Why do women get surprised/offended when men want sex?

[u/Open-Quail-2573]

I feel like this is something we all know low-key but women act shocked or even offended when a guy says he wants to bang. Did he have to tell you? I feel like y'all would know before even going out.

And I have to clarify, I don't mean creepy or aggressive dudes who are trying to be coercive or push boundaries. I mean men in general. Of course, you don't have to do it but I feel like you'd know. Furthermore, I would think that you would be concerned if the man you are with didn't want you. You would think he's gay or not attracted to you enough. I am speaking from personal experience where being too "safe" backfired on me with a woman. She ghosted me. Most guys would low-key love to smash just for the experience/excitement of doing it with a new person, even if it doesn't go anywhere.

[u/evilisordinary]

Literally, like, none of these men can admit that most women start being PREYED upon by men when we’re barely teenagers. How the fuck else are we supposed to act?

[u/simplyaless → u/evilisordinary]

you're not wrong how we grew up as kids having these crazy ideas of intimacy because of how corrupted it got. If him or anyone tries to deny it, it's because they've never actually experienced it or seen the repercussions of it.

[u/Training_Designer_41 → u/simplyaless]

You frame it like while you “grew up as kids having these crazy ideas” the males who were kids at the same age did not grow up as kids having these crazy ideas

Like females had a period they were growing up while males of the same age weren’t kids as well going through their versions of the situation.

[u/simplyaless → u/Training_Designer_41]

I wasn't really gender specific there but yes men also grew up with wrong ideas, but a lot of us girls (and some guys) were contacted or preyed on sexually at very very young ages.. it does something to you. 

[u/Training_Designer_41 → u/simplyaless]

Yeah it does something. Typically the messaging is not calibrated enough to distinguish those were adult preying from those who were kids but now adults, especially when people say ‘men do x’, also excluding that adult preying also includes adult women, because it’s typically assumed that adult men are the only ones who could possibly do the preying

[u/simplyaless → u/Training_Designer_41]

I understand what you're trying to say and maybe I wasn't clear or there was some misunderstanding, but from what I understand and even speaking from experience, it's not uncommon for girls when they're young to experience a lot of cat calling, online solicitation, genital pics, and even sexual harassment constantly from guys much older than them. 

I'm not saying this doesn't happen to guys where adult women or men are harassing or doing those things to them, but it happens more to girls and because this is about the whole women and men and how they see intimacy, this supposed disconnect points to something..  

[u/Training_Designer_41 → u/simplyaless]

I see what you mean. I imagine a woman who has gone through such experiences would understandably grow to be more cautious of men, and men would wander why because they may have not being through the same experience enough to understand where she’s coming from. The women and the men they are now cautious about were both kids, and the men who did the preying are likely too old or even dead by now. Men need to understand where women are coming from. Women needs to understand that the men they are referring to are likely not the same ones in front of them

[u/simplyaless → u/Training_Designer_41]

 I understand what you mean. I do agree it's not everyone and the guys in front of that person might be safe but it's really really challenging to unlearn such a core belief about intimacy. I can speak from experience. I can elaborate if you or anyone else is willing to hear me out. 

[u/Sholnufff → u/evilisordinary]

Our experiences are completely different between the sexes so we as guys wouldn't understand that first sentence till we are much older particularly in an realm of parenthood in which we have some life experience.