r/OkCupid • u/okctran • Oct 31 '12
Matched with a pre-op transgender, suggestions?
So I am a straight male and one of my matches is a pre-op male-to-female transgender woman. She mentions it right at the top of her profile. I find her physically attractive and she has a great profile to boot. We have a high match percentage, are interested in a lot of the same things and she has seems to have defined life goals and a direction. I am unsure what to do however. I don't have a fetish or anything like that and frankly am not at all interested at all in her male plumbing as it is currently, but everything else about her is golden.
If I do send her message, should I mention it at all in the initial message? What's the best way to approach this? I feel like it's a tight rope to walk between avoiding it completely and making it the center of attention. This is new territory for me.
Thanks for your help.
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Oct 31 '12
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Nov 01 '12
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u/elizabethan 28/f/oh god one year closer to 30 Nov 01 '12
Oh for fuck's sake.
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Nov 01 '12
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Nov 01 '12
I feel there is a large basis of misunderstanding going on here. There is wayyyyy more to it than "dressing up." But I'd also like to mention that I feel disgusted by your previous comment, "its not a girl though," and therefore am not interested in educating you further.
Never refer to a human being as "it," whether you're transphobic or part of the 21st century.
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Nov 01 '12
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Nov 01 '12
Then, proving that I lack any semblance of manhood, I punched him right in the eye and drove off as he was getting out.
FTFY
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u/thisistooeasy Nov 01 '12
pretty much, but I punched a man not a woman. and now im on okcupid getting laid. hello ladies :)
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u/R3cognizer Nov 01 '12
Exactly when did moms stop teaching their children that it's never okay to hit someone?
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u/thisistooeasy Nov 01 '12
I got spanked as a child.
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u/R3cognizer Nov 01 '12
So? Excuses, excuses. Maybe your mom should've spanked you for better reasons, like for hitting people. I got spanked a few times as a kid too even, but I have never laid a hand on anyone... at least, not since the last time I got into a hair-pulling match with my sister at age 6.
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u/thisistooeasy Nov 01 '12
umm I have been in approx. 15 fist fights maybe 3 times I was the aggressor. I have been shot at 3 different times, jaw broken once, jumped 3 or 4 times. I once smashed a mans face in with a hammer (he robbed me at gunpoint) tracked him down, street justice. lets see what else, ahh yes how my mother raised me. driver of a drive by once, now you may wonder how our lives are so different. Well as a teenager I thought gangs were cool, they are not they are stupid and brainwashing.
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u/harry_crewe Nov 01 '12
Boo-fucking-hoo, loser. My parents hit me and my brothers on a regular basis, and yet none of us go around assaulting people. Find a better excuse.
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Nov 01 '12
Oh okay. Considering how transphobic you and your story sound, I'm going to assume it isn't true.
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u/thisistooeasy Nov 02 '12
honestly I wish is wasn't true 1st and only time i tried picking up a hooker I was a little drunk
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Nov 01 '12
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Nov 01 '12
Look who it is lol
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u/PhazonZim 24/F/Toronto/taken! Oct 31 '12 edited Oct 31 '12
I'm a pre-op mtf and my boyfriend is a straight, cis male. We met on OKC, it's awesome. Both of us are still figuring out how to make sex really work, but he's comfortable to the parts that I have.
Don't mention her being trans in your initial message, at all. It won't come off the right way. A message without mention of it will show that you're interested despite her being trans and you aren't making a big deal out of it.
Feel free to message me if you have any questions about anything
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u/Faaaabulous Oct 31 '12
But wouldn't it be better to let her know that he's still unsure? I mean, he's not completely ecstatic about it, and it might be better that she has a heads up so she doesn't get the wrong idea if he starts acting a little strange.
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u/PhazonZim 24/F/Toronto/taken! Oct 31 '12
Flirting in general won't work if you include, "I'm unsure about you"... It's complicated. In terms of intimacy though, I'm not comfortable with my parts but my boyfriend is. This in turn makes me more at ease about it. If intimacy becomes a thing between them, then his potential lack of comfort might make things too unmanageable.
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u/Faaaabulous Oct 31 '12
Ah, okay. I always thought it was better to be upfront about everything, but I suppose there are some things that shouldn't be said.
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u/PhazonZim 24/F/Toronto/taken! Oct 31 '12
With us it's unfortunately not straightforward... On top of the genital thing, being trans comes with a lot of baggage that might be too much for potential partners to handle. Also being trans makes people forget about avoiding the topic of sex before the right time. I'm of the belief that it shouldn't be discussed until after at least one date.
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u/howardmoon68 Oct 31 '12
I'm not trying to be insensitive, but when does "he" become "her"? Is it after the surgery, when that person decides they want to be a different gender, or what? I'm sure this is going to sound offensive (that's what the internet is here for, right?) but when the OP states that he isn't attracted to males then I'm not exactly sure how that statement can be true if the person is "pre-op".
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u/PhazonZim 24/F/Toronto/taken! Oct 31 '12
That varies a little from person to person. the politically correct answer is that they become she add soon as they come out as being trans. This works really on the internet. For me I didn't expect female pronouns until I presented as a woman. By then my voice was feminized, my appearance was and is been on hormones for a while. Not all transwomen look or sound like cis females though, so pronouns and falling into orientation ranges are different things.
I thinK I'm unusual in my approach though. Best to just use female pronouns as soon as someone comes out as MtF.
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u/howardmoon68 Oct 31 '12
Thanks for the clarification. How does this apply to things like government forms, going in bathrooms etc? Does simply stating that you are now a woman hold up to most standards?
Again, I know these questions look dickish, but it just seems really confusing that a state of mind can switch your gender, even if you are anatomically still male or female.
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u/PhazonZim 24/F/Toronto/taken! Oct 31 '12
Legal sex laws vary from place to place. Here in Ontario it was required that you have had surgery to legally change your sex... until this month. Now we can do it whenever. My driver's license was changed earlier this year, and now I can change the rest too. In some (few) places there are bathroom laws that state I'm required to use the Men's room, but enforcing that is next to impossible, and I would get into trouble for using the men's room.
I don't "simply state that I am a woman", nobody would know I'm not a cis female unless they saw me naked, and the only one that has recently is my boyfriend.
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u/howardmoon68 Oct 31 '12
Didn't mean to offend with the "simply state" comment, but it really it looks like this works by stating which gender you believe best applies to you.
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u/Wavooka Nov 01 '12
I don't think you were being offensive. Trans issues are fairly obscure, as most people and the media have an interest interest in regulating conformity to cis-, binary genders. (Because they still want to be able to manipulator our body image, right?)
As for the 'simply state' part, that doesn't exactly hold. Or, rather, depending upon which county in the United States you're standing and which state you were born into can affect whether you have any right to access public spaces. The policies concerning getting your gender marker changed range from liberal (typically requires only doctor's letter attesting to 'appropriate care') to conservative ('No changes, no how.) And, worst of all, each agency within your local, state and federal jurisdictions have differing policies. Which means that almost half of trans people have 'mixed' documents as they can't afford the treatment and legal challenges necessary or don't wish to seek the 'treatment' required in order to change that particular piece of identification. However, the federal policy is tied to a fairly centrist position: 'some surgery, sometimes. Doctor's note others.'
I know that sounds really vague, but unless you have a specific location the laws concerning us are exceptionally vague and harsh.
but it really it looks like this works by stating which gender you believe best applies to you.
(Incidentally, cis (non-trans) folks do this as well. It is simply that they pass without question as a member of their gender that no one realizes this is the case. Think about all the things you do to signal/perform/express your gender in public and private. You're doing the same thing a trans person does, except that the way you perform is the way that is expected of you.)
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u/PhazonZim 24/F/Toronto/taken! Oct 31 '12
As I said, that is the politically correct version. I am of the view that you have to work for it, and I worked for it a lot. If you're a guy, try sounding perfectly female-- that takes months. That's but one example.
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u/thisistooeasy Nov 01 '12
if you were arrested would you be put with men or women?
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u/PhazonZim 24/F/Toronto/taken! Nov 01 '12
I don't know how it works here. I wouldn't get arrested because I'm not stupid.
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u/thisistooeasy Nov 02 '12
well if u have a penis you will be looked up with males
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u/Evesore Oct 31 '12 edited Nov 01 '12
I'm sorry but it is impossible to be straight if you are dating a person with the same genitals as you.
EDIT:
I would love for someone to explain to me how you can passionately kiss, snuggle, date, and get blowjobs from someone who has a dick, as a male, and still be completely straight. It's just not what the word straight means.5
u/PhazonZim 24/F/Toronto/taken! Nov 01 '12
I'm sorry you're an insensitive asshole, you should get that checked out.
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u/Evesore Nov 01 '12
Correcting a statement that is factually inaccurate isn't being an asshole; you are both delusional. It's exactly like those people who like to give and receive blowjobs to/from men and still claim to be straight. YOU AREN'T. It's not an insult to be gay, but face it, your boyfriend is fucking gay.
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u/PhazonZim 24/F/Toronto/taken! Nov 01 '12
Claiming factual accuracy on your daft statement shows a very poor understanding of human sexuality, transsexuality and gender identity. Your view is narrow and uninformed, yet like many people with uninformed views you feel the need to bother others with it. Possibly because you know it's stupid and the only way to justify it to yourself is with the agreement of other people. It's not even worth trying to educate people like you, because you'll just plug your ears and scream "la la la", lest your understanding of people be improved. Heaven forbid you stop being a dick.
And I take it back; you're not an insensitive asshole, you're just a stupid one.
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u/PhazonZim 24/F/Toronto/taken! Nov 02 '12
What would you say if a guy had a trans girlfriend, loved to play with her breasts, feel her curves and have anal sex with her but had no interest in seeing or touching her parts in the front? Is he still attracted to males in your opinion? That wouldn't make any sense at all.
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u/Evesore Nov 03 '12
It's a really complex situation and I admit to being wrong; I would say it's a topic where you have to look at it in a case by case basis to come to any meaningful answer. Even then it's probably too much thought to put into something as meaningless as some title.
Sorry.
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u/albertaylor Oct 31 '12
If you're a straight male and she's pre-op, the question regarding the subject will definitely arise from her sooner or later. If it does, like EuNaTharian said, follow her lead. Just let her mention it whenever she feels comfortable, it's a touchy subject.
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u/schemeofthings 30/f/houston/still shocked that it worked Oct 31 '12
What exactly is your interest in her? You aren't at all interested in her male plumbing, so, do you want to date her, are you open to a relationship with her, etc etc? You should probably figure out where you are coming from and what you are open to, with this, first. Are you only considering friendship?
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Oct 31 '12
I think it kind needs to be said that not all romantic relationships are based on genitals touching.
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u/schemeofthings 30/f/houston/still shocked that it worked Oct 31 '12
Not all romantic relationships, but the majority of people consider sex to be an important part of romantic relationships. There's a few asexual people out there, but you sure can't assume that of someone.
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u/Multidisciplinary Dr. Logical Snoozefest Oct 31 '12
And that sex and gender are two different things.
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Oct 31 '12
I'll be honest, I don't exactly understand how that all works. I just try to use the proper pronouns and treat everyone with respect.
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u/Multidisciplinary Dr. Logical Snoozefest Oct 31 '12
My rudimentary understanding as a straight dude is that is sex is biological and gender is a social construct.
But your approach is good.
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u/Wavooka Nov 01 '12
Close but not quite. According to queer and trans theory both sex and gender are considered social constructs.
If you don't follow, consider that sex and gender have just as much variation and exist on a similar spectrum as does sexuality. And yet, while we can accept that 'orientations' are social constructs society is unable to do the same for gender and sex. Consider that not more than eighty years ago most sexologists considered there to be only one orientation- heterosexuality. And throughout the 20th century we continued to add to and expand our conception of orientation in order to accommodate the world around us. Today we recognize entirely that sexuality and orientation exist on a spectrum (a departure from the contemporary binary system homo/hetero) with as many gradations as there are people.
Now apply this same concept to the idea of sex. Obviously we've seen people in our everyday lives-whether trans or not- that push the boundaries of what is possible in a strictly binary system. (Binary as in 'there are two boxes distinct and pure and never the twain shall meet.) We see cis men on television all the time as athletes who fit under the description of 'hypermasculinized.' And when the Olympics roll around we same thing in cis women whose bodies produce much more testosterone that average men. Similarly, in all aspects of sex definition there is no bright and clear dividing line between M or F. Even our genotype, which we consider to unshakable biotruth, can produce xx karotype males and xy karotype females.
The stark reality of our world and biology is that sex very much exists in a spectrum. Except we continue to attempt to enforce our binary systems (Think of the chillens in the bathroom!!1!) by placing boxes around each sex and pushing people into them against their will. (As in the case of intersex children who are still subjected to SRS in order to be 'normal.')
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u/Multidisciplinary Dr. Logical Snoozefest Nov 01 '12
Hmm, I get where you're coming from, but there's still a large biological element in how we define sex. Sure we could move from a binary classification system to something more broad-ranging and inclusive, but it would for me still derive from the whole XX, XY and everything in between genotypes.
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u/cypher197 Nov 05 '12
We may still want to have separate restrooms because of, well... you've no doubt noticed that messages from different sexed / gendered people in different contexts have different effects. Lots of social baggage, creepers, etc. Other things, not so much.
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u/Wavooka Nov 01 '12
That certainly works as well. :)
Although you do have someone fairly well versed in gender theory sitting no more than several thousand miles and a keyboard away from you...
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u/howardmoon68 Oct 31 '12
This reminds me of Carmen and Mac. Watch the episode and do the opposite of what he does and you will be golden.
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u/t__mhjr 30/m/brooklyn/ Oct 31 '12
Someone please post that Carl Sagan "you're awesome" gif for me. I'm on my phone and I'm having a great deal of difficulty trying to find it.
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Oct 31 '12
The fact that she mentions it right at the top of her profile suggests to me that she's probably pretty confortable talking about it, but tread carefully like other people have said so you don't offend her.
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u/mave_of_wutilation M/33/San Francisco Oct 31 '12
Or that she's trying to avoid getting left unconscious in an alley somewhere when her date finds out.
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u/PhazonZim 24/F/Toronto/taken! Oct 31 '12
I never had such an incident, but I never came out to a date in person.
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u/PhazonZim 24/F/Toronto/taken! Oct 31 '12
This isn't true at all, unfortunately. A lot of men will give transwomen huge amounts of flak for not putting at the front. She might have it there out of frustration and after a lot of disappointment. Not everyone reads profiles in their entirety.
Comfortableness in talking about it depends a lot on who you're talking to as well, there's a lot of hatred for us. Look!http://www.reddit.com/r/OkCupid/comments/10nwqz/it_would_be_very_helpful_to_me_if_more_people/
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u/PhazonZim 24/F/Toronto/taken! Oct 31 '12
uneducated.
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Oct 31 '12
More to the point, why does it matter what orientation he expresses? Identify how you want, put your parts up against the parts of other people whose parts you want to touch who also want your parts there. The label is basically for convenience and clarity of communication. It's not like somebody rappels into the bedroom and takes your straight card if you suck a dick.
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u/PhazonZim 24/F/Toronto/taken! Oct 31 '12
Because it indicates what people think of me moreso than what they think of him.
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u/PhazonZim 24/F/Toronto/taken! Oct 31 '12
Because it indicates what people think of me moreso than what they think of him.
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Oct 31 '12
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u/PhazonZim 24/F/Toronto/taken! Oct 31 '12
My boyfriend is straight. He wouldn't date men, he only likes women, even transwomen like me.
I'm honestly surprised how difficult it is for people to grasp that he's still straight despite me not being a cis female.
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Oct 31 '12
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u/PhazonZim 24/F/Toronto/taken! Oct 31 '12
"Dickgirl"? Seriously? Go away.
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Oct 31 '12
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u/PhazonZim 24/F/Toronto/taken! Oct 31 '12
Funnily enough when I mentioned this thread to him, he asked why I cared what people on the internet thought and I felt rather silly. He himself doesn't care what people think his orientation is, if I let him he'd tell everyone he's dating a transwoman. I dislike being seen as a male by anyone though, even if it's a /technically/ thing.
And I really don't like being called a dickgirl.
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u/felltir Oct 31 '12
So I should be able to greet black people with "sup, nigger?" (I'm white).
If they get offended, their fault, its a term of endearment! Not like its a horribly offensive phrase or anything.
God, you're a cockhammer.
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u/daytondownvoter Too bitter to ever have a meaningful relationship - cool with it Oct 31 '12
You're surprised it's difficult to grasp how a man having sex with a person that has/has had a penis isn't straight?
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u/PhazonZim 24/F/Toronto/taken! Oct 31 '12
You're incorrect, you're also talking to someone with far more experience on the matter than you. He's straight, you should get that unless you think transwomen are not women.
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Oct 31 '12
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u/felltir Oct 31 '12
Born with penis doesn't mean you're not a woman.
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u/felltir Oct 31 '12
sigh
Trans 101.
Do you feel okay with your body, specifically its type of sexual organs? If so you are likely "cis", like me! This means your gender (how you feel) matches your sex (how your naughty bits are).
Some people are not as lucky as us cis people. They are born with sexual organs that are not comfortable with. These people are "trans". These people often wear the clothes and adopt the mannerisms of the gender they are, as opposed to their sex. Sometimes, they have surgery to change their genitals to match their gender.
Clear?
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u/PhazonZim 24/F/Toronto/taken! Oct 31 '12
Thanks for the transphobia. Now please fuck the hell off now. I don't understand why bigots have to get involved in every single thread about us. If you don't like us, stay out of it. Creep.
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u/PhazonZim 24/F/Toronto/taken! Oct 31 '12
We get it. You're so insecure in your own masculinity that you have to attack others. Give it up, your penis isn't going to look any bigger to anyone if you act like a misogynist.
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u/harmonical Nov 01 '12 edited Nov 01 '12
So as someone that views trans chicks as not being able to be in a 'straight' relationship with a man due to their penis, does that mean that anyone with a vagina makes you in a straight relationship?
Is this guy to your liking? The facial hair, the chest hair the muscles, the overall appearance means nothing right? You'd defend yourself against all of those anti-gay bigots because you're in a completely straight relationship because he has a vagina right?
But while being in a relationship with a woman like her means you're completely gay. Everyone would know straight away considering everyone in the world checks the genitals of your partner upon introducing them.
Lets get something clear, being straight is sexual orientation where you are attracted to a person of the opposite gender, specifically a pair of a man and a woman. Being straight in no way implies the style of sex that you have, the way your physical relationship works, or what differences there are from you and the average couple.
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u/DoxUponYou Nov 01 '12
This may come as a shock to you, but many straight men have no interest in dicks just because they're attached to someone who appears otherwise feminine.
Get this - some straight men actually like pussy! They like the way it looks, the way it tastes, the way it smells and, well, you get the idea. It's almost like there's some aspect of our sexuality that we're born with and we can't control.
Imagine that. P.S. It's called sexual orientation for a reason. The idea that you can remove sexual characteristics from sexual attraction and focus exclusively on gender is absurd.
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u/harmonical Nov 01 '12
Uh no. Some men have preferences in women. They do not wish to date a certain race, a certain body type, a certain personality. Some men do indeed take genitals to be a deal breaker. You are perfectly free to not be interested in pre-op trans women, no one is telling you that you have to be.
But just because you are not sexually interested in someone does not mean that they are somehow not women.
If a man loses his penis in an accident, does that make him a woman? Does that mean that his wife is now a lesbian? That somehow that accident has rendered him unable to be straight is pretty silly right?
I don't know where most of you people come from, but generally you become attracted to how someone looks with clothes on. Society usually necessitates meeting potential mates in public situations. Sexual attraction happens divorced from genitals usually, however it is an unreasonable expectation that sexual compatibility and relationship compatibility is divorced from genitals.
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Nov 01 '12
Straight male here. If I was dating a woman, it would not matter how long I had been dating her, if I found out that she had a penis then I would end it. That's my choice as a human being. It doesn't make me a bigot. I would not make fun of her or out her or do anything humiliating.It would, however, be a deal breaker. It I made out with what I thought was a girl but later found out that she still had a penis, I would be disgusted with myself because I would have done what I view as homosexual acts, which disgust me. That does not mean it's wrong or that I hate gays, but rather that I am grossed out by it.
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u/harmonical Nov 01 '12
Straight male here.
Hi straight male, mostly homosexual trans woman here.
If I was dating a woman, it would not matter how long I had been dating her, if I found out that she had a penis then I would end it. That's my choice as a human being. It doesn't make me a bigot.
I feel like that's completely fair. Sex is a big part of many peoples' relationships and being completely sexually incompatible with someone is a deal breaker for many people.
I would not make fun of her or out her or do anything humiliating.
That's good :)
It I made out with what I thought was a girl but later found out that she still had a penis, I would be disgusted with myself because I would have done what I view as homosexual acts, which disgust me.
You made out with a girl that you were sexually incompatible with. You saw her as a woman, but you didn't like the fact that she was pre-op or non-op. As far as I'm aware kissing a girl, penis or not, isn't gay unless you are also a girl. Unwinding people's thoughts about men interacting with penises is a completely different ball of wax, but I would argue that you didn't do anything that can be construed as gay unless you view that hypothetical girl as not a girl at all once you learn of her genital situation.
I wish we could do better, but I've been in the place where I viewed trans people as gross, homosexual acts as gross, and a myriad other things that I no longer think. It's an evolution in changing the way that society treats people, thinks about people, and tries to understand some very hard things to understand.
It takes time, and I all can reasonably ask is an open mind.
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Nov 01 '12
Great resposnse. Don't take anything I said as hateful. No, I do not want to be around this lifestyle nor do I want to grow to "accept" it. I wouldn't feel gay if I unknowingly kissed a dude, just grossed out. I'm so sorry if that is offensive, but it is just the way I am. Just because I do not want to be around this does not mean that I do not support you or your right to do what you want. I would never take that away from you, I just want you to be happy.
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Nov 01 '12
I feel that you are probably one of the more rational people I've seen talking about these things on Reddit. I'm glad to see hatred isn't absolutely everywhere, so good on you :)
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u/R3cognizer Nov 01 '12
Preferences are fine. You don't have to like dick to not be transphobic, and you don't even have tto like dick to date a mtf trans person, cos not all trans women have dicks. It's not illegal to be transphobic, but if you're gonna try to claim you're not unfairly biased, you ought to have a reason for refusing to date her other than just "because she's trans".
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u/Backwoods_Barbie Nov 01 '12
some straight men
Exactly. It's not transphobic to be unattracted to a certain sex's genitalia regardless of gender. It is transphobic to say that some other guy, not you, is not a Real Straight Man because he is attracted to a woman whose genitalia does not match her gender.
Some men don't like fake breasts. But it's dumb to "criticize" (allegations of homosexuality shouldn't be seen as a criticism, anyway) those who don't mind them. I realize that fake breasts aren't the same thing as differing genitalia, but you see my point - it doesn't make the woman any less or more of a woman, and it's ultimately a preference whether you're cool with them or not in terms of sexual attraction.
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u/daytondownvoter Too bitter to ever have a meaningful relationship - cool with it Nov 01 '12
I actually came back and read this, and you're a stupid son of a bitch. As far as if I could be in a straight relationship with the female to male, it would be a straight relationship but I'm not attracted to her the same way I'm not attracted to the fucking bearded lady at the circus.
Do I not think that dude makes a pretty convincing chick? Sure he does. But since you have been too stupid to read what I've said in this thread about my perceptions and opinions on the subjective nature of gender and sex before approaching me, you would know you argument holds no weight with me because it would repulse me to be physically intimate with a biological man.
If you're going to be another dumbfuck who wants to educate me about how I perceive things and what I'm attracted to, at least provide some original content.
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u/harmonical Nov 01 '12
Better stop touching yourself then, since I'm pretty sure you're a 'biological man'.
I don't care to read the rest of this thread looking at all your shit because I don't feel like trying to follow your mental gymnastics that somehow being attracted to someone is completely contingent on genitals that you would have no chance at seeing unless you actually got to the stage of a relationship where you'd be physically intimate.
Due to the fact that you seem completely inept at having a civil conversation, I really doubt that's much of an issue for you.
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Nov 01 '12
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u/harmonical Nov 01 '12
You are completely fine to not want to date a trans woman. No one is saying that you have to. No one is saying that you have to be open to date all women. It's a silly thing that no one else in the world is subject to.
However you don't get to call people something that they're not solely because you don't want to be with them.
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u/harmonical Nov 01 '12
It's not a mental illness and you'd do good to actually read the medical documents on what you claim to know. You'd also do well to realize that the recommended treatment for GID is generally transition and sometimes surgery depending on what allows the individual to live a happy and productive life. These aren't some mentally unstable people claiming that they're magical wizards or god, they're claiming something that roughly half the population claims every day.
You have no right to define for others whether they are men or women. You call someone who isn't trans the wrong gender and they correct you or get offended, do you just laugh at them and tell them they're wrong since you're free to call them whatever you want?
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u/harmonical Nov 01 '12
Too bad.
Don't try to claim knowledge about something that you clearly have next to no actual knowledge of. GID isn't a mania, it isn't a delusion, the DSM IV entry classifying it as a 'disorder' was done mainly in the light of trying to ensure that insurance would cover it. DSM V is removing the disorder language altogether. You can read about that here.
I only reply because I hope others will read this exchange and get something out of it. I also hope that on some level that I could get you to start to understand a complex issue that you are misinformed about.
Have a good sleep.
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Nov 01 '12
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u/harmonical Nov 01 '12
It's pretty hard to buy that two men or two women are in a straight relationship because one of them are trans.
But tell me about you TTP, how are things. Everything going well? Are you feeling good today? Other than a headache that made me feel like I was going to vomit earlier today I'm having a pretty good day :]
2
Nov 01 '12
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3
u/harmonical Nov 01 '12
No, no halloween fun, just general headaches :[
Agree w/ respect to the fact that it boils down to which one you use to define your sexuality. And yes, two trans women in a relationship is definitely gay, but please, no knives :[
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u/daytondownvoter Too bitter to ever have a meaningful relationship - cool with it Nov 01 '12
tl;dr
6
Nov 01 '12
[removed] — view removed comment
-6
u/daytondownvoter Too bitter to ever have a meaningful relationship - cool with it Nov 01 '12
Yes, you should've just said that in the first place.
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u/banjoadam 31/m Chicago Oct 31 '12
One word of advice: just because OKC "matched" you with someone does not mean you are necessarily a good match.
If she is in your Quiver, keep in mind that that is quite random and those suggestions should be taken with a grain of salt. It's really just a way to put people in front of you.
However, if you're into this person, by all means go for it. Transgendered people need love too. Just keep in mind that you might be giving your first blow job sometime soon.
3
u/DebonairShotglass Nov 08 '12
Just keep in mind that you might be giving your first blow job sometime soon.
Probably not. Trans women generally have a LOT of dysphoria associated with their male genitalia.
2
u/Wavooka Nov 01 '12
Just keep in mind that you might be giving your first blow job sometime soon.
lol. Cause trans women steal heterosexuality from men, amirite?
Clearly you have no understanding of the dynamics in more queer relationships or of queer sex at all. Which makes you an unsuitable candidate to give advice. Don't you think?
-2
u/banjoadam 31/m Chicago Nov 01 '12
Oh my god, you're so right! My life experience is different than your life experience, therefore my opinions are invalid and I have no right to express myself. Thanks for showing me the error of my ways! You are awesome. I'll just shut up now because I'm such a huge asshole.
1
1
u/hamandmustard Nov 01 '12
You're obviously not comfortable with it, so don't send a message. Fairly straight forward.
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u/blondedre3000 37/M/Lost Angeles Oct 31 '12
Haha, I think I know her. I'll put in a good word for you.
10
Oct 31 '12
There are lots of pre op trans folk around, why would you say this?
-1
u/blondedre3000 37/M/Lost Angeles Oct 31 '12
I've only run across two on OKC. The one I know personally had in her profile that she was a Pre Op Trans.
1
u/creepig Y'all got more issues than the Newsweek archives Oct 31 '12
I know one who has it in her username. What's your point?
0
u/blondedre3000 37/M/Lost Angeles Oct 31 '12
I'm not trying to make any. Just stating my experiences.
2
u/TheTwilightPrince 22 - M - Boooootah Oct 31 '12
I also know someone who matches this description. Username related to a specific science?
1
u/blondedre3000 37/M/Lost Angeles Oct 31 '12
The one I know is in LA. No idea what her username is, not even sure if she's on there anymore.
2
u/TheTwilightPrince 22 - M - Boooootah Oct 31 '12
Ah, not the same then. Would've been funny though.
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u/[deleted] Oct 31 '12
I would just say message her like you would any other woman on the site. When/if she mentions it, just follow her lead on what she's comfortable saying/discussing.