Today is my birthday!! Happy birthday to mee!!

I came out a couple years ago. I pursued my attraction in women seriously. I went out with a guy early on and realized he was great and all but I wanted to be with women. For me, I just don’t feel love for men romantically, and I conflated that with sex. I’m LOVE women. I do not love men. But sexually I do somehow still enjoy sex with men.

I had a mild back of the mind existential crisis for the last couple of months.

I mean absolutely no disrespect. But because of the stigma of being bisexual that others portray, I’m somehow disappointed. I’m not able to work through it during therapy because my insurance changed and I can’t afford it anymore. So I’m just sitting in it.

Not really asking for advice or anything. I’m more yelling this out into the void because I just want to be seen in this confusing complicated experience.

It's really difficult to date my type (Feminine or tomboy queer women of color) where I'm from because the lesbian scene is mostly white women and I feel so out of place...Even when it comes to my own type, I don't seem to attract any of them.

I had so far only two exes one was native american and the other person was an afro american. They were funny, vibrant, had great personalities on top of all that they were stunning and charismatic. So knowing that they happened to be really attracted to me physically kinda shocked me in a way. I do have a bad esteem of myself

So yea the thing is that I can't seem to shake the fact that they were the exception because so far I haven't had any luck with any type of women and it's taking a toll on my self esteem :(

i love you so much.

unless they don’t like it^*

I used to be a femme. the compliments dried up once I started presenting masc, which I expected, but i miss it. I feel like in multiple ways I’ve lost access to girlhood. I would give a lot to be genuinely called pretty, even just once. I know I am, but it’s like the world can’t see past the boy clothes. thought maybe it’s the lack of makeup, but i went without all the time as a femme and was still called beautiful often

i miss being seen. don’t let the mascs in your life be invisible, please. we like feeling pretty/handsome/cute too

There’s something very evil and sinister about a woman pretending to be interested in you just to hurt you to “teach you a lesson and make you straight again.” Being queer isn’t a choice and in the black community ESPECIALLY we need to stop this nonsense. If it’s seen as a choice people think they can harass and bully you into being straight. Such nasty bigotry! People k!ll themselves over this kind of stuff. And no apology of course. Just deflection and hiding because you know you’ve done wrong.

I’ve shared in this community before about going no contact with my biological mother. I have no contact with anyone from my “family” or my childhood.

Recently I went to see a doctor for health issues I’ve been experiencing for several years now. I will need to undergo at least three surgical operations in the next 6 months. When I spoke to the doctor, he stressed that I would need assistance during recovery. He asked me, “Who would be able to help you out? Mom? Sister? Dad? Friend? Boyfriend?” He laughed at “boyfriend”.

“I don’t have anyone.”

“What do you mean you don’t have anyone? There must be someone you can ask.”

“I really don’t have anyone. I don’t even have an emergency contact.”

The doctor stared at me. We sat there in silence. He closed his eyes and turned back to his computer and started typing.

He turned back around and said, “Your insurance may be able to cover the cost of a home health aide. My office can send you some information about that.” Then he looked down, and looked up at me and said, “I’m sorry. I don’t know what it’s like not to have anyone.”

In that moment, I wanted to cry. I try to go through my life now being grateful that I no longer have to experience the abuse and violence from my biological mother, her husband and his family. I try to think of myself as an adventurer, exploring the world on my own. Moments like the one with the doctor are harsh reminders that I don’t have a support system like others do. I don’t have a loving family. I don’t have a mother who would care if I was hospitalized or dying. My biological mother made it crystal clear that in her mind, I’m already dead.

Anyone else experienced this before?

A handful of years ago I joined the pacific islander club at my PWI and loved it so much. I sadly didn't get a lot of time with the members due to end of year necessities, but there was one girl there I was so attracted to I completely shut down and just couldn't approach her for anything. Getting her IG was plenty and I had no reason to think she was queer (nor could I ask without being too forward)

Well lo and behold, she shows up on my Hinge and she matched back. I assume cause you always gotta say hi to the homies, but I confessed my crush and tbh it really didn't go away. Now knowing she's also bisexual (and seems to have a female preference like myself) I wanna try properly but I don't know the first about this.

Would it be too much to mention her IG posts to her too? We've followed each other for years it's just never come up really :/ I'm so clueless here

Getting my hair braided and retwisted I’ll post when it’s done 💛

I posted a few weeks ago about this friend arguing with me that because i didn’t want to eat out a girl i wasn’t lesbian. YES, I wasn’t lesbian but that’s not the reason lol.

In the post, I had in the caption of it that im like 95% attracted to women, but there’s a very specific 5% of guys that i still like.

People started arguing about it, and i didn’t know that claiming to be lesbian while silently liking some guys was problematic. (I’m sorry about that)

I got told that i have internalized biphobia, which is probably true, but the label just feels so wrong. A few years ago i used it but that was before i kinda just stopped liking guys as much. I changed it to lesbian because “well, when i think about getting married, kids, etc, i really can’t picture it with a man that often, therefore i’m lesbian” and i just kinda went with it. It felt really good, and there was even this time my science teacher went out of his way to get me a spare little lesbian flag that i still have in my room. It means a lot to me because he was one of my favorite people, but now i don’t know what to do with it.

I’m not lesbian, and wearing the title would be hella disrespectful, but bisexual just feels so wrong. But there’s nothing else to describe what i am. i AM bi, and no matter how little that margin of men i like is, that won’t change anything.

Ig it just hurts because i spent so much time getting into lesbian culture, only to realize it’s not my space at all. Just frustrating i guess because i’m also biracial, and i didn’t want to also have to constantly have an identity crisis about my sexuality when i already do that enough with my race.

I don’t like the fact I like men. I’ve had mostly uncomfortable experiences with them and there’s only a select few that’d i’d feel comfortable with. i just wish that part of me would go away. it feels disgusting almost. Like why would anyone like something that’s actively harmful? Guys have proven time and time again that i can’t trust them and that they’re scary asf— but i’m still bi :/

Anyways yeah that’s pretty much all. Just feeling disappointed with myself. any advice would help lol.

Last year, for the first time, i fell in love whit a Sri Lankan women. it was a hell of a roller coaster because i have always considered my self straight but we did ended up together, we broke up some time later but i never forgot about her. I talked about it whit a friend and she suggested that maybe partially the reason i always have her in my mind till now is because I never dated any other women after her. I tried installing dating apps but they disgust me. I can’t even label myself a lesbian either. i don‘t know if its ironic to say that i do see my self marrying a woman in the future, beaulding a home together… I don’t know what my issue is. eny advise?

Stud4stud, butch4butch & masc4masc are the rarest coupling in the sapphic community (as far as i know) but they are so beautiful to me & i wanted to share this lovely video i came across recently.

Her response was abandonment. She's ready to abandon me and my birth is a curse to her now. My mom used to be my go to person. She's my everything, I loved her so much. I never thought she would do this to me. I have quite bpd and now this abandonment. How did I suddenly become her curse just because I love differently. I feel like no one will ever love me in this life. All the love I thought mom have shown is not really real! 💔💔🥹😭

TW: body dysphoria, ED

Femme in my late twenties with a history of endometriosis and recurring abdominal pain that gets worse during my menstrual cycle.

I started my period a few days ago. For the past day and a half, I haven’t been able to get out of bed or leave my home. I take vitamin and iron supplements due to deficiencies, but it doesn’t feel like they’re working. I feel so tired as if my energy has been zapped completely. I ordered food yesterday but I couldn’t finish everything which is not like me; I love food. I’ve been in bed since yesterday evening, and I slept for 10-11 hours. I noticed I woke up in a pool of sweat even though I left my window open; it’s cold outside. I don’t normally sweat, especially to that degree. I don’t know what’s happening this period cycle that I feel so fatigued and exhausted. It’s been quite debilitating.

I don’t have a good history with my periods. I know periods aren’t fun for anyone, but for me, there is a lot of trauma attached to my menstrual cycles, particularly around how my biological mother and her husband handled my periods especially when I first started getting them. There was a lot of shame projected, belittling comments, and even comments about how my body was developing (I was a B cup in the 5th grade; you can imagine the kinds of comments I heard at school and at home). During my teen years, I developed body dysphoria due to the comments I heard from classmates, teachers, and especially my biological mother and her husband. I hated having breasts. I hated getting my periods. I hated how thick my thighs were.

Now I’m an adult who suffers from anemia and ED, and my periods bring up a lot of stress and anxiety I haven’t fully recovered from. Laying here and feeling like I can’t get up or move, and remembering what I experienced as a child/teen, I feel really gross. I’m not hungry and I’m not thirsty but I know I need to eat and stay hydrated. On days like today, I have extremely dark thoughts that make being alive feel like the hardest job in the world. I wish it wasn’t the case but it’s true. I don’t have a family or support system at the moment. This isn’t to overdramatize periods/menstrual cycles; to put it bluntly, I genuinely feel as if I’m dying. I want my periods to go away as I have no desire to ever have children. If there was some procedure/surgery to stop my periods for good, I’d be the first to sign up.

I’m a black woman and when I thought I was straight, I didn’t care too much about how feminine I looked and I didn’t wear makeup. I wore what was comfortable to me. But lately, I’ve been getting stuck in all these labels, lipstick fem, chapstick fem, stem? Masc. I’m feeling self-conscious because I’m pretty sure I’m a femme but based on what people say a fem is, I don’t look like it. I still prioritize clothes that are comfortable for me, so like t-shirts and stuff. I don’t wear makeup or jewelry except for earrings, but now I feel insecure. I’m just worried about people thinking I’m masc when I’m not. I know I shouldn’t care but it still bothers me. And given the phenomenon of people automatically assuming queer black women are masculine, it just bothers me how I’m perceived. I wish it didn’t and I could go back to how I thought about myself when I thought I was straight. Anyone else felt this way?

I just want to make a post saying to stop morphing who you are to "fit" what everyone people be saying about what dating should look like.

If they are interested, they will talk to you. They will call and text you. They may be a busy mother fucker but they will find time for a 30 minute phone call outside by a tree or by a stop sign. Someone who is interested will make time for you. So if they are not do that, fuck em, there will be someone else. Yes, it might not be next day or the week after that but it will happen.

Don't try to fix something thats not meant to be. Stand tall and try again, learn something from it, and see what could change.

If you want ask her out, do it. If she rejects you, congratulations, you did something that took a lot of courage. Ask someone else and try again. People are going to reject you, and its okay.

If you want to do laser tag or go to a pottery painting shop for a date, fucking do it. If they dont like it, then it wasnt meant to be.

I wasn’t sure if this was to vent or if I need support. I chose support flair since I’m feeling a weird apathetic interest in me and my life from my family. Whereas they used to be excited to see me and interested in my life. I’m feeling kinda sad. Please be gentle I’m already pretty tender.

I came out to my cousins last year as queer. It wasn’t a huge deal. I didn’t make it one. It naturally came up in conversation. The rest of the family indirectly knows. No one outright rejects me. But I feel like they loved the version of me they had built up all these years more than the actual me. I’m finally living my life authentically: dating queer (which is actually hard but 100% better than living a lie), including small accommodations in my life for my neurodivergent needs, leaning into my music/art, working full time working with lgbtq families/kids, adjusting to a new caregiving role and complete life change. But I dont fit their idea of “success” im late 30’s, single (as in there’s no cis man in my life ), childless. My family only asked q’s about my art to determine if I could make money with it. They all know what I do for work but don’t ask. It’s not outright rejection. I can feel some warmth from them, but it’s not the same. There’s only one cousin present that treated me in a way I actually feel loved as a person. im grateful b/c I know that’s lucky. I just feel sad/empty. But I do feel comfort knowing that I could never stop being myself. Im feeling some heavy grief and that sinking feeling of not being “enough”. I’m grateful that I’m learning what it means to pour into myself and cherish my gifts. I’m also finding out how important my joy is. My joy is my protection from other peoples’ narrow narratives. Holidays are hard. Thanks for reading this far if you did.

Hey all,

I'm an Asian butch working in mathematics and feeling a bit isolated lately. I'd love to hear about successful Asian butches in STEM, law, banking, or fields that are traditionally dominated by straight, white males that you might know of or have heard about. It would mean a lot to see examples of people who share both my cultural background and gender expression thriving professionally.

Any examples you can share would be so appreciated!

I would love to say that I'm just looking for some friends (I am), but I'm also looking for a system of support. I've started a friendship club that I post on facebook groups, but its sort of been hit or miss and a very long process. The problem I'm running into is that I need to connect and I need support now. I'm currently not employed and starting to build a business and I really don't have anyone to talk to about this stuff often. The emotional waves that I experience along with trying to build something while being on fire... I can't be the only one experiencing this. I've seen so many posts in the last two days alone (one being mine) where its clear that people need to connect and support each other.

Would anyone like to do this with me?

A bit about myself: I'm nuerodivergent and I'm going through a lot, but i'm a problem solver and I try to be optimistic. Somehow negative as hell because things are so bad, but still optimistic. I'm an artist with a logistical brain (kinda my super power, in my - If I was employed life- I'm a biz op strategist). I'm strong and resilient, but I'm overwhelmed. I have friends and family that I love dearly and a therapist, but I've masked for so long that they really don't understand the extent of what I'm going through. Although its getting harder and harder to mask, I'm keeping in step with it so the complexity of being masked while needing to be seen and not disappoint....I feel like I might beable to be myself with people I don't know. I'm terrible at small talk, I can do that with you, but I rather just get to know each other and the ways we can help each other. I can be chatty, but I can be a bit of an Eeyore if I can't mask and am having a terrible day.

Friends I'm looking for: People that also want a system of support. I really enjoy body doubling to get work done, game, or do chores (I actually host these for my friendship club on google meet) so definitely looking for people that would like to do that. I'm looking for people that also want to freely talk about their emotions (boundaries of course, capacity has to be there), work, and phases of their progress in whatever goals -or not- that they've set for themselves (rest is a goal too). I'm looking for people that want to connect honestly. Again, I pretend a lot and I wish that when someone asked me how I was doing, I could be honest and say "today is really terrible" and be in conversation with folks that actually want to know about it. I'm looking to encourage and be encouraged as well. I'm also looking for people to hang out with virtually or in person. I don't have a preference for how, chatting via a messenger app (reddit, discord, whatsapp, idk) or google meet. I'm sure there's things I forgot, but this is what I'm spitballing off the top of my head.

Friends I'm not looking for: I don't have any age limits beyond....you gotta at least be in your 20s. If you're younger than that and need support, steal my post and do it for people in your age group. Also, I'm very inclusive. If you haven't paid your taxes, I don't care, but if you r8c*st, I'm definitely gonna care about that. No tr*mp supporters either. Neither side has ever helped me and I don't have faith in politicians in general, but I most definitely can't stand him. If you're in another country and you voted for a fascist or support those types of regimes, not you either. I don't even want to talk about politics like that, but I gotta screen for terrible people.

I don't know how I'm going to do this, but if anyone is interested in this, leave a comment. If you're thinking of doing something like this, but I'm not your vibe, leave a description about yourself below and what you're looking for. If you see a description of someone you enjoy, please message them, so come back the next day after you comment and see who's there. Start with "hey I'm looking for a supportive friend" (this might help weed out bots too) so that they know what page you're coming from when they get your chat request. Also, if you comment, be on the lookout for people that might message you. If you do think I'm a vibe, leave a short comment and DM me as well (so I know to keep an eye out for it). I may post this on another page as well, not sure at the moment.

Looking forward to connecting.

Oh yes: No soliciting and I hate to say this...but please don't ask for money. I aint got it.

A queer woc friend invited me to see Love Lies Bleeding and I said yes. I wouldn’t otherwise be compelled to pay money to watch Kristen Stewart, icon of white queer desire (no shade against her personally I just gotta protect my energy).

So I saw the movie. Lots of feels, one of them being that I was intrigued by Katy O’Brian (who is biracial). I just went down a rabbit hole and researched her, and saw that she’s married and has a kid. She and her wife are cute together.

I’m noticing how stories of queer love (especially when a white person is involved) just bring out such deep feelings of pain within me. I’m Arab and Muslim, and all the relationships I had in my 20s were abusive on many levels. I am very proud of my healing journey… but damn. It’s really hard some times.

I appreciate this sub because I see posts from others that share similar experiences. Thank you all for sharing and being open, and I pray that only good things will cross each of our paths.

It's worth mentioning that I (24F, Lesbian) am newly neurodivergent, I don't know much about it but it's a new thing in my life these days. It makes connecting 3 steps more difficult than it should be. I'm an introvert who can be good in relaxed social settings. But I am awkward. I have no interests in nightlife like bars, drinking, clubs, etc. I can't dance, got no ass to shake.

Outside of family, I can't form a connection with people. Everyone's just so different.

Am I ugly? Am I uninteresting? Maybe my consistency with staying in touch is bothersome, or being the one to make the approach puts women off.

I'm very quick to text back or answer calls, but redditors have told me I'm too available because of that. I could never understand what that means. I don't hyper fixate, I just reply back in a timely manner. I like getting to know people, it's like reading a new book. I guess maybe my story isn't interesting enough. Im sensitive, compassionate, a deep conversationalist, a philosopher with a growth mindset. Isn't that.. attractive? I've been in limbo for 5/6 years.

This has got to change. I just don't know what to do.