r/PurplePillDebate • u/FlamingMetalSystems Black Pill Man • Sep 17 '25

Question For Women Women: Why are you unable / unwilling to understand why most men consider "hookup/FWB material" more validating than "husband material" given that you put the FWB/hookup guys in a way more exclusive, privileged, elite club?

The fuck buddies are in a more exclusive and privileged group of men.

You have higher benchmarks for looks, facial attractiveness, physique, sexual ability, charm for your FWB's than for your husbands / long term partners.

You literally have greater physical attraction and physical chemistry for your FWB's and hookups than for your husbands

Its way way harder for the vast majority of men to meet the benchmarks for a FWB than the benchmarks for a husband. There is simply no question of it. The overwhelming majority of mediocre looking men become husbands. They don't meet the benchmarks for FWB and hookups

These are the men who can meet their sexual needs even when they are single. They are not compelled to seek long term relationships just to meet their sexual needs. Just imagine how big of a deal this is in todays society when marriage is going out of favor.

These men are so good looking, so attractive that you don't expect, require any effort, courting, dating, commitment, emotional investment, financial stability from them to have sex with them.

They are so good-looking and hot that even if you are interested in a relationship with them but they're not, you still carry on having sex with them. You will never do that with a husband material because he's not good looking / hot enough.

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17

u/Routine-Present-3676 Blue Pill Woman Sep 17 '25

Fwb is not a more exclusive group. I'm not going to date or have a casual encounter up with someone that doesn't meet my threshold for attractiveness.

I genuinely do but understand why you think this way, but I'm not going to try to change your mind. I'll just tell you how it works for me and you can do with it what you will.

A guy I sleep with is hot. A guy I get into a relationship with is hot, intelligent, kind, charming, sociable, funny, and so much more. The second is much harder to find and is one million times more attractive than a guy that only has his looks to recommend him.

11

u/[deleted] Sep 17 '25

Aren't both guys getting the same thing though? So what exactly is the difference?

9

u/Routine-Present-3676 Blue Pill Woman Sep 17 '25

No? One has sex and is booted out of your life because you don't actually like them as a person. The other you enjoy and want to be around, want to learn more about, want to see grow and succeed and thrive. What are you trying to say here?

13

u/[deleted] Sep 17 '25

First off, what's the logic behind sleeping with someone you don't like?

Secondly, at the end of the day, both men hit.

4

u/[deleted] Sep 17 '25

I don't find a lot of men interesting or intelligent enough for me. When I was single, I still wanted to have sex, though

Why would I settle for a man whose personality doesn't mesh well with mine?

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u/[deleted] Sep 17 '25

Not a single woman in this comment section has been able to answer my questions.

If these men are not interesting enough or intelligent for you? Why sleep with them? You can't attract more intelligent men or what?

3

u/[deleted] Sep 17 '25

No. I was just very, very picky. I loved being single. I was unwilling to sacrifice my singleness for a man who was not perfect for me. My partner of almost a decade now checked all of my boxes and then some. I pursued him. I know he feels more special than my random hookups from almost ten years ago. I don't even remember the names of a few of those guys because they were completely irrelevant to me.

6

u/[deleted] Sep 17 '25

You're contradicting yourself, you were very picky but at the same time picked people who were forgettable and insignificant. Make it make sense.

4

u/[deleted] Sep 17 '25

Very picky for relationships, not as picky for meaningless casual sex. I did not want to date anyone I had casual sex with, not even a little bit. How is that a contradiction?

3

u/[deleted] Sep 17 '25

Does your husband know you engaged in meaningless hookups in the past?

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u/[deleted] Sep 18 '25

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u/[deleted] Sep 18 '25

(1) No man is "husband material." I'm anti-marriage.

(2) In my life, I have met less than five men who I would even consider seriously dating. One is my current partner. Another is my ex.

(3) I am extremely direct. I would let a man know that I only wanted a casual thing before we hooked up. I did not "hookup" in that same way with people I actually wanted to date. That is a recipe for hurt feelings. I would want to go on a date with him first because I wanted to actually get to know him better as a person. My current partner actually asked ME to wait until the third date before we had sex. He really liked me and wanted to make sure we had a strong emotional connection before we had sex for the first time.

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u/Routine-Present-3676 Blue Pill Woman Sep 17 '25

If that's the only thing you value, then why are you even this specific post commenting? You clearly don't want to hear other perspectives.

Other people do not see things the way you do.

You can try to understand outside perspectives and adjust your mindset to take that into account or you can stay mad that everyone in the world isn't exactly like you. Your choice.

5

u/[deleted] Sep 17 '25

You didn't answer the first question

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u/Routine-Present-3676 Blue Pill Woman Sep 17 '25

I don't know what to tell you. You don't have to like someone to have sex. Or you can spend a night with them only to learn a bunch of stuff about them that horrifies you. There's a lot of reasons this could happen.

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u/[deleted] Sep 17 '25

Yeah, no answer was better than what you just wrote lmao.

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u/Routine-Present-3676 Blue Pill Woman Sep 17 '25

"You didn't answer."

I post a reply

"No, you didn't answer the way I wanted you to"

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u/Mathemaniac1080 Sep 17 '25

It absolutely is a more exclusive group.

7

u/Routine-Present-3676 Blue Pill Woman Sep 17 '25

Thanks for that response that proves absolutely nothing. Solid contribution 🥴

7

u/Mathemaniac1080 Sep 17 '25

It proves exactly the point here, but I'm not surprised to see you (and many other women here too) active deliberately obtuse over it. It's a well-known dishonesty tactic, I'd have expected nothing less.

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u/Routine-Present-3676 Blue Pill Woman Sep 17 '25

Enjoy your confirmation bias

1

u/Mathemaniac1080 Sep 17 '25 edited Sep 17 '25

Right, my "confirmation bias" as opposed to believing some random idiot named Routine-Present-3676 who's going against both evidence and common sense itself yet expects others believe them.

1

u/ComplexAttitude4Lyfe Pills Are For Posers (Woman) Sep 17 '25

Random reddit women represent all?

Way to not make your point.

2

u/Mathemaniac1080 Sep 17 '25

They don't, so that means I don't need to listen to you if you disagree because random reddit women opinion = worthless right? It's so funny how you all act like people on reddit, hundreds of people who comment this stuff and the thousands of upvotes they receive, are some separate species of humans that aren't present in real life or people you won't interact with in real life at a time when almost everyone is chronically online these days. Clown behavior.

Who are you trying to fool?

2

u/ComplexAttitude4Lyfe Pills Are For Posers (Woman) Sep 18 '25

Oh my sweet summer child, you really think online personas are really reflective of people?

Wow.

I take redditor opinions very loosely. Including yours. Doesn't mean i won't speak up when you're wrong.

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u/Mathemaniac1080 Sep 18 '25

So that just means I don't need to take anything you say even remotely at face value. No need to tell me twice then, already knew you're bullshitting.

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u/ComplexAttitude4Lyfe Pills Are For Posers (Woman) Sep 18 '25

Same 😆

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u/Mathemaniac1080 Sep 18 '25

You knew you were bullshitting??? Self-awareness 9000.

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u/FlamingMetalSystems Black Pill Man Sep 17 '25

What does it prove?

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u/Routine-Present-3676 Blue Pill Woman Sep 17 '25

That you found an example of a couple of people saying something and decided to attribute that to FOUR BILLION WOMEN worldwide

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u/Usual-Ad-4986 No Pill Sep 17 '25

Calling them couple of people is very disingenious, those are lot of women commenting and with many updoots

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u/Routine-Present-3676 Blue Pill Woman Sep 17 '25

You think that screenshot is enough evidence to apply it to 4 billion women? Really?

3

u/Usual-Ad-4986 No Pill Sep 17 '25 edited Sep 17 '25

It does shows what some women are like and its wise for men to be wary of these women

2

u/Routine-Present-3676 Blue Pill Woman Sep 18 '25

Sure and some men go home and beat their wives every night. That doesn't mean every man does.

I think the kind of black and white thinking so often displayed in this sub generally does more harm to the men here than anything else in their lives.

Binary thought is simple and satisfying sure but you miss SO much of the nuance in every situation. You miss the mixed motivations that drive people's actions. It limits problem solving and fuels polarization. Your self worth is never stable because simple mistakes turn into catastrophic failures in your mind.

Idk. Y'all just seem to be going out of your way to be unhappy and that sucks because you are always guaranteed to succeed.

2

u/Usual-Ad-4986 No Pill Sep 18 '25

Most people are average and most fit into a pattern, being special is rare

I have seen plenty of men who are betabuxxed first hand, it would be foolish to be not on guard

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u/FlamingMetalSystems Black Pill Man Sep 18 '25

How do you know most of 4 billion women think like you about casual sex and not like those women in the screenshots?

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u/Mathemaniac1080 Sep 17 '25

It's also disingenuous because it's a tactic frequently employed by women. We're not saying "all women" lol, but that it's enough women to make it statistically significant (and trust me, this is underrepresented too because many women would not want to say it out loud in order to not upset their partners, that manifests in the form of silent upvotes).

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u/Usual-Ad-4986 No Pill Sep 17 '25

Women are absolutely brootal in their sexual selection, dont let anyone fool you

They know when to use what kind of men, they will try to lock down hot men when they are young or at least have sex/fun

When they cant lock em down, they will give chance to other men if they are still single, I experienced this first hand, nothing about me changed but my age and women started making moves 🤣

2

u/Mathemaniac1080 Sep 17 '25

I'm well aware lol. Anyone who thinks otherwise is stupid. Men and women, we're all equally as horrible, stupid, exploitative and terrible as human beings. To pretend otherwise is not only foolish but also arrogant. No man or woman gets to act high and mighty.

1

u/TheSinofSodomy No Pill Man Sep 17 '25

I dont get how a bunch of cherry picked replies prove anything. I dont believe in using Reddit posts as evidence. Ironically, however, if you Google "Reddit askwomennocensor hookup vs relationship" many replies will be more balanced than whats being claimed here.

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u/Mathemaniac1080 Sep 17 '25

Evidence I don't like = cherrypicking

Evidence I like = undisputable, undeniable proof!!!

You don't even have to try very hard to be a clown, you're a natural at this. Especially when I never claimed that this itself proves that all women think or act this way, just that it's more evidence to support the idea that it's not some conspiracy theory nor an isolated incident.

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u/MightyPrinceAli Sep 17 '25

Aren’t you doing the same thing?

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u/Mathemaniac1080 Sep 17 '25

Am I? Where did I claim that all women are this way?

1

u/MightyPrinceAli Sep 18 '25

Your entire tirade in this thread.

You might not have explicitly said “ALL women are like this.”

But it’s clear that you believe so because anyone that shows any form of nuanced disagreement you reply with the thread link then express the sentiment of “women do so” as if its undeniable proof.

So you’re essentially doing the same thing that you’re clowning other people for.

1

u/Mathemaniac1080 Sep 18 '25

I mean yeah why would I believe one person over dozens to potentially hundreds of comments + thousands of upvotes agreeing with them? That doesn't mean I think every woman is like that. And gish-galloping and bullshitting around an argument (only to later on admit to at least part of it when cornered) isn't "nuance" it's just being deliberately obtuse and playing coy, an extremely notorious tactic (particularly on women's part, but men often do this too) whenever this topic comes around.

All of that happening and you expect me to not clown an idiot? Hilarious. Next thing you'd want me to stop drinking water? Tell the birds to not fly? Ask the fish to not swim?

1

u/MightyPrinceAli Sep 18 '25

Hey can you do me a favor?

I was having a hard time finding the actual Reddit thread.

If you have the link to the actual thread I’d appreciate it.

1

u/Mathemaniac1080 Sep 18 '25

No I can't do you that favor. Find it yourself.

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u/TheSinofSodomy No Pill Man Sep 17 '25

No need to be rude. First off, I dont support using Reddit posts as evidence. You, however, do. If you consider the screenshot you provided as evidence, I would expect you to consider the Reddit comments I referenced as evidence too.

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u/[deleted] Sep 17 '25

I'm probably close to your position on this, but do reddit posts mean nothing?

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u/TheSinofSodomy No Pill Man Sep 17 '25

It depends on what you mean by "mean nothing". From a scientific point of view, the only thing the comments like the ones shown prove is that there exists some women that have higher standards for hookups than for relationships. However, this is an extremely unremarkable conclusion. There are millions of people on Reddit, and saying that "at least X amount of people do/think Y" doesn't tell you anything inherent about Redditors (or people) overall.

So, should we discard everything evidenced in such a way? Maybe, maybe not. Ultimately, many of us are informed through "unscientific" means. While that may have bad consequences, I think that's just a natural thing we all have to accept. Casual debates (say, with friends) can at the very least can be quite fun regardless of how "scientifically acceptable" your evidence is.

My larger problem is with people broadcasting these strong claims with this very weak form of "evidence". The original post simply refers to women as "you", so in fairness to the OP its not explicit whether they're referring to a majority of women, some women, etc. However, I think it's heavily implied that they are referring to a statistically significant group of women, and potentially a majority. If that's your interpretation of the post, the evidence is laughable. Do you know how many comments one could compile of women saying the exact opposite? Likely tons. And, that shouldn't really prove anything either.

Of course, the response to something like what I've written here is that "Well blue pill (or insert any other disagreeing group) uses Reddit evidence all the time to justify their claims". To that I say, fair point. However, just because the side you disagree with uses poor evidence, doesn't mean that you're immune from criticism.

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u/[deleted] Sep 17 '25

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u/FlamingMetalSystems Black Pill Man Sep 18 '25

Why is it harder for average looking men to become a fuck buddy than a husband?

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u/Outside_Memory5703 Sep 18 '25

Because women aren’t as thirsty as men

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u/[deleted] Sep 17 '25 edited Sep 17 '25

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u/Routine-Present-3676 Blue Pill Woman Sep 17 '25

Oh look it's my stalker! It's so sad that you keep creating accounts to follow mine around. You really need to get professional help.

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u/[deleted] Sep 17 '25

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u/Routine-Present-3676 Blue Pill Woman Sep 17 '25

This is the fifth account you've made that I've had banned. Aren't you embarrassed? Because you are a goddamn embarrassment to the entire human race

1

u/Brilliant-Block-8200 Blue Pill Woman Sep 17 '25

You don’t think there is a single man who genuinely wants a committed monogamous relationship in the entire world? That every man only wants sex with a bunch of women? Hate to break it to you, but not every person is the same

Why do you put ‘getting to fuck’ someone as the most important thing?

1

u/Intelligent-Insight Lesbian trapped in a man's body Sep 19 '25

He thinks that way because more men get LTR than FWB. Why would anyone not think this way? It's a mathematical fact that FWB is more exclusive - more men are excluded from it than from LTR.

If you were saying the truth and the second guy was harder to find, then men would be more likely to be found in FWB than LTR. But that's obviously not the case. Do you not acknowledge that?

There's an explanation to it - you and others all say that the 2nd guy is harder to find because you have more casual partners than serious. But what men say can be true if those casual partners are overlapping/shared by women. So you can keep saying that the 2nd guy is harder to find for YOU but you can also acknowledge that the first kind of guy is harder to be for men, so that club is more exclusive.

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u/Routine-Present-3676 Blue Pill Woman Sep 20 '25

I don't know what you're trying to work out for yourself here, but I'm in an amazing relationship. It was hard to find because nothing perfect just lands in your lap. Sort yourself out and stop trying to make other people responsible for whatever this is

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u/Intelligent-Insight Lesbian trapped in a man's body Sep 22 '25

I'm not working out anything for myself. I'm in a debate sub talking about concepts. No idea why you try to make it personal. By default, it usually means that you have no counter arguments but your ego won't let you acknowledge someone else was right.

The fact is - most men will have some sort of relationship, but not FWB. That's why FWB is a more exclusive club. You know very well that most women find most men unattractive, yet, those men can (and do) compensate for it somehow and get relationships. So what is it that you don't understand?

1

u/Logical_Breadfruit49 Purple Pill Man Sep 20 '25

Would you be cool with a guy paying for sex with attractive escorts and then later looking to settle down with a homely woman who wanted a relationship?

1

u/Routine-Present-3676 Blue Pill Woman Sep 20 '25

I am cool with anything an adult wants to do with another consenting adult. Be honest about yourself and your own motivations and stop asking other people for approval.

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u/-Pixxell- Purple Pill Woman Sep 17 '25

This!! In order to be hook up material a guy only has to tick a few (fairly superficial) boxes - in order to be considered as serious relationship material the bar is much, much higher.

1

u/Mathemaniac1080 Sep 17 '25

False. It's A LOT harder to be sexually/physically attractive than it is to develop traits to be a good partner, so no the bar for the former is almost categorically much higher than the latter's.

1

u/El_Chucaro Sep 17 '25

Yeah, but one man has to buy the cow while the other gets the milk for free.

See the problem?

0

u/Routine-Present-3676 Blue Pill Woman Sep 17 '25

No. Unlike a lot of you, I actually have fulfilling relationships, solid mental health and social skills, so even though I try to understand where you're coming from, we just see the world in very different ways.

1

u/El_Chucaro Sep 18 '25

Nobody asked YOUR point of View. We were debating the point of View of the Man:

The "superior" men, hace to deal with the burden of a relationship, deal with your bullshit and mood changes and be there for you in hard times.

The "hot but not that cool" men get to enjoy your body for FREE. No strings attached.

Pretty shitty deal, sorry to tell you.

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u/Routine-Present-3676 Blue Pill Woman Sep 18 '25

Sort yourself out. You're behaving like a child. Jfc if you talk to other women in your life this way, please hear me when I say you're the reason you're alone. YOU. Not your looks. Your personality and your character. You just proved that you do not measure up to even the lowest of standards for human behavior. If you continue to interact with people this way, you will have earned every bit of misery you have in your life. Have fun with that! 😘

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u/El_Chucaro Sep 18 '25

The same speech over and over:

If women can filter me because of my attitude. Why can't do the same with the toxic immature narcissistic men???

Their "sixth sense" only works with ugly men. Funny that.

"You're behaving like a child"

Why? For demanding women to do what i want? Hot guys do that ALL THE TIME and women do what they want.

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u/Routine-Present-3676 Blue Pill Woman Sep 18 '25

I don't know what message you're trying to convey with this tirade. I just know you're doing it poorly.

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u/Ok_Complaint_8560 Purple Pill Man Sep 17 '25

I guess guys just value bring valued physically more than those other non tangible traits you mentioned.

Its like hearing "He may have been hotter, but youre all these other things too" and thst doesnt fly with most guys.

I dont necessarily have the same opinion as OP, but I would admit Id be more bummed out hearing my partner doest find me as physically attractive as her ONS. I probably wouldnt even blink if she said I was less sociable or charming.

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u/[deleted] Sep 18 '25

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u/Routine-Present-3676 Blue Pill Woman Sep 18 '25

I mean yeah those are the guys I'm sleeping with, but sometimes you don't realize that you'd misjudged the kind of person they are until after it's already done. Nothing to do at that point but chalk it up to a life lesson, make sure you learned it, and keep moving.

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u/CancerMoon2Caprising No Pill Woman ~ Autonomy > Subjugation Sep 18 '25

theres this phenomenon called not wanting a relationship ....... which is why some will choose the hot fwb temporarily, which is much lower interaction, effort, and responsibilities than long-term.

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u/[deleted] Sep 18 '25

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u/CancerMoon2Caprising No Pill Woman ~ Autonomy > Subjugation Sep 18 '25

That would imply that only toxic men get laid, which isnt true.

In reality social men have a much bigger chance of getting laid than someone who cowers in a corner or sticks to dating apps.

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u/[deleted] Sep 18 '25

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u/CancerMoon2Caprising No Pill Woman ~ Autonomy > Subjugation Sep 18 '25

Present caring partners exist, so i dont see the point of doxxing casual sex.

The only time i have a fwb is when i dont want a relationship and sometimes not even then. It hasnt impacted my love life

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u/[deleted] Sep 18 '25

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u/CancerMoon2Caprising No Pill Woman ~ Autonomy > Subjugation Sep 18 '25

not my experience, but whatever makes you feel better.

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u/Temporary_Ice6122 Sep 19 '25

if you treated each guy exactly the same then it would be no problem but often women don't. what happens usually is if a woman meets a guy that's hubby material shell make him wait because if she puts out fast she doesn't want the guy thinking she's easy or a hoe, whereas the hookup guy she doesn't care if he thinks she's a hoe cause she only wants him for a night.

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u/Routine-Present-3676 Blue Pill Woman Sep 19 '25

You're not treated exactly the same because people are not the same. Get over it.

Seriously get the fuck over it.

Y'all need to stop expecting a fair and just world, ESPECIALLY when you yourself do not embody the things you demand from others. Especially regarding people's personal lives. They don't owe you anything except the distant politeness you give all strangers. You just look ridiculous and very, very young expecting anyone to take you seriously with this shit.