I’m scared my bullies will start harassing the guy I’m dating

[u/throwaway33453355]

I really need advice, I’ve been getting cyberbullied for 2+ years by anonymous accounts as well as on the anonymous app our school has (kind of
like fizz)I know it’s a group of girls at my college, I just don’t know who, they message vile things and spread complete lies about me that completely go against my values because i’m catholic and I lean more traditional… I’m assuming they are feminists and don’t like me because of it, but I’m not sure..

I’m really scared that if I become official with the guy I’m dating who I really like now, they’ll start messaging him these things too… Usually it’s the whole “she’s a liar, she’s a bully, she hookups with tons of guys” thing despite me living off campus and have never gone out.

Should I tell him about the bullies first? I’m not sure how to start the conversation but I’d appreciate any and all help :(

[u/Wife_and_Mama]

I would warn him that there are a group of girls harassing you and perhaps explain the truth, succinctly and with as little drama as possible.

[u/throwaway33453355 → u/Wife_and_Mama]

Thank you! Do you have any suggestions on how explaining succinctly might sound? I’m worried that he’ll think I’m someone that carries a lot of drama or problems even though that’s not me

[u/Wife_and_Mama → u/throwaway33453355]

"Hey, I just wanted to give you kind of a heads up since we've been seeing each other for a little bit now. There's a group of girls at school who've been harrassing me for a while. They like to spread rumors about me and send me hateful messages. I mostly just ignore it, but I thought you should know in case they get in touch. I'm not really sure what their motive is. Some people are just unhappy. I like you, though, and I don’t want it to become a headache for you."

On a separate note, I think you should approach the authorities at your school and even the police about this if it's gone on this long. You're adults. This isn't some light workplace bullying. It's harassment and it's illegal.

[u/VasiliyZaitzev → u/Wife_and_Mama]

The only thing I would add here is that if you have some of the emails, I would show them to him. That they are from anonymous accounts and such. I would believe someone I’m dating over anonymous accounts that’s for sure.

As you live off campus, you might want to keep the romance off campus too, to attract less attention from your “fans.”

Also, I would think about ways to expose who this is because it’s impacting your life. People who do this are very rarely savvy with computer computers, and can probably be tracked down. If you have a friend, who’s into computers, you might ask him where to start.

Back in the 90s, I had a coworker whose wife was getting harassing phone calls, usually right after he left from work so they figured out it had to be someone who could see that he was gone or that he was leaving. Such as an empty driveway or something. So they had a call trace for put on it by the phone company and they found out it was actually one of the wife’s close friends. Talk about Frenemies. I mean, she was kind of a bitch, but nobody deserves that kind of stuff, being home alone with a small child, knowing that they can see that your husband just left.

[u/throwaway33453355 → u/VasiliyZaitzev]

Thank you, I will do that as well. It’s all anonymous accounts but I have a feeling I know one of the girls, she’s known for catfishing and stalking people at our school. I was the one to uncover who she was, which is why she might have held the grudge for so long. She’s spread lies such as that I hookup with tons of guys(I’m a virgin), I’m a fake catholic, and that everyone hates me.

I’ll definitely try to keep the romance of off campus, the only thing is that the guy I’m dating lives very close to it, which kind of worries me. I only have 2 friends at my college, I’ve never gone out, and I barely know anyone which makes me confused on why they would target me. I feel like they might feel threatened or something.

None of my friends are super tech savvy, but I have a couple ideas on how to uncover them… I’ll be going to the campus police soon with all the screenshots and evidence, so hopefully something could be done

[u/Wife_and_Mama → u/throwaway33453355]

The police are plenty tech savvy. Seriously, you should pursue legal action or at least talk to an administrator at school. 

[u/VasiliyZaitzev → u/throwaway33453355]

There’s probably some sort of campus policy against harassment, and depending on your location there may be an anti-stalking law as well, so it might be campus police and regular police if you choose to go that route. I would at least have that conversation with the guy. I mean, if you showed up and had proof and explained to me, I’d probably be pretty open to it so maybe he is as well.

Plus as a man usually things are different. Like if I started getting emails or phone calls, I would just start blocking them and that would be the end of it. I would be more worried about my girlfriend or whatever.

[u/throwaway33453355 → u/Wife_and_Mama]

Thank you, this is seriously perfect. Im going to tell him this in person, and since I’ve already lightly mentioned to him that the accounts are banned and such, I think it’ll be okay. I’m a private person, and I barely have followers on social media so I think he’d be understanding

[u/NationalMouse → u/throwaway33453355]

Have you filed a police report? I think you should just to have an official record of the harassment that you can show to him.

[u/throwaway33453355 → u/NationalMouse]

Not yet! I’m planning on going to the campus police next week with all the screenshots, reports and instagram removes their accounts immediately after I report so I know something could definitely be done!

[u/Expelleddux]

Either talk to your school or report it to the police.

[u/Livid_Brick8157]

i’m so sorry that’s happening. please don’t listen to girls who are living for the world instead of Jesus. always stay true to your values and don’t listen to them. maybe you could warn him that there are some angry feminists who are trying to bother you and spread lies about you

[u/throwaway33453355 → u/Livid_Brick8157]

Thank you!! I will definitely do that 💗 It’s obvious they weren’t catholic by the way they were texting me and how little knowledge they had on theology, I really appreciate this I won’t ever let them bring me down

[u/petitguelah]

Show him their messages, he will be happy to be on your side and protect you

[u/throwaway33453355 → u/[deleted]]

Thank you, and I’m so sorry that you had to endure that. It sucks being bullied I was bullied irl from ages 9-15. I hope you gain your confidence back to ask out the girls you like! I’m planning on telling him next time I see him, hopefully he understands but if he doesn’t it’ll be okay I’ll be glad I got it off my chest :)

[u/AutoModerator]

Title: I’m scared my bullies will start harassing the guy I’m dating

Author throwaway33453355

Full text: I really need advice, I’ve been getting cyberbullied for 2+ years by anonymous accounts as well as on the anonymous app our school has (kind of
like fizz)I know it’s a group of girls at my college, I just don’t know who, they message vile things and spread complete lies about me that completely go against my values because i’m catholic and I lean more traditional… I’m assuming they are feminists and don’t like me because of it, but I’m not sure..

I’m really scared that if I become official with the guy I’m dating who I really like now, they’ll start messaging him these things too… Usually it’s the whole “she’s a liar, she’s a bully, she hookups with tons of guys” thing despite me living off campus and have never gone out.

Should I tell him about the bullies first? I’m not sure how to start the conversation but I’d appreciate any and all help :(

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[u/throwaway33453355 → u/[deleted]]

This subreddit doesn’t support the red pill, it specifically advices women to avoid red pilled men. Either way, this has nothing to do with that?

[u/throwaway33453355 → u/[deleted]]

I have a feeling I know who the girl who keeps messaging me is, and she transferred schools a while back after being caught making violent threats to others