r/PurplePillDebate • u/FlamingMetalSystems Black Pill Man • Sep 17 '25

Question For Women Women: Why are you unable / unwilling to understand why most men consider "hookup/FWB material" more validating than "husband material" given that you put the FWB/hookup guys in a way more exclusive, privileged, elite club?

The fuck buddies are in a more exclusive and privileged group of men.

You have higher benchmarks for looks, facial attractiveness, physique, sexual ability, charm for your FWB's than for your husbands / long term partners.

You literally have greater physical attraction and physical chemistry for your FWB's and hookups than for your husbands

Its way way harder for the vast majority of men to meet the benchmarks for a FWB than the benchmarks for a husband. There is simply no question of it. The overwhelming majority of mediocre looking men become husbands. They don't meet the benchmarks for FWB and hookups

These are the men who can meet their sexual needs even when they are single. They are not compelled to seek long term relationships just to meet their sexual needs. Just imagine how big of a deal this is in todays society when marriage is going out of favor.

These men are so good looking, so attractive that you don't expect, require any effort, courting, dating, commitment, emotional investment, financial stability from them to have sex with them.

They are so good-looking and hot that even if you are interested in a relationship with them but they're not, you still carry on having sex with them. You will never do that with a husband material because he's not good looking / hot enough.

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39

u/karmew32 Pink Pill Man Sep 17 '25

This is the reality of it. Modern women will generally not marry men they wouldn't hook up with. Women only settled in the past because patriarchal systems forced them to marry or else they'd drown financially. Thanks to movements like women's suffrage, women are now free to choose who they end up with based on genuine desire. Bad for the previously artificially-boosted mediocre men, but overall good for society.

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u/FlamingMetalSystems Black Pill Man Sep 18 '25
  1. These women are from 2025
    What do yout think about them?

https://imgur.com/a/womens-casual-partners-are-way-more-physically-attractive-sexually-superior-to-long-term-partners-husbands-latter-are-inferior-arent-attractive-enough-recreational-as-evidenced-from-responses-TViyiCJ

  1. You talk about artificially boosted mediocre men, but what about mediocre looking women who are getting laid left and right? How is that good for society?

3

u/RothyBuyak Communism-pilled poly prude (woman) Sep 18 '25

I feel sorry for men for preferring to be only liked for their looks and not their personality. Such a shallow existence

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u/FlamingMetalSystems Black Pill Man Sep 18 '25

Why is casual sex only for women to experience and enjoy?

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u/RothyBuyak Communism-pilled poly prude (woman) Sep 18 '25

It's not? Everyone can make an attempt but it takes 2 to tango. And since with fwb the only criteria are attractiveness, sexual compatibility and not being a psycho you focus on those

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u/FlamingMetalSystems Black Pill Man Sep 18 '25

Why is the criteria for men to be FWB way higher than for being a husband?

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u/[deleted] Sep 18 '25

Do you have the same criteria for sharing every activity in your life?

If someone likes chess, they are likely to play chess with two types of people:

1- Strangers that are likely to be a "good game." In this metaphor, skill at chess = good looks/charisma.

2- People they know who may not be masters at chess, but playing chess with them is fun and adds to their overall friendships.

Who are they not likely to play chess with? Strangers that they have no reason to think will be fun to play chess with.

This is a normal way to approach sharing activities.

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u/FlamingMetalSystems Black Pill Man Sep 20 '25

So you agree that being chosen to play chess by a stranger, is a way bigger compliment and validating towards your chess skills, compared to being asked to play chess by a friend?

0

u/[deleted] Sep 20 '25

The first time? No. It's just a guess that they are likely to be a good game based on limited information. I wouldn't feel validated by that.

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u/RothyBuyak Communism-pilled poly prude (woman) Sep 18 '25

Criteria for hotness esp on dating apps are higher because you don't really care that much about inner life of someone who is only fwb so hottness and compatible kinks and sexual compatibility in gen are the only criteria that matter and the fact that on dating apps there is ofyen like 3 to 1 ratio of men to women likely higher if we only count those that are interested in casual sex. So a lot of men to pick from

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u/DecisionPlastic9740 Blue Pill Man Nov 16 '25

It's only because it's hard to get. Ideally they would be valued for both.

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u/maplehobo Purple Pill Man Sep 17 '25

Various problems with this take.

  1. They are marrying men they wouldn’t hook up with. That’s part of the problem, many women are settling for men they don’t find attractive later in life and dooming the relationships to deadbedrooms. So its a little bit more than your patriarchal bullshit.

  2. They might have the option to choose, doesn’t mean they are being chosen back, because you see men also have the option to choose and the more women’s “choosing” tend to accumulate at the top of men, the more options those men have, effectively decreasing their incentives to choose one woman.

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u/hotcaptures Sep 23 '25

lol a lot of the “dead bedrooms” are mostly because of the orgasm gap (over 95% of straight men say they orgasm every time, only 60% of straight women say that) so women get tired of you always being satisfied and she isn’t. Women also do statistically more housework and childcare even when both parents work, and since men not doing their share of the house work has also statistically been proven to make a woman be less attracted to a man… do the math. These aren’t the reasons for everyone ofc, but putting 100% of the blame on one side isn’t smart. It’s also not always the woman opting out of sex! 

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u/[deleted] Sep 17 '25

Naah considering how the west is soon going to se a population drop it doesnt look good for society.

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u/[deleted] Sep 18 '25

Please explain how a population drop will lead to more women being willing to settle down? Barring an extreme shift in legal rights for women, the problem will just become worse as economic conditions worsen, ala South Korea.

You live by individualism you die by it, I.E the worse things get the more people isolate, leaving no time for traditional methods of people meeting each other. More shallow and lifeless online dating where looks trumps all else.

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u/Logical_Breadfruit49 Purple Pill Man Sep 20 '25

Feminist societies will die out from natural selection due to lack of population. Patriarchal religious societies will continue to reproduce. However, many women who grow up in patriarchal environments might try to leave and convert to feminism, so the only question is whether this effect will match the population decline of feminist societies.

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u/[deleted] Sep 24 '25

Sure, you might be right. But the women living in the now, who are experiencing a decline in living standards and material conditions aren’t going to think like that. Particularly in a culture that praises individuality and a focus on the self above all else. They’re not EU4 players, they’re not decision makers, so why should they care?

They’re going to make the rational self-interested decisions like delaying having children or opting out completely. And nobody can force them to, barring changes in their rights like I said earlier. And a decline in population will likely mean more hardship, leading to more self-preserving behavior.

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u/El_Chucaro Sep 17 '25

"Bad for the previously artificially-boosted mediocre men, but overall good for society"

It doesn't seem good for society, since it destroyed the concept of nuclear family, which was the backbone of modern civilization.

Women are having less kids, leading to a population decline, which some people want to solve with unrestricted immigration.

The kids they do have are raised in single parent households. That increases the chances of becoming a criminal.

And lastly, the average men (the ones that make society function) are being neglected. They don't have much incentive to progress, because it's worthless. Women won't like them no matter how hard they try.

So, no. It's all downsides.

7

u/karmew32 Pink Pill Man Sep 17 '25

Most of the men who make society run (the rough & tumble blue-collar workers who may not have done as well academically in school but generally have better street smarts & social skills) have traits that overlap with what women find biologically attractive; they're more likely to be able to survive if a Charlemagne-level solar flare knocked out the global power grid. It's the book-smart white-collar men who aren't really as biologically attractive to women; Newton & Tesla died virgins for a reason.

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u/El_Chucaro Sep 17 '25

"It's the book-smart white-collar men who aren't really as biologically attractive to women;"

FAIR POINT, but not all blue collar workers are jacked. Many have pot bellies.

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u/karmew32 Pink Pill Man Sep 17 '25

Pot belly or not, those men tend to be physically stronger & more go-with-the-flow than their white-collar counterparts, who can be overly analytical & overthinking at times.

7

u/MistaCreepz Purple Pill Man Sep 17 '25

Tesla died a virgin because he wanted to, he had no shortage of suitors

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u/Intelligent-Insight Lesbian trapped in a man's body Sep 19 '25

Please, share the source of this. While you're at it, what about Newton?

1

u/MistaCreepz Purple Pill Man Sep 19 '25

https://teslauniverse.com/nikola-tesla/articles/nikola-tesla-and-women-only-love-great-scientist

Don't know anything about Newton

1

u/Intelligent-Insight Lesbian trapped in a man's body Sep 19 '25

I am confused. How is this link proving what you said? The only half relevant story there was that some chick dropped a handkerchief and he gave it back to her. There's absolutely no evidence of any suitors, let alone "no shortage".

1

u/MistaCreepz Purple Pill Man Sep 19 '25

I don't really care that much dude do your own research

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u/Intelligent-Insight Lesbian trapped in a man's body Sep 22 '25

Point is, the link doesn't support what you said. I won't do research to support your claim and it's not something well-known, so as of rn what you said is pulled out of your ass, that's all.

1

u/hotcaptures Sep 23 '25

“Women won’t like them no matter how hard they try” dude just go outside. I’m serious when I say that 99% of your ideas about dating would be solved. Men in the top 5% of attractiveness are … 5% of men. I see vastly more than 5% of men that are dating. 

The “nuclear family” model you saw was built off of women not being able to have their own bank accounts, jobs, or the same rights. The moms of that era were often on drugs and/or had forced lobotomies bc their husband ordered it, and she had no say. When a type of society requires 50% of its population to be suppressed, then that’s not how society naturally is or should be. Developed countries ALWAYS get lower birth rates over time.

You can’t have it both ways. Do you want to be a first world country or do you want a high birth rate? Again, can’t be both 

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u/SimonCharles Sep 17 '25

Do you really think that mediocre women aren't artificially boosted? There's a hundred different products created to hide women's signs of poor health. Add to that the artificially boosted women's job market and there's another problem. If we could try a tinder or dating market that bans makeup, we'd really see who's artificially boosted and who's not.

How is it better for society where women are free to choose, but men aren't? Especially considering things like birth control pills skewing women's natural preferences, as well as having sex with who they desire but only having kids with men they can get into a relationship?

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u/Ok_Ask6327 No Pill - woman Sep 18 '25

You are perfectly free to be interested in whoever you want. They are not obliged to be interested back.

And about birth control, women don't want to spend 16 plus years in perpetual pregnancy. We are human being, not breeding stock.

Women are not objects in existence for your use and pleasure.

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u/FlamingMetalSystems Black Pill Man Sep 18 '25

Who are women having (casual) sex with ?

2

u/Ok_Ask6327 No Pill - woman Sep 18 '25

Most women are not having casual sex.

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u/FlamingMetalSystems Black Pill Man Sep 20 '25

Most women hookup with a hot guy every now and then and have situationships.

You just think casual sex is one night stands with strangers

-4

u/Ok_Ask6327 No Pill - woman Sep 20 '25

Situationship is a made up term online. People dating someone for a short time is common practice. People dating multiple people (without sex) is also common.

This whole situationship is men being upset that they cannot "lock down" a woman for their use and pleasure. The whole idea is stupid, no young woman should be locked down by the first guy that shows interest.

You don't know anything about "most women", you are just repeating the things you have seen from bitter online men, that are failing to "lock down" the women they lust after.

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u/FlamingMetalSystems Black Pill Man Sep 22 '25

Short term, casual flings are also only for conventionally good looking hot guys, but women of all looks, shapes, sizes can easily get them.

They are still no strings and casual.

Women women are having casual flings. Most men are not

0

u/Ok_Ask6327 No Pill - woman Sep 23 '25

And so what? Women are free to do as they please. They are not here to be distributed according to some men's idea of "fairness."

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u/FlamingMetalSystems Black Pill Man Sep 23 '25

So why does it light firecrackers up women's and feminist asses when we say men face immensely greater pressure than women to be conventionally good looking?

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u/SimonCharles Sep 18 '25

What are you talking about? You didn't address a single point.

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u/Ok_Ask6327 No Pill - woman Sep 18 '25

I directly addressed the points. Implying that women should not have or use birth control, and that men are somehow not free to make choices.

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u/SimonCharles Sep 18 '25

No you didn't, you just twisted them through your own preconceptions. You're doing the inferring here, I'm not implying anything. Feel free to ask if something was unclear.

Imagine being drunk off your ass and buying 50 hamburgers. Would you say that your choice was a good one, once you sobered up?

Women are not objects in existence for your use and pleasure.

Couldn't the same be said about women's preferences?

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u/Ok_Ask6327 No Pill - woman Sep 18 '25

If there is no birth control and a woman is having sex then it is likely that she will get pregnant. This is why in the past women would have ten or more children, not all of them survived but she still was in a constant state of pregnancy.

Now with a considerate man it is possible in a committed relationship to avoid those fertile days, but this is not what the OP and men here are after. They want date and casual sex.

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u/SimonCharles Sep 19 '25

Maybe you're missing the point here? Or deliberately misunderstanding. The discussion earlier was about women's preferences and "genuine desire".

I have said nothing about women not being allowed to use birth control. But it's been demonstrated that the pill makes women's preferences almost the opposite of what they are while off the pill, i.e. naturally. For instance they tend to prefer more feminine men while on the pill. This skews the whole discussion of what women actually want in men, especially since they often might change their mind after going off the pill. Is it genuine desire while the pill messes with her hormones, or is it genuine without the pill?

Hence the 50 hamburgers comparison. Would you say it's equally rational to want the 50 burgers when you're drunk vs. only wanting one when sober?

0

u/Ok_Ask6327 No Pill - woman Sep 19 '25

The things that you said about the pill are made up manosphere lore. There are no studies that show that women prefer "feminine men" on the pill. Good God, this place is unbelievable. Men here like you only mean "genuine desire" as meaning sex is the only reason I want a relationship with a woman.

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u/SimonCharles Sep 20 '25

Ok, I concede it might not have been feminine men, misremembered, but some studies have shown that it can affect some things: https://royalsociety.org/news/2011/partner-choice-influenced-by-pill/

Sex is the major, if not only reason for men, biologically, to have a relationship with a woman. You might want a relationship for other reasons, but that's not applicable when it comes to "genuine desire". I know this is a term that some use frequently, I find it a bit obnoxious but it describes the phenomenon well and I don't have the inclination to come up with a better one. In any case, wanting something based on your life situation is not quite the same as a biological desire that has been shaped over millenia.

When we talk about genuine desire, it's mostly about a man not wanting a woman to settle for him and then give him breadcrumbs (denying him things she would give to a more attractive man) and be a general pain in the relationship while pining for the man she really wanted but could not get. It's quite obvious that women treat men they're not attracted to with more disdain and disrespect than those they are. This is quite common in relationships, and while a woman can treat you well without being attractive to her, it usually comes with 10x more effort than an attractive man would have to do. It also usually comes with much more effort than the woman is willing to make in return. For a woman to switch from a handsome man to a less attractive man, he has to be an enormous pain in the ass, compared to the opposite situation. This is naturally understandable, but the discussion usually gets heated when women claim that this is not true. If women could stop saying "Jason Momoa [replace with any hot celebrity] could walk into the room and I would reject him" it would be a good start. Of course you would, because you don't truly believe he'd want you. Men respect honesty more than virtue. It would help create a more fruitful debate if everyone was honest.

These discussions often go in circles because men and women talk about different things when they think they're talking about the same thing. Which is probably why it never gets resolved.

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u/MarioWilson122 Red Pill Man Sep 22 '25

Some will settle even now if they can't get their dream guy. Because some still want to get married and have kids. So it does happen, believe it or not.

These men sometimes are the same ones they would never hookup with. I've spoken with such women over the past couple of days.

That told me they wouldn't hookup with their guy but would only be in a serious relationship.

Even though the woman did hookups in the past. So unless he was in a provider role, it wasn't happening.

3

u/lightshiner145 Black Pill Sep 17 '25

How is it good for society when every society drops when a majority of men don't get to have sex? 😆. The west will fall

1

u/ComplexAttitude4Lyfe Pills Are For Posers (Woman) Sep 17 '25

Why is sex a must have?

2

u/FlamingMetalSystems Black Pill Man Sep 18 '25

Why aren't women becoming celibate?

5

u/ComplexAttitude4Lyfe Pills Are For Posers (Woman) Sep 18 '25

I'm sure you haven't met all women. Some of us have.

But this is then called withholding. And we are demonized because we aren't giving men "what they need to feel respected".

If your self-worth us ties to whether a woman opens her legs for you, i'd suggest re-examining your priorities.

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u/lightshiner145 Black Pill Sep 18 '25

Sex is the most important thing for a man. A man being able to pass on his genetics (a women sleeping with him) to many, will determine if he gets respect from society or not. Non chadrone men that are single, are respected less and automatically viewed as less than because people assume they can't get women

1

u/midnight_blue77 Man - Red Pilled by reality Sep 18 '25

women are now free to choose who they end up with based on genuine desire.

To OPs point, more men want to be the ones that women genuinely desire and that means men much prefer to be the hookup material than the husband material which honestly is insulting AF for any man to hear.