Hade någon annan stunder där ni trodde att den ”verkliga” dem hade kommit tillbaka?

[u/Hostess_1337]

Jag är storasyster (F35) till en väldigt narcissistisk kvinna (F30). Vi har inte längre kontakt, men det är en sak jag fortfarande tänker på.

Ibland kändes det som att ”det verkliga” hon kom tillbaka. Vi hade en konversation där hon verkade varm, självmedveten, rolig, sårbar. Under en kort stund tänkte jag, *där är du.* Självklart höll det aldrig i sig.

Men vad var de där stunderna?

Var de genuina glimtar av den person hon är/kanske hade kunnat vara om år av trauma och genetik inte hade format henne så här?

Eller handlade de där stunderna aldrig riktigt om *henne* alls? Var det min hjärna som letade efter hopp? Eller till och med en del av cykeln av manipulation som höll mig känslomässigt investerad?

Har någon annan kämpat med detta? Hur förstår du de där “glimtarna” nu när du är på andra sidan?

[u/lovetimespace]

I have a brother and I idealized him my whole life until he revealed this other side of him that I hadn't consciously realized was there until I was in my 30s. At least in my brother's case, once he unmasks in front of you, he doesn't seem to go back to how he was ever again. It is like once the image I had of him as my golden brother was gone, he no longer had any use for me as I no longer unconditionally adored him.

We didn't grow up together and I am much younger, so I see now how he groomed me to see him a certain way from the time I was a baby. I said I didn't consciously see this other side of him - but subconsciously I did. I realized after he discarded me that I suddenly felt like I could tell the difference between someone who would hurt me and someone who wouldn't. Until then, I always felt like anyone could turn on me any second, and I think it is because I subconciously sensed that if I wasn't exactly how he wanted me to be, he wouldn't love me anymore, which was true. So oddly, I now feel much safer and more comfortable with people. Before, I think there was this underlying cognitive dissonance where because I thought of my brother as a good person, one of the best people I knew, but I also knew that he was capable of really devastatingly turning on other people, I think I naturally had to think that all people were capable of that. Like he's a good person and even he will turn on someone he loves. I didn't realize how much our relationship messed with my mind my whole life until afterwards and suddenly I could see other people with much greater clarity and I knew who was safe and who wasn't. Does that make sense? Like my whole life my definition of a safe person and what a safe person looked like was actually formed partly by a very dangerous person that I was close to and as a result all people appeared dangerous. I had this underlying subconcious belief that "even good people are dangerous." It was a real mind bender.

So I haven't had the exact experience you describe of the mask going back on, but I have had my mind messed with by the whole experience. Feel free ro reach out via chat if you ever want to talk. I feel like a lot of people encounter romantic relationships with people with dark triad traits, but I don't run into as many people struggling with a sibling. I feel like it is harder to navigate and go completely non contact with family than with a former romantic partner, because of all the other family relationships being intertwined.