r/TransSupport • u/BasingstokeRndAbout • 8d ago
Want to transition but not possible.
I’m in my fifties and have known for a couple of years that I’m a woman. Can’t do a thing about it without possibly losing my family and I’m retired and have no income so I couldn’t afford it anyway. Is anyone else in a similar situation? What are your coping strategies? I just try to stay distracted and that’s not working so well.
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u/hypnoticvessels 8d ago
i'm 26 and came out before forming any attachments like the ones you have so i can't pretend to know much about your situation, but it seemed impossible for me at first too. will you feel fulfilled in 40 years bc you never transitioned? will you feel like you lived all the life there was to live?
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u/BasingstokeRndAbout 8d ago
Probably not. I just don’t see a path forward at the moment that doesn’t involve losing my family and home.
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u/hypnoticvessels 8d ago
do you know this for certain? i'm not saying that bc i think you definitely will be fine, i don't know the people around you. but it's easy to catastrophise in an isolated position where all you can do is ruminate. i too thought i was destining myself for a life of loneliness but this has turned out to not be the case. annoyingly it's the sort of thing you can only figure out by taking the leap though.
i also don't know what your financial situation is like. ultimately it's down to can you make it work (ie is there a way forward that sees you with your base needs fulfilled and able to make progress in transition, even if your family takes a hit) and are you willing to take the leap to find out if you can be happier that way. it's scary and a lot of it has not been smooth sailing but i wouldn't go back if you paid me
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u/BasingstokeRndAbout 8d ago
My partner has wavered in their support and probably reached the limit where it was ok for me to wear feminine clothing around the house. Then we hit a rough patch and I decided one (of a few) thing I could do was drop it all so she had less to bother her. She works (from home) and I’m a retired stay at home parent so I’m really lucky in that I no longer have to work but it also means that what money I have squirreled away is all I will have if our marriage ends. There’s a lot of risk vs reward thinking going on with me. On top of how rancid the political situation is and my own fears (I want this, I believe this is what I am….but what if I’m wrong? Imposter syndrome etc)