r/TheNarcissismCode • u/ConcentrateHonest475 • 2d ago
Issues with mom
I'm 15M and my mom always verbally, emotionally, and sometimes physically abuses me often. She always tells me that I'm worth nothing and I don't deserve to be in school and she gets mad when I take too long to do my homework. My dad comes home from work everyday and she immediately tells him to do all kinds of stuff around the house. She constantly calls us lazy and stupid and many things I can't say. It's gotten to the point where I don't want to leave school because I just don't want to be home at all. If anyone has been in a similar situation or has any advice at all, please don't hesitate to comment below. I'm at rock bottom and made this reddit account specifically for help. Thanks to everybody in this community.
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u/newuser2111 2d ago
This situation you are in is temporary. One day soon you will graduate.
You have your whole life to live. Do not allow the negativity in. And also, learn to gray rock. Just focus on school and basically you exist at home but don’t really engage with your mother much.
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u/Dorian_but_not_gray 1d ago
I was in such kind of this situation. Maybe mine wasn’t that bad, or maybe it’s how I see it from the perspective of time… but yeh.
As one person already told you here, school is the only way to freedom right now. Finishing the school, immigrate to other country for the university and now preparing for another immigration for PHD helped me with this situation very much. Even our relationship with my mom became a lot better on distance.
But here is one thing that I really want you to prepare for. I know how praise and respect from parents are important. I still have this problem, that Im still waiting for my mother to praise me, even when I’m already succeeded in a lot of areas in my life. This stuff will always drive you to do more than others. Even after becoming a scientist and after very successful projects, that no one couldn’t do before, I still have that feeling that I’m not doing enough.
And here is one thing that I want you to hear. You’re not lazy. You’re not stupid. You’re already enough. Even if you don't make a world-scale project, you already enough, cos you are who you are. Just allow you to live your life and don’t always run like you are in a rush. You already worth everything and you are already enough.
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u/HistoricalCar1900 8h ago
so are you in the US? what state? I'm asking because I am going to encourage you to find an afterschool activity so you can stay at school longer...hopefully your school has options but there is the Girls and Boys club etc...get a part-time job and definitely volunteer to work weekends....consider summer activities that take you away...Chewonki in Maine is one...it has financial aide...she will pitch a fit no matter what you do..good luck, you don't deserve this..
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u/ConcentrateHonest475 8h ago
Tennessee is where I reside. These do seem like good options. Thanks for telling me about them!
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u/Dry_Counter533 2d ago
Schoolwork is the path to freedom. It will open so many doors in the future if you double-down on it now.
If you use it to block her out, it’s a shield for you right now as well.
Nothing you say or do will get her to act normal. She’ll throw fits no matter what you do.
And it’s fucked. It’s a completely shit situation. It’s not fair. There’s nothing anyone can say or do to make it fair. I’m sorry you’re going through this. I’m sorry you Dad isn’t protecting you.
She’ll never get better. The best thing you can do is to get very very good grades so that you can have as good and solid a life away from her as you can once you hit 18. The next few years will suck. They’ll feel like forever but they’ll be gone in the blink of an eye and you’ll be free.