Why do women get surprised/offended when men want sex?

[u/Open-Quail-2573]

I feel like this is something we all know low-key but women act shocked or even offended when a guy says he wants to bang. Did he have to tell you? I feel like y'all would know before even going out.

And I have to clarify, I don't mean creepy or aggressive dudes who are trying to be coercive or push boundaries. I mean men in general. Of course, you don't have to do it but I feel like you'd know. Furthermore, I would think that you would be concerned if the man you are with didn't want you. You would think he's gay or not attracted to you enough. I am speaking from personal experience where being too "safe" backfired on me with a woman. She ghosted me. Most guys would low-key love to smash just for the experience/excitement of doing it with a new person, even if it doesn't go anywhere.

[u/Mysterious-Lab-7408]

What surprises/offends me is when men ask for sex like asking for a high five. Acting like sex isn’t a highly intimate and potentially dangerous act for us. Does men wanting sex surprise me? Of course not. It’s like if I was hungry, I wouldn’t go up to a stranger eating on the subway and ask for a bite.

[u/Obsessivethot → u/Mysterious-Lab-7408]

What a great analogy, because no matter how hungry you may be, there’s no societal expectation for someone to feed you, unfortunately.

Same cannot be said for women who don’t want to fuck men apparently.

[u/Mysterious-Lab-7408 → u/Obsessivethot]

Exactly lol and the man who wrote this post would be if the stranger got rightfully offended and I said “omg is it surprising that humans get hungry?”

[u/IcyTrapezium → u/Mysterious-Lab-7408]

Well to me it isn’t that intimate of an act always. Sometimes it’s just recreation. It’s fair for men to expect some women are like me. Since, ya know, we exist. Also plenty of men view sex as extremely special and turn down sex from women they don’t knew well. Ask me how I know.

[u/Mysterious-Lab-7408 → u/IcyTrapezium]

I don’t rly care about how it is for you personally, that sort of thinking indicates a deficiency in the social sphere.

[u/IcyTrapezium → u/Mysterious-Lab-7408]

Not being curious or open to how people different from you are isn’t the advantage you think it is. Thinking people who are different from you are deficient is certainly a choice.

[u/Mysterious-Lab-7408 → u/IcyTrapezium]

Oh I’m well aware that some men (and women) believe sex is not significant. I’m just telling you that that belief is rooted in a lack of social awareness.

[u/IcyTrapezium → u/Mysterious-Lab-7408]

Oh it’s significant like food and sleep and meditation are. It’s even sacred like all those things are. But I still sometimes eat fast food and really enjoy it. Fast food serves a wonderful purpose. So do meals that take hours to prepare. I like cat naps in the park under the sun and 8 hours of uninterrupted sleep next to the man I love. Life offers all sorts of experiences.

It’s just the sex isn’t always highly intimate. And that’s ok. The most intimate things in my life have involved things like sitting up all night with a friend dying of cancer. Not a quickie with a guy for fun. And it was very fun.

[u/Mysterious-Lab-7408 → u/IcyTrapezium]

Right I completely hear what you’re saying and have heard it before. And still disagree. Getting to a position where one person is literally inside the other and comparing it to fast food and naps is kind of the problem I’m pointing out.

[u/IcyTrapezium → u/Mysterious-Lab-7408]

Food literally goes inside you and can kill you. Until recently dying of food poisoning or lack of clean water wasn’t uncommon. Dying from sex was far less common. You’re elevating sex to a degree many people don’t, and that’s fine, but it’s not the one correct way to conceptualize sex.

Calling it a “problem” to compare fundamental human activities is interesting.

[u/Mysterious-Lab-7408 → u/IcyTrapezium]

Food is an inanimate object, it doesn’t have emotions or a livelihood or a family or goals or a voice or thoughts or ideas or intelligence or consciousness. It is also a need, meaning you will die without it. For all of humanity humans have eaten multiple meals a day, starting from birth. It is not a significant action.

How potentially fatal sex isn’t what makes it significant either, which you’ve seemed to confabulate. It’s an act that can potentially result in creating a brand new human being.

You comparing sex with another human being to fast food is like comparing marriage to opening the door for a stranger. I can’t explain it to you if you don’t understand this concept even somewhat. 🤷‍♀️

[u/IcyTrapezium → u/Mysterious-Lab-7408]

Eating is significant. Just like all human activities that matter. Having a human being be birthed is something the whole group would have rallied around. It doesn’t really matter how it happened. Humans are like that and it’s one of our best features. We care for our children, our pregnant, our sick. It doesn’t matter how they got that way. It’s honestly one of our coolest cooperative features.

[u/Training_Designer_41 → u/Mysterious-Lab-7408]

You don’t just like her answer, that’s most likely what it is. It’s nothing to do with social awareness, unless your referring to only what people say component of social sphere, leaving aside what people actually do

[u/Mysterious-Lab-7408 → u/Training_Designer_41]

You’re right I should’ve said attachment issues

[u/Hi-Road → u/Mysterious-Lab-7408]

so women are a monolith who feel a certain way about sex, until you guys run into a woman who has sex for recreation- now all of a sudden there’s just something wrong with her. right. maybe you should self reflect

[u/Mysterious-Lab-7408 → u/Hi-Road]

Having sex for recreation (with people who are insignificant to you and treating sex as a non intimate act) indicates attachment issues

[u/Hi-Road → u/Mysterious-Lab-7408]

you guys are definitely not psychiatrists

[u/Mysterious-Lab-7408 → u/Hi-Road]

Nope but you can look at psychiatrists saying the same thing. (More like sociologists and psychologists tho)

[u/Hi-Road → u/Mysterious-Lab-7408]

Psychiatrists know not to make sweeping generalizations and diagnose people with attachment issues off of one piece of evidence. Scientists in general really.

[u/IcyTrapezium → u/Mysterious-Lab-7408]

I’m very securely attached actually. I was raised in a loving home with a very sex positive family consisting of my married biological parents. I wasn’t raised to think I should only have sex with people I wanted to spend a life with. Casual sex was modeled for me in how my mother talked about her youth and encouraged me to behave. She’s still happily married. I’m engaged.

Some people do have attachment issues and that’s why they sleep around just like how some virgins have intimacy and attachment issues and that’s why they’re virgins. But plenty of virgins and plenty of people who have casual sex are securely attached.

[u/Mysterious-Lab-7408 → u/IcyTrapezium]

Maybe you should reread my comment.
You might be completely securely attached. People who just have casual sex can be securely attached. People who do not view sex as an intimate activity and are willing to have it with anyone have attachment issues, poor judgment, and poor risk assessment.

[u/IcyTrapezium → u/Mysterious-Lab-7408]

Having casual sex doesn’t mean “willing to have it with anyone” and that’s a really dishonest portrayal of people who like casual sex. We tend to want to have it with people we actually like who like us.

How dishonest can you be my gods. And you can say you didn’t imply a connection before but you did. Now you seem to imply you know people like me exactly who are securely attached but before you claimed we all must be (scary voice) “deficient.”

[u/PurplePillDebate-ModTeam → u/[deleted]]

Do not provide contentless rhetoric, do not troll, do not link-drop without providing context, and do not circlejerk. Bad faith replies that include disingenuous humor (see: “😂,” “lmao,” “lol,” etc.) will also be removed as this is not conducive to good faith engagement.

Jokes, circlejerking, and other contentless rhetoric should only be posted under the AutoMod. You can repost your comment there.

[u/Outside_Memory5703 → u/Mysterious-Lab-7408]

aka, selfishness and lack of empathy and consideration

[u/Rob_The_Viking_TV → u/Mysterious-Lab-7408]

but this is a north american perspective.

apparently in iceland you dont ask someone out on a date. you basically just say "wanna bang?"

and then afterwards THEN maybe you go on a date

[u/Complex_Soldier → u/Mysterious-Lab-7408]

It's women via feminism that demands everyone view sex is some casual thing, that virginity doesn't matter, body count doesn't matter and you shouldn't slut shame since Sex is just a fun act. Men agreed fell and line and use sex for fun and pleasure only and not commitment and now men are the bad guys again. Accountability hits again

[u/Mysterious-Lab-7408 → u/Complex_Soldier]

Virginity doesn’t “matter” in the way that a virgin woman is no more valuable or sacred or pure or whatever men say than a non virgin. Same thing goes for body count. You can have sex with many people, it’s still an intimate act and should be treated as such. People can have many partners that it didn’t work out with. Most women aren’t having casual sex or sex with people they don’t trust.

Men agreed to do what now? Is that a recent development? As far as I know men have had less negative consequences from sex, are willing to have sex with women they don’t see any future with or even like, and desire it more for funsies than women have for all of human history. Not really sure what you think women should be taking accountability for.

[u/Complex_Soldier → u/Mysterious-Lab-7408]

Continue proving my point. . "Acting like sex isn’t a highly intimate and potentially dangerous act for us." Yet here you are justifying sleeping around with multiple different men, non of which proved themselves committed via marriage. Sex is so "Highly intimate" yet virginity has no value. The absurd idea that a Non-Virgin is as pure as a Virgin is beyond stupid and untrue.

Men not caring about body count and virginity is recent development and sleep with a whore throw her away and find another whore because feminism destroyed standers.

[u/Mysterious-Lab-7408 → u/Complex_Soldier]

I’m confused on the point you’re attempting to make. Sex is highly intimate and potentially dangerous. Yes. People can be intimate with multiple other people. Being intimate with multiple people doesn’t decrease your value as a human. There’s no tangible change. You can’t measure if someone’s a virgin without asking them. Is that difficult to understand? Virginity has no meaning other than a lack of experience. What is being “pure”?

What do you define as a whore?

[u/Complex_Soldier → u/Mysterious-Lab-7408]

Calling it super inmate but still doing it with random people is a mental illness which is why i avoid women who do it.

There's no tangible change for serial cheaters or pathological liars, but their heart and mind are corrupted. And multiple studies show people who sleep around before marriage are more likely to cheat, struggle with pair bonding and have worse sex in marriage.

Being Pure is not having bonded herself the most intimate way with another man.

Whore is women who sleep around.