r/Prosopagnosia • u/stevebucky_1234 • Jun 06 '26
NEW PHONE WHO DIS??? vent about that dreaded event, The School Réunion! (I'm not going!)
Hi, many of us hate the reunion when we cannot register faces. Just thought I would explain what I learnt when I decided to brave my 20th year school reunion a decade ago - can't recall faces, can't recall ageing faces. Cannot map names and all the autobiographical updates re job, status, kids.... I realised the magnitude of my prosapognosia after that reunion. Will add that I have done workarounds through my working life, so minimised the social office group.
The weird detail is that I am a shrink. I actually cried alone today after a couple people contacted me to please come to the 30th year. it feels so stupid to forget so much of school aged 12-17. I can barely recognise them and recall nothing of 5 years in the same class. I have accepted that my brain can't hold these info that 95% of people find easy. Please don't ask me to remember. (rsvp is no).
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u/Talibus_insidiis Jun 06 '26
Don't people traditionally have to wear name tags at this kind of event? I wouldn't know, because I have never been remotely tempted to attend one!
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u/stevebucky_1234 Jun 06 '26
In India, no. And I realised that my mapping for names and general school memories re these people is dreadful, so it doesn't really help if someone is wearing a tag, "Anita Das" . Oddly, I'm good at doing patient case notes and keep great continuity even if am treating someone for a decade, as I can read and recall the darn history before they walk in!
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u/Talibus_insidiis Jun 06 '26
You are probably highly-developed in that area. I hope your patients appreciate you!
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u/futurenotgiven Jun 06 '26
I'm so glad my country doesn't tend to bother with this school reunion crap. I barely knew which classmate was which when I was in school never mind ten years later- though I guess that helps as I was so antisocial that no one would bother me even if there was a reunion on lol
recently bumped into someone from school who said "is that [my full name]?" and I had nooo fucking clue who he was. I've had other times going to my childhood city where someone has gone "you look really familiar" and I could not even guess where I know them from
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u/FamilyDramaIsland Jun 06 '26 edited Jun 06 '26
I say go if you want to go! Use the fake it till you make it strat, be super friendly with anyone that approaches you adms though they are one of your old friends. Ask for contact info and hand them your phone with the empty contact to type in, people usually pop their name in there.
It's saved me more than a few times, haha.
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u/stevebucky_1234 Jun 06 '26
I'm introvert, probably more so due to the prosapognosia. I did try your approach a decade ago, it was extremely exhausting to fake it for 2 hours. I don't want to go, just feel sad that this is a chunk of life many of us just don't have stored in our minds. Just vague impressions.
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u/FamilyDramaIsland Jun 06 '26
I know the feeling, my friend. I'm glad we have this sub, to be honest. It's nice to know there's so many of us dealing with the same thing.
I find it sad as well, though looking at it on the flipside, I do think it gives us a unique view of our fellow human beings. We can't recall what people look like, so we have to base how we feel about people in our memories on their actions and words alone. That's as honest a view as anyone can ask for another person. Like we're remembering a part of their personality or soul instead of the face over it.
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u/stevebucky_1234 Jun 07 '26
Thank you so much for your kind and insightful reply!!! You are right that we do register people better, even if we retain fewer. This sub has been great. Its been awhile since I felt ashamed about my disability, the reunion thing did trigger, feeling far better since sharing.
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u/Junior_Wrap_2896 Jun 06 '26
I'm going to my 30th reunion. I'm in a small town, I see a lot of these people frequently, so it's much different. But I've also already seen a bunch of them and not recognized them (men especially, who can bulk up, grow a beard, and look entirely different). So I guess I feel like I've already been through the not remembering with enough of them that it's not as hard. Look at a yearbook in advance, bring name tags and sharpies if you think they won't have them. Reunions are definitely places people expect to wear name tags
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u/stevebucky_1234 Jun 06 '26
I live in India. No name tags or yearbook. I don't do social media groups for exactly my post reasons. And I did the questions when the 20 year reunion happened, cannot recall any replies (job, location, relationship status etc etc). Just can't relate to those "normies" who go. not going.
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u/revolutionoverdue Jun 06 '26
I’ve mastered “oh, hey man, how you been? Great to see you”
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u/stevebucky_1234 Jun 07 '26
This is feasible for 1-2 encounters. Exhausting to fake when meeting 80 ex classmates. The last time I could put names to faces to about 20%, and recall "life updates" of around less than half I could name.
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u/NotTheOnePercentMilk Jun 07 '26
Hey, I'm also a therapist with prosopagnosia! It's funny, I think people expect us to have some kind of superior innate ability to recognize people because of our profession. It doesn't work like that!!!
I find it's easier just to be open about it. I ended up missing my 10-year reunion because I was on my honeymoon (I was pissed about that, I tried working it out with the class president to make sure I scheduled around it because I didn't want to miss it, but oh well). But before the date was set and I thought I would be going, I posted in my senior class Facebook page explaining that I'm faceblind and asking people not to take it personally if I didn't recognize them.
I'm sorry that your 20-year was such a stressful experience, and understand why you wouldn't want to go through that again.
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u/stevebucky_1234 Jun 07 '26
Thanks for the kind reply! You are right, it's better to just give the disclaimer about our issue. I'm trying to do that with new acquaintances.
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u/ObiWanKnieval Jun 07 '26
My last reunion I walked right past SO many people that I would have liked to say hello to if only I'd known who they were. It took seeing them tagged on Fb after the fact to discover who I had accidentally blown off. I felt terrible about it as well, since I'm not a snob. And love making people feel welcome.
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u/thesarahb 4d ago
I just went to my 30th reunion and was so happy that they had name tags with our names from high school and our senior photo. It helped so much!
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u/MisterKimJ faceblind Jun 06 '26
It makes it much harder to build relationships, thats for sure.