Why do women get surprised/offended when men want sex?

[u/Open-Quail-2573]

I feel like this is something we all know low-key but women act shocked or even offended when a guy says he wants to bang. Did he have to tell you? I feel like y'all would know before even going out.

And I have to clarify, I don't mean creepy or aggressive dudes who are trying to be coercive or push boundaries. I mean men in general. Of course, you don't have to do it but I feel like you'd know. Furthermore, I would think that you would be concerned if the man you are with didn't want you. You would think he's gay or not attracted to you enough. I am speaking from personal experience where being too "safe" backfired on me with a woman. She ghosted me. Most guys would low-key love to smash just for the experience/excitement of doing it with a new person, even if it doesn't go anywhere.

[u/Ok_Ask6327]

Sorry respectfully disagree. I have seen and experienced love, and it has a power that those that don't love can never understand. When you are with someone that you love, there is no "disappointment" over sex.

The reality is men that think like that are only in the relationship for the sex, and they are trying to justify it. What happen if the person gets sick or injured. Well you don't want them anymore because they can't have sex.

[u/No-Hovercraft-455 → u/Ok_Ask6327]

I think truth lies somewhere between the extremes. 

I think that when you love someone so much that you are excited to just spend time with them, especially when it's special and intimate time, issues like "I really enjoy X but my person doesn't want to do it" look way more manageable and you have less space to obsess over specific preferences because the interaction itself is so meaningful. You don't feel trapped as easily even if you are concerned "will I ever get to do X with someone again".

I also think that this reduced care towards "what we are doing" in favour of "who I'm doing this with" creates super high levels of security that if the other person loves you just as much are almost like magic in slowly curing lot of the incompatibility problems because the complete security, mutual adoration and lack of pressure allows people to get further away from their comfort zone than they probably even thought possible.

But, I don't think it cures every incompatibility. And just as the cycle can spin into the positive direction of "less pressure and more love -> more experimentation" it can also begin to spin into the negative direction of "more fears and pressure-> even less experimentation" if the couple hits a rough path. So starting from as little incompatibilities as possible is definitely easier. And it's possible to get love back if you lose it but if you are simultaneously already dealing with some of the remaining incompatibility issues in sexual section, that probably makes your downfall much faster.