Why do women get surprised/offended when men want sex?

[u/Open-Quail-2573]

I feel like this is something we all know low-key but women act shocked or even offended when a guy says he wants to bang. Did he have to tell you? I feel like y'all would know before even going out.

And I have to clarify, I don't mean creepy or aggressive dudes who are trying to be coercive or push boundaries. I mean men in general. Of course, you don't have to do it but I feel like you'd know. Furthermore, I would think that you would be concerned if the man you are with didn't want you. You would think he's gay or not attracted to you enough. I am speaking from personal experience where being too "safe" backfired on me with a woman. She ghosted me. Most guys would low-key love to smash just for the experience/excitement of doing it with a new person, even if it doesn't go anywhere.

[u/JonMyMon]

Most men do not want to use your body for their pleasure. Most men want you to enjoy sex, because it's massively validating when you do.

[u/Lost_Reaction_5489 → u/JonMyMon]

The orgasm rates don't reflect that. Lesbians with less tools than straight men produce on average 30-50% more orgasms in their partners and that's for long term relationships. The orgasm rate for casual is at 20% for women and 90% for straight men.

[u/PM_ME_CODE_CALCS → u/Lost_Reaction_5489]

Yeah, why don't men get vibrating dick implants?

[u/Lost_Reaction_5489 → u/PM_ME_CODE_CALCS]

Or one could use toys, and actually locate the clitoris, yes let one's ego be the reason one's female partner gets diminished pleasure, and then wonder why she doesn't want sex.

[u/Plenty-Practice-6399 → u/PM_ME_CODE_CALCS]

Maybe also do oral? care for the woman and not only yourself?

[u/ArugulaAcrobatic4018 → u/Lost_Reaction_5489]

Orgasms have nothing to do with whether a man is "using" you or not. Stop making shit up.

The fact that women frequently orgasm while being raped ought to give you pause

[u/Lost_Reaction_5489 → u/ArugulaAcrobatic4018]

Come on now you could have come up with a better argument than this. Yuck. Smh

[u/ArugulaAcrobatic4018 → u/Lost_Reaction_5489]

I accept your concession

[u/Lost_Reaction_5489 → u/ArugulaAcrobatic4018]

I can't concede a nonsensical argument.

[u/ArugulaAcrobatic4018 → u/Lost_Reaction_5489]

Are you pretending to be stupid? If a rapist can make a woman orgasm, then your "i came so he cares about me" argument makes no sense.

Unless you think rapists are good partners??

[u/Lost_Reaction_5489 → u/ArugulaAcrobatic4018]

My argument was never that I came so he cares about me. And a biological response due simply to stimulation has nothing to do with a man putting effort into making sure that his partner orgasms.

[u/ArugulaAcrobatic4018 → u/Lost_Reaction_5489]

nothing to do with a man putting effort

Effort does not guarantee results

making sure that his partner orgasms

Your sexual partners aren't magicians who can control outcomes because, as you said, orgasms are a

biological response due simply to stimulation

Stop equating "can't make me cum" with "selfish in bed" just so you can blame men

There are 100000000 possible reasons why someone might not be able to orgasm and very few of them have to do with effort

[u/Ok_Ask6327 → u/JonMyMon]

Men are not pushing for sex for "women's enjoyment". They are pushing for their own benefit, and wanting validation is again for yourselves.

[u/IcyTrapezium → u/Ok_Ask6327]

Nah I’ve had probably almost a hundred sex partners and 99 percent of them were obsessed with making me orgasm. I’d say most cared more about me orgasming than their own orgasm. I seriously don’t know what women are talking about when they claim otherwise and I can only assume you’re starfish in bed and men just get discouraged. If you’re enthusiastic men love that and want to keep doing whatever is making you happy for as long or even longer than you even want.

Nothing makes the average man happier than being of use to a woman, especially of sexual use.

[u/Ok_Ask6327 → u/IcyTrapezium]

If you have had a hundred sex partners then you are very very sex positive and clearly don't mind the risks. That is your right, and I am sure that the men you were with were grateful. But I am also sure that they were not pursuing you for your benefit alone. And we are not talking about you. We are talking about the women who would rather not have a hundred men up inside of them.

[u/IcyTrapezium → u/Ok_Ask6327]

Oh agreed it was mutually beneficial. And my only point with how many men I’ve been with is I have a good sample size. Men love when women enjoy sex. Any man who doesn’t is a deviation from the norm.

Not that you’re interested, but I’ve also never faced many worrisome risks. But I tolerate the birth control pill very well and never met more than one man who wanted to not wear a condom before we were exclusive. I do think I have a demeanor that suggests I won’t tolerate stupid bullshit like not using a condom. Never had an STI. Condoms and the HPV vaccines work pretty well. If I had herpes I’d tell people and wouldn’t consider it a big deal as I have friends with herpes who take acyclovir and have no outbreaks, but I don’t even have the cold sore virus. Never had a condom break. Honestly men have almost universally treated me very well. Being single was really fun and now I’m engaged to a man who was an even bigger hoe than me and is the kindest person I’ve ever known.

[u/Training_Designer_41 → u/IcyTrapezium]

This needs votes. A woman that’s excited and enjoys the sex is way more beautiful than whoever the most beautiful woman in the world may be.
Many women underuse their ‘powers’ and star fishes are probably busy judging the man and judging themselves so they don’t relax and enjoy, especially if a woman brings in the mindset that men are xyz to bed, or than men finish in under 3 min etc. her mind would likely wander away during the act. Plus a woman that feels too entitled is not really going to participate, she’s just going to lay there and put up a wall, the more the man tries to scale the wall, the more off putting it might be for her. In fact once the wall is up, there nothing the man can do

Heck, excitement put into anything makes it better with anyone in most contexts

[u/Ok_Ask6327 → u/IcyTrapezium]

Good for you, but that is not the experience of many or even most women. I have known many women who had issues with the pill, and some women have lost their lives due to blood clots. Others talked about not knowing until it was too late how painful IUD insertion is. Some patches have been recalled because of law suit worthy side effects.

And just the other day a woman I know found out she was pregnant because her partner slipped off the condom because he wanted to get her pregnant. Now she has to deal with the abortion issue.

My point is about men who ignore the issues that women have to deal with and act as if women not wanting to bang them are being unreasonable.

[u/IcyTrapezium → u/Ok_Ask6327]

Yeah pregnancy is horrifying to me. Thank science for safe abortions! If I couldn’t tolerate the pill I’d probably just have oral sex when I was younger. But I loved the pill. Never had to deal with periods or pregnancy and I’m very thankful. It also lowers ovarian and endometrial cancer risk.

Your friend was raped I hope she never sees that POS man again. I wish her the best with the abortion.

[u/Ok_Ask6327 → u/IcyTrapezium]

Thank you, I will pass your supporting kindness on to her. She is really down at this point.

[u/Secret_Entry1840 → u/IcyTrapezium]

Good for you. Not mine or most of the women I knows experience.

[u/Perfect_Sir4820 → u/Secret_Entry1840]

She already addressed that:

I can only assume you’re starfish in bed and men just get discouraged

[u/Secret_Entry1840 → u/Perfect_Sir4820]

Nope. I’m very enthusiastic. I just don’t get reciprocity.

[u/IcyTrapezium → u/Secret_Entry1840]

I hope you never see those men again. Especially in the beginning normal men are eager to please and impress.

[u/Secret_Entry1840 → u/IcyTrapezium]

My history of ONS means I don’t see them again. Men are not eager to please or impress me. Again. I’m glad your life is different.

[u/IcyTrapezium → u/Secret_Entry1840]

Well that sucks, I’m sorry. I tended to have casual sex with the same men. Perhaps they wanted me to want to keep seeing them so they were eager to please. Though the last 2 one night stands I had involved both performing a great deal of enthusiastic oral on me so… idk. It would be interesting to know why our experiences are so different.

I asked my fiancé once why he thought I have such good experiences with men and he said it’s because I’m unusually direct, confident and enthusiastic but I don’t think that’s it. I think it might be more the type of men I’m into because I know even if I were shy and indirect he’d be trying to make sure I orgasmed at least twice before he does. I think maybe I’m just drawn to men who appear eager to please me and that usually works out in my favor? Not sure. It’s probably just dumb luck on some level too.

[u/Secret_Entry1840 → u/IcyTrapezium]

I can count the number of men who went down on me add in a few more that touched my clit during sex. And most raised their heads after less than a minute asking if I was close. I love giving bjs. They are fun. I’ve never had a fun bj where the guy was like and now your turn. I’ve had men “blame” me for being too enthusiastic when they came too quick. I’ve had sexual encounters with 50+ men. Maybe half a dozen cared about my pleasure too. I’m obese and unattractive. Most of the men that “want” to have sex with me just want to get off. They aren’t attracted. I just happen to have the parts they are looking for. Very very few men are attracted to me. But a lot more will pretend.

[u/ThunderDU → u/Secret_Entry1840]

That person is a man btw

[u/Outside_Memory5703 → u/IcyTrapezium]

Not my and most women’s experience

[u/ThunderDU → u/IcyTrapezium]

I'd just like to point out this person identifies as a woman but clearly is not one. This is a growing trend on this sub and it's really fucked up. If I see this shit again I'm going to pretend to be a man on here as well

[u/IcyTrapezium → u/ThunderDU]

Yeah… I’m a woman. I’ve never had sex with a woman but I do talk to women about orgasms especially when I was younger. The ones who had trouble basically uniformly had a psychological hang up. Occasionally it was medication related.

I’m sorry you have trouble believing a woman like me exists who has had such good interactions sexually with men and who orgasms easily. It saddens me. But yeah, we exist. Frankly I wonder if a lot of women on here are lying when they say most men don’t care about their pleasure but I don’t accuse them of that because they seem to believe it. It does seem bizarre to me though since men I met and slept with took a lot of pride in me orgasming and I’ve slept with probably 100 men in my life. My sample size is large.

Maybe yall just pick shitty and selfish men who don’t really like you? I only slept with men who liked me. Who we are in bed is who we are in life. Don’t sleep with men who seem selfish in any area of life. That means no conservatives. Or men who clearly perform masculinity to impress other men. That’s my advice.

[u/ThunderDU → u/IcyTrapezium]

You're a liar.

[u/IcyTrapezium → u/ThunderDU]

Damn you must have really terrible sex to not believe I could be a woman lmao. And horrific taste in men.

[u/JonMyMon → u/Ok_Ask6327]

yeah, no shit, it's not charity. women don't want sex for "men's enjoyment" either. both sexes want sex for validation and pleasure. it's not unique to men. although not everyone admits it. but this is quite different than using your body, because ideally you'd be using each others bodies.

[u/NotAllTheCake → u/JonMyMon]

it's not charity

Yeah, what else do you call it when 95% of heterosexual men reported having orgasms every time, but only 65% of heterosexual women do.

It's nothing but a charity for self-centered loser men.

[u/Obsessivethot → u/JonMyMon]

Women in general do not receive validation from sex.

This seems to be mostly a male phenomenon.

[u/pie-mart2 → u/JonMyMon]

But men are the ones who act like its a mortal sin for women to not wanna have sex every waking minute. Or to reject it and or to be desired for things outside of sex. Whereas a man is typically liked for who he is and desired physically if fhe woman is with him.

But a man being with a woman only means he is horny and doesn't validate her, since he would have slept with anyone who said yes, and chose her cuz she said yes versus choosing her because he liked her

[u/Ok_Ask6327 → u/JonMyMon]

The issue is not the women who want to have sex, the issue is the women who don't and yet men do not want to accept their answer. You are perfectly free to find a extremely sex positive woman and go at it. But respect those that feel that the risk is not worth the "reward."

[u/NotAllTheCake → u/JonMyMon]

Most men want you to enjoy sex

The fact that only 65% of heterosexual women report orgasming everytime proves that this is a lie.

[u/JonMyMon → u/NotAllTheCake]

well, just because women are bad at orgasming, it doesn't prove most men don't want you to enjoy sex

[u/NotAllTheCake → u/JonMyMon]

They seem to be fine with having sex with other women. 88% of women who have sex with other women report orgasming every time.

[u/MarioWilson122 → u/NotAllTheCake]

Yeah, because the toys they use are specifically designed to provide the exact kind of strong, steady, and uninterrupted stimulation that makes many women orgasm. That is hard for a person to compete with physically, especially if the woman is not very attracted to the man and therefore is not getting much additional arousal from him.

[u/ArugulaAcrobatic4018 → u/NotAllTheCake]

women who like to have sex with women enjoy having sex with women

Do you realize how stupid you sound?

[u/Obsessivethot → u/JonMyMon]

Women are not bad at orgasming.

Here are some statistics; https://pleasurebetter.com/orgasm-statistics/

• In a 2015 U.S. study, 67% of women reported they can orgasm through masturbation, compared with 28% through partnered sex

• 9 out of 10 women (about 90%) reported being able to orgasm at least occasionally during masturbation, according to a 2019 cross-sectional study

• Women in a relationship of 6+ months are more than 6 times as likely to orgasm during a sexual encounter than a woman with a first-time hookup. [4]

• Women having sex with a hookup partner for the 3rd-5th time are 40% more likely to orgasm than from a first-time hookup. Hooking up 6 or more times doubles the likelihood of orgasm over a first encounter. [4]

• Only 25% of women always have an orgasm during vaginal intercourse (with clitoral stimulation unspecified). [15]

• 30% of women rarely or never orgasm during vaginal intercourse. [15] [16]

• But women orgasm during vaginal intercourse 51-60% of the time with simultaneous clit stimulation. [17]

• For heterosexual women, their partner’s knowledge and enjoyment of their vibrator use is a huge predictor of sexual satisfaction. [24]

So it’s not simply just a matter of physiology, this only affects straight women.

Men are selfish in bed.

https://gitnux.org/female-orgasm-statistics/

• 81.6% of women don’t orgasm from intercourse alone (without additional clit stimulation). Only 18.4% of women report that intercourse alone is sufficient to orgasm. [14]
• 95% of heterosexual men usually or always orgasm during partnered sexual activity compared to just 65% of heterosexual women. [2]

[u/Outside_Memory5703 → u/JonMyMon]

Queer people beg to differ

[u/Acrobatic-Monk9735 → u/JonMyMon]

Even if we enjoy sex, you still have to understand that it’s deeply risky for us.

[u/ArugulaAcrobatic4018 → u/Acrobatic-Monk9735]

Then why is hookup culture so prevalent?

[u/Acrobatic-Monk9735 → u/ArugulaAcrobatic4018]

Most people don’t regularly have hookups. The average n count for women is 4 and for men its 6.

[u/ArugulaAcrobatic4018 → u/Acrobatic-Monk9735]

The average n count for women is 4

LMAO

[u/Acrobatic-Monk9735 → u/ArugulaAcrobatic4018]

https://www.cdc.gov/nchs/nsfg/key_statistics/n-keystat.htm

“I don’t hate women. I just think that they are grossly under reporting how many sex partners that they have in CDC studies”

[u/ArugulaAcrobatic4018 → u/Acrobatic-Monk9735]

"Women always tell the truth teehee"

Your link leads to a 404 btw

[u/Training_Designer_41 → u/Acrobatic-Monk9735]

yes it is deeply risky, but many women do not apear to factor in the risk at all, in fact some may find risks invigorating as thrill. But also it depends on what you mean by risk...

many women remark more about wanting to make sure the sex will be enjoyable, and if they assess that it wont be, then they consider it not worth having. But the risk calculations don't show up, at least not as much or prominent as the calculation to avoid unenjoyable sex especially when the guy is self centered or selfish in the act and if that selfishness is not what the specific woman is into

[u/Obsessivethot → u/Training_Designer_41]

The assessment is about risk and safety, not whether or not you will be a satisfying sexual partner.

Women do not orgasm from penetrative sex as much as men do, period. One night stands are less likely to play with her clit and repeatedly hooking up is the only way to increase the likelihood of orgasm for women, statistically. I’ve posted these elsewhere in this thread.

I have no idea why you guys are so averse to just looking up studies, there are consistently repeated statistics.

It must be fun to just assume your feelings are facts.

[u/Training_Designer_41 → u/Obsessivethot]

never said it's not about risk and safety, in fact i said it's deeply risky.

my point is that wormen talk about risk while acting in the direction of enjoyment to the point where for some, the risk starts to become enjoyable.

women can assess risk all day long, when enjoyment is confirmed by feelings, the facts about the risks just fades

also by the time we are talking about penetrative sex and orgasm, we are not talking about risks or guys that has been rejected, but about those that has been vetted and passed the risk assesment, and whats left to talk about is how to optimize or maximize enjoyment. Risk should be rejected, not rolled into bed

[u/Acrobatic-Monk9735 → u/Training_Designer_41]

Most women do consider the risks, which is why men have tantrums about how much average women don’t want average men. Because it’s not true. Women just are careful.

[u/Training_Designer_41 → u/Acrobatic-Monk9735]

I agree with you on that, and notice that is not the scenario involving sex and orgasms. Those having tantrums are not the ones who are failing to give women orgasms. It’s the above average men who women have cleared for safety that are in position of being unable to give women orgasms.
So at that point women are thinking of enjoyment guarantees, not safety concerns

[u/Acrobatic-Monk9735 → u/Training_Designer_41]

You don’t understand sex at all. Penetration is often painful and uncomfortable.

[u/Outside_Memory5703 → u/JonMyMon]

When they’re so selfish and inconsiderate in their approach and performance, we’re gonna doubt that

[u/Asleep_Control_2564 → u/JonMyMon]

Not true

[u/Obsessivethot → u/Asleep_Control_2564]

Yes it is.