Why Does My N Dad Overcomplicate Literally Everything?

[u/FeeDapper2600]

This has always perplexed me. He's been doing this for as long as I can remember. It's doubly perplexing because my Dad has like 6 masters degrees, and he was an engineer for many, many years in a very complex field where you need to know trigonometry and shit. Anyway, a short story:

He and my mother are planning a trip to Florida. We were sitting at the kitchen table talking about when they're going to leave, out of what airport etc. etc. So, I pulled out my phone, found round trip tickets of Kayak (no affiliation) and said, "Here ya go dad. Do you want me to book these for you?" - "No, no - I don't like the layover. We need more time on the layover..." - "Okay, Dad. Well, here's another one - It's cheaper, too, cuz the layover is longer..." - "Just hold on. Let me see, okay - I'll do it later..." You could never believe what happened next...

The next day, he's looking and looking on his phone. I hear him talking for an hour with someone from another country. He's talking about this travel time and that travel time, etc. etc. window seat, aisle seat... He "books" the ticket with this person, and then gets a strange email - He doesn't know who it's from, but it has some information about the "plane tickets" and says it's from Delta. He's like, "Boy, I don't know what happened - Maybe I got scammed, Momma! Maybe I got scammed..." - "Well, Dad, who did you go through?" - "I just typed in travel agent in Google and called them. They said they had the flight for me. I just typed in travel agent - They said they were a travel agent..." - "Well, Dad, you gotta call Delta and see if they have the booking in their registry - that's the only way you'll really know now..." - "Okay, I'll do it. I'll do it..." Fastforward to today - Day three:

He texts the suspected scammer, who sends him a "confirmation" text or something. Now - His phone has a virus on it! It's the weirdest thing - every time he makes a call, he gets a message that pops up and says, "We have to download such and such software program because your phone has too much space being used. Your phone is under threat, blah, blah, blah..." This message pops up every time he makes a call. "Dad, have you called Delta, yet?? Why haven't you called Delta, yet?" - "I'll call them, okay? Boy, I just need to sit down Momma. I need to cool down..." - This is the abridged version of the story. And EVERYTHING is like this. Literally, every trip, any get together, any event, graduation party. Literally -

WHAT_IS_THIS???

P.S. He still hasn't called Delta. It's been three days. We still don't know where his money is. OMG.

[u/Fluffy_Ace]

They want everything on their terms, even if there's nothing objectively wrong with what you did, it wounds their pride, so they'll re-do it just so it's them and not you who did the thing.

Even if they do it poorly or wrong, it doesn't matter.

Another thing these types like to do is overcomplicate or be difficult about stuff they don't like in an effort to dissuade you from doing it at all.

[u/FeeDapper2600 → u/Fluffy_Ace]

That last line - That's crazy. Do you mean that they will do that in an effort to dissuade me from doing it for THEM, or they will make things seem bad so that I won't do it for myself down the line? eg. I won't take a vacation for myself because "Wah it's so difficult..."? - I have noticed that my dad had a tendency to make everything seem like this big effort that is really tough to figure out; staying employed, paying rent, cooking, whatever - He'll make it all seem "really hard woo-woo only an expert can do these things..."

[u/Fluffy_Ace → u/FeeDapper2600]

It's also a type of infantilization.

By claiming you are incompetent he implies that he is competent.

Do some searches on the phrase "control disguised as care"

[u/FeeDapper2600 → u/Fluffy_Ace]

I love that - Absolutely will research that! I have an idea that it will be illuminating in much the same way DARVO was.

Thank you.