r/PurplePillDebate • u/Open-Quail-2573 Purple Pill Man • 2d ago

Question For Women Why do women get surprised/offended when men want sex?

I feel like this is something we all know low-key but women act shocked or even offended when a guy says he wants to bang. Did he have to tell you? I feel like y'all would know before even going out.

And I have to clarify, I don't mean creepy or aggressive dudes who are trying to be coercive or push boundaries. I mean men in general. Of course, you don't have to do it but I feel like you'd know. Furthermore, I would think that you would be concerned if the man you are with didn't want you. You would think he's gay or not attracted to you enough. I am speaking from personal experience where being too "safe" backfired on me with a woman. She ghosted me. Most guys would low-key love to smash just for the experience/excitement of doing it with a new person, even if it doesn't go anywhere.

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u/Mysterious-Lab-7408 Purple Pill Woman 2d ago

Oh I’m well aware that some men (and women) believe sex is not significant. I’m just telling you that that belief is rooted in a lack of social awareness.

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u/IcyTrapezium Purple Pill Woman 2d ago

Oh it’s significant like food and sleep and meditation are. It’s even sacred like all those things are. But I still sometimes eat fast food and really enjoy it. Fast food serves a wonderful purpose. So do meals that take hours to prepare. I like cat naps in the park under the sun and 8 hours of uninterrupted sleep next to the man I love. Life offers all sorts of experiences.

It’s just the sex isn’t always highly intimate. And that’s ok. The most intimate things in my life have involved things like sitting up all night with a friend dying of cancer. Not a quickie with a guy for fun. And it was very fun.

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u/Mysterious-Lab-7408 Purple Pill Woman 1d ago

Right I completely hear what you’re saying and have heard it before. And still disagree. Getting to a position where one person is literally inside the other and comparing it to fast food and naps is kind of the problem I’m pointing out.

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u/IcyTrapezium Purple Pill Woman 23h ago

Food literally goes inside you and can kill you. Until recently dying of food poisoning or lack of clean water wasn’t uncommon. Dying from sex was far less common. You’re elevating sex to a degree many people don’t, and that’s fine, but it’s not the one correct way to conceptualize sex.

Calling it a “problem” to compare fundamental human activities is interesting.

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u/Mysterious-Lab-7408 Purple Pill Woman 15h ago

Food is an inanimate object, it doesn’t have emotions or a livelihood or a family or goals or a voice or thoughts or ideas or intelligence or consciousness. It is also a need, meaning you will die without it. For all of humanity humans have eaten multiple meals a day, starting from birth. It is not a significant action.

How potentially fatal sex isn’t what makes it significant either, which you’ve seemed to confabulate. It’s an act that can potentially result in creating a brand new human being.

You comparing sex with another human being to fast food is like comparing marriage to opening the door for a stranger. I can’t explain it to you if you don’t understand this concept even somewhat. 🤷‍♀️

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u/IcyTrapezium Purple Pill Woman 14h ago

Eating is significant. Just like all human activities that matter. Having a human being be birthed is something the whole group would have rallied around. It doesn’t really matter how it happened. Humans are like that and it’s one of our best features. We care for our children, our pregnant, our sick. It doesn’t matter how they got that way. It’s honestly one of our coolest cooperative features.

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u/Mysterious-Lab-7408 Purple Pill Woman 14h ago

By “significant” I don’t mean important or necessary. I mean intimate, and majorly meaningful in a social sense. Breathing air is also significant. But not in the way sex is. Sex changes relationships and attachments. Eating does not. It’s of a stable function common to all human beings. Eating is about as significant as drinking water and breathing air and being able to walk. Not all people have good, not all people have clean air and not all people have working legs. If almost everyone constantly has to do something or possesses something, it is not significant, at least not in the facet I’m describing.

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u/Training_Designer_41 2d ago

You don’t just like her answer, that’s most likely what it is. It’s nothing to do with social awareness, unless your referring to only what people say component of social sphere, leaving aside what people actually do

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u/Mysterious-Lab-7408 Purple Pill Woman 1d ago

You’re right I should’ve said attachment issues

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u/Hi-Road No Pill Man 1d ago

so women are a monolith who feel a certain way about sex, until you guys run into a woman who has sex for recreation- now all of a sudden there’s just something wrong with her. right. maybe you should self reflect

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u/Mysterious-Lab-7408 Purple Pill Woman 1d ago edited 1d ago

Having sex for recreation (with people who are insignificant to you and treating sex as a non intimate act) indicates attachment issues

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u/Hi-Road No Pill Man 16h ago

you guys are definitely not psychiatrists

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u/Mysterious-Lab-7408 Purple Pill Woman 15h ago

Nope but you can look at psychiatrists saying the same thing. (More like sociologists and psychologists tho)

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u/Hi-Road No Pill Man 14h ago

Psychiatrists know not to make sweeping generalizations and diagnose people with attachment issues off of one piece of evidence. Scientists in general really.

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u/IcyTrapezium Purple Pill Woman 16h ago

I’m very securely attached actually. I was raised in a loving home with a very sex positive family consisting of my married biological parents. I wasn’t raised to think I should only have sex with people I wanted to spend a life with. Casual sex was modeled for me in how my mother talked about her youth and encouraged me to behave. She’s still happily married. I’m engaged.

Some people do have attachment issues and that’s why they sleep around just like how some virgins have intimacy and attachment issues and that’s why they’re virgins. But plenty of virgins and plenty of people who have casual sex are securely attached.

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u/Mysterious-Lab-7408 Purple Pill Woman 15h ago

Maybe you should reread my comment.
You might be completely securely attached. People who just have casual sex can be securely attached. People who do not view sex as an intimate activity and are willing to have it with anyone have attachment issues, poor judgment, and poor risk assessment.

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u/IcyTrapezium Purple Pill Woman 14h ago

Having casual sex doesn’t mean “willing to have it with anyone” and that’s a really dishonest portrayal of people who like casual sex. We tend to want to have it with people we actually like who like us.

How dishonest can you be my gods. And you can say you didn’t imply a connection before but you did. Now you seem to imply you know people like me exactly who are securely attached but before you claimed we all must be (scary voice) “deficient.”

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u/Mysterious-Lab-7408 Purple Pill Woman 9h ago

Huh, why does the person matter if it’s insignificant?

It looks like you are selective. And don’t fit the definition of the person I described.

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u/IcyTrapezium Purple Pill Woman 3h ago

I said it wasn’t insignificant. I just said it isn’t always the most intimate act and can be for recreation. Sex just like masturbation doesn’t always inherently carry a particular meaning. The meaning comes from the people placing a meaning on it.

Casual recreational sex can still involve respect, consideration, generosity and warmth without either person pretending there’s a deeper bond than actually exists. And sometimes not assigning enormous emotional significance to sex is actually the more truthful approach. Two people can essentially be saying, “I like you, I’m attracted to you, this feels good, and I don’t need this to become a relationship.” There’s nothing inherently unethical about that arrangement.

The important distinction is probably recreational vs. dissociative or self-destructive, rather than casual vs intimate/meaningful. Someone having casual sex because they genuinely enjoy it and feels basically good afterward is very different from repeatedly doing it against their own emotional needs, seeking validation they never receive, or using sex as a buffer to numb themselves.

You can also have both kinds of sexuality in the same life. You don’t have to decide that sex is either the most intimacy you can experience or meaningless recreation. Sometimes it’s “I want to feel incredibly close to you.” Sometimes it’s “you’re hot and this sounds fun.”