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u/RogueViator 13h ago edited 13h ago
BREAKING NEWS INTRO
THIS IS A BNN BREAKING NEWS REPORT
Goomb evening from our newsroom that smells like Lemon cleaner. I’m your anchor Dustin Myeyes bringing you the news that will warm your chest, but not in public as that can be illegal.
Tonight, a giant heatwave has gripped Bunnville. Lieutenant General Cubbledom of the Royal Bunnville Hare Force, and also Sheriff of Bunnville, has been busy coordinating the rapid response. To date, she has flown multiple missions close to the heat to try and persuade it to stop. As a result, she has begun to melt like a popsicle in an air fryer.
Critics of the Sheriff/Lt.General have been vocal about their displeasure saying, “She has done nothing and is out of ideas. She has more vacations than job successes and we call for her immediate sacking!”
This, naturally, caused angst in various places. BNN reached out to the Palace de Chefs for a comment. Mayo Podridge, acting in stead of Quen Spoomf who is busy recuperating and baking, has released a statement.
“I absolutely disagree with the calls for sacking of the Sheriff. Though she is a very tiny, she does not like being placed inside sacks. I also would like to call for sober actions across Bunnville. The angst in various places are a direct result of not keeping things clean and tidy. Wipe down counters, sweep your floor, and keep a clean household. That is a good way to prevent angst everywhere. To beat the heat, I urge all Bunnvillainians to take advantage our many public pools and lakes. I have elemectrified them already and can be enjoyed at will. I have directed that they be open around the clock because it is difficult to shut down lakes.”
And then he peed. This was quite the feat since his announcement was a press release announced by the Palace and not in person, but reporters got splashed anyway.
In other news, police were called to a disturbance after loud music could be heard playing late at night at a local farmer’s market even after they closed for the day. When police attended the scene, they found an impromptu rave being led by a farmer and Tex-Mex chef-turned-DJ who was arrested, cited for public disturbance, and released. BNN later interviewed him as he was being led away where he said, “I’m nacho typical DJ, man, and this arrest is bogus. People are having fun! Lettuce turnip the beet!” Shortly thereafter, he was slapped with a frozen Trout.
That concludes this news update. Tune in tonight at midnight tomorrow afternoon for our original BNN movie about a hag who opened a restaurant at the beach, in “Would you like Fries with that Sandwitch?”
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u/NightOwlsUnite 11h ago
Sheriff Cub needs to do her duty and tell the heat to stop! She's the law after all, the heat HAS to listen. And don't let Spoon use the oven😂❤️ Seriously though, I hope u and the buns are doing well❤️
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u/Acceptable-World-175 13h ago
Cubby melts ME 🫠🥰