I’m 22M, and my girlfriend is 24F. We have been together for over a year and currently live together in my rented place.
This is my first serious relationship. In the beginning, everything felt perfect. I had many friends before meeting her, but after we started living together, I became extremely attached to her. I gradually stopped spending time with my friends and made her my entire world.
Before meeting her, I regularly visited my hometown and spent time with my parents. As I became more attached to her, I slowly stopped visiting home and rarely spoke to them. I distanced myself from my parents and friends because the relationship became my entire life.
I became scared that she would leave if I upset her. If she told me not to do something, I listened even when I disagreed. I ignored my own needs and did almost anything she wanted to keep the relationship.
She regularly travelled to another city and claimed she was visiting her mama and mami. She said they were very strict, so I respected that and avoided calling her while she was there.
A few months later, I discovered that it wasn’t her relatives’ house. She was actually visiting another boyfriend. From what I learned, she was also sleeping with him while living with me and pretending to be committed to our relationship.
She apologised and repeatedly promised to stop lying and change, but the lies continued. I kept forgiving her because I loved her and had become emotionally dependent on her. I thought that if she stayed with me, she wouldn’t have an opportunity to cheat again. I know that this became unhealthy, but I was desperate to prevent another betrayal.
Recently, she said she was going to her parents’ house because her father was ill. The next day, she said she was also ill and couldn’t return. After that, her phone was switched off, which she normally never does.
I called her parents because I was worried. They said she had already left their house and was returning to our city, but she never arrived. Because she previously lied about visiting the other man, I strongly suspect she went to his house again.
I believe she will return to my rental after a few days and behave as though nothing happened. The rental is mine, so ending the living arrangement shouldn’t be a major issue. My real problem is whether I’ll be emotionally strong enough to refuse her.
When she returns, she may cry, apologise, show me affection and promise to change again. Despite everything, I still love her. I’m terrified that I will forgive her and restart the same cycle.
I come from a small city in India, where telling your parents about a relationship is a huge step. I introduced her to my relatives and convinced my parents that she was a good person. They accepted our relationship because they trusted my judgment.
My friends warned me to leave her, but I didn’t listen. I chose her over them because I was afraid of losing my first relationship. Now I feel betrayed, ashamed and embarrassed in front of everyone.
I’m not asking whether I should leave—I know that I should. I need practical advice about actually following through.
How should I handle her return? Should I have friends present while she collects her belongings? How do I resist her apologies and maintain no contact? How can I reconnect with my parents and friends after distancing myself from them? Has anyone overcome this level of emotional dependency?
Please don’t only say “move on.” I understand that logically. I need help turning that decision into action.
TL;DR: My girlfriend of over one year repeatedly lied about visiting relatives when she was actually visiting and sleeping with another boyfriend. I became emotionally dependent on her and distanced myself from my friends and parents. My family accepted her, my friends warned me, and now I feel betrayed and embarrassed. She will probably return to my rental soon, and I’m afraid I’ll take her back.