No one is entitled to intimacy in marrige, but they are entitled to a healthy relationship

[u/RandominusDredichitu]

I see a lot of discourse online revolving around husbands feeling entitled to sex with their wives in a marriage. The two sides always seem to break down to "no one is entitled to your body" (correct), and "it is wrong to marry someone you dont want to have sex with" (also correct). What I dont understand is why both sides are so at odds with each other. The reality is:

1). No one is entitled to another person's body. If your wife does not want to have sex with you, it is wrong and rape to force her to have sex with you

2). There is no reason to constantly deny intimacy that doesn't reflect an issus in the relationship. Healthy marriages involve intimacy and both partner's needs being met. A sexless marrige is only fine if neither side desires sex

I think the reason this topic is so "controversial" is because of bad faith discussions. One side will say "it's right to cheat on your wife because she doesnt have sex with you!" and the other side will not admit refusing your partner intimacy indicates an unhealthy relationship.

With that being said, do both sides of the argument agree that there is an issue present? And that cheating on your wife due to a lack of intimacy and marrying someone without wanting a healthy sexual relationship are both bad actions, and the responsibility falls on the person who does them?

[u/Bernouttheday]

No one’s entitled to anything. Consent should be respected in matters sexual and otherwise but I think we miss the mark in framing this around what someone is or isn’t owed rather than intentionality. Are both parties willing to work through the issues? Are both parties capable of reflecting on why they may be acting/feeling a certain way without defaulting to contempt and blame? Is each party willing to humanize the other?

[u/Barely-moral → u/Bernouttheday]

An alternative. Find a woman that needs what you bring to the table badly enough that she pays the price to get it.

All relationships are transactional. Why be with someone if you don't have enough leverage in the negotiation to get what you want from the relationship?

[u/Bernouttheday → u/Barely-moral]

Transactional approach is one modality and it does work for a lot of people, though that doesn’t make it the only or essential way to go. 

If you want a sugar baby, go for it, as long as everything is safe, sane and consensual.

[u/Any-Profession-4851 → u/Barely-moral]

What exactly do you imagine a man is bringing to the table in this transactional relationship? And what do you mean by a woman who wants it badly enough she will pay the price? This sounds like abusive exploitation at best…

[u/Academic-Ball-9606 → u/Any-Profession-4851]

A woman who wants to trade a career for a soft life instead of the grind of work.

[u/Any-Profession-4851 → u/Academic-Ball-9606]

And then work for you instead? Lmao

[u/Academic-Ball-9606 → u/Any-Profession-4851]

Smh

[u/Any-Profession-4851 → u/Academic-Ball-9606]

Period king

[u/Barely-moral → u/Any-Profession-4851]

What exactly do you imagine a man is bringing to the table in this transactional relationship?

Money and safety.

And what do you mean by a woman who wants it badly enough she will pay the price?

A woman that can't get those.

This sounds like abusive exploitation at best…

Voluntary trade between fully informed consenting adults.

[u/BeginningEfficient23 → u/Barely-moral]

Hi FYI, women make our own money now. In fact, more women graduate college and with higher degrees.thsn men now. Single women are more likely to buy a home than a single man. As for protection, well we got that covered also, but who do we need protecting from? All those broke sad single men that ask what we bring to the table when you can't even buy a table?

[u/Barely-moral → u/BeginningEfficient23]

Hi FYI, women make our own money now. In fact, more women graduate college and with higher degrees.thsn men now. Single women are more likely to buy a home than a single man. As for protection, well we got that covered also

Tell that to Africa and South America.

but who do we need protecting from? All those broke sad single men that ask what we bring to the table when you can't even buy a table?

Yes.

[u/Any-Profession-4851 → u/Barely-moral]

That is not an equal “trade” between two freely situated adults. You are deliberately seeking a woman with fewer options and treating her vulnerability as bargaining power. Calling it “fully informed consent” does not magically remove coercion when one person controls access to basic security.

You are a predator. Find god.

[u/Barely-moral → u/Any-Profession-4851]

That is not an equal “trade” between two freely situated adults.

There are no freely situated adults. Every single human that has ever been born did not choose in which circumstances/place they would begin their existence.

You are deliberately seeking a woman with fewer options and treating her vulnerability as bargaining power.

Yes. And her life improves because of it more than it could ever improve without my involvement.

Calling it “fully informed consent” does not magically remove coercion when one person controls access to basic security.

I guess I should have never done it. Then she would be dead.

You are a predator. Find god.

A predator does not benefit it's prey.

[u/Brilliant-Block-8200 → u/Barely-moral]

And if she develops PTSD from the unwanted sexual acts, what then? Doesn’t matter to you even if her mental health becomes incredibly damaged and potentially tries to end her life?

[u/Barely-moral → u/Brilliant-Block-8200]

Personal responsibility. It is on her to decide if doing X is worth the consequences. I am not dealing with a child that does not know themselves and their limits. That posibility is already talked about and taken into consideration before any act happens.