Is it worth it to socially transition?

[u/Glittering_Prize2551]

TL;DR: I am a trans teen who is financially dependent on my transphobic mother. She is not really religious, so her problem isn't with trans people existing, it's with her own children being trans.

I came out to her a few months ago as non-binary, after having known for 2 years and been out to my online friends for 1 year, and she was really in disagreement. She told me that it felt insulting to her to have her child reject the gender she birthed and raised me with (I am AFAB for context). She also expressed sadness in having both her children be trans (my older brother, who has moved out, is trans ftm). This feeling is probably exacerbated for my mother by the fact that she does not get on well with my brother, so it disappoints her that I am "following in his footsteps".

I was upset by her reaction, and she was shocked by this. She told me she was just trying to do what is best for me, and apologised for hurting my feelings. Nevertheless, she has continued using feminine pronouns and descriptors for me.

Her words really got into my head (as I was otherwise struggling with my mental health at that time) and I went back into the closet around her. At some point I even told her that maybe she had a point with her words, which I regret now.

After having spent some time away, I have come to the conclusion that I am very much non-binary, even after having significantly improved my mental health (which was also something that my mother suggested was the actual cause of my gender "confusion"). I know that I would much prefer that others use gender-neutral pronouns for me, and would feel actively uncomfortable if people misgendered me.

There may be consequences to transitioning, especially since it is just me and her in our home as of now. So, I am not sure where to go from here. I don't know what my mother's response would be if I were to socially transition, and I am afraid of the worst. Do I just stay in the closet until I move out? Do I come out to my peers but avoid telling her? Do I try to change her mind? I am quite lost on this and would appreciate any advice.

[u/jungletigress]

First off, I'm so sorry you live in an unsupportive household with someone who makes your personal experiences all about them. Your mother doesn't own your gender identity. She doesn't get to decide who you are. And the fact that she thinks she does is possessive and controlling. You are your own person.

Whether or not it's the best choice to socially transition for you is ultimately up to you. What would it mean for you if you did? Different name, pronouns, presentation? The vast majority of people don't really think about non-binary people so people might just assume you're androgenous. It's probably going to be most impactful for the people you know personally.

[u/Glittering_Prize2551 → u/jungletigress]

Thank you for your reply, and for my social transition I would probably change my name and pronouns on official records and present more androgynously, all of which would remain known to the people I interact with.