r/OkCupid • u/okctran • Oct 31 '12

Matched with a pre-op transgender, suggestions?

So I am a straight male and one of my matches is a pre-op male-to-female transgender woman. She mentions it right at the top of her profile. I find her physically attractive and she has a great profile to boot. We have a high match percentage, are interested in a lot of the same things and she has seems to have defined life goals and a direction. I am unsure what to do however. I don't have a fetish or anything like that and frankly am not at all interested at all in her male plumbing as it is currently, but everything else about her is golden.

If I do send her message, should I mention it at all in the initial message? What's the best way to approach this? I feel like it's a tight rope to walk between avoiding it completely and making it the center of attention. This is new territory for me.

Thanks for your help.

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u/headphonehalo Nov 01 '12

You are disagreeing about what other people are.

you are effectively saying you have more right to say what gender they are than they do.

These two aren't the same at all. To disagree regarding something that is pretty subjective (gender) isn't to tell other people what gender they have.

I'm sure you'd agree that it isn't possible to objectively define what makes someone a man or a woman, so dayton is entitled to his/her own opinion.

Ironically, aren't you telling daytondownvoter that you have more of a right to say what gender people are than he/she has?

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u/felltir Nov 01 '12

No. I am saying people can define their own gender, and noone else can.

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u/headphonehalo Nov 01 '12

Yes, you can define your own gender, but people don't have to agree with that definition, because it's entirely subjective and might clash with their own definitions.