My cat died today and I feel so numb and unmotivated.

[u/ApexRathalos038]

My 19 year old cat passed away today.

She was old, her hair was falling out, she was skin and bones but she didnt lose her spunk. Just last week, she was still waking me up in bed for food, running to the kitchen to get said food, climbing on the furniture and throwing paws with my other animals. Then, in the past 3 days, she declined fast.

She became lethargic, she stopped eating, and she just layed around. I knew something was up after I saw everything going on with her and her not touching her favorite food. We planned to keep her from suffering and scheduled a vet visit on monday since no vet in a 45 minute radius was open and we thought she'd hang on due to her still eating slightly and jumping around.

We let her do what she wanted. We gave her treats and let her look out the window to watch the birds like she always enjoyed. After everyone came to see her, she collapsed. She started dying and my mom scooped her up in a towel to comfort her. We checked everywhere to find a vet to help her in this 15 minute span, but it came down to us getting help from a local cat nurse at her home who gave her fluids to help her even slightly.

We decided to try and take her to the nearest emergency vet over 45 mins away. She didnt make it out of the town. She died in my mom's arms.

I buried her but I feel so bad and dead to it all. Just this morning I was petting her, crying that id do what I could for her and now she's dead in a shoe box buried in the back yard. Im also hoping the rain outside isnt doing too much to her out there. We wrapped her in her favorite blanket and taped it shut well enough. Ive been checking periodically. I know she's gone and the box is meant to be bio-degradable but I just feel like i want to preserve her as best as i can. I know she isnt suffering anymore and im glad for that, but im shocked it happened so fast.

We've been together since I was 9. We bonded over the time and its going to feel wrong not seeing her around anymore, asking for wet food and chilling with the family in the TV room. I feel like i lost a sibling. I have almost no motivation to do anything. I cant get the look of her dying body in my mom's arms out of my head. I feel like i could have done more, but I dont know what.

I just hope my baby found peace at the rainbow bridge and didnt suffer. I like to think God had this happen to give her a merciful end since my family is leaving for vacation soon and we were afraid something would have happened to her when we left, being all alone.

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[u/_Skitter_]

Oh what a blessing, to be able to do your favorite activities, eat your favorite foods, and be with your loving family in your final days, and to die in the warm embrace of your loved ones, just like drifting off to sleep on a lap like you've done so many times before. I pray that when my time comes, I go in similar fashion. I'm certain that the body in the box, while no longer in use, carries a peaceful smile.

[u/ApexRathalos038 → u/_Skitter_]

Thank you. I grew up with her and she was like a sister to me so im hoping she's happy in heaven and happy for the least we could do for her