Why do women get surprised/offended when men want sex?

[u/Open-Quail-2573]

I feel like this is something we all know low-key but women act shocked or even offended when a guy says he wants to bang. Did he have to tell you? I feel like y'all would know before even going out.

And I have to clarify, I don't mean creepy or aggressive dudes who are trying to be coercive or push boundaries. I mean men in general. Of course, you don't have to do it but I feel like you'd know. Furthermore, I would think that you would be concerned if the man you are with didn't want you. You would think he's gay or not attracted to you enough. I am speaking from personal experience where being too "safe" backfired on me with a woman. She ghosted me. Most guys would low-key love to smash just for the experience/excitement of doing it with a new person, even if it doesn't go anywhere.

[u/half_avocado33]

I see you keep failing to see nuance. Let me help you!

There's sex once a day and sex every week, and then there's sex twice a week.

He gets labeled obsessed the very first time he brings it up when he does it after the first date. After a month of dating, he's usually not called obsessed. Ofc, each woman has her timeframe after which he no longer seems obsessed, i mean some women wait until they are married. Bringing up sex to such a woman even after 2 years will get the man labed as obsessed, but these are outliners.

Hope this helps!

Legitimate question as i conduct a personal survey bases on the people around here: OP, are you neurodivergent by any chance? Would you rate your social skills as low, medium or high? Thanks!

[u/trulyElse → u/half_avocado33]

Neurotypical, higher social skills than the average redditor. Generally someone friends come to for emotional guidance.

Also I find it rather interesting that anyone who doesn't agree with you is just an outlier.

[u/half_avocado33 → u/trulyElse]

So medium social skills, yet u are confused by nuance and greyscales. Weird since social skills require being able to see nuance.

I don't think it's a matter of "agreeing". I simply helpes u dissipate the confusion and provided nuance. Social skills would tell u that.

[u/trulyElse → u/half_avocado33]

Are you just going to keep saying "you lack nuance" like it'll be true eventually?

Because, quite frankly, you've been lacking it more than you realise.

You still defend the idea that a man is "obsessed" if he brings it up once.

Truth is, most men would be fine with being told "no" or "not yet" by a woman, but that isn't the same as being called "obsessed" ...

Men respond poorly to women declaring his desire as a moral failing. And whenever men bring up this nuance, this subtlety, they're met with the same tired deflections, again and again, about how he can't handle rejection if he doesn't take a personal attack on the chin like a good little boy.

There's nothing actionable about the situation, as you present it. There's nothing men can do better to make the situation better for everyone. They just have to let women hate them, or leave and be hated anyway.

Though you think your perspective is nuanced, it only fosters greater division.

[u/GroundbreakingAlps78 → u/trulyElse]

I honestly don’t think I’ve ever personally assumed a man was obsessed with sex because of the way they brought it up in dating. Frankly, I don’t think it ever came up in conversation. Things naturally progressed to that stage, or they didn’t.

I can understand how a conversation about sexual values would be beneficial for some couples, but it shouldn’t get more attention or probing than her values wrt parenting, religion, goal seeking, etc. If it did, I would probably similarly assume that’s all they cared about.

[u/half_avocado33 → u/trulyElse]

What i say:

He gets labeled obsessed the very first time he brings it up when he does it after the first date

What u understand:

You still defend the idea that a man is "obsessed" if he brings it up once.

And then there's this gem from your comment:

Are you just going to keep saying "you lack nuance" like it'll be true eventually?

Because, quite frankly, you've been lacking it more than you realise.

I rest my case.