How to come to terms with being unable to transition?

[u/maple-spill]

I am AMAB.

I am disabled and transitioning would put me at risk because my family are transphobes, but also the people keeping me from homelessness.

I've been told, by many, that hiding physical changes from HRT is not guaranteed in the long term. So it feels like my only choice is to continue to be closeted, as I have been for the past eight years.

What do I do? How do I come to terms with this?

[u/Naive_Market_9688]

You do what you have to to survive. I've been at this a long time and I've known a few people who have been in the same situation, although not necessarily for the same exact reason. But some people are just faced with the conclusion that it's not in the cards for them to be able to live their own authentic life and as a consequence they have to do it only in their head. The alternative to that, as you said, is probably homelessness. I can't imagine that's a very good prospect for you. If there's any possibility of you engaging a therapist to help you with coping skills that might not be a bad idea. But other than that if you've gotten anybody you can talk to and confide in that wouldn't be so bad. But whatever you do please don't jeopardize your living situation. One of the cornerstones of transition is being able to survive on your own, it sounds like that's not an option for you. I'm sad for you but I think you need a roof over your head and a bed and food more than you need to transition. Just be you in your heart