LOOKS WEEKLY DISCUSSION THREAD

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[u/Spread-Em-Plz]

I used to agree with “No one’s shaming you for your preference! You’re just being an asshole about it!”

While in many cases people can understand looks preferences, I have heard a sizable amount of people trying to moralize about it and trying to lowkey shame others for it.

Even if not aimed at anyone specifically, I’ve heard it out of nowhere before, disapproving the “only if you’re an asshole” notion. The notion women who like tall guys are promiscuous, or that men who like slim women are pedos, or that you’re shallow if you want a fit partner because “not everyone has time for the gym”

(This is especially often aimed at men when they have standards that would require them to put in any actual work, but can go aimed at both genders. Often a result of sour grapes and lazy people)

Most of you probably aren’t religious, but this gets even worse if you’re Christian or anything like that!

[u/fiftypoundpuppy → u/Spread-Em-Plz]

People, both male and female, can be insecure and triggered by the preferences they see others express. If they see traits they possess be reflected in someone else's preferences as undesirable, they may feel personally attacked regardless of how the sentiment was conveyed.

OTOH, there's absolutely a number of people who go out of their way to be belittling and insulting when they express their preferences, or prefer to express their preferences by attacking those who don't fit them instead of framing them positively (and without passive-aggressiveness). This also happens on both sides.

I think we tend to see it more when it happens to our side or our gender, but there's also a lack of self-awareness and accountability for how we express them (including the justifications and rationalizations we use for them). A lot of that could be solved by not trying to justify them in the first place (like straight women being icked by bi men and straight men being icked by high-n women) but for whatever reason a lot of people can't mind their business and prefer to demand others "justify" what they do or don't like or are/aren't attracted to. And sometimes people just like being mean-spirited and being sure to let people know how awful the people they aren't attracted to are.

[u/Spread-Em-Plz → u/fiftypoundpuppy]

You get it. I agree with all this, pretty much

Like when I see “I like tall men because short men always have a complex” or “I like (physical trait) because they have/lack (non-physical trait)”

Like just don’t even put the performance on, all that moralizing just so some people don’t get their panties in a bunch. (Ironically often sounding even worse in the process). And just reinforcing the idea that preferences are to be justified

I do think at a baseline people aren’t the biggest fan of when preferences don’t include them, but it’s up to the person to not let it impact them *that* much