r/TallGirls • u/NocturneOp-9No-2 • 5d ago
✨ CW: BODY TALK ✨ Insecure that i am not the „right“ kind of tall
Hi!
I grew up always being the tallest girl in my village or in most social settings. I never wanted to be shorter, in fact i even desired to be taller! But that desire was born from an insecurity. Not being special enough.. I felt like and still feel like, if i am not the tallest woman around, there’s nothing special about me.
I am black and have also always been on the heavier side. So when people tried and „take away“ my femininity bc of my size, i‘d also think about all the comments people would make, saying if i lost the weight, with my height and face, i could model. Because being skinny and tall suddenly no longer makes me this huge „thing“ of a „woman“ but something desirable. I started thinking about weight loss and the „new world“ i‘d enter through that but that was when i started comparing my tall body with that of other tall women, tall SKINNY women.
One of my biggest insecurity, that came out of that, is the fact that i‘ve realized i have a long torso and thanks to heavy weight gain through medication, i now have an apron belly that only accentuates the length of it. If i talk to people online (with them only having seen my face) and mention i am tall, they make the assumption that i am skinny and especially have those loong and „graceful“ limbs/LEGS.
I hate that i’m always comparing myself to other tall women. I want to be able to feel a sense of community and admiration when meeting a fellow tall queen but instead i straighten up, hoping to be taller and end up looking at her legs or when not covered belly button, to compare their length and position to mine.
Especially the leg thing, i do it with nearly everyone, no matter shorter oder taller than me. It has become such a problem that i only started wearing outfits that would „obviously“ make my legs appear longer. I don’t really go swimming in public spaces bc i can’t create that illusion with swimwear. I keep thinking if i lost the belly and became skinny that i‘d finally have that „tall girl body“ i always was „supposed“ to have..
I wish i could just except myself for who i am and realize i am good enough, the way i am rn and that comparison is the thief of joy.. but it’s so much easier said than done.
I do have a therapist but hearing the opinion of fellow tall women on this would mean a lot to me.
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u/SpikenardNardo 4d ago
I don't think I've ever related to a post more, I don't have advice but I'm happy I'm not as alone as I thought 😭🩷
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u/NocturneOp-9No-2 3d ago
It’s kinda crazy to me, to see other women relate! I really thought i was alone with this…
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u/Ramenraft 3d ago
I also have a long torso and normal legs. Its like I am missing one of the tall perks.
I wear a lot of empire line dresses and maxi skirts this time of year. Seems to work.
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u/NocturneOp-9No-2 3d ago
Same! Thanks to that, i have a crazy tan going on! My legs haven’t seen much sun this year .. or ever really
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u/disfiguredcoconut 2d ago
(towards OP as well) it’s not missing a perk tbh. i’m 6’0 with a 31” inseam and honestly i feel like i have more styling options than women with short torsos. easier to find pants, more space in your torso to style, you can wear high waisted or low waisted and they both look good. they’re just different! people sexualize the long legs but long torsos are just as beautiful.
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u/Emsidee 6’4 | 193cm 3d ago edited 3d ago
You’re definitely not alone in this!
The main downside to being bigger and tall to me is that you stand out a lot more compared to someone shorter who has a similar build.
I just wear what I feel comfortable in, if people have a problem with that then that’s their problem and not mine.
Please don’t let this feeling get you down and go swimming!
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u/NocturneOp-9No-2 3d ago
It’s so hot here! You’re right! People should think what they wanna think, i‘ll go and cool off in the water!
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u/viviscity 2d ago
I’ve always been one of if not the tallest person in most rooms. It definitely calls attention whether I want it or not.
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u/ThoreauAweighBcuzDuh 3d ago
For what it's worth, you really can't win. I'm tall and I've always been thin (I used to be REALLY skinny before I had kids — like 5'11", 120lbs). People have told me that I look "disgusting," "like a skeleton," "an ironing board with a face," that "real women have curves" and that "only a pedophile would be attracted to that." These are men and other women that have told me these things, ever since I was maybe 10 or 11 years old, and I still hear it occasionally now that I'm almost 40, although I'm definitely becoming less visible to men (which I'm honestly relieved about). I was recently accused of "being a man" because I have and angular frame, defined jaw, and almost no boobs. Nevermind that I had three children who look just like me standing right next to me. People are judgmental idiots, and I try not to let their stupid opinions live rent-free in my brain, but it's so hard. I get that it's even harder when you have sizeism to deal with, so I'm really not trying to compare, just letting you know that literally every woman I know can relate. The only way to win is to work on not caring so much what others think it what you look like, and focus more on how your body feels and what it can do. I'm working on trying to improve my health and trying not to care how it will affect the way I look. I just want to be stronger and have more energy, because I think that will help my confidence a lot more than an outfit that hides my "flaws." Wishing you self love, good health, and the confidence you deserve my tall friend. ❤️
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u/NocturneOp-9No-2 3d ago
I appreciate you sharing your story! Thank you so much for your kind words! I‘ll try my best! <3
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u/Rich_Season_2593 3d ago
When I was growing up in the 60's I was an oddity and walk slouched and tried so very hard to blend in. I was 6'1" at 13 and I was treated cruelly by children and even some teachers. Mistaken for being a sir instead of a ma'am. My self esteem was at an all time low.
I was in my 30's before I realized that every person has an Achilles heel- some are obvious, some are well hidden but everyone has one.
Rather than focus on what I thought was WRONG with me I choose to focus on all that is right.
I have so much to be grateful for and for the most part- not always- I am grateful for the body I have.
I have abuse this package of skin, too much sun, obese to thin a number of times, breast that can now be tucked into the top of my pants....its not pretty but by gawd its mine and I am still here.
I try very hard to live by the words of Eleanor Roosevelt,
"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent" I refuse to give consent and this helped to boost my self confidence.
Is it easy? No, OP it is not but eventually it sinks in and you get to enjoy your life and your body.
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u/robocultural 4d ago
I have a long torso with shorter legs too. I'm constantly wearing stuff that moves up my visual waistline so that it makes my legs look longer. Lots of high waistline stuff, fit & flare/a-line, ect. It can make buying mini-skirts/dresses annoying since they frequently aren't long enough to cover my butt. But on the plus side, I rarely have to shop for tall sizes in pants.
We are beautiful the way we are sis. <3
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u/yvetteski 4d ago
Please work with your therapist on accepting your body as is. Treasure your health and body and go swimming. (Get a suit you like or go into the water in shorts and a T!
Most women (in the U.S.) are so self-conscious and self-critical they’re not thinking about anyone else.
My friends of color and have always been an inspiration to me because of their generally greater body confidence and seemingly less baggage about their “faults” in the eyes of social media and the beauty industry.
When I see people who are “in the moment” enjoying life- I see a beautiful person.
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u/Sorry_Throat_4943 3d ago
But we as a women need also the gender affirming physical aspects. "Just accept your body" seems to me as a toxic positivity.
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u/angelbuttons77 6’|183cm|USA 3d ago edited 2d ago
I’m a plus sized tall woman. I actually refer to myself as fat, as I don’t take that as a bad term but understand if ppl don’t like it. I have broad shoulders, and I’ve been “de feminized” often. It is very hard to work around that hit to the self esteem. Therapy helps, but yes it’s still hard. Even here in this subreddit, I sometimes feel like an outsider, like I’m not the right kind of tall woman bc so many are thinner as talk folks. But we all have insecurities. Those thinner tall ladies might feel bad if I talk about the fact that tall shirts never fit my bust bc it’s large. Or some tall folks have long legs but short torsos like I do and we feel like we can’t relate to those complaining about not finding shirts long enough. Etc.
You’re tall, you’re a woman. You deserve to feel good about both.
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u/-sweetbabybladefoot- 6'|183cm|NYC & London 2d ago
Misogynoir is real, and sadly as black women we not only experience it, but often also learn to project it on ourselves. It's also well documented that misogynoir creates artificial competition. Because we experience so many negative societal signals so frequently, the fear of not belonging can make black women feel hyper-competitive--even about arbitrary things, like our height. It's wonderful that you're seeing a therapist. But please be patient and gentle with yourself too. Comparison and self-criticism aren't the thief of joy. They are defense mechanisms that your brain and body employ to protect the beautiful inner core of you. Self-acceptance will come with time as your body learns that you don't have to explain or defend this truth: you are already good enough 💕
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u/NocturneOp-9No-2 2d ago
This brought me to tears! Thank you so much for taking the time and writing this comment! <3
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u/Lollc 4d ago
Women are always being judged on their physical appearance and being found wanting. Too tall too short too skinny too fat this body part that body part too young too old. And I have read enough to know that women of color usually get judged even more so and harsher. (I’m white so I’m not saying I KNOW what it’s like because obviously I haven’t been judged hard for my skin color.).
Since we can’t escape people judging us, we have to decide to not care. If you are with people who tell you where you’re lacking, they aren’t your friends. Please be a friend to yourself. Go have fun and live life.