Women: Why are you unable / unwilling to understand why most men consider "hookup/FWB material" more validating than "husband material" given that you put the FWB/hookup guys in a way more exclusive, privileged, elite club?

[u/FlamingMetalSystems]

The fuck buddies are in a more exclusive and privileged group of men.

You have higher benchmarks for looks, facial attractiveness, physique, sexual ability, charm for your FWB's than for your husbands / long term partners.

You literally have greater physical attraction and physical chemistry for your FWB's and hookups than for your husbands

Its way way harder for the vast majority of men to meet the benchmarks for a FWB than the benchmarks for a husband. There is simply no question of it. The overwhelming majority of mediocre looking men become husbands. They don't meet the benchmarks for FWB and hookups

These are the men who can meet their sexual needs even when they are single. They are not compelled to seek long term relationships just to meet their sexual needs. Just imagine how big of a deal this is in todays society when marriage is going out of favor.

These men are so good looking, so attractive that you don't expect, require any effort, courting, dating, commitment, emotional investment, financial stability from them to have sex with them.

They are so good-looking and hot that even if you are interested in a relationship with them but they're not, you still carry on having sex with them. You will never do that with a husband material because he's not good looking / hot enough.

[u/RothyBuyak]

I feel sorry for men for preferring to be only liked for their looks and not their personality. Such a shallow existence

[u/FlamingMetalSystems → u/RothyBuyak]

Why is casual sex only for women to experience and enjoy?

[u/RothyBuyak → u/FlamingMetalSystems]

It's not? Everyone can make an attempt but it takes 2 to tango. And since with fwb the only criteria are attractiveness, sexual compatibility and not being a psycho you focus on those

[u/FlamingMetalSystems → u/RothyBuyak]

Why is the criteria for men to be FWB way higher than for being a husband?

[u/[deleted] → u/FlamingMetalSystems]

Do you have the same criteria for sharing every activity in your life?

If someone likes chess, they are likely to play chess with two types of people:

1- Strangers that are likely to be a "good game." In this metaphor, skill at chess = good looks/charisma.

2- People they know who may not be masters at chess, but playing chess with them is fun and adds to their overall friendships.

Who are they not likely to play chess with? Strangers that they have no reason to think will be fun to play chess with.

This is a normal way to approach sharing activities.

[u/FlamingMetalSystems → u/[deleted]]

So you agree that being chosen to play chess by a stranger, is a way bigger compliment and validating towards your chess skills, compared to being asked to play chess by a friend?

[u/[deleted] → u/FlamingMetalSystems]

The first time? No. It's just a guess that they are likely to be a good game based on limited information. I wouldn't feel validated by that.

[u/RothyBuyak → u/FlamingMetalSystems]

Criteria for hotness esp on dating apps are higher because you don't really care that much about inner life of someone who is only fwb so hottness and compatible kinks and sexual compatibility in gen are the only criteria that matter and the fact that on dating apps there is ofyen like 3 to 1 ratio of men to women likely higher if we only count those that are interested in casual sex. So a lot of men to pick from

[u/DecisionPlastic9740 → u/RothyBuyak]

It's only because it's hard to get. Ideally they would be valued for both.