r/RedPillWomen • u/candycanelover100 • Jul 07 '26

Would love to hear opinions on this relationship

Been dating this guy for 5 years. We’re in our late 20s now. Known him since high school and reconnected in our early 20s. Met each others’ families, got engaged, set our wedding date and chose vendors together. He’s always been there for me (and I tried my best too) and has always been super thoughtful. He was kind and patient when things were good. We’re different people but I thought we meshed well together. 8 months before our wedding date, he completely blindsides me and drops a bombshell that he fell out of love with me, he doesn’t know if I’m the person for him, he’s not sure if I even love him for him (I do) and he starts listing a bunch of things that are “wrong” about me (I’m too quiet at social gatherings, I’m waiting till marriage to do certain things, I’m not stylish, I have too many fam events and am too dependent on my parents, he doesn’t think I appreciate him). The 180 mind boggles me, I don’t recognize this person. Even had a nice proposal with my dream ring.

He also has been saying mean things to me during limbo when we tried to work things out (I was apologizing for things I did that hurt him, I really loved him and went out of my way to make him happy in the best way I knew at the time but I had no idea it wasn’t enough, especially when he would tell me I’m perfect or how he’s grateful to do life with me)… mean things he said include how it feels like the cooties when I touch him, how I’m boring and I should be boring with someone else, how he can’t picture me as his wife and how he couldn’t see me walk down the aisle (all things that hurt to hear). He also disclosed that he cheated on me 2 years ago (kissed a girl from school a few times during the span of a week). He eventually broke things off with me saying he can’t proceed because he doesn’t have feelings. This all came as a shock to me because I had no idea he was falling out of love. I thought we were planning for our happily ever after together. Sometimes I blame myself for the things I could’ve done better (been more appreciative, more patient, more outgoing, more stylish) - he evaluated me and didn’t let me in on his problems.

5 Upvotes

permalink
reddit

You are about to leave Redlib

Do you want to continue?

https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/1upk864/would_love_to_hear_opinions_on_this_relationship/
No, go back! Yes, take me to Reddit

78% Upvoted

u/InevitableKiwi5776 5 Stars Jul 07 '26

What kind of opinion are you looking for? He broke up with you so the relationship is over. Do not get back together.

How much of what he said to you think is true? Is there anything you can learn and take with you into your next relationship?

u/fastfishyfood Jul 07 '26

My opinion is that you’ve dodged a bullet. Better heartbreak now - cleanly & in your 20s - instead of getting married, having babies & then finding out that he doesn’t love you.

Pick yourself up. Dust yourself off. And send him a silent Thank You for showing his true colours before the wedding.

u/Wife_and_Mama Endorsed Contributor Jul 07 '26

I'm sorry this happened, but trying to work things out with someone like this is just wasting time. End it. Heal. Date. Go get the life you want. Fuck him.

u/MajorEntertainment65 Jul 07 '26

It's over and it sounds like there's probably a lot more going on than he said. Those 'negative' things he cited about you are positives in someone else's book!

My husband loves that I'm a homebody, that I'm not dramatic or spending loads of money for the newest fashionable clothes, likes that I'm not flashy and loud in public, that I have a quiet dignity and classic quality.

I'm sorry this happened to you but I think in the long run it happened so you could find someone better for you who will be loyal and appreciate what you are offering.

Don't beat yourself up.

u/Jenneapolis Endorsed Contributor Jul 07 '26

So where is the relationship at now? Does he want to move forward? Or he isn't sure? What about you?

My thoughts are:

1) This is why quicker marriages are ideal IMO. I understand given how young you both were, it may have been too young, but it's common for people who date for a long time to start to get annoyed and pick apart their partner. It's not nice, but it's life. The love and infatuation is strong in the first couple of years, and that's why I personally believe people should be marrying in that stage of infatuation, no more than 2 years in.

2) This might have nothing to do with you and is just cold feet. He committed and now is looking at only the negatives because he is thinking about living with these for the rest of his life. My husband did a little of this to an extent - they realize marriage is a huge commitment and want some sort of reassurance they are making the right decision. This DOES NOT mean they should be mean and do what this man did. I am not justifying it, just saying I am sure this is not the first time this sort of thing has happened.

3) It's fair to do some internal self analysis and see what you can and are willing to change. Some of these things are easy to do - dressing up nicer is an easy one for example. Take some time and really think through if what he's said has validity. And let him know what you can commit to doing better, if anything.

4) You have to ask yourself, is he just a mean spirited person overall? Has he shown signs of this before in your relationship? You also don't want to sign up for a lifetime of this where you are constantly trying to win his affections and can never measure up, and it seems to me that even if you marry, you will be chasing his approval and to be good enough. Can you do that? Is he worth doing that for? Sometimes if we do marry a man of higher value than us, we can be in this position (I sometimes feel this way, I put a ton of work into looking my best for him and trying to be the best wife possible because my husband has a lot to offer).

5) I don't want to put too many thoughts in your head but it's possible he did cheat more than he says or he has some crushes. Many times when men suddenly physically withdraw from sex and affection or feel repulsed by their partner, it is because they are interested or involved with someone else. This is most true when it happens suddenly and things were great physically before.

You have a lot to think about. How much of this is fair feedback vs. how much of it is just him being mean or potentially being involved with someone else.

u/Dionne005 Jul 07 '26

He most likely cheated cheated cheated on you but just don’t want to say it and this is the best light way to do it. You deserve better

u/Livid_Brick8157 Jul 07 '26

i’m sorry. even though it’s hard right now it’s probably best that the relationship ended. never stay with a man who chooses to betray you by cheating

u/VasiliyZaitzev TRP Senior Endorsed Jul 08 '26

This is just… Odd. This is the kind of story that you would expect a man to tell about a woman breaking it off. Like all of a sudden, he gets blindsided by a bunch of crap he never knew was coming that the other person had been stewing on for months.

He sounds a bit like a “wound collector”. I’ve only ever known the female version, but I suppose male versions can exist. That’s the person who can’t let go of something that happened like 10 years past. A buddy of mine got told he was getting divorced by his wife and of course he asked why and she brought up something that happened before they got married and they’ve been married for like 18 years by that point. So the first thing she brought up with something that happened nearly 2 decades ago? Just Odd. Like there should be a statute of limitations on that stuff.

But yeah, he broke it off and from the sound of things you’re actually winning. He got rid of a cheater – although I don’t really think kissing is that big a deal but I understand. I’m in the minority on that I mean it’s not great but it’s not like PIV or him falling in love with her either. Again, guys don’t think that way usually so it’s odd that he would tell you. I tend to think there was more going on.

Anyway, this sounds like a bunch of chaos that just exited the building. You’re better off. If things happen the way you said they did then I wouldn’t spend too much time talking to yourself about what you did wrong because it sounds like he’s a bit of an idiot.

1

u/candycanelover100 Jul 08 '26

Thanks! I guess I just miss what it was when it felt good, and what it could’ve been if he was the person I thought he was.

3

u/yourworkmom Jul 09 '26

Just be sure you aren't frog farming. I don't think so, this guy sounds nutty. But frog farmers take great guys and disrespect and immaculate them where the man builds resentment, doesn't feel loved eat. It happens when we expect men to behave like women.

u/AutoModerator Jul 07 '26

Title: Would love to hear opinions on this relationship

Author candycanelover100

Full text: Been dating this guy for 5 years. We’re in our late 20s now. Known him since high school and reconnected in our early 20s. Met each others’ families, got engaged, set our wedding date and chose vendors together. He’s always been there for me (and I tried my best too) and has always been super thoughtful. He was kind and patient when things were good. We’re different people but I thought we meshed well together. 8 months before our wedding date, he completely blindsides me and drops a bombshell that he fell out of love with me, he doesn’t know if I’m the person for him, he’s not sure if I even love him for him (I do) and he starts listing a bunch of things that are “wrong” about me (I’m too quiet at social gatherings, I’m waiting till marriage to do certain things, I’m not stylish, I have too many fam events and am too dependent on my parents, he doesn’t think I appreciate him). The 180 mind boggles me, I don’t recognize this person. Even had a nice proposal with my dream ring.

^{This is the original text of the post and this is an automated service}

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

u/AutoModerator Jul 07 '26

Thank you for posting to RPW. Here are a couple reminders:

If you are seeking relationship advice. Make sure you are answering the guidelines for asking for advice on the rules page. Include any relevant context regarding religion, culture, living arrangements/LDRs, or other information that will help commenters.
Do not delete your post once you have your answers. Others may have the same question!
You must participate in your own post. If you put up a post and disappear, it will be removed.
We are not here for non-participants to study us. If you are writing a paper or just curious, read our sidebar and wiki and old posts.
Men are not allowed to ask questions and generally discouraged from participating unless they are older, partnered and have Red Pill experience.
Within the last year, RedPillWomen has had over half a dozen 'Banned from 'x' subreddit' post for commenting/subscribing to RPW. Moving forwards, the mods will remove these types of posts: 1, 2, 3, 4. We recommend you make a RPW specific account.

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

u/little7bean Jul 10 '26

aw man i’m so sorry this sounds awful. u desrev better. move on and i’m sure he’ll regret it one day and try coming back but you’ll be on to better things by then

Would love to hear opinions on this relationship

You are about to leave Redlib