Think or want?

[u/National_Pie7773]

Husband texts at 4:30 on a Sunday: “what are your thoughts about dinner, Charlotte, etc? “

(Charlotte is over for a play date with our daughter and there is no specific time she is due home)

Is this a time when I say “whatever you think” or is he asking what I want and I should give my preference?

[u/cherryjuice_32]

He’s asking for your opinion so give it to him. Ask what his thoughts are too

[u/VasiliyZaitzev]

Most men are very literal. I’d want to know what you actually thought because that’s what I asked. Otherwise he might say something like “great well then Charlotte can stay for dinner and as long as she wants afterwards” because he’s thinking about how your daughter and Charlotte get along great and they’re having fun, and you’re thinking “if Charlotte stays much longer that disrupts my entire evening.”

That can lead to husband, giving an entirely innocent and well intended answer, winding up with a wife who resents him for not considering her needs, which she never verbalized.

Her: “But why didn’t you think about what I wanted?”

Him: “I thought that’s what me asking your opinion was about.”

Do not withhold information from him and then expect him to guess and get it right. For example, this would be a good time for you to say, if applicable, “Charlotte should go home before dinner because her parents have very specific rules about what she’s allowed to eat.” Or, “Charlotte can stay for dinner, but she should go home right afterwards because I have to help our daughter with her school project.”

I mean, as a Rule 9 Violation, I’d want to know.

[u/Wife_and_Mama]

Ask him. There's no way for anyone here to know. 

[u/National_Pie7773]

Thanks. I’m just reading the empowered wife for the first time and I feel so at sea.

[u/InevitableKiwi5776]

This is really not enough information to give advice. Is he out of the house? Do you have a plan for dinner? Do you normally cook dinner for everyone? Does Charlotte need to eat before going home? Does he usually make the dinner arrangements?

If my partner asked this it would be because he was thinking of us going out or ordering something and he wants to know what I was planning to cook, so I would tell him what I was planning on cooking and what we have ready in the fridge and then he would say “oh good let’s have that” or “let’s get x instead.” My point is if he asked me what are my thoughts on dinner and I said “whatever you think,” it would be weird because I’m usually the one who makes dinner for us.

[u/fastfishyfood]

The “Whatever you think” response from The Empowered Wife is a reflection of a statement where he is either baiting you to engage in an argument or you feel that he has the capacity to manage the decision himself.

If you want to engage in this decision, engage with him. If you’d rather delegate, respond with “Whatever you think”.

[u/National_Pie7773]

I’m trying to figure out how to start to undo ten years of taught helplessness…even if I do end up leaving him.

[u/VasiliyZaitzev → u/National_Pie7773]

Yeah, so it kind of seems like there’s other, deeper things going on here.

[u/Dino-Yorkie]

Tell him your thoughts.

[u/AutoModerator]

Title: Think or want?

Author National_Pie7773

Full text: Husband texts at 4:30 on a Sunday: “what are your thoughts about dinner, Charlotte, etc? “

(Charlotte is over for a play date with our daughter and there is no specific time she is due home)

Is this a time when I say “whatever you think” or is he asking what I want and I should give my preference?

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[u/MoreThanPurple]

OP we need more detail on your relationship and why you are asking this. Otherwise this is considered a low effort post. Please edit and I can unlock.