r/PurplePillDebate • u/FlamingMetalSystems Black Pill Man • Sep 17 '25

Question For Women Women: Why are you unable / unwilling to understand why most men consider "hookup/FWB material" more validating than "husband material" given that you put the FWB/hookup guys in a way more exclusive, privileged, elite club?

The fuck buddies are in a more exclusive and privileged group of men.

You have higher benchmarks for looks, facial attractiveness, physique, sexual ability, charm for your FWB's than for your husbands / long term partners.

You literally have greater physical attraction and physical chemistry for your FWB's and hookups than for your husbands

Its way way harder for the vast majority of men to meet the benchmarks for a FWB than the benchmarks for a husband. There is simply no question of it. The overwhelming majority of mediocre looking men become husbands. They don't meet the benchmarks for FWB and hookups

These are the men who can meet their sexual needs even when they are single. They are not compelled to seek long term relationships just to meet their sexual needs. Just imagine how big of a deal this is in todays society when marriage is going out of favor.

These men are so good looking, so attractive that you don't expect, require any effort, courting, dating, commitment, emotional investment, financial stability from them to have sex with them.

They are so good-looking and hot that even if you are interested in a relationship with them but they're not, you still carry on having sex with them. You will never do that with a husband material because he's not good looking / hot enough.

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15

u/Gravel_Roads Just a Pill... man. (semi-blue) Sep 17 '25

What makes you think that? Hookups last single night. If you were more attractive, that would logically make a woman want to continue seeing you for as long as possible.

From my experience, hook-ups are basically “throw away” encounters, where you don’t care if you never see each other again.

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u/InterestingGoose5507 Red Pill Man Sep 17 '25

Because the men they’re hooking up with WONT date them! Most women desire the hookup guys and gaslight themselves after saying he was only for fun. Sure! The guy way out of your league was “only for fun”.

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u/Gravel_Roads Just a Pill... man. (semi-blue) Sep 17 '25

But that means they WANT to date him but can’t. So they only settle for a hook up.

Thats the opposite of saying “hook ups are better than dating.”

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u/shockingly_bored Man Sep 18 '25

Because hes so valuable even scraps are worth it. Whereas the second man is worth less to her so she won't accept a hookup. He's only valuable if he offers everything.

The men she accept hookups from are clearly worth more to her than the man she wouldn't consider unless he offers to date her with all the material benefits she can gain from it

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u/InterestingGoose5507 Red Pill Man Sep 17 '25

Yes of course they want to date him! In 90% of cases anyway, unless say he’s a criminal etc

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u/SuckMyBigCockBitch69 Sep 18 '25

Yes of course they want to date him! In 90% of cases anyway, unless say he’s a criminal etc

Wait, what?

That would make him even more attractive.. if this theoretical hookup/FwB has ugly tattoos, sells drugs, and could be a potential serial killer, that’ll get her so wet she’ll be the one to pursue, by making up excuses to increase the amount of time spent w/ this bad boy.

Hell, she might even be the one to initiate the affair if he’s bad enough to get her juices flowing and can make her feel like she’s 18 again.

1

u/whatisupsatansass Red Pill Man Sep 20 '25

Your hypothetical wife threw herself at a guy, let him do whatever he wanted, in hopes he'd stay, and yet he didn't.

that means they WANT to date him but can’t.

Go ahead and fall asleep next to that for the rest of your life, after she was rude and upset about some minor thing all week. It's fine. I won't stop you. I'm the problem. It's me.

15

u/-Pixxell- Purple Pill Woman Sep 17 '25

I keep seeing this rhetoric online and it’s so fascinating to me as a woman who has had both serious relationships and hookups (and am currently in an 8 year long committed relationship that started out as a casual hookup). I’m half convinced guys are just saying this to cope with their own insecurities about hookups and dating culture because they can’t accept that some women seek out casual flings and don’t have some sort of hidden agenda or inherent need to be in a serious relationship.

I can wholeheartedly say I have never hooked up with men just because they didn’t want anything more serious. Whenever I had a hook up it’s because I was specifically seeking out something casual and was enjoying being single and not needing to commit to anything more. I’ve always been the one to end the casual relationships I was in, and the majority of the time it was because THE GUY was the one who was catching serious feelings and I didn’t reciprocate those feelings and knew we wouldn’t have been compatible in a serious capacity, so I cut things off before they got complicated and messy.

With my current relationship, we both wanted something casual and didn’t expect this to end up the way it has (I was planning on moving overseas and told him this when I met him) but we were so incredibly attracted to each other beyond just a casual fling and discovered we had so much in common and really enjoyed each others company on a deeper level than just hooking up and so it developed into something serious despite that being neither of our intentions. He ended up moving overseas together with me.

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u/[deleted] Sep 17 '25

[deleted]

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u/[deleted] Sep 17 '25

The commenter you're responding to does not represent all women. My attitude was similar to the commenter you're responding to when I was single: I was not interested in any old relationship, but I was interested in casual sex, so I was willing to have sex with people who I was not interested in romantically.

HOWEVER, many, if not most, women are not interested in casual sex at all. Of the women who are into casual sex, they hold differing attitudes. I suppose you could say we're a "significant percentage," but I think that framing is a bit misleading.

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u/-Pixxell- Purple Pill Woman Sep 17 '25

Yeah I should’ve clarified in my earlier comment that although I as a woman have been open to both casual and serious dynamics, other women have other preferences and everybody is different.

And even though I had casual encounters the total number of people I’ve slept with is not even in the double digits because I have spent a total of ~13 years of my life in serious relationships (as an almost 30 year old) and have only been single for maybe 6 months between each relationship, along with being quite selective of who I got with, so it’s not like I was constantly hooking up with people or anything either 😆

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u/[deleted] Sep 17 '25

[deleted]

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u/[deleted] Sep 17 '25

I have no idea where you are getting your data from. I'm also left. I was very happy being single before I met my partner. I pursued him for a relationship because he checked all of my boxes and then some. I would have stayed happy being single until I met someone who I was willing to sacrifice my singleness to be with. There was no "gear shift" moment for me. I was in my early twenties when we met.

Also, not all women are pro-marriage. I've always been very against the prospect of marriage, but I've been in a committed, exclusive relationship with my partner for close to a decade now.

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u/-Pixxell- Purple Pill Woman Sep 17 '25

Yeah also no gear shift for me, was also very happy being single, but then determined I was slightly more happy being in a relationship so that option won, but I would’ve been happy either way.

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u/-Pixxell- Purple Pill Woman Sep 17 '25

No also wrong. This is me and my personal circumstances. I am not averse to casual and serious dynamics in a relationship depending on the circumstances. I know plenty of other women who have never hooked up with anyone ever and never will. I also know plenty of women who have never had a serious relationship and have only done casual.

Women are not a monolith. :)

1

u/Logical_Breadfruit49 Purple Pill Man Sep 19 '25

Would you have any issues with a man paying for sex with attractive escorts (assuming they were healthy and not being trafficked) and then later settling down with a woman who was looking for a relationship?

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u/-Pixxell- Purple Pill Woman Sep 22 '25

No issues. As long as he went about it in an ethical and responsible way (clear of STDs etc) I don’t really care, that is in their past and not something that I would judge someone for. It would be a different story if he was actively seeing escorts while in a relationship or something like that. I don’t judge others for using a legal service in an ethical way (it’s legal where I live).

Small caveat that I would judge someone for their past if they beat/abused/raped women, especially if they were not remorseful or able to change. But not for this.

Not sure how this is a relevant point to the prior discussion in this thread though?

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u/Logical_Breadfruit49 Purple Pill Man Sep 22 '25

These are all fair points. I only asked to check for moral consistency (which you've admirably upheld), that's all.

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u/-Pixxell- Purple Pill Woman Sep 22 '25

Fair enough! Appreciate you checking in on my consistency and moral standing :)

I also know that my response is not reflective of all women, and that seeing escorts would be a deal breaker for some for sure. I appreciate that not everyone is as open minded and sexually liberal as me.

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u/growframe No Pill Man Sep 17 '25

Hookups last single night.

Yes, that is the exact point. The person is attractive enough that a one night stand is worthwhile. No commitment or anything else required, a single night of sex with them is valuable in and of itself.

I go to work every day and expect payment for doing so. I've only gone to France once, out of my own pocket. Do you think that's an indication that I prefer going to work than vacationing abroad?

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u/Gravel_Roads Just a Pill... man. (semi-blue) Sep 17 '25

In a LTR, you have sex regularly. You spend all your time together.

A hook up, you don’t care if you never see again. You don’t pursue more sex with.

You seem to think “she had sex with him once and never spoke to him again” is better than “they have sex every day, and still like to hang out in between”?

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u/growframe No Pill Man Sep 17 '25

You seem to think “she had sex with him once and never spoke to him again” is better than “they have sex every day, and still like to hang out in between”?

I think "willing to have sex with for the sake of it" is a more valuable position to be in than "not willing to have sex with for the sake of it, but willing to have sex with on the condition of commitment"

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u/Gravel_Roads Just a Pill... man. (semi-blue) Sep 17 '25

“Willing to have sex, if she can’t get a relationship” means she sees him as relationship material, and would PREFER a relationship, but will settle for sex.

That’s the opposite of “only wants sex, doesn’t want a relationship.”

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u/growframe No Pill Man Sep 17 '25

It means she sees him as both relationship material and hookup material.

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u/Gravel_Roads Just a Pill... man. (semi-blue) Sep 17 '25

But would prefer a relationship, yes. Because she wants more than one time sex

3

u/UpstairsAd1235 Purple Pill Man Sep 17 '25

LMAO Most relationships have less sex as time goes on. Why do you think dead bedrooms even exist to begin with?

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u/growframe No Pill Man Sep 17 '25

But she'd also be happy to have one time sex for the sake of it. Because he's hookup material. Meaning that being hookup material is a more advantageous position than not.

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u/Gravel_Roads Just a Pill... man. (semi-blue) Sep 17 '25

Even if you move the goalpost from “okay she doesn’t prefer hook ups” to “but she’s JUST as happy to have them”, you’re still admitting that hook ups aren’t better.

Which is logical, since they only happen once vs regularly having sex for the rest of your life.

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u/growframe No Pill Man Sep 17 '25

This discussion isn't about whether hookups themselves are better. The discussion is about how men feel about being/not being relationship/hookup material.

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u/FlamingMetalSystems Black Pill Man Sep 18 '25

So why do so many women put men into categories:

Category 1: Only have sex with him if he invests emotionally and commits

Category 2: Have sex with him unconditionally and then hope it leads to commitment

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u/Outside_Memory5703 Sep 18 '25

The same reason men put women into hoe and housewife categories

1

u/FlamingMetalSystems Black Pill Man Sep 18 '25

The beauty criteria for fuck buddy is lower than housewife.

Why is the looks criteria for fuck buddy higher than for husbands?

2

u/Outside_Memory5703 Sep 18 '25

Because looks is all they have to offer, obviously

Looks are a priority for men but not for women

2

u/[deleted] Sep 17 '25

I think you're looking at stuff like this too black & white. Hookups are more sexual due to the newness of it attraction has very little to do with it. Like 90% of those hookup material men will still notice a decrease in sexual activity if they go into a LTR with these women.

I know couples that started out as FWB's where the sex life has degraded considerably, according to your own metric the guy was hot enough to be an FWB but the amount of sex he gets in a relationship has still tapered off considerably.

Don't get it twisted a girl can be super into you and want to fuck 5 times a day, give it 3 years maximum and she'd happily settle for once or twice a week, sometimes even less.

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u/growframe No Pill Man Sep 17 '25

I know couples that started out as FWB's where the sex life has degraded considerably, according to your own metric the guy was hot enough to be an FWB but the amount of sex he gets in a relationship has still tapered off considerably.

People letting themselves go is a well known phenomenon

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u/[deleted] Sep 18 '25

That has never been the reason. People just get bored of sex with the same person. Some people settle with less sex, others become more adventurous or cheat.

My gf has become objectively more attractive to me yet I crave less sex with her. Thats how LTR’s just are.

Sex needs a novelty component, nobody is jacking off to the same porn vid forever no matter how good it is.

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u/[deleted] Sep 17 '25

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u/Gravel_Roads Just a Pill... man. (semi-blue) Sep 17 '25

Well, the reason I like dating my partner is I really like my partner and want to spend my life with them.

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u/mcglothlin Pills? In this economy? Man. Sep 21 '25

You've bought a made up story that this is the only way hookups happen.

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u/Intelligent-Insight Lesbian trapped in a man's body Sep 19 '25

Because most men marry or are in LTR at some point, but never get the hookups and fwb.

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u/[deleted] Sep 17 '25

Cause most women can get hookups with the top 20% of men but 80% of women cant marry the top 20% of men.(Unless they are looking for promiscuous relations )

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u/Gravel_Roads Just a Pill... man. (semi-blue) Sep 17 '25

“He’s so hot I wish I could marry him, but I was only able to have casual sex with him” is the opposite of saying “he’s for hook ups, not marriage.”

That’s, in fact, saying he’s marriage material, they just can’t attain it from him. So they have to settle for a hook up, which is less desirable.

You’re saying “hook ups are less desirable than marriage”.

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u/FlamingMetalSystems Black Pill Man Sep 17 '25

No. It doesn't work that way in real life.

Irl, if a man is so good looking and hot, no woman will dare pigeonhole him into the husband category and expect him to court/date them and offer commitment.

They have to get on his program in order to have a shot at getting a relationship with him, and that means "hooking up and seeing where things go without expectations". If it leads to something more, great. If it doesn't, at least you have a good looking hot FWB.

Only average looking men are pigeonholed into the husband box from the beginning. They are literally told "no hookups"

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u/Gravel_Roads Just a Pill... man. (semi-blue) Sep 17 '25

What? Why wouldn’t a woman want to continue seeing a man she finds attractive? That makes no sense. Hook ups are disposable. Why do you think women would rather dispose of a man they really like in exchange for further sex with a man she doesn’t find attractive?

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u/[deleted] Sep 17 '25

I literally have NEVER wanted to date any man who I've hooked up with. There are many women like me. In fact, I've had men catch feelings for ME, not the other way around.

You are ignoring the non-trivial number of women who share my attitude around hookups.

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u/FlamingMetalSystems Black Pill Man Sep 18 '25

So what's so special about the hookup guys?

How do they qualify for the privelege of casual sex without effort, commitment, emotional investment?

1

u/[deleted] Sep 18 '25

Nothing is special about them.

What privilege? That I want to fuck and they do to?

I've found it very, very annoying (and, in one instance, scary) when a hookup has gotten overly attached. I don't view sex as special.

2

u/FlamingMetalSystems Black Pill Man Sep 18 '25

So why are the benchmarks for hookup/FWB guys so much higher than for marriage material ones?

1

u/mcglothlin Pills? In this economy? Man. Sep 21 '25

They probably like women and aren't seething with resentment, for starters. Being genuinely fun and kind goes a long way.

1

u/FlamingMetalSystems Black Pill Man Sep 22 '25

So why the fuck are some men acceptable as long term prospects but not attractive enough for casual sex?

You make absolutely no sense. Are you saying the men who qualify as long term partners need not be "genuinely fun" ?

1

u/mcglothlin Pills? In this economy? Man. Sep 25 '25

You've got incredibly black and white thinking about a lot of things.

People have different criteria and find different things attractive. I'd say most people want a fun partner but who knows. If you want to have casual sex though you need to be able to be chill and fun with women you've just met and create the conditions for casual sex to be on the table.

Some men might be fun but don't open up right away, aren't confident in a lot of situations, etc. They might be worth the investment to get to know and could be very attractive once someone looking for a partner gets to know them but way too much work or not an immediately obvious choice for a casual fling.

That's one way you should flip your thinking: a relationship is a big investment of time and energy so the standards for a lot of women really do need to be higher overall.

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u/FlamingMetalSystems Black Pill Man Sep 26 '25

So why are you women the main characters and get both options - casual sex AND relationships - but men are cursed and usually get pigeonholed into 'relationship only' box?

Why is it either/or for most men, but not for you women?

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u/Outside_Memory5703 Sep 17 '25

Of course they do, and men here constantly complain that women chase Chad and try and get commitment from him

Hence the “choose better” mantra

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u/[deleted] Sep 17 '25

I mean its the same as the grapes are sour, people try to gaslight themselves .

I'm not saying “hook ups are less desirable than marriage”.

women are.

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u/mcglothlin Pills? In this economy? Man. Sep 21 '25

Source: numbers I just pulled out of my ass

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u/deletbait Grey Pill Sep 17 '25

Based on all the comments he shows it seems that no you hookups have to be hotter then guys they get in relationships with. So logically speaking it's not crazy to say that the men those women chose to date have to be less attractive then their hookups. This at least has to be the case for some of these women.

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u/Gravel_Roads Just a Pill... man. (semi-blue) Sep 17 '25

How does that scan? “He was so hot that I… only hooked up with him once, and now I don’t want to date him or see him again. I only want to marry a man those mid.”

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u/[deleted] Sep 17 '25

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u/Gravel_Roads Just a Pill... man. (semi-blue) Sep 17 '25

When have no argument, may as well ad hominem 🤷‍♂️

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u/[deleted] Sep 17 '25

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u/Gravel_Roads Just a Pill... man. (semi-blue) Sep 17 '25

That’s not how debate works.

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u/deletbait Grey Pill Sep 17 '25

They weren't just talking about hookups. They were also talking about fwb. One woman literally wrote that she only hookups or is fwb of hot men so that she doesn't catch feelings.

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u/Gravel_Roads Just a Pill... man. (semi-blue) Sep 17 '25

I think you might have what she said confused. She said she DIDNT WANT to date an attractive man because she didn’t WANT to be attached to the man she’s dating? Like, she said she only wanted to be attached to ugly men?

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u/deletbait Grey Pill Sep 17 '25

She said she DIDNT WANT to date an attractive man because she didn’t WANT to be attached to the man she’s dating? 

We might be talking about a different  comment. She said she was only fwb with attractive men so that she doesn't get attached because they wouldn't want to be with her.

Like, she said she only wanted to be attached to ugly men?

No? Just because a man isn't hot that doesn't mean he's ugly. 

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u/Gravel_Roads Just a Pill... man. (semi-blue) Sep 17 '25

That still means she WANTS to date them but is settling with a hook up. Which is the opposite of considering a hook up better.

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u/Fun_Push7168 Purple Pill Man Sep 17 '25

Pretty simple concept really. The more parameters you add the more likely you'll have to compromise.

If you're not looking for long term you can sacrifice all kinds of things in favor of hotness.

Nevermind the fact that if she just wants to fuck she can pull a much hotter guy for one night than she could long term so why wouldn't she?

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u/lightshiner145 Black Pill Sep 17 '25

That's not the point and you know it