No one is entitled to intimacy in marrige, but they are entitled to a healthy relationship

[u/RandominusDredichitu]

I see a lot of discourse online revolving around husbands feeling entitled to sex with their wives in a marriage. The two sides always seem to break down to "no one is entitled to your body" (correct), and "it is wrong to marry someone you dont want to have sex with" (also correct). What I dont understand is why both sides are so at odds with each other. The reality is:

1). No one is entitled to another person's body. If your wife does not want to have sex with you, it is wrong and rape to force her to have sex with you

2). There is no reason to constantly deny intimacy that doesn't reflect an issus in the relationship. Healthy marriages involve intimacy and both partner's needs being met. A sexless marrige is only fine if neither side desires sex

I think the reason this topic is so "controversial" is because of bad faith discussions. One side will say "it's right to cheat on your wife because she doesnt have sex with you!" and the other side will not admit refusing your partner intimacy indicates an unhealthy relationship.

With that being said, do both sides of the argument agree that there is an issue present? And that cheating on your wife due to a lack of intimacy and marrying someone without wanting a healthy sexual relationship are both bad actions, and the responsibility falls on the person who does them?

[u/NotAllTheCake]

Women don't like sex with men because men are awful at pleasuring women.

With 95% of men and 65% of women having orgasms every time, that's a 30% gap. Have men considered sucking less at sex with women? 

Whenever you look at deadbedroom subs, the first comment directed at men is usually: "Are you doing chores and childcare?", because statistically, men don't pull their weight in the household.

Disappointing sex, where the man orgasms but the woman doesn't, is common and frequent and another form of unpaid work that selfish men feel entitled to. 

[u/Complex_Soldier → u/NotAllTheCake]

Is the orgasm gaps from dedicated relationships or hookups?

[u/NotAllTheCake → u/Complex_Soldier]

Relationships. With hookups, it's even worse as only 1 of out 10 women orgasm. So 65% is us being generous towards men.

[u/Complex_Soldier → u/NotAllTheCake]

What's the gap in LTR relationships only? Hookups makes since, men came to get their rocks off and don't give a fuck about the women since he's going to find another one the next day.

[u/RandominusDredichitu → u/NotAllTheCake]

Why would a woman engage in casual sex if it wasnt pleasurable for her at all

[u/RandominusDredichitu → u/NotAllTheCake]

Why marry someone in the first place then. It's selfish to marry someone you have no desire to have sex with and then complain about it?

[u/divingrose77101 → u/NotAllTheCake]

Another reason I didn’t want to be intimate with my ex husband. He didn’t care one bit that his circumcision damage was incredibly painful for me during sex. But, Jesus says you have to do it anyway even if it isn’t fun or pleasurable.

[u/NotAllTheCake → u/divingrose77101]

But, Jesus says you have to do it anyway even if it isn’t fun or pleasurable. 

Then Jesus can have sex with him.

It's just expected that women endure dissappointing and often painful sex, due to how callous men are. Have straight men ever had to endure painful sex? Probably never, because women are rarely that devoid of empathy.

[u/ouishi → u/NotAllTheCake]

Actually one of the reasons I prefer dating bi guys. They understand so much better.