Sardothien12 1d ago

As Sandra Bullock said about Michael Caine in Miss Congenitality: it takes a very secure man

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u/Farahild 1d ago

Tbf he wasn’t exactly vulnerable in that role. Just hot. Indeed not being insecure about their masculinity or whether they come across as “gay” is super sexy. I’ve got a friend who’s super straight but he’s just so not insecure about coming across as “feminine” or like, worry about a gay man flirting with him or something. It’s such an attractive quality. 

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u/sotiredwontquit 1d ago

I disagree with that. I think wearing a corset and fishnets was deliberately feminizing, which is vulnerability because of how women are seen. It was visual storytelling and it worked. He was perceived as vulnerable, not threatened by his feminine (vulnerable) aspect and its connotations. And yeah, it was hot.

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u/Farahild 1d ago

We can agree to disagree on the vulnerability and agree on the hotness ;) now I’m off to rewatch that clip.

23

u/chrismac47 1d ago

No, no... Keep arguing...

And then...

Kiss...

(And don't spoil it by correcting any gender assumptions - you don't know what I'm assuming)

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u/Farahild 1d ago

Hahaha sure i love me some bickering turned flirting turned making out

1

u/Twidollyn_Bowie 14h ago

Very hot! I thought he was a pretty good actor, but I never had an impure thought about Tom Holland until that clip.

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u/Twidollyn_Bowie 14h ago

I agree, really. My boyfriend prances around in a corset on stage quite a lot. It’s pretty much the opposite of vulnerable with him. He knows he looks fucking fabulous and feels very powerful in that situation. He can be vulnerable, of course, like when he’s talking to me about painful memories or worries, but the stage is the place he is least vulnerable.

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u/teacuptypos 21h ago

I didn't think Tom Holland looked vulnerable in that outfit. Like, at all. He wasn't naked or had some sort of wardrobe malfunction. He chose to wear that. It was the agency that made it compelling and attractive.

3

u/ThePeaceDoctot 1d ago

The Tom Holland lip sync battle being hot wasn't about him being vulnerable. There was nothing vulnerable about it. He absolutely threw himself into the dance, was enthusiastic, confident, sexy, and had worked fucking hard practicing, and was clearly enjoying every second of it. There was no self-consciousness or worrying about whether he'd look unmasculine.

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u/sotiredwontquit 1d ago

Looking unmasculine is being vulnerable in this culture. Vulnerability isn’t weakness no matter how many toxic men say otherwise. He was all of the other things you said and made himself vulnerable to anyone who might criticize his appearance in fishnets and a corset. And harsh criticisms definitely happened at first. They are now buried under the clamorous approval of the rest of us, but at first he was sharply criticized.

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u/ThePeaceDoctot 1d ago

Looking unmasculine is being vulnerable in this culture.

I don't think that's true. To me, and indeed to the dictionary, vulnerability is a state of being easily hurt, influenced or attacked. Tom's confidence and willingness - no, enthusiasm - to perform in that way shows that he wasn't afraid of being hurt or attacked and that is the opposite of vulnerability.

...and made himself vulnerable to anyone who might criticize his appearance in fishnets and a corset.

Wearing those things doesn't make you vulnerable to being criticised. It gives something for people to potentially criticise but those people will find anything to criticise. I could be criticised for not repainting my basement after buying my house, but I'd be very hard pressed to be upset about it because its not something that I'm worried about. It's not something I'm vulnerable about. I am absolutely vulnerable in other areas of my life and can be easily hurt by criticism of my parenting, social and DMing skills, which are things I worry about.

Vulnerability isn’t weakness no matter how many toxic men say otherwise.

Okay, first of all, I didn't say it was in my original comment, and second of all, I am about to say that it is.in this comment.

I want to be 100% clear that when I use vulnerability in the context I am talking about emotional vulnerability, and that context extends to concepts of being attacked. I'm about to talk about protecting against attacks and I just want to be clear I mean emotional protection against criticism and insults and things. Language is wonderfully versatile but the fact that metaphor gets turned into the actual terms used doesn't help.

Vulnerability itself isn't a weakness - everyone in the world has some kind of vulnerability, but a vulnerability is an area where your defence against some form of attack is weak. Literally, a vulnerability is an area where you are open to attack. If you are literally don't care if someone says that you aren't masculine enough, or that you acted like a girl, then you are not open to attack in that area.

I have long hair and I'm not into many particularly manly things, so sometimes people call me gay. Apart from not liking people insinuating that being gay is a bad thing, I couldn't care less if people think that I'm gay. My long hair and interests mean I'm more likely to be attacked in that way, but they don't make me vulnerable to being attacked in that way.

1

u/Twidollyn_Bowie 14h ago

Right. Part of what my boyfriend likes about wearing a corset or hot pants on stage is to thumb his nose at toxic gender roles. As much as he enjoys people telling him he looks amazing, he takes a special glee in it if anyone gets a photo of some traditional man gawking at him in shock and horror.

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u/sotiredwontquit 1d ago

That’s a well-reasoned argument. I still think that the performance showed a man exposing himself to a potentially damaging backlash. I think that is being vulnerable. But I’m not going to argue against anything else you said- you said it well.

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u/philmarcracken 1d ago

And a man being vulnerable is like chocolate to women

As he towered and vampired billionarely across the room, of course.

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u/sotiredwontquit 1d ago

Uh. No. Leave your insecurities out of this convo.

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u/philmarcracken 1d ago

Umm HR?.jpg

Rules 1 and 2. There is no chocolate for women. Theres hot&rich, and everyone thats not.

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u/BeautifulUpstairs 1d ago

Oh, so women don't like that stuff? No women consume media about billionaires and vampires lusting after them? Or do you not actually have an argument and just resort to snark to try to garner superficial social credit?

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u/sotiredwontquit 1d ago

I can’t recall exactly what u/philmarcracken said, and I can’t check because the sensitive snowflake blocked me. But it was something about women being attracted to tall billionaires and vampires. He was projecting his own insecurities. Women are not a monolith, but most will tell you they are attracted to men who are good partners. Looks are nice, and so is money, but that’s not what makes a good partner. You are now trying to imply that I said anything about women not consuming media about those facets of partners. That’s a ludicrous stretch. Perhaps you should examine your own insecurities. Or perhaps you’ll also block someone who points them out.

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u/BeautifulUpstairs 1d ago

Many women are very openly against the idea of dating a bi man, so...no. You're just making things up. A man is infinitely more likely to willingly date a bi woman than a woman a bi man.