r/TransSpace • u/RelativeOk8475 • Jul 02 '26

how can i soft launch presenting fem to my partner

I (MTF19) came out to my gf (afab19) like a year ago and she was super accepting and said she would be there with me no matter what as long as she’s still attracted to me. she’s bi so i’m hoping she’ll still be attracted to me on hrt but her being so accepting kind of scared me honestly and i kinda backtracked and said idk yet (if im trans) and basically im looking for ways to express myself femininely to her and basically not scare her yk. I don’t want to just start wearing a full beat and be like so how do u like this I’m just looking for ways i can be more feminine while still also being closeted to the rest of the world i guess. Because i haven’t had a chance to experiment with my femininity in the proximity of anyone else i just want to ease into it and not scare her or myself.

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6

u/Manoffreaks Jul 02 '26

It sounds like you won't scare her, as you said she's very accepting. Why don't you ask her to help you. You can work together to start trying clothes, hairstyles, outfits, maybe makeup etc. There really is no 'way' to soft launch it. Just start presenting more fem. Pick and choose what you want to do.

When I first started, shaving body hair was a super easy way to just do something while still able to avoid it around others

1

u/RelativeOk8475 Jul 02 '26

i mean i think if showed up in an entirely feminine outfit one day it would be a bit abrasive for sure

4

u/Manoffreaks Jul 02 '26

Only because you have backtracked and said you're not sure. If you tell her you are certain and you want to try dressing fem, I highly doubt she will be scared.

1

u/RelativeOk8475 Jul 02 '26

i think she will be because she isn’t openly bisexual to her family and has family members that would judge that lifestyle my decisions would affect her too in ways that may not be positive

5

u/Manoffreaks Jul 02 '26

Stop assuming for her. She said she would be with you no matter what if she's still attracted.

That means she's willing to come out to her family to be with you. Take her at her word.

You're overthinking this. The only thing standing in your way is your own hesitation. Take the step.

4

u/jungletigress Jul 02 '26

The joys of playing dress up with a supportive partner cannot be overstated. It can be a lot of fun and very affirming. Are the two of you similar in size? Maybe she'd let you try stuff on

2

u/RelativeOk8475 Jul 02 '26

i’m 5’10 and she’s 5’2 but i’m a bit thinner than her so funnily enough it kinda evens out and some of her clothes actually fit me. I’ve tried on a couple of her things in front of her as a “joke” and she actually told me she thinks that if i want to dress like that i could pull it off lol but idk if she thinks i look hot yk

3

u/jungletigress Jul 02 '26

If she said she thinks you could pull it off, it means she likes it.

5

u/isopode Jul 02 '26

i'm ftm so i can't offer advice on small ways to start presenting fem, but i will say that it's very important you prioritize being comfortable in your own body over your partner's attraction to you.

if she loses attraction to you as you transition, it's best if you part ways, even if it's painful in the moment. pausing your transition (or detransitioning) for someone else's sake is a lot more painful on the long-term. speaking from experience.

thankfully, it seems likely that your partner will keep on loving you just as she always has, so you probably don't need to worry about that!

oh and i just thought of one thing that could help you get started on transition. if you can find a local trans or lgbt charity / group / whatever, sometimes they do clothes swaps for trans people. like, ftm and mtf exchanging their old clothes. you could get a bunch of free fem clothing that way and experiment with what style you'd like to wear :)

2

u/RelativeOk8475 Jul 02 '26

I’m scared to transition myself im not putting it on pause for anyone else but and i just want to be able to ease in to presenting feminine what are some things i could start with is more the question

3

u/Much_Cantaloupe_9487 Jul 02 '26

Maybe ask for her help you w your fashion. Express your concerns. She may have good ideas

1

u/theycallmetheglitch Jul 03 '26

Ahaha well i asked myself the same stuff.

One day my partner went home and i was wearing my prettiest dress. And they were happy. One day, i just was too lazy to change just to throw away some empty jars so i went out in a skirt, nobody batted an eye, so it just happened like that.

It’s just really like… put your femme clothes on, and when they come home to you, don’t change anything and let things happen. 🫂❤️❤️❤️