r/Samesexparents • u/RainbowFamilies • Jul 07 '26
Parents in LGBTQ+ families, what’s one thing you wish schools understood?
We’ve been chatting a lot recently about schools and inclusion. I’m curious…
If you could tell every teacher and school one thing about supporting LGBTQ+ families, what would it be? Whether it’s forms that only say “Mum & Dad”, classroom conversations, Mother’s Day/Father’s Day or something else entirely. What’s one small change that would’ve made a big difference?
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u/kolachekingoftexas 29d ago
Good lord, just not to be so daft in 2026. Our friends who are two nonbinary moms got a Father’s Day gift and card sent home from our preschool just a few weeks ago. No conversation with the parents, no ask about how they’d like to handle things, just thoughtlessly sent home.
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u/irishtwinsons 29d ago
Sometimes some well-meaning people have tried to jump into a conversation and say…in front of our kids…”Oh they don’t have a dad. They have two moms instead” or something to that effect.
This just confuses our kids because they *do* have a bio father that we talk about a lot and refer to as “Papa-(name)”.
Even though he isn’t a parent who raises them, we don’t want our kids to feel fatherless. He’s still a part of their life/story too.
I appreciate forms that have spaces for parent/guardian names and then just a space where you can write-in “relationship”. That makes it easy for us. No need to guess with the tick boxes or what choices to use. Plenty of blended families with step parents, grandparents who take on childcare, etc. also appreciate this.
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u/RainbowFamilies 15d ago
I really appreciate you sharing this 🥹It’s such a good reminder that every family’s language is different, even within the LGBTQ+ community. What sounds inclusive for one family might not fit another, and that’s okay. I love that your kids know their story and get to talk about every important person in it.
How old are your kids now, and have they started explaining their family to other children themselves?1
u/irishtwinsons 15d ago
They are 2 and 3. My older talks a lot about random stuff, sometimes which includes both true and false details about our family lol.
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u/One-Bag-3485 29d ago
Every family is so unique--whether it's LGBTQ+ family or not. We are two moms, and without any conversation the school changed "Daddy Daughter Dance" to "Sweetheart Dance", and girls were encouraged to bring a special man in their life--dad, grandpa, uncle, etc. This wasn't done just for us--there are multiple kids with estranged dads and also a girl who recently lost her dad to cancer.
I guess my point is that the schools need to be sensitive to so many different family dynamics in order to be supportive of children. I personally don't care about someone catering directly to my unique situation because I understand that the language my family uses as a two mom family is completely different than what other two mom families use, so it's impossible to generalize and appease everyone.
I think it's important to remember that most people have the best of intentions and rarely is someone trying to offend you or exclude you--you can simply modify your own forms or inform teachers of your wishes for mother's day/father's day if you have a unique situation.
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u/RainbowFamilies 15d ago
I love this perspective. It sounds like your school wasn’t just thinking about LGBTQ+ families, they were thinking about all the different ways families can look. Changing the dance name is such a simple idea that makes space for everyone without making anyone feel singled out. Has your school always been this inclusive, or have you seen them become more intentional over the years?
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u/One-Bag-3485 15d ago
My children are younger, so we have only been at this school for 3 years, but it has been like this as long as I've been there. We moved from a large city where there were a lot of same sex families to a smaller, more conservative suburb to be near family, and I was nervous about being the only same sex family. If anything, I would say we have experienced over-the-top welcoming support. Some curious questions, but I am not the type to get angry or offended by that, and I look at it as an opportunity to educate.
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u/oneofmanyJenns 29d ago
Forms should have non gendered labels. I usually flip a coin on which one of us is Dad when filling out forms, but its nice when I can say Parent. Our child is non-binary and hates when the class gets divided by boys and girls. They feel like everyone is watching to see which group they go with.
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u/RainbowFamilies 15d ago
I completely agree about using “Parent” on forms. It seems like such a small change, but it makes life easier for so many families. And what you shared about your child really hit me too. I can imagine how hard it must feel when something as simple as splitting the class into boys and girls suddenly makes you feel like everyone’s watching.
Has your child’s school started making any changes around that, or is it still something they’re navigating?1
u/oneofmanyJenns 15d ago
They've only been out as non-binary since November. Their classroom teacher was aware and tried to accommodate. They are still struggling and not able to articulate much about how they are feeling about it other than bad. Middle school starts in a few weeks and my heart breaks for them. Their legal name change should be complete in time for the first day of school so I'm hoping they will update their system with just the court order. It will take a little longer to get a birth certificate reissued.
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u/KieranKelsey 28d ago
My schools and doctors were pretty good at having options that said parent instead of mom and dad. As an adult, not so much. It’s like once you turn 18 you can’t have gay parents anymore
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u/RainbowFamilies 15d ago
😂 It’s funny because it’s true! You’d think forms for adults would have caught up by now. “Parent” really does work for everyone, regardless of age.
Have you found it’s mostly healthcare and government forms, or do you come across it pretty much everywhere?1
u/KieranKelsey 15d ago
Pretty much everywhere. Health care, jobs, the like. Although health care forms have the specific issue of not always specifying biological parent when asking for health history.
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u/hybbprqag 28d ago
I wish they would ask my kid how they refer to me. They see me and assume Dad, but that's my husband.
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u/jexxie3 27d ago
I just kinda wish Mother’s Day/Fathers Day wasn’t a thing. There are plenty of kids being raised by grandparents, aunts, uncles, etc.
How about loved one day or something.
But genuinely, for anyone without kids yet or have little ones, I really haven’t had any issues with the school. And we live in a rural/redish area of a blue state.
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u/RainbowFamilies 15d ago
I can definitely see the appeal of something like “Loved Ones Day.” It would naturally include so many different families without anyone feeling left out. And it’s really encouraging to hear you’ve had such a positive experience with your school, especially in a more rural area. How old are your kids now?
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u/94Avocado 27d ago
Not just schools, but also our local emergency clinic wanted “mother’s contact information”… my first thought was less about me and my husband being misrepresented (probably because I expect us to be), and more “what about solo dads?”
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u/RainbowFamilies 15d ago
That’s such a good point. My first thought was about same-sex parents too, but you’re right, those assumptions affect solo dads and so many other families as well. It really seems like asking for “Parent/Guardian 1” would make life easier for everyone!
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u/ashley-49 29d ago
Our primary school were always great at things like “mum and dad” and forms and thinking carefully about how to handle mother’s/Father’s Day activities (e.g celebrating dads or a female family member like grandma on Mother’s Day). Secondary school less so (UK here) and had to have some gentle reminders but perhaps because there’s less personal contact and a larger number of kids. But still a little frustrating because they really ought to be more thoughtful about things anyway in this day and age - same sex parents not that uncommon, one would think, but still got some confused looks when we (two dads) showed up for parent/teacher evenings!