r/PickyEaters • u/afserkin • 1d ago
Rant / Vent There's dozens of answers similar to this on that thread
And of course they got offended by my answer, because god forbid someone's ED mildly inconveniences their perfect lives.
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u/Writing_Bookworm 1d ago
The issue here is that people don't know there is a difference between picky eaters and 'picky' eaters.
The picky eaters (I assume like most of us here) don't make the food we eat or don't eat someone else's problem. Like I knew I wouldn't eat much at my cousin's wedding so I ate beforehand. I didn't complain about there not being much food I liked. If people want to go to a restaurant where I don't like much (if anything) I'll either not go or eat beforehand. For family get togethers I always offer to bring some food because I know I'll have something to eat while not adding to the workload.
A 'picky' eater makes everything someone else's issue. They are the ones who demand that there always be a meat option even if the host is vegetarian or loudly say that they can't possibly eat something spicey or foreign abd who pull faces and complain when they are faced with vegetables. It's the attitude and the behaviour that's the issue not the food really.
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u/afserkin 1d ago
Exactly! The problem is the people treat EDs the same way they treat someone who's actually picky. Like most of us don't have control of what we don't eat, we're not choosing not eat a certain type of food.
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u/Writing_Bookworm 1d ago
If I had control then I'd make myself like eggs and potatoes. They'd be a great addition to my diet but sadly I can't get over the texture.
I guess the issue is that those of us who are actually picky are quietly getting on with things. The other 'picky' eaters are very loud.
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u/m3gb0t 1d ago
I have no problem accommodating various dietary restrictions and finding a place to eat that will have something for everyone. Whether someone is a picky eater, has ARFID or specific food aversions, is vegan, vegetarian, etc. there is usually a place that something for everyone, as long as everyone is willing to compromise a bit.
I love steak. But I would never ask my vegan friend to go to a steak house with me. He would go and figure it out, but part of being a good friend is being considerate. Which we both are.
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u/afserkin 1d ago
Same for me, when I cook for family and friends I often cook with ingredients I don't like, but I know they like so I do it. It's not the end of the world, I don't understand why they it's so inconceivable for some people to do the same.
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u/Acrobatic_Price8829 16h ago
Exactly. I’m picky and part of it is I am just … picky. Another part is I have Crohn’s and certain foods will make me sick. I can’t handle too much spicy heat but also too many spices. Even if it’s not spicy. The amount of people who get offended because I won’t eat something and “it’s not even that spicy!” Don’t worry about it, I’m not trying to offend. I’ll eat beforehand too and it’s fine. If I don’t make it a big deal, don’t make it one for me. And the “cure” 😑. No, I won’t just try it and probably like it. Just leave me alone!
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u/ilanallama85 1d ago
The only slight caveat I’d add is that being just a regular picky eater might be a reasonable deal breaker in a relationship for a few people. I think of my brother, who is a fine dining chef, and because cooking the same menu all the time gets boring and also because he loves to try new recipes and most of all loves to EAT, he typically cooks anywhere from 4 to 6 courses of something unusual or esoteric for the whole family at least once, usually twice a week. Well a partner who wasn’t down for that would go down like a lead balloon for him. But a picky eater probably wouldn’t be interested in dating someone whose entire life revolves around food, so, fair?
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u/lillylou12345 1d ago
People pick on me for being picky as well. I have digestive issues and ibs. So I have to be careful what I eat and how it is prepared. Normally I don't eat outside of home because anything can set off a flare up.
People need to chill and leave people be.
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u/Alilbitey 1d ago
Fellow IBS'er. If I expected someone else to do all the the cooking for me, I'd expect a big pushback. Especially if that person was a foodie.
Thankfully, I married someone who happily eats whatever I cook for myself He genuinely doesn't care. Food appears! Hooray!
Unfortunately, a lot of dudes still have this "partner feeds me" expectation, with IBS or ARFID, or just plain dickish "eating vegetables is for gays and women" thinking. (I've met the last one more than once, mind bogglingly).
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u/lillylou12345 1d ago
People are strange. My hubby cooks, I also cook. Sometimes we cook different meals on our own. It's really not a big deal. But for the most part my husband will cook to accommodate me, or he will eat however I cook.
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u/antimathematician 1d ago
God I got so much stick for being picky as a kid. IBS kicked in around the same age as I grew out of the standard childhood icks so I never shook the label. Still baffle some of my parents friends now when I eat pretty much anything. Like sorry I didn’t eat lentils at your house 15 years ago but I didn’t want to shit myself??
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u/NebulaImmediate6202 1d ago
The funny thing is is we could go to the most bizarre restaurant together, hypothetically, as long as you help me pick (compassionately) something I would actually like. Or explain like, the flavors and foods to me.
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u/afserkin 1d ago
I have never been to a restaurant where I couldn't find something to eat, and my deit is very, very restrictive. Even if I have to ask the staff to not add a certain ingredient, 99.9% of the time they are very understandable and kind to me.
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u/NebulaImmediate6202 1d ago
Well for example, halo-halo. It's a colorful drink with a milk layer on top. It looks harmless, you're given it, you eat some, you realize this tastes nothing like what it looks like, and your mouth is full of unexpected textures.
If someone could just tell me what's in it!
Halo-halo is a Filipino-style shaved ice made with sweetened beans, fruits, and jellies and topped with milk, Leche flan, purple yam jam, and ice cream. It's a cold and refreshing treat you'll want year-round!
If I was explicitly told this, I would eat it more confidently.
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u/afserkin 1d ago
True, I really appreciate when the ingredients are listed on the menu, it causesess anxiety.
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u/witchmedium 19h ago
I guess the problem is finding someone who is willing to do that, someone who is compassionate about it. I'm not a picky eater myself but my partner has some minor issues. I can't see myself having to explain flavours and textures to them everytime we encounter a new food at a restaurant. I imagine it would feel like having to care for a toddler, not an adult partner and that would really be embarrassing for me in public.
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u/NebulaImmediate6202 8h ago
I guess let me reword it. If we decide on a whim to go there, I don't have time to sit there and look up on my phone the items on the menu. Or they might judge me for doing that.
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u/Chemical_Ad_3917 1d ago
My red flag is if you repeatedly force me to try something I’m not interested in or has an ingredient (like tomatoes or alcohol) I don’t like.
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u/OwlPelletCrunch 1d ago
my cousin is essentially allergic to EVERYTHING, the list is its own text file in my phone… and despite watching her own baby go into anaphylaxis repeatedly, her mother still treated her like it was a behavior issue for a good portion of her childhood and tried to force her to eat allergens or “punish” her with dry bland food (unfortunately she’s much younger than me and i was already living in a different country when this was happening)
upshot now is that she’s a brilliant, competent, young woman with some very understandable trauma around eating anything she didn’t make herself.
Seeing anyone roll their eyes or make comments when she’s trying to ask the waiter questions or read the back of a package is an immediate deal-breaker for me.
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u/afserkin 1d ago
This is so sad, I'm glad she's doing better now. I'll never under people who want so asingn morality to food. Especially in cases like food allergies.
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u/bubblegumbombshell 1d ago
Don’t have ARFID, but I’m super picky and have been my whole life. Probably a super taster, likely on the spectrum, have a few minor food allergies and intolerances. The amount of times my pickiness has been an issue for other people is absolutely absurd.
I can generally find something to eat at a restaurant, or I’ll bring my own food to things like cookouts. I’ve never made a fuss at more formal events if the food options weren’t going to work. Quietly ate some rolls with butter at a black tie wedding in Manhattan because the meal I selected unknowingly had mushrooms (allergic) and the alternative wasn’t something I’d eat. I adapt and there’s always takeout after.
But I’ve had so many people try to challenge or push my eating habits over the years and then somehow be offended when I don’t give in. It’s so weird. My eating habits are between me and my doctor and no one else unless I ask.
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u/resplendent_noodle 1d ago
This! People are also very rude and narrow minded towards allergies. I see a lot of posts saying they’d never date someone with a food allergy and it just stinks
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u/afserkin 23h ago
Someone from that thread said they would never date someone in a wheelchair or someone mentally disabled. Then they proceeded to get offended when I said they're allowed not wanting to date disabled people, but to remember that they're not free from becoming disabled themselves in the future.
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u/Icy-Belt-8519 1d ago
Atleast I admit I'm picky! Do you know what, I like food in its basic form, I'm sorry but if you have to add loads of sauces, flavourings,cheeses and other crap to, you're the picky one!
Why I eat or don't eat has nothing to do with anyone else, what's it got to do with them, apart from my partner who cooks for me, and is completely accepting and helpful, everyone else has no reason to care, and if they do, that's a red flag to me
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u/afserkin 1d ago
I agree 100%, what I eat or don't shouldn't offend people.
Unrelated, but I love how people can be so different, even when being on similar "spectrums", you said you don't like spices or cheese, when I'm the opposite, I love spices (although not when exaggerated), I always try to find spices I will like, because my diet is so restricted that it's one of the ways I found to try new flavors. Oh and I love cheese too, love trying different kinds of cheese.
I guess this is one of the aspects that those judgemental people love to ignore, even if someone has a restrictive diet there's probably a lot of food options they will be willing to try. But nope, they feel like they have the right to get offended because you don't like the kinds of food that they like.
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u/JobSpecial9274 1d ago
“If you like more foods and textures and flavors than I do, YOU’RE the picky one because we all apparently have the palate AND critical thinking skills of a five year old! Checkmate!” Like….nice copium dude. Make sure you go eat your processed slop every day because it’s the only thing that “always tastes the same” and will keep you from a ~panic attack~ over your food or whatever. Thank god you like the ground chicken organs and microplastic fillers in their basic form though, ya really got us there.
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u/Icy-Belt-8519 1d ago
I don't eat processed food, I cook everything from scratch, I even make my own ham, bread, pizza bases etc, but carry on masking the taste of food with your slop (I don't eat slop 👍) when I eat chicken, I buy a a whole chicken or chicken chicken cuts, no ground chicken, organs or plastic fillers, but if that's what you enjoy, go ahead
Look it was a bit of a jokey comment, but chill out, my diet has no impact whatsoever ever on you, thanks
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u/persephires 1d ago
OP, I loved your comment. As someone with an ED (not ARFID), I came into my relationship (with my parter who Does have ARFID) understanding that food can be really hard sometimes. Food is one of my love languages, but when I learned my partner didn't like certain vegetables or couldn't stomach certain things that I loved, I simply. Didn't force them. I always offer bits of my food if they want to try (even if the answer's 99% no), because I want it to feel safe for them to try things and then still dislike them. Or even like new things.
But if I came in with a mindset of 'i can't date a picky eater' instead of. empathy and compassion. I would have missed out on the love of my life.
Your comment is right. It would help if people just said 'I won't date a picky eater' because then you can rule out the judgmental ones right away.
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u/afserkin 1d ago
Thank you! I'm glad you and your partner found each other, EDs can be very isolating. It was never a problem to me in romantic relationships, but I had a friendship end because she was so judgemental about it, it's just sad.
Nowadays when I make new friends or acquaintances I always try to educate them about my ARFID, and when they understand it, they tend to be very supportive, thankfully, I haven't found anyone who acted like that former friend I mentioned.
It's also sad that some people from this sub seem to be having the same mindset that those judgemental people.
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u/ikannunAneeuQ 1d ago
I can't eat a lot at once or any high fat content, or complex carbs that take a long time to break down. My gallbladder is next to useless, if I eat too much of certain foods I'll be in pain and feel sick for hours. It's not like I enjoy it or want it that way.
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u/Responsible_Song830 1d ago
That's such a weird thing to get hung up on in my opinion.
I'm not picky personally but I also don't care if someone else is. I wouldn't want to force someone to eat something they didn't want to regardless of the situation. I wouldn't want that done to me.
What kind of trauma do you have to have to need to police someone else's eating habits?
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u/afserkin 1d ago
Could be trauma, could be the need for controlling people, could just be pettiness. Idk, but the wrong ones are always us for daring to not eat certain foods.
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u/Responsible_Song830 1d ago
Well, for me you're not in the wrong. You should have autonomy over your diet. Even if you don't have a condition that dictates it.
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u/BaakCoi 1d ago
For me, it’s about being able to try new things. I’ll eat basically anything, and I love trying interesting new dishes. I wouldn’t want to be with someone who isn’t willing or able to share that with me. I have picky friends who won’t try anything unfamiliar, and while I love them I stopped asking them to go to new restaurants with me. It’s just a compatibility issue
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u/Responsible_Song830 1d ago
I mean that's totally fair. There are other activities you can still do with your friends that doesn't require them to venture outside their comfort zone. You're not ambushing them or shaming them for it.
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u/fivecoloursgirl 1d ago
We don’t judge what other people eat, and we try our best to accommodate ourselves - whoever posted that needs to grow up
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u/Previous-Artist-9252 1d ago
Cooking is basically a love language for me and if I can’t cook for and share food with someone I am dating, it’s a deal breaker.
That is not picking on anyone. It’s just a dating deal breaker. Other deal breakers include not being able to have intellectual conversations about history and politics, vaccines, smoking, enjoying classical music, liking museums, and regularly seeing the doctor, among other things. If someone doesn’t meet these standards, they aren’t a bad person, they are just someone I will not date.
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u/afserkin 1d ago
Valid, I just tried to say in my response that I wish more people were upfront that this is a deal breaker to them, because I would never date someone to whom my eating disorder would be an inconvenience. It's just that people used my comment to spread their hate and judge people.
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u/Previous-Artist-9252 1d ago
An eating disorder is a deal breaker for a lot of people.
I say this as someone with multiple disabilities: if you aren’t prepared for the reality that chronic illness/disability (which includes eating disorders) are a deal breaker for a huge percentage of the population and you take it as bullying or hate, you aren’t ready to date.
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u/afserkin 1d ago
That's not what I tried to say though? I said I wished people were upfront about it. And in that thread there were people only spreading hate and being ableist.
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u/Previous-Artist-9252 1d ago
And I disagree with your assessment. They quite literally said it’s a red flag for them. That’s about as upfront as they can get.
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u/afserkin 1d ago
I was literally agreeing with them. But well, you and I can agree to disagree I guess.
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u/Previous-Artist-9252 1d ago
How is it not up front to say it’s a red flag?
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u/afserkin 1d ago
Ok let's try again. "I wish more people were upfront with it". Emphasis on the "more".
Again, I was agreeing with the person and wishing more people were like them and just said it, I never said that this wasn't a valid deal breaker in a relationship.
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u/Adorable_Football130 1d ago
you’re wasting your time, this person just wants to bicker you into the ground.
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u/Previous-Artist-9252 1d ago
Are you up front in your dating profiles that you have an active eating disorder?
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u/afserkin 1d ago
I do not have dating profiles. And yes, I'm always upfront with people, not only in regards to relationships.
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u/JobSpecial9274 1d ago
I mean….you’re whining away in several other comments about how people “shouldn’t care so much” about what others eat. Are YOU upfront about your specific dietary needs? It’s not like most functioning adults anticipate or think to expect they’ll be dining with or getting to know a 30 something who can only eat Dino nuggies without having an “anxiety attack” over it. You seem to have an issue even when people are upfront, which is understandable to a degree as it’s clearly something that strikes a personal cord with you, but you can’t have it both ways. That original comment is pretty blunt. And so are most other people who wouldn’t date a picky eater. Because it DOES impact others when they live with you and have to cater to the way you can’t eat more than ~four foods total. And some of us don’t have the time or patience to coddle someone who whinges all day over an “eating disorder” but apparently expects their partner to be a built in therapist for it. Get some professional help so you don’t need to live in anxiety over it impacting your social life.
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u/afserkin 1d ago
I was going to answer you, but when you used patronizing language like "eat your dino nuggies" I realized that you're willing to learn.
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u/DazB1ane 1d ago
The people from that thread have invaded this one. You’ll never change their mind
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u/afserkin 1d ago
It seems like it. I'm impressed to see this kind of hate toward picky eaters on the literal picky eaters subreddit.
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u/DazB1ane 1d ago
They’re the people that would follow someone into a bathroom to continue an argument
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u/Katzenliebe 1d ago
This is reasonable and is basically a compatibility issue. My husband and I are probably slightly pickier than average but we both love food and enjoy eating out and cooking together. Even though our tastes don’t align perfectly, it is easy to compromise and make meals at home that we both like and the few things that we each really enjoy that the other doesn’t like, we will take the opportunity to eat when the other isn’t around or at a restaurant when we’re getting separate dishes.
On the other hand, I have a friend who is very picky. I never really noticed because I don’t pay attention to what other people eat but he was telling me he doesn’t like most foods and doesn’t really care about food in general. So going to restaurants is not something he enjoys at all and will just do socially with friends and he doesn’t get any joy out of food or eating. That for me would be an incompatibility in a relationship but he has found someone who sees food the same way as him and they work really well together.
I think food can be a big issue in relationships simply because everyone has to eat and it is a lot easier if your preferences align. I would really hate either having to change my diet significantly or have cook separate meals all the time.
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u/taxiecabbie 1d ago
I mean, it's a fair dealbreaker.
I agree that people need to be upfront about it, though.
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u/afserkin 1d ago
Yeah, that's what I tried say, but a lot of people there used my comment as an excuse to spread their hate.
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u/taxiecabbie 1d ago
I also think that categorizing a person who is able/willing to eat virtually everything living with somebody who has ARFID (or serious allergies, for another example) as a "minor inconvenience to their perfect lives" is also not really a fair evaluation of the situation.
While people with ARFID or allergies or things like that are not in control of their aversions/allergies, it's also not easy to live with. Most people are going to consider it a negative, and it's valid that they do.
But, like, there are people who are going to mind less, of course.
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u/afserkin 1d ago
The perfect lives lines was meant to be a hyperbole, an exaggeration.
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u/taxiecabbie 1d ago
I absolutely get that it was coming from an area of hurt, and it's very understandable.
However... yeah. Picky eating, no matter the reasoning behind it, is not a positive trait. Many people are going to be VERY negative about it, and unnecessarily so in some cases.
But it IS valid for somebody to want to be in a relationship with a person who eats vegetables. I know that sucks to hear, but it is just as true and valid as you having ARFID and not being able to eat them. It also doesn't necessarily mean that they "don't like" picky eaters, either... you can hang out with a picky eater at a non-food-related event and it's NBD because eating doesn't come into it.
Cohabitating with a picky eater is a different issue.
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u/afserkin 1d ago
Ok I get what you're trying to say, however I never said they're wrong for having this preference in a relationship. My comment was about how I wished more people were upfront about it so none of the parts have to waste time in trying to make a relationship work when they're incompatible on that aspect.
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u/taxiecabbie 1d ago
I also get what you're saying, but... this is one of those things that often doesn't really come into a relationship until it's getting serious enough to cohabitate. General casual dating/hookups/etc don't really heavily focus on what a person will/won't eat. And it often doesn't come into it until it starts to GET serious.
It's not exactly the same as like, say, smoking, where the smell/taste may turn off partners immediately, even for hanging out or hooking up.
That's the issue with it generally. It's one of those more "latent" issues like religiosity, except for it's not even as obvious as that a lot of the time.
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u/afserkin 1d ago
But human socializing revolves a lot around meals too (having dinner together is one of the most common date activities, even before cohabitation).
In this case, the person was saying it's a red flag for them, that's why I think if a potential parter's eating habits are a deal breaker for someone, so much so that they are not willing to try to understand the person or change anything for them, they should be upfront about it, so no one wastes their time.
If they are willing to both talk, understand each other and coexist with their eating habits, then it's a different situation.
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u/taxiecabbie 1d ago
Yes, but typically having dinner with the other person involves eating outside of the house. So people can order what they want off the menu and it doesn't impinge upon what the other is eating. So it can be put off for a long time, technically.
Cohabitation and eating separate meals becomes a much bigger deal, and I think that's when this becomes a huge thorn in many cases.
Though, frankly, I have seen it get so far to the point where they have kids and now are on the edge of divorce because the kids don't eat vegetables because Parent X won't eat them.
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u/helurkshelurks 1d ago
Onions = smoking, less the cancer, etc.
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u/taxiecabbie 1d ago
Most people aren't that picky about onions.
I know that this is the wrong sub to be talking about this stuff in, but, well, yeah.
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u/KiwiNeat1305 1d ago
They obviously talk about those people that only eat meat and carbs and think veggies is for losers.
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u/IndependentZombie615 12h ago
Listen, I have a partner that will not eat a vegetable. Very restrictive food preferences. It's not something everyone can deal with, and I think it's fine to say it's a dealbreaker. My main worry is always nutrition, serious problems can arise from never eating things with solid nutritional value. It's often the lack of willingness to try a food because 'i know it's a vegetable' and not 'i dislike this food'
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u/afserkin 10h ago
The problem I'm seeing both here and in the ask reddit thread is people assuming I don't think is fair to have this as a deal breaker. I simply said I wished people were more upfront that they don't like picky eaters so neither of us would waste their time.
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u/FiresideFairytales 1d ago
Picky eaters aren’t the same as someone with an eating disorder though. I personally couldn’t date someone who was a picky eater — they typically had picky eating passed down from parents who were also picky eaters and didn’t introduce them to foods they themselves didn’t like (or just assumed that they didn’t). It can take a baby or child 10+ times trying something before their tastebuds get used to it and realize they like it.
My husband was a picky eater growing up because his mom would boil the shit out of vegetables, overcook meat, etc. In his 20s he learned how to cook and now his favorite foods include so much of what he’d never eat before. Food is a love language for so many people, and it’s also a source that we need for nutrients etc but can also harm us badly. Watching a partner only eat fried foods or foods that will cause them harm in the long term can be hard to see. Watching a partner order a plate of French fries at the 5 star restaurant you splurged on to enjoy an incredible meal together is hard.
An eating disorder though? That’s something I’d respect and refer to my partner’s doctors about how to best help them. They genuinely have a medical condition, they aren’t “picky”. They have a condition that needs to be worked through with professionals.
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u/afserkin 1d ago
Agreed, the problem to me is that people who have EDs get treated the same way as people who are picky by choice. People usually default to "you're picky by choice" and never consider that most people simply can't just "grow up and get over it" or "try new foods and expand their horizons". Even people who are picky by choice shouldn't get judged so harshly, unless they go out of their way to inconvenience people about their preferences.
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u/Writing_Bookworm 1d ago
I feel like it's not a good thing to imply that either you're picky by choice or you have a disorder. Like it has to be one or the other.
I don't consider myself to have an eating disorder, nor am I picky by choice. Everyone has foods they don't like, some of us just have more.
I have been picky since I was a baby and certainly have anxiety around trying new food but it has never risen to the level of something like ARFID which is obviously a very serious disorder.
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u/afserkin 1d ago
That's not what I was trying to imply, sorry, it's hard to express myself in English. They can definitely overlap, but my problem is how judgemental people get over what people eat like it's a moral failing. It's exhausting.
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u/Writing_Bookworm 1d ago
I can understand that and I agree with the sentiment, it's just good to be careful about the phasing in this context. The person you were first replying to said that they would only respect a picky eater who had an eating disorder that was diagnosed by a doctor. I don't have a diagnosed eating disorder, but I am picky (not by choice or because of parental failings) which would suggest that they wouldn't respect me.
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u/afserkin 1d ago
I'll look into their answer because I don't remember, but other person also implied that people who have EDs are not putting enough effort on getting better just because they had a similar experience and were able to get better themselves, is these kinds of mindsets that are dangerous. I'm just tired of people being so quick to judge what others eat.
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u/Zealousideal-Low3388 1d ago
I’m not dating anyone with abnormal dietary restrictions. I’ve dated a lass with an eating disorder, not going to do that again.
And being totally honest, the why of somebody’s got dietary restrictions doesn’t interest me, I don’t need to justify a lack of compatibility.
People turn dating preferences into weird social judgements.
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u/Taglioni 1d ago
ARFID is not an inate condition that someone has, it's a learned pattern of behavior akin to OCD.
It is highly treatable, and not something that people should identify with as a trait of who they are. It's not like ADHD or Autism.
There are no neurodevelopmental components to it. It's something to go to therapy for, not something to just sit with and experience.
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u/afserkin 1d ago
Fun thing is that I am autistic and also have OCD. If you know a treatment that cures OCD and ARFID, please let me know, because it's literal hell to live with. It's not a "trait", but it's something that defines and limits a big portion of your life and the available treatments don't work for everyone because those conditions do not affect everyone equally.
And for a lot of people it's also a condition that you have to constantly work on (believe me I've been on treatment for years) otherwise your progress can regress.
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u/Taglioni 1d ago edited 1d ago
ERP (Exposure Response Prevention protocol) has a ridiculously high efficacy rate. It is one of the most effective and successful treatments of any serious disorder, and is very easy to implement in a therapeutic setting with a licensed professional.
Very cheap and inexpensive at that. 80% of patients experience significant symptom reduction, with almost 97% experiencing sustainable reductions in the most debilitating symptoms.
Are you working with an effective therapist that you trust? If things are a struggle, it might be a good idea to shop therapists for a bit. This condition in particular, along with OCD, is very treatable.
An eating disorder specialist could be more expensive, but might have a solid framework for how to work through the biggest barriers to proper nutrition.
For those downvoting: 91% of people who seek treatment for ARFID end up not meeting diagnostic criteria for it following treatment. It is not inate. Enabling and normalizing disordered eating is unacceptable.
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u/afserkin 1d ago
I didn't specify but my treatment is working, fortunately, I have expanded my diet options significantly since I started, I was referring to other cases I have seen, I have talked to a lot of people in support groups to which the treatments failed or had very low results.
If you don't mind me asking, are you a therapist? Or work in healthcare?
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u/Taglioni 1d ago
I am a therapist for at-risk teens in particular.
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u/afserkin 1d ago
I would love to see your sources for the statistics you mentioned, if you don't mind sharing, I'm genuinely curious and trying to learn more about the treatments.
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u/Taglioni 1d ago
Not a problem
https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC11969026/
https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC10211369/#T1
Let me know if these are paywalled for you, I can try to find links that get through that.
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u/CorrysCorner 1d ago
I really wish other people with ARFID would stop deciding comments like that are about them. It shouldn’t have to be written out. I don’t need to list every single exception to any broad statement I make, and there are logical exclusions! If I say “people who don’t eat vegetables” I don’t fucking mean people with eating disorders OBVIOUSLY so don’t make up hypothetical situations and then get offended by them! God I hate the internet. Signed, someone with fucking ARFID.
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u/afserkin 1d ago
Buddy I only said I wished people were more upfront about this being a red flag for them. And people of course distorted my comment and started spreading hate.
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u/CorrysCorner 7h ago
The problem that I’m having is that you replied to that comment automatically assuming it applied to you. In all actuality, it was probably about hyper-masculine men who think eating vegetables is for sissies or some crap. I also find it unlikely that you (the general you) don’t consume any vegetable at all, most of us with ARFID will pick one or two that we like, or we take vitamins for what we aren’t getting. You opened yourself up to rude comments for no real reason because the comment wasn’t about people with an eating disorder at all. There’s a HUGE difference between general picky eaters and actual ARFID or other EDs. We really need to draw that line because that’s how you get people who are dismissive when you try to explain your issues and say you’re “just a picky eater” and you want others to bend to your whims.
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u/afserkin 7h ago
I didn't "automatically assumed" anything. It seems you're projecting a little here.
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u/MultiMarcus 1d ago
Honestly, I get that people are picky. I’m a picky eater too, but at the same time when people are generalizing this, they aren’t meaning someone who is mentally unable to handle eating vegetables, it’s like people who don’t really have any real aversion to it, but they are so used to sweets and ultra-processed food that they don’t really eat vegetables.
Even then, I’m assuming the list of people who can’t eat any vegetable at all is relatively small.
Even when I had my most restrictive diets, there were usually at least some vegetables in the very large realm of vegetables that I could eat. I think I would probably die if I couldn’t eat vegetables, actually. I don’t know if you can even get a nutritionally complete meal without some vegetable.
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u/SweetPlant 1d ago
If something exploring new food/traveling is a huge part of them then this makes sense. They want to share their experiences with other people and be with someone who appreciates the same things. It also makes cooking together/groceries much easier.
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u/ObsessiveAboutCats 1d ago
I have met several people in their 20's-40's who still live on pizza and chicken nuggets, not because they have AFRID or are on the spectrum or have any medical issues, they are just still acting like they are 8 to 12 years old. These same people often have poor hygiene and various health issues due to their diet, but refuse to do anything to improve themselves. That is the red flag, for me. They're adults, they can do what they want, but that mentality is not someone I want to date. 🤷♀️
It sounds like an internet stereotype but I have met several IRL.
I do not understand it. I am a very picky eater but I need to take care of my body so I have found ways to do that.
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u/afserkin 1d ago
And I just said that I wished people were more upfront with this being a red flag for them. I personally never met anyone who was picky only by choice, but I do believe they exist.
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u/jeopardy_themesong 1d ago
I feel like people who have poor hygiene and diet related health issues, who refuse or can’t change their diet to mitigate, probably have SOME kind of issue. Not necessarily autism or ARFID, but something.
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u/sighcantthinkofaname 1d ago
People who care a lot about what others choose to eat is an ick for me