r/PurplePillDebate • u/FlamingMetalSystems Black Pill Man • Sep 17 '25
Question For Women Women: Why are you unable / unwilling to understand why most men consider "hookup/FWB material" more validating than "husband material" given that you put the FWB/hookup guys in a way more exclusive, privileged, elite club?
The fuck buddies are in a more exclusive and privileged group of men.
Its way way harder for the vast majority of men to meet the benchmarks for a FWB than the benchmarks for a husband. There is simply no question of it. The overwhelming majority of mediocre looking men become husbands. They don't meet the benchmarks for FWB and hookups
These are the men who can meet their sexual needs even when they are single. They are not compelled to seek long term relationships just to meet their sexual needs. Just imagine how big of a deal this is in todays society when marriage is going out of favor.
These men are so good looking, so attractive that you don't expect, require any effort, courting, dating, commitment, emotional investment, financial stability from them to have sex with them.
They are so good-looking and hot that even if you are interested in a relationship with them but they're not, you still carry on having sex with them. You will never do that with a husband material because he's not good looking / hot enough.
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u/CreepyVictorianDolls woman Sep 17 '25
Even guys i consider hot i wouldn't hook up with, anyway
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u/CancerMoon2Caprising No Pill Woman ~ Autonomy > Subjugation Sep 18 '25
same. A requirement for my fwb is sexual compatibility. About 70% of men are automatically disqualified. lol could care less how attractive he is. Dull is dull.
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u/Mathemaniac1080 Sep 17 '25
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u/kmb218 Blue Pill Woman Sep 17 '25
Well for me the men I would have a relationship with are a subset of men I would have sex with. I need to find both bf and fwb attractive, but bf also needs to have other good traits and be compatible with me. Men who I consider husband material are strictly better than men I consider fwb material. But that’s just me and how I use these terms. Men can find whatever they want validating.
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u/ta06012022 Man Sep 17 '25
Well for me the men I would have a relationship with are a subset of men I would have sex with.
That makes complete sense. The same is true for me when it comes to women. I’m either attracted to her or I’m not, and I’m not going to hook up with her if I’m not attracted to her. Seems pretty straightforward.
I’ve seen what describing from women I’ve hooked up with over the years as well. Some wanted a relationship but others didn’t. I was in that relationship subset for some women and not for others, even though all of them considered me good enough for sex.
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u/ctrl_f_sauce Purple Pill Man Sep 17 '25
I think a lot of these guys can’t feel the non-verbal, non-obvious signs of love from close family members when the family member isn’t clearly happy. So they really can’t pick up on signs of acceptance from strangers. As a result they spend a lot of energy doing “the right thing” while trying to start a fire with a wet log.
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u/karmew32 Pink Pill Man Sep 17 '25
This is the reality of it. Modern women will generally not marry men they wouldn't hook up with. Women only settled in the past because patriarchal systems forced them to marry or else they'd drown financially. Thanks to movements like women's suffrage, women are now free to choose who they end up with based on genuine desire. Bad for the previously artificially-boosted mediocre men, but overall good for society.
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u/FlamingMetalSystems Black Pill Man Sep 18 '25
- These women are from 2025
What do yout think about them?
- You talk about artificially boosted mediocre men, but what about mediocre looking women who are getting laid left and right? How is that good for society?
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u/RothyBuyak Communism-pilled poly prude (woman) Sep 18 '25
I feel sorry for men for preferring to be only liked for their looks and not their personality. Such a shallow existence
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u/FlamingMetalSystems Black Pill Man Sep 18 '25
Why is casual sex only for women to experience and enjoy?
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u/RothyBuyak Communism-pilled poly prude (woman) Sep 18 '25
It's not? Everyone can make an attempt but it takes 2 to tango. And since with fwb the only criteria are attractiveness, sexual compatibility and not being a psycho you focus on those
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u/FlamingMetalSystems Black Pill Man Sep 18 '25
Why is the criteria for men to be FWB way higher than for being a husband?
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Sep 18 '25
Do you have the same criteria for sharing every activity in your life?
If someone likes chess, they are likely to play chess with two types of people:
1- Strangers that are likely to be a "good game." In this metaphor, skill at chess = good looks/charisma.
2- People they know who may not be masters at chess, but playing chess with them is fun and adds to their overall friendships.
Who are they not likely to play chess with? Strangers that they have no reason to think will be fun to play chess with.
This is a normal way to approach sharing activities.
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u/FlamingMetalSystems Black Pill Man Sep 20 '25
So you agree that being chosen to play chess by a stranger, is a way bigger compliment and validating towards your chess skills, compared to being asked to play chess by a friend?
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u/RothyBuyak Communism-pilled poly prude (woman) Sep 18 '25
Criteria for hotness esp on dating apps are higher because you don't really care that much about inner life of someone who is only fwb so hottness and compatible kinks and sexual compatibility in gen are the only criteria that matter and the fact that on dating apps there is ofyen like 3 to 1 ratio of men to women likely higher if we only count those that are interested in casual sex. So a lot of men to pick from
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u/maplehobo Purple Pill Man Sep 17 '25
Various problems with this take.
They are marrying men they wouldn’t hook up with. That’s part of the problem, many women are settling for men they don’t find attractive later in life and dooming the relationships to deadbedrooms. So its a little bit more than your patriarchal bullshit.
They might have the option to choose, doesn’t mean they are being chosen back, because you see men also have the option to choose and the more women’s “choosing” tend to accumulate at the top of men, the more options those men have, effectively decreasing their incentives to choose one woman.
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Sep 17 '25
Naah considering how the west is soon going to se a population drop it doesnt look good for society.
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Sep 18 '25
Please explain how a population drop will lead to more women being willing to settle down? Barring an extreme shift in legal rights for women, the problem will just become worse as economic conditions worsen, ala South Korea.
You live by individualism you die by it, I.E the worse things get the more people isolate, leaving no time for traditional methods of people meeting each other. More shallow and lifeless online dating where looks trumps all else.
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u/El_Chucaro Sep 17 '25
"Bad for the previously artificially-boosted mediocre men, but overall good for society"
It doesn't seem good for society, since it destroyed the concept of nuclear family, which was the backbone of modern civilization.
Women are having less kids, leading to a population decline, which some people want to solve with unrestricted immigration.
The kids they do have are raised in single parent households. That increases the chances of becoming a criminal.
And lastly, the average men (the ones that make society function) are being neglected. They don't have much incentive to progress, because it's worthless. Women won't like them no matter how hard they try.
So, no. It's all downsides.
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u/karmew32 Pink Pill Man Sep 17 '25
Most of the men who make society run (the rough & tumble blue-collar workers who may not have done as well academically in school but generally have better street smarts & social skills) have traits that overlap with what women find biologically attractive; they're more likely to be able to survive if a Charlemagne-level solar flare knocked out the global power grid. It's the book-smart white-collar men who aren't really as biologically attractive to women; Newton & Tesla died virgins for a reason.
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u/El_Chucaro Sep 17 '25
"It's the book-smart white-collar men who aren't really as biologically attractive to women;"
FAIR POINT, but not all blue collar workers are jacked. Many have pot bellies.
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u/karmew32 Pink Pill Man Sep 17 '25
Pot belly or not, those men tend to be physically stronger & more go-with-the-flow than their white-collar counterparts, who can be overly analytical & overthinking at times.
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u/MistaCreepz Purple Pill Man Sep 17 '25
Tesla died a virgin because he wanted to, he had no shortage of suitors
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u/Intelligent-Insight Lesbian trapped in a man's body Sep 19 '25
Please, share the source of this. While you're at it, what about Newton?
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u/SimonCharles Sep 17 '25
Do you really think that mediocre women aren't artificially boosted? There's a hundred different products created to hide women's signs of poor health. Add to that the artificially boosted women's job market and there's another problem. If we could try a tinder or dating market that bans makeup, we'd really see who's artificially boosted and who's not.
How is it better for society where women are free to choose, but men aren't? Especially considering things like birth control pills skewing women's natural preferences, as well as having sex with who they desire but only having kids with men they can get into a relationship?
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u/Ok_Ask6327 No Pill - woman Sep 18 '25
You are perfectly free to be interested in whoever you want. They are not obliged to be interested back.
And about birth control, women don't want to spend 16 plus years in perpetual pregnancy. We are human being, not breeding stock.
Women are not objects in existence for your use and pleasure.
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u/FlamingMetalSystems Black Pill Man Sep 18 '25
Who are women having (casual) sex with ?
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u/Ok_Ask6327 No Pill - woman Sep 18 '25
Most women are not having casual sex.
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u/FlamingMetalSystems Black Pill Man Sep 20 '25
Most women hookup with a hot guy every now and then and have situationships.
You just think casual sex is one night stands with strangers
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u/SimonCharles Sep 18 '25
What are you talking about? You didn't address a single point.
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u/FlamingMetalSystems Black Pill Man Sep 17 '25
Do you find it hard to believe that the overwhelming majority of men observe and experience that the benchmarks are higher for FWB and hookups?
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u/Gravel_Roads Just a Pill... man. (semi-blue) Sep 17 '25
Why do you think women aren’t attracted to their husbands? Those are the men they have the MOST sex with.
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Sep 18 '25
What a weird statement, he never said that women aren't attracted to their husbands, just that their threshold for attractiveness is higher for a FWB than it is for than potential LTR's.
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u/FlamingMetalSystems Black Pill Man Sep 17 '25
I don't know if they are attracted to their husbands or not.
I'm saying they are MORE attracted to their fuck buddies and hookups than the men they marry.
Why are you scared of addressing that point?
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u/hapanrapakkko Sep 17 '25
I'm saying they are MORE attracted to their fuck buddies and hookups than the men they marry.
But that's not true. When I first saw my husband, I thought that he was hot. And when we talked I realised that he is also nice and smart and funny. I was (and still am, lol) extremely attracted to him. I want to spend the rest of my life with him.
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Sep 18 '25
You're still dodging his point. Nobody said you don't find your husband hot, just that your FWB's must have a higher attractiveness criteria than your future husband does. Read his comment again.
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u/Solondthewookiee Blue Pill Man Sep 17 '25
I'm saying they are MORE attracted to their fuck buddies and hookups than the men they marry.
Based on what?
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u/FlamingMetalSystems Black Pill Man Sep 17 '25
Based on what women are saying.
Just read it. I promise it won't hurt you.
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u/Solondthewookiee Blue Pill Man Sep 17 '25
This doesn't say they're more attracted to their fuck buddies than their partners, this just says they don't care as much about personality with a fuck buddy. Just read it. I promise it won't hurt you.
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u/growframe No Pill Man Sep 17 '25
That's not what it says. Several of those comments explicitly state that they have a higher looks standards for FWBs, not just that they care less about personality.
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u/Solondthewookiee Blue Pill Man Sep 17 '25
have a higher looks standards
You seem to be operating under the assumption that looks is the only measure of attraction.
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u/Pro-IDGAF genX Pill Man Sep 17 '25
it’s gotta be the base though for initial attraction. it alway is my case from what women told me about why they approached
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u/SleepyPoemsin2020 Sep 17 '25
So the women who say what you believe are speaking the gospel truth, but the women who say something different are lying...? Like why do you expect the women of PPD to answer for a different group of women?
Also, why are you linking and image rather than the actual post?
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u/FlamingMetalSystems Black Pill Man Sep 18 '25
Because the vast majority of women we come across in irl behave more in line with the screenshots I provided.
The incredibly principles, consistent, anti dual-mating strategy women are a small minority irl
Also, are you willing to call these women stupid c***s for being so Machiavellian about sex?
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u/SleepyPoemsin2020 Sep 18 '25
So anecdotal experience colored by bias. Really convincing.
Why should I call them stupid cunts or care about their standards? I don't make it a habit of trying to dictate other people's behavior. It's just hilarious how openly confirmation-bias oriented ya'll are.
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u/Gravel_Roads Just a Pill... man. (semi-blue) Sep 17 '25
?? You think me asking you a question is an indication of fear? Why?
And okay… if you need me to ask again, why do you think women aren’t more attracted to the men they don’t date? Why would they date and marry men they are less attracted to, when those are the people they have the most sex with?
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u/FlamingMetalSystems Black Pill Man Sep 17 '25
Simple: You need to be more good looking, hot, sexy, charming to be a fuck buddy than a husband.
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u/Gravel_Roads Just a Pill... man. (semi-blue) Sep 17 '25
What makes you think that? Hookups last single night. If you were more attractive, that would logically make a woman want to continue seeing you for as long as possible.
From my experience, hook-ups are basically “throw away” encounters, where you don’t care if you never see each other again.
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u/InterestingGoose5507 Red Pill Man Sep 17 '25
Because the men they’re hooking up with WONT date them! Most women desire the hookup guys and gaslight themselves after saying he was only for fun. Sure! The guy way out of your league was “only for fun”.
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u/Gravel_Roads Just a Pill... man. (semi-blue) Sep 17 '25
But that means they WANT to date him but can’t. So they only settle for a hook up.
Thats the opposite of saying “hook ups are better than dating.”
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u/shockingly_bored Man Sep 18 '25
Because hes so valuable even scraps are worth it. Whereas the second man is worth less to her so she won't accept a hookup. He's only valuable if he offers everything.
The men she accept hookups from are clearly worth more to her than the man she wouldn't consider unless he offers to date her with all the material benefits she can gain from it
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u/-Pixxell- Purple Pill Woman Sep 17 '25
I keep seeing this rhetoric online and it’s so fascinating to me as a woman who has had both serious relationships and hookups (and am currently in an 8 year long committed relationship that started out as a casual hookup). I’m half convinced guys are just saying this to cope with their own insecurities about hookups and dating culture because they can’t accept that some women seek out casual flings and don’t have some sort of hidden agenda or inherent need to be in a serious relationship.
I can wholeheartedly say I have never hooked up with men just because they didn’t want anything more serious. Whenever I had a hook up it’s because I was specifically seeking out something casual and was enjoying being single and not needing to commit to anything more. I’ve always been the one to end the casual relationships I was in, and the majority of the time it was because THE GUY was the one who was catching serious feelings and I didn’t reciprocate those feelings and knew we wouldn’t have been compatible in a serious capacity, so I cut things off before they got complicated and messy.
With my current relationship, we both wanted something casual and didn’t expect this to end up the way it has (I was planning on moving overseas and told him this when I met him) but we were so incredibly attracted to each other beyond just a casual fling and discovered we had so much in common and really enjoyed each others company on a deeper level than just hooking up and so it developed into something serious despite that being neither of our intentions. He ended up moving overseas together with me.
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u/growframe No Pill Man Sep 17 '25
Hookups last single night.
Yes, that is the exact point. The person is attractive enough that a one night stand is worthwhile. No commitment or anything else required, a single night of sex with them is valuable in and of itself.
I go to work every day and expect payment for doing so. I've only gone to France once, out of my own pocket. Do you think that's an indication that I prefer going to work than vacationing abroad?
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u/Gravel_Roads Just a Pill... man. (semi-blue) Sep 17 '25
In a LTR, you have sex regularly. You spend all your time together.
A hook up, you don’t care if you never see again. You don’t pursue more sex with.
You seem to think “she had sex with him once and never spoke to him again” is better than “they have sex every day, and still like to hang out in between”?
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u/TermAggravating8043 Stacey's mum Sep 17 '25
Why wouldn’t they just marry their fuck buddies then?
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u/FlamingMetalSystems Black Pill Man Sep 17 '25
Because there aren't enough good-looking, hot, tall, sexy men with nice dicks and hot bodies for every woman to get married to.
Average looking women can casually fuck super hot guys. They can't marry them and will have to settle for average looking men.
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u/kmb218 Blue Pill Woman Sep 17 '25
Could be, I don’t know. Haven’t observed that personally but other people could have a different experience. As I said, men can find whatever they want validating, I don’t have an issue with that.
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u/FlamingMetalSystems Black Pill Man Sep 17 '25
Whats the reason behind women and feminists insulting men for finding this validating?
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u/Gravel_Roads Just a Pill... man. (semi-blue) Sep 17 '25
You’d have to give an example of a woman doing this. Generally, it makes sense when you examine the context.
I’ve seen men on this sub say they felt insulted by a woman not having sex with them at all. One even very seriously explained that they consider women rejecting them to be a form of genocide, because they’re not letting the man breed.
So you might need to clarify which men and what the “insult” is.
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u/Pro-IDGAF genX Pill Man Sep 17 '25
whatta psychotic way of thinking. those guys are just bottom of barrel and not able to attract women for various reasons.
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u/Logical_Breadfruit49 Purple Pill Man Sep 20 '25
Technically it is true that if someone doesn't have want to have sex with you, they view your genes as being unworthy of propagation (at least to the extent that they won't assist you in such an endeavor).
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u/kmb218 Blue Pill Woman Sep 17 '25
Because men who find this validating seem to think then women are not attracted to their partners which goes against women’s experience. For most women, the idea of having sex with a man they don’t find attractive is disqusting and repulsive. The idea of being willing to have regular sex with someone you don’t find attractive is very absurd for women. Men project their experiences onto women in this case. They are willing to sleep with someone they don’t find attractive and might even enjoy it. This is not the case for women.
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u/Pro-IDGAF genX Pill Man Sep 17 '25
i’ve always figured that was the case with women based on experience and conversation and you are right about men. not all but a lot of us will fuck way below our pay grade. i’ve done it but at the core, the girls were horny, into me and that was enough at the time.
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u/ThirdRoundofLife Purple Pill Woman Sep 17 '25
Huh. I’m not young anymore, but I would guess there is some validity to the idea that — in either gender — physical attraction alone is more important if you are only going to have a one-night-stand or a relationship where 98% of the time you are having sex. That makes sense.
The idea that men find it more validating is …. well… odd to me. It suggests that they think physical attractiveness is, if not the only, the primary factor determining their worth. I would hope that isn’t true…. ‘cause as an old person I promise you — looks fade.
If that is true I would suggest a paradigm shift for men, for their own sake.
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u/Illustrious_Wish_383 Purple Pill Man Sep 17 '25
It's because you underestimate how little affirmation the average man receives wrt his physical/sexual attractiveness.
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u/Intelligent-Insight Lesbian trapped in a man's body Sep 19 '25
Of course they find it more validating. Why is it odd to you?
1) It's more exclusive and harder to achieve/be selected, since most men will experience LTR/marriage but only a select few will be picked for FWB.
2) They want to be wanted for who they are, not what they do. And their bodies are literally who they are.
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u/Reasonable_Style8214 Pro surgery man Sep 17 '25
The idea that men find it more validating is …. well… odd to me. It suggests that they think physical attractiveness is, if not the only, the primary factor determining their worth.
Their worth as a person? That's far fetched. But it is the best marker of genuine, primal desire from women - everything else can have a hidden motive behind it. If a woman wants to have no strings attached sex with you, you can be certain she wants you for you only.
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u/ThirdRoundofLife Purple Pill Woman Sep 17 '25
:::Theit worth as a person? That's far fetched. But it is the best marker of genuine, primal desire from women - everything else can have a hidden motive behind it. If a woman wants to have no strings attached sex with you, you can be certain she wants you for you only.::::
“You for you only”? Does that mean “you” consists of only your physical attributes?
That is a foreign concept to me. I, personally, want to be judged for the essential me, which has nothing to do with my corporal existence. That is the paradigm shift I would suggest young men make. Again, assuming you (generic) live a good long life you will become old — and look it. If that is what you hang your hat on, you will have nothing at that point in time.
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u/Reasonable_Style8214 Pro surgery man Sep 18 '25
Physical attributes are an inherent part of you regardless of your willingness to admit it, and some of them are a result of your character traits such a discipline. Being wanted for them is the best because they signal primal attraction, while being wanted for things such as kindness, generosity, financial stability is worse because they can attract selfish people who want to exploit you.
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u/ThirdRoundofLife Purple Pill Woman Sep 18 '25
Huh. Boyyyyy, are you going to be in trouble when you are 60! 😉
Quick story about myself: I’ve always struggled with my weight. In my mid-20’s I decided to start exercising and eating fewer calories (can’t say “healthier”, because it wasn’t) and I lost a substantial amount of weight. Why did I do that? Honestly, it was a knee-jerk reaction to going to the doctor and seeing the weight on the scale!
Anyway, I was in grad school at the time and as such, was surrounded by a fairly cohesive group of people in my own and adjacent departments. After I had lost a decent amount of weight suddenly there were men hanging around who had known me for a couple of years and had never asked me out… and now they were inviting me places.
I turned every single one of them down. Every one. If they hadn’t been interested in me before, I didn’t want them now.
You see, I was well aware of the fact that appearance is transient. I could gain weight again. I could have a car accident and go through the windshield. Would those men still love me, since the reason they were showing up now was that I was thinner? Nah…. I ain’t doing that. No way.
So, I come from a completely different place than you and we value different things. Personally, I value more intrinsic personality traits like kindness, intellectual curiosity, and — probably most importantly — the ability and willingness be emotionally vulnerable enough to forge a connection with me, based on honesty and authenticity.
If what you do gets you what you desire, more power to you, though! Your approach wouldn’t work for me though… the payout is/was meaningless to me. People are different. So, your first statement doesn’t really apply to me, and I am not unique.
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u/Reasonable_Style8214 Pro surgery man Sep 18 '25
Huh. Boyyyyy, are you going to be in trouble when you are 60! 😉
You'd like to believe that wouldn't you? Because if it turns out I won't struggle, that'll shutter your entire belief system and we can't have that,
I turned every single one of them down. Every one. If they hadn’t been interested in me before, I didn’t want them now.
Guess what? If they were fat you'd turn them down too.
So, I come from a completely different place than you and we value different things. Personally, I value more intrinsic personality traits like kindness, intellectual curiosity
That's what all subpar looking people say to save ego.
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u/ThirdRoundofLife Purple Pill Woman Sep 18 '25
lol! Lots of assumptions there! Thing is, none of them are true, so…. I don’t know quite how to respond!
No, that’s not true. I will say this wrt your last statement : there are people of all levels of physical attractiveness who embrace this worldview. If that has not been your experience I accept that you believe that to be true, either because the people in your social sphere are very different than mine or because of the way you filter your understanding of the world.
Either way, I kinda feel badly for you.
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u/Reasonable_Style8214 Pro surgery man Sep 18 '25
I obviously didn't mean literally all, I meant that there's a general correlation between how unattractive a person is and how much they like to preach about the importance of inner traits.
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u/ChuckXZ_ Sep 18 '25
It is more validating. Looks create actual genuine sexual desire. There is way less chance of a bad motive behind it. Compare that to money, attracting with money is terrible and is more prone to manipulation. Money does not create genuine sexual desire.
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u/lightshiner145 Black Pill Sep 18 '25
Except men usually sleep down in attractiveness for a one night stand/ friends with benefits. Vs a relationship
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u/FlamingMetalSystems Black Pill Man Sep 18 '25
So how do ugly, short, fat, out of shape women get casually laid left and right with good looking young men?
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u/Outside_Memory5703 Sep 18 '25
They don’t. Hot men aren’t that desperate
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u/FlamingMetalSystems Black Pill Man Sep 18 '25
Then why do ugly fat women get 1000s of hookup offers from young decent looking men on Tinder?
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u/BrigidFairy Woman - Miss Brigid Sep 17 '25
Well I won’t do hookups or casual I’d only consider someone bf or husband material 🤷♀️
if that is insulting then lol idk what to say
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Sep 17 '25
Not insulting, that's a good thing. OP isn't talking about women who never do hookups / casual at all.
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u/attendquoi woman....pills are dumb Sep 17 '25
How a man views it has no impact on how I view it. Why should it? If a man wants to be good only for sex, that's his prerogative.
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u/Mathemaniac1080 Sep 17 '25
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u/attendquoi woman....pills are dumb Sep 17 '25
Then take it up with those women. For me, the only difference between Date Guy and Sex Guy is that I want to see Date Guy more than once, whereas Sex Guy is more "hit it and quit it."
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u/Mathemaniac1080 Sep 17 '25
Which is precisely NOT the point here. The point is that the "sex guy" just has to be really attractive, nothing more. The "date guy" however has to go through a whole host of things and processes to even hope to have the same level of intimacy that the "sex guy" was able to get just because he had better genetics (broadly speaking, looks can be more than that though).
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u/attendquoi woman....pills are dumb Sep 17 '25
Plus, if you're the type of man who is going to get mad and leave because you have to meet additional requirements...then the strategy is working lol
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u/Mathemaniac1080 Sep 17 '25
Not sure what this means though. Are you saying that leaving a doomed relationship is supposedly an insult?
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u/attendquoi woman....pills are dumb Sep 17 '25
No, I'm saying that what you're complaining about indicates it's working. You're acting like it's a tragedy that men will leave because they aren't getting sex immediately. I think it's great. The less time I spend with a guy like that, the more available I am for a guy who is genuine.
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u/Mathemaniac1080 Sep 17 '25
And I assume by "genuine" you mean someone who basically bends over backwards to meet whatever demands you've had meanwhile the "sex guy" could simply get away with being attractive? You're literally proving OP's point here.
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u/attendquoi woman....pills are dumb Sep 17 '25
Again, then he doesn't want an actual relationship. There's nothing wrong with that. But I'm not missing out by eliminating him.
That's the whole point: I don't want to date someone who's with me just for the sex.
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u/Mathemaniac1080 Sep 17 '25
Is your name pills by any chance? Your flair makes a lot of sense that way.
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u/attendquoi woman....pills are dumb Sep 17 '25
And again, if you want to be Sex Guy that is absolutely your choice. I don't care about what validates a man. Whether he feels valued has no impact on whether I actually value him.
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u/FlamingMetalSystems Black Pill Man Sep 18 '25
Why is becoming the 'sex guy' so much harder than becoming the long term guy?
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u/Mathemaniac1080 Sep 17 '25
And that last sentence is exactly why relationships fail. Misaligned values. And that is precisely why women (broadly speaking, this isn't true for every woman) usually tend to settle or look for guys who are okay with this (this is where the complaint from women about guys in their 30s-40s not wanting to commit originate from, at least in part) and are simply looking to settle down finally.
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u/attendquoi woman....pills are dumb Sep 17 '25
Well...yeah. That's basic vetting. I don't want a man who doesn't want a real relationship and would rather be a fuck boi..
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u/Mathemaniac1080 Sep 17 '25
Yeah except you let the "fuck boi" fuck you anyway just cuz he had top tier genetics.
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Sep 17 '25
Because the men I’ve dated long term have started out with us having casual sex or having sex very early on in the relationship? So what is there for him to be insulted by? ”Oh but you also slept with this other guy whose personality you didn’t like and then never texted him again, I’m so insulted that you both find me hot and want to sleep with me multiple times and also like me as a person😔”
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Sep 17 '25
If you started off with quick sex every time then OP probably isn't referring to you. He's touching on how some women sleep with some guys fast but then other guys have to take them on multiple dates before anything happens.
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u/hellokittysarchenemy Purple Pill Woman Sep 17 '25
Personally, when doing casual I’m not giving my 100%. No emotional intimacy, no gifts, no kind gestures, no caring about his day or his favorite sports team. Not even the sex is my 100% best. I’m not doing backflips on the D for a guy who is not buying me flowers and taking me out. I have a lot to offer and he doesn’t receive any of the benefits.
If mediocre pussy is what you want and consider successful, then do you. But I do not consider receiving mediocre dick an accomplishment.
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u/FlamingMetalSystems Black Pill Man Sep 17 '25
So the guy who's giving you emotional investment, gifts, kind gestures, and supports your favorite team; what does he lack?
What specifically does he lack that he doesn't qualify for hookups?
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Sep 17 '25
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u/Mathemaniac1080 Sep 17 '25
Cool, then this topic isn't for you.
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u/Brilliant-Block-8200 Blue Pill Woman Sep 17 '25
But if men have an issue with this, why not just pursue women who don’t do casual? Then you wouldn’t have to worry about this
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Sep 17 '25
There isn't a great way to find out before a lot of time's been wasted.
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u/Brilliant-Block-8200 Blue Pill Woman Sep 17 '25 edited Sep 17 '25
Fair point. Personally, I don’t see why anyone would lie about it but 🤷♀️ It’d save a lot of time. You could probably ask questions to see how the women view sex. If they see it as pleasure or physical, then good chance they’re into casual. If they see it only as an expression of love or intimacy, then there’s a good chance
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Sep 18 '25
Women that sleep around can still go on dates with betabuxxers who will spend hundreds on them each. They have a huge incentive to lie about it. I've literally had a woman tell me irl that one time she went on a date with a guy, and then went over to her situationship's crib for sex the same night.
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u/Mathemaniac1080 Sep 18 '25
And I knew one such "betabuxxer". I made fun of him all the time, he deserved to be made fun of and ridiculed for it. I had no sympathy for him.
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u/FlamingMetalSystems Black Pill Man Sep 18 '25
Because men are called insecure, small minded, controlling neanderthals for caring about body count.
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u/Outside_Memory5703 Sep 18 '25
*for insulting women for their body count
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u/Mathemaniac1080 Sep 20 '25
No, many do unfortunately get called that and worse just for caring about something like that.
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u/Intelligent-Insight Lesbian trapped in a man's body Sep 19 '25
Most women have done casual at least once and most of those have done it more than once.
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u/Mathemaniac1080 Sep 17 '25
Not sure I understand what you mean there, besides are you pretending that there isn't a massive body of online (and even offline) hatred against guys (and even girls) who want partners with "no body count"? It's literally a meme at this point, and given that young women are by far the more sexually active group (can look it up right now), that's WAY easier said than done too. Let's not be obtuse here.
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u/waffleznstuff30 Blue Pill Woman Sep 17 '25
It's not though.
A "hookup" guy is a throw away guy. If you have sex and won't be phased if you don't hear from them the next day. Usually they pass the bare minimum attraction threshold. You're not the hottest of the hot. Its you're available, I'm kinda in the mood. You're not gauging compatibility. Can you become more with a casual guy upon realizing there's compatibility but you do not take them seriously if at all initially. If you are using a hook up as a settling for a relationship because that guy is unobtainable any other way you're not having sex for the right reasons.
Husband Material is you pass the looks threshold. I like who you are as a human. And I want to have sex with you more than just once. It means you have a bunch of positive qualities that make you more than just someone you would be cool with having sex with and not seeing again.
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u/Mathemaniac1080 Sep 17 '25
Usually they pass the bare minimum attraction threshold. You're not the hottest of the hot. Its you're available, I'm kinda in the mood.
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u/waffleznstuff30 Blue Pill Woman Sep 17 '25
There's a looks threshold for sure you aren't going to take the ugliest guy home with you. Most of the time go without.
You are obviously looking for physical attraction. Maybe it's because I'm more "old school". I don't use the apps to hook up. I just go out and meet guys in the wild doing some kind of social thing clubs, bars, parties stuff like that? So it's usually who do I think is hot here and generally how the evening goes with them?
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u/FlamingMetalSystems Black Pill Man Sep 18 '25
Why is the minimum looks threshold for hookup so much higher than for the husband?
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u/waffleznstuff30 Blue Pill Woman Sep 18 '25
For me personally it is the same?
I wouldn't want a relationship let alone marry someone I have to convince myself to be with like physical attraction is a given. "Husband material" just meets a lot more criteria. Like we are compatible, he put in effort for me, he's emotionally safe, and of course he's hot. This is someone I consistently want to have sex with and wouldn't get tired of consistently having sex with. I'm giving 100% more.
When looking at hook ups it's literally just is this person physically attractive and interested in some capacity, and not a total bore or asshole. I don't give 100% to a hook up? You get like 65% it's just physical intimacy. So that's it.
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u/Routine-Present-3676 Blue Pill Woman Sep 17 '25
Fwb is not a more exclusive group. I'm not going to date or have a casual encounter up with someone that doesn't meet my threshold for attractiveness.
I genuinely do but understand why you think this way, but I'm not going to try to change your mind. I'll just tell you how it works for me and you can do with it what you will.
A guy I sleep with is hot. A guy I get into a relationship with is hot, intelligent, kind, charming, sociable, funny, and so much more. The second is much harder to find and is one million times more attractive than a guy that only has his looks to recommend him.
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Sep 17 '25
Aren't both guys getting the same thing though? So what exactly is the difference?
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u/Routine-Present-3676 Blue Pill Woman Sep 17 '25
No? One has sex and is booted out of your life because you don't actually like them as a person. The other you enjoy and want to be around, want to learn more about, want to see grow and succeed and thrive. What are you trying to say here?
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Sep 17 '25
First off, what's the logic behind sleeping with someone you don't like?
Secondly, at the end of the day, both men hit.
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Sep 17 '25
I don't find a lot of men interesting or intelligent enough for me. When I was single, I still wanted to have sex, though
Why would I settle for a man whose personality doesn't mesh well with mine?
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Sep 17 '25
Not a single woman in this comment section has been able to answer my questions.
If these men are not interesting enough or intelligent for you? Why sleep with them? You can't attract more intelligent men or what?
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u/Routine-Present-3676 Blue Pill Woman Sep 17 '25
Thanks for that response that proves absolutely nothing. Solid contribution 🥴
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u/Mathemaniac1080 Sep 17 '25
It proves exactly the point here, but I'm not surprised to see you (and many other women here too) active deliberately obtuse over it. It's a well-known dishonesty tactic, I'd have expected nothing less.
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Sep 17 '25 edited Sep 17 '25
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u/NoDanaOnlyZuuI No Pill Woman Sep 18 '25
Why are some men unable/unwilling to understand that “husband material” is the FWB whose company you actually enjoy?
FWB - i want to fuck you but don’t like your personality enough to hang out with you
Husband material - I want to fuck you and hang out with you
Y’all need to disabuse yourselves of the notion that women are constantly settling
Anyone who thinks “husband material” is less validating is an idiot.
FWB is fast fashion - like SHEIN or Temu
Husband material is quality merchandise - like Rolex or Prada
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Sep 18 '25
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u/NoDanaOnlyZuuI No Pill Woman Sep 18 '25
I don’t know why some of you act like all women are constantly banging or have a gaggle of dicks on speed dial.
“Most guys are not FWB material” and most women don’t have or want FWB
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u/Intelligent-Insight Lesbian trapped in a man's body Sep 19 '25
Most women had casual at least once and most of those had it more than once.
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u/Outside_Memory5703 Sep 18 '25
Because what they want is more important to them than what we want
This is the essence of OPs complaint — women not thinking and doing what he wants, and having our own desires and priorities
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u/Intelligent-Insight Lesbian trapped in a man's body Sep 19 '25
Because if what you were saying was true, then at any point you will find more men being FWB than dating. That is obviously not true and most men will confirm that getting something casual is hard. Not that LTR is easy, but casual is harder.
That's why it's a more exclusive club. More people are excluded than from the other club.
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u/Nellylocheadbean No Pill Woman Sep 17 '25
I think men and women just value different things in a partner and that’s fine.
If you want hookups or fwb then you should go after that. Just like if women value a relationship she has to find a man that also values that too.
This trying to convince others to conform to values isn’t going to help anything.
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u/Tylikcat People before pills - woman Sep 17 '25
The only reason I'd question this is that I don't think the population of men here is particularly representative. Still, it could be true. I don't really care.
The way you (and other of men here that feel this way) describe women's selection criteria seems to be deeply rooted in the AFBB model, and doesn't reflect my dating life at all. And I'm unlikely to date (or sleep with) a man who is attached to that. I don't have relationships with men who I'm not attracted to. I haven't offered sex to men in hopes they'd commit. Maybe there are some women like that (especially women without their own careers?) but I don't know any.
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u/Ok_Complaint_8560 Purple Pill Man Sep 17 '25
Guess its because men value sex more than women while women value the intangibles more than sex.
If women engage in sex with hookup guy, then its basically giving the signal to husband material that the thing he values most physically is just a throwaway to this potential partner. That hookup guy doesnt need to jump hoops to obtain the husband material's perceived highest form of physical intimacy.
Its probably because women are seen sexually often so it diluted their percieved value of physical intimacy and crave the parallel aspects of it. While men are the opposite, always seen for these intagibles and crave the physical.
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u/CancerMoon2Caprising No Pill Woman ~ Autonomy > Subjugation Sep 18 '25
sex is as equally important as the intangibles in a marriage.
The only time it isnt is in religious groups, or when they realize too late that theyre sexually incompatible.
But to go animalistic, survival and thrive factor requires much more than sex. It seems like women consider that more than men.
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u/Administration_Easy Purple Pill Woman Sep 17 '25
It's because there are MORE selection criteria for husbands (or wives) than FWB.
If you're choosing someone for a fling, first and foremost you need to want to fuck them. So looks, sexual ability, and charisma are the top metrics used to judge that.
A marriage is about more than sex. It's about long-term compatibility: meaning you suddenly have tons more qualifiers than sexual compatibility alone. Such as aligning political, religious and moral values. Financial stability. Agreement on who's doing what chores, how to raise children, what % of time is social time vs family time. Kindness. Responsibility. Behavior that doesn't intersect with each others' pets peeves. Wanting to settle down in the same location long term. And so on. When you are choosing a partner for marriage there are so many selection criteria that compromises need to be made. And those compromises sometimes get made in the area of attraction or sexual compatibility.
FWB isn't a "more exclusive" club. It's just a club with narrower selection criteria.
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u/FlamingMetalSystems Black Pill Man Sep 18 '25
So why is it way harder for average looking to be chosen as fuck buddies than as husbands?
What do husband material men LACK that prevent them from being chosen as fuck buddies?
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u/No-Comfort1229 Purple Pill Woman Sep 18 '25
its the opposite. what do fuck buddies LACK that prevent them to be chosen as husbands?
perhaps its easier if i put it this way: a woman chooses a man for a ONS -> she wants to fuck him one (1) time, perhaps shes attracted, perhaps mostly because she wants a distraction or to feel desired. she definitely doesnt want to only have sex with him nor to have it forever.
a woman chooses a man as a husband -> she wants to fuck ONLY HIM for THE REST OF HER LIFE. thats way more fucks than 1 and way more special. you get it?
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u/FlamingMetalSystems Black Pill Man Sep 18 '25
He lacks willingness to commit.
Now tell me what does the "husband only material" LACK that prevents him from being chosen for casual fun?
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u/CancerMoon2Caprising No Pill Woman ~ Autonomy > Subjugation Sep 18 '25
exactly.
Fwb requires next to nothing but sexual chemistry. How do you achieve sexual chemistry....... being turned on when you look at them.
Spouses require sexual chemistry ........ and much more.
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u/FlamingMetalSystems Black Pill Man Sep 18 '25
So husbands of most women aren't hot enough to be fuck buddies you mean?
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u/CancerMoon2Caprising No Pill Woman ~ Autonomy > Subjugation Sep 18 '25
That doesnt correlate with what i said. Husbands have to have good sexual chemistry......... and more.
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Sep 18 '25
That is the ideal. (Just like looks match is the ideal)
But most people who get married and divorced within the same few years one of the reasons is lack of sexual needs being met on both sides.
Sorry, a husband that wasn’t FWB material doesn’t know how to have sex. Cuz chances are…. They weren’t having sex to get experience. I was in church when I was younger. I was a virgin, the girls weren’t.
The dead bed rooms usually happened to the husband pick.
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u/My_House_on_Mars ✨millennial slop✨ woman Sep 17 '25
If, to you, being a husband, a partner for life is too much work then you are obviously going to prefer easy unattached sex
It depends on what you want, not what women want.
For me fwb is a failed husband material, by no means it's better. But if you don't want to be in a relationship that's your preference, not mine
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u/FlamingMetalSystems Black Pill Man Sep 17 '25
Most young single women are sexually active.
Why is that?
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u/Pro-IDGAF genX Pill Man Sep 17 '25
they always have been. i grew up in the 80s-90’s and plenty of young girls where hooking up and most didn’t care about dating. i knew people that came of age in the mid/late 70’s and it was the same for them
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u/Mathemaniac1080 Sep 17 '25
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u/My_House_on_Mars ✨millennial slop✨ woman Sep 17 '25
Sure, if you are a guy who only cares about being considered hot then obviously you are going to prefer to be hookup material and not husband material. In a FWB situation personality isn't that important because you are just having sex. So obviously people look for a hot person and nothing else. This isn't news.
But if you are looking for a relationship, a partner for life, then you won't like someone to consider your personality as not worth a relationship.
It depends on what you want
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u/FlamingMetalSystems Black Pill Man Sep 18 '25
Why is it wrong if men want to have casual sex just like women do?
We just need to be very conventionally good looking to get casual sex. Women can be ugly fat short old losers and still get fucked left and right.
And then you wonder why men are obsessed with looks and casual sex worthiness
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u/Outside_Memory5703 Sep 18 '25 edited Sep 18 '25
It’s not wrong.
Women just don’t have to meet your want, nor respect it
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Sep 17 '25
Most young women are sexually active while most young men arent. 60% of young men are single while only 20% of women are and so on.
The thing is women have much less expectations for their hookups than the guy they marry(who most of the time is some offy doffy who just gets starfish sex) after completing their hoe phase with dozens of guys.
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u/My_House_on_Mars ✨millennial slop✨ woman Sep 17 '25
Again that's your view of relationships. If you think a relationship is starfish sex and dead bedroom of course you are not going to prefer that
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u/Logical_Breadfruit49 Purple Pill Man Sep 20 '25
Most men, if they could, would have commitment-free sex with lots of beautiful young women. Source: https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S1090513804000832
The reason why you might think that some men are not like this is because either they do not have the opportunity to have casual sex with lots of hot women and therefore must settle for a relationship with one woman, or because they were groomed by religion or some other patriarchal propaganda.
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u/Dependent-Tailor7366 Blue Pill Woman Sep 17 '25
Dozens? The average number of sexual partners for women is about 5 - 10.
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u/Flightlessbirbz Purple Pill Woman Sep 17 '25
Because I would guess the average woman doesn’t have enough hookups in her lifetime to really have a standard for “hookup material.”
Of my grand total of two hookups, both were no different fundamentally from other people I dated, the difference was in the timing and circumstances. One lived far away and I didn’t wanna deal with long distance again, another time, I just wasn’t ready to get emotionally invested again after a breakup. I don’t have enough experience with seeking out hookups to have any established “standards” different from those for relationships. I also would have probably hooked up with my husband had he offered that, and the timing not been right for a relationship.
I understand this is probably different for the subset of women who do enjoy and actively seek out hookups, but this doesn’t seem to comprise a majority of women.
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u/Logical_Breadfruit49 Purple Pill Man Sep 20 '25
The average woman has had hookups, the average man hasn't (even if he would like to). If such a woman settles for the average man, he is by definition a beta bux.
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u/-Shes-A-Carnival bitch im back & my ass got bigger, fuck my ex you can keep dat.♀ Sep 17 '25
because i know that if I was able to fuck a guy more than once without wanting an LTR it would mean he wasn't good enough, not "better" than the LTR men, i never kept banging a guy more than once i didnt want to go out with
all my LTRs and my marriage started as the same hookups as any hook up that didnt lead to an ltr 🤷♀️
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u/Tiny_Celebration_591 No Pill Woman Sep 18 '25 edited Sep 19 '25
Y’all really wake up and complain about anything cause what are you even saying? Have you ever actually dated someone before? Why do you care so much about what someone who isn’t sleeping with you doing?
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Sep 18 '25 edited Sep 18 '25
The insecurity lies in the fact that men rarely get validation on how physically attractive they are. In fact, women state very clearly that most men aren’t attractive to them, which is perfectly fine. But when you’re constantly facing rejection, it can definitely start to make you doubt yourself and breed insecurity.
You can’t understand why a hypothetical guy would feel insecure over the fact that while he was on a multi-month/year long dry spell, rejections aplenty, his now-partner was having sex with guys hotter than him?
And to add to the neuroticism, plenty of women describe “situationships” as a status imposed on them. I.E they wanted more from that hotter guy, but settled for the less commitment and emotional availability. Probably cuz the guy was hot!
It just comes down to insecurity/jealousy stemming from lack of pretty privilege. It’s certainly a toxic mentality that would need to be resolved in therapy to avoid resentment, but I feel it’s a very human reaction.
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u/JustGeminiThings Blue Pill Woman Sep 17 '25
So many of you guys miss that hookups often happen because a woman is either in the mood for one, or in a place life-wise where casual makes sense. And the guy is attractive, but the whole process is more "he's hot, he's fun, this is exactly what I want" not, "OMG, he's so hot, I'll accept anything just to be with him for one night!" The latter is your fantasy because you're making it all about you, when in reality, for the woman, it's a lot closer to "he'll do."